Please give feedback on my story.

[lustful_aztec]

Please read and give me feedback on my story. There is also a part 2 of this . Thanks


My Father The Ob/Gyn: My Daughter the Slut
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=58010

 

[Hotcappucino]

I liked the story line of a father who is a OB/GYN examining his daughter as the basis of an incest story. It is imaginative and unique. The execution needs a bit of work, though.

Using a first person perspective from two different characters is an interesting style, but a bit confusing. I think it would have been more effective to write the story in the third person. That way, you can still write what each character is thinking and feeling without having to switch back and forth between characters.

There's a bit of a problem with tenses. That is, the story switches between past & present tense. Also several spelling & punctuation errors.

To me, the dialog doesn't seem very realistic. I would suggest making character profiles to help in developing better dialog.

Hope this helps.

 

[NoJo]

Hi, lustful.

I liked the story. I thought you handled the multiple viewpoint thing well; and unlike Hotcappucino, I didn't get confused (the italics helped).

Criticisms? Well, I don't know what your aim is here. For jerkoffability, I'm not sure, as father/daughter doesn't get me too hot. Having said that. my cock stirred a little in some parts, so my guess is that guys who are into father/daughter will get off.

It's a male pov story. I don't think girls will start going on about thir pink shaven pussies, unless they're doing it as a turn on to guys. So I don't think you got into the daughter's head so well.

Also, you really have to lose the AAAAHHRHGH OOOOO's. That's a real no no.


All in all, a nice story. And congrats on the red H!

Joe.