Please give me feedback!

[Alex Finch]

Gosh... no really subtle way to do this, hm? Anyway, I've been on a bit of a multi-year vacation from "writings of the adult persuasion," and have just posted my first new work in, oh, close to two years. It was just posted yesterday, and it's already a good 30 titles down on the new stories list. Lots of stuff coming out!

Anyhow, if anyone wants to read part one of a projected 5-part saga of non-linear sexual adventures of crazy (if introspective) gals, please help me out:

Read "Remedial" here!

Please tell me what you think!


Alex

 

[Icingsugar]

Well, here goes, this is actually my first attempt at this kind of feedback on this forum, so bear with me, ok?

First of all, let me get this straight. I see many users giving feedback here that consist in getting down to the nitty gritty, correcting grammar and pointing out paradoxes in deatils and whatnot. I'm not going to do that. Mainly because I wouldn't be able to spot half of them. But also because I really don't care about that. I'll give you nothing my my own personal reaction to The Story, and to The Style. That is all.

So, what did I think of Remedial? Well this.


It.

Can.

Go.

Down.

Those lines made it all worthwhile. Your style of writing is a real treat. Personal. Difffferent. Fun. It's short, it's smart, even a bit blunt sometimes. But that only helps to make it even more witty. The dry, slightly ironic tone fits the mood of those wicked kids perfectly.

Also, thumbs up for daring to play with semantic rythm, punctuation and rows.

I like that.

A lot.

But the problem with your story is basically this: I read it once. I got entertained, I got amused, I got intrigued. So far so good. But after about half of it, I got lost. Who was who, who was humping who, and why? At least for me, the characters and situations jumped around a little too quickly, and I as a reader never had the chance to stop and take a breath.

So my verdict is this. The snappy, witty style is great, the snappy, witty characters are interresting and quite beliveable. But the snappy, witty plot could use some focus. I hope this makes sense. I can get a bit crypic at times.

 

[Alex Finch]

No problem at all! Really, I wanted to be a bit 'experimental' with this series; I love to fool around with structure and language, and I'm happy you enjoyed my antics.

As for the confusing bits, I probably just have to remember that, considering I'm writing the story, the jumps in time and memory make sense to me, but may not come across in crystal clarity to a reader. I will try to make the jumps a little clearer in the next chapters.

Thanks again!


Alex

 

[destinie21]

I read your story and I really enjoyed the writting style. The fast pace and changes made it an exciting read as far as literary acumen. I also like that the girls were not the stereo typical thin is perfect or worse yet straight out of a porno. I like your style and the story aint half bad either


regards d21



pS: If you are so inclined please visit the I'll read yours thread