please explain

[ricsmis]

why is it that when one tells Others that one is a sub, that immediately They try and tell me to do things without trying to get to know me???

this frustrates me to no end.....

just because i am sub does NOT mean that i will do anything without thinking first.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Because they think they can. Ignorance is bliss....dont ya think?

 

[FungiUg]

There are a lot of wannabes and NFIs (no fucking ideas) out there. Thankfully some of them learn!

Just because someone is submissive doesn't mean that person will submit to anyone and everyone either. Most submissives choose who they will submit to.

So why do people assume they can just give a orders to a submissive and expect them to be obeyed? Normally out of ignorance of what a submissive really is, or because they're not really interested in D/s, just easy sex.

My opinion on the matter anyway.

(What's wrong with easy sex? Nothing! But if a woman were after easy sex, she would say that rather than say she is submissive... so why assume? Go figure...)

(Edited because Quint, like me, is a pedant.)

 

[ricsmis]

THanks.... its just i have been so annoyed by this... i am new in the arena, and felt badly at first that i didnt want to submit to every tom dick and jane around... but the more i read, the more my feelings were validated...

appreciate Yyour time to answer this!

 

[FungiUg]

i am new in the arena, and felt badly at first that i didnt want to submit to every tom dick and jane around... but the more i read, the more my feelings were validated...

The thing to remember is that it needs to work for you. It's not about becoming a clone, it's about discovering your inner self. So for everyone it is different.

If you feel that you shouldn't submit to every Tom, Dick and Harriet, then don't. For most submissives, I recommend that they choose carefully who they submit to.

Similarly, dominants shouldn't take submission for granted.

Be true to thine own self.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Methinks you should check out this thread.

It makes the most sense read from the beginning, by the way.

*grin*

New Sub Haven

Exactly what you are talking about LOL!

Have fun!!

~anelize

 

[FungiUg]

Yes, although it should have a disclaimer... "keep out of children", or was it "open other end/see other end for instructions", nooo... I remember now... "read only with tongue in cheek!"

 

[Quint]

There are a lot of wannabes and NIFs (no fucking ideas) out there.

Spelling buddy says: acronyms work better when the three letters involved are put in the right order.

I probably give us all a bad name; all my friends have figured out that I am, in fact, the Universe's Bitch. Then they laugh when I try to refuse, as if to say, "Awww, isn't she cute when she tries to be all tough?"

But I do tend to be drawn to bossy buddies.

 

[WriterDom]

Women online are going to get unwanted gross advances, be it bdsm or not. It's the same thing as me getting emails of "low price pills online", or "Make your penis grow" or "cum check out my website I'm so wet for you." Delete, block, and move on.

 

[thickspear]

um...

 

[thickspear]

um

 

[thickspear]

p

 

[hurtme]

annoying, isn't it, when every wanna be dom (as soon as he hears, or thinks or assumes because your a woman and not wearing what he deems is domme gear) decides he is going to s how you how domly he is by demanding you get down on your knees and service him like the wench you are, before he has even shaken your hand...amusing though...it produces a reaction from any actual dom in the room, whether it be disgust, humor, or embarrassment for the obvious moron and the bad name he is giving to doms in general with his stupidity. Wanna know what works really well for me? Humiliation...calling them on it isn't enough fun, but i will be slightly more polite if they genuinely seem to think they are acting properly (I can't be mean to someone who is that dumb)...but as for the others *evil grin* I like to humilate them...and damn but i enjoy it...

 

[SweetDommes]

Similarly, why does every male "sub" on Yahoo IM us and pretend to serve us or assume that just because they think they're submissive, we will want them to serve us ... people are just stupid.


-Miss Holly

Edited by Miss Karen for spelling errors now that I am home & have seen them

 

[MissTaken]

Similarly, why does every male "sub" on Yahoo IM us and pretend to serve us or assume that just because they thing they're submissive, we will want them to serve us ... people are just stupid.


-Miss Holly

Yes, Miss Holly,

PEOPLE are stupid.
PEOPLE can be weak or strong.
PEOPLE can be judgmental or tolerant.
PEOPLE can be aggressive, rude or foolish.

Doms aren't one way or another.
Subs aren't one way or another.

Well, with the exception of given roles in intimacy, but the point is, to judge someone based on D/s is equivalent to judging someone based on the color of their hair.

 

[SweetDommes]

to judge someone based on D/s is equivalent to judging someone based on the color of their hair.

The problem with that is that there are TONS of people who judge by hair color ... the boys who start drooling because Holly is a redhead, the millions of people who perpetuate those blasted "dumb blond" jokes (and boy, this is your warning, it had better be a damned good one if you don't want to get in trouble ), and all the other little quirks that people attribute to hair color - temper, etc. I think it's rediculous ... why not start judging people by what size shoe they wear, or how tall they are? It all means the same in the end - nothing ...

Miss Karen

 

[hurtme]

hey, i don't mind being judged by my haircolor (red)...its pretty accurate...

 

[ghosst_K&H]

The problem with that is that there are TONS of people who judge by hair color ... the boys who start drooling because Holly is a redhead, the millions of people who perpetuate those blasted "dumb blond" jokes (and boy, this is your warning, it had better be a damned good one if you don't want to get in trouble ), and all the other little quirks that people attribute to hair color - temper, etc. I think it's rediculous ... why not start judging people by what size shoe they wear, or how tall they are? It all means the same in the end - nothing ...

Miss Karen

EVERYBODY DOWN ON THE FLOOR....THIS IS A HIJACK!!!!

what did i do?

cool i made prewarning status, like a cup of mcdonalds coffee, "warning contents of this submissive may include extremely bad humor"

Ok people this hijack is over...theres nothing to see here....go about your business...

 

[FungiUg]

the boys who start drooling because Holly is a redhead

Guilty!

 

[Netzach]

It's such a why ask why kind of question.

Because there are assholes.

Maybe they just need a spanking, maybe they got too many, maybe they got dropped on their heads early on.

 

[s'lara]

Nothing to explain. Submissive means acquiescing to another. If you tell someone that you are sub, they will make the natural assumption (as ignorant as that may be) that you will acquiesce to them. Not hard to figure out and it happens all the time.

As we know, if given an opportunity, and you are of that persuasion, people will try and take advantage of what they think is an easy situation. Not all people will go there, but it's a good chance that some will try ... such is life and all that jazz.

As WD said, moving on is a good thing. Good luck.

lara

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

What I find to be interesting when talking to new submissives, is when they tell me that I just don't seem 'Domly' enough. That's what I get for trying to get to know a submissive first...


Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

 

[Kajira Callista]

That is the other side of things...there are alot of r/p submissives around as well as Dominants. And they do the same thing...expect someone to tell them to roll over and play dead for them. Now if we could only point the Doms and subs like that in each others direction... we would be havin some fun

 

[SweetDommes]

What I find to be interesting when talking to new submissives, is when they tell me that I just don't seem 'Domly' enough. That's what I get for trying to get to know a submissive first...


Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

We hear you on that one, we get that a lot too. It's hard for people to understand that just because I'm dominant doesn't mean I'm a bitch or control freak (and vice versa)

-Miss Holly

 

[James G 5]

What I find to be interesting when talking to new submissives, is when they tell me that I just don't seem 'Domly' enough. That's what I get for trying to get to know a submissive first...


Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Yup....I have a subbie friend who I went thru something like this with recently
We've know each other for many years, but always "just friends" due to our various relationships
So earlier this year there was an opportunity to take things in a different direction
Pouty & I approached her & told her we were interested
She ended up taking up with another guy & told me part of the reason was that I tried to discuss things with her and set things up instead of just grabbing her by the hair & commanding her
The guy she took up with (form an online meeting) ordered her about from day 1

Sometimes you can't win