Please discuss about this story

[sarhad]

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-killer-1 - The killer

My 1st attempt. Its a conversation between a detective and a guy who helps him in solving murders. Would be great if i can receive some constructive feedback/discussions

 

[PayDay]

Ok, I read it.

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-killer-1 - The killer

My 1st attempt. Its a conversation between a detective and a guy who helps him in solving murders. Would be great if i can receive some constructive feedback/discussions

Ok, first thing: Never start a sentence with and or but unless you absolutely have to.

Secondly, if English is a second language for you, nice work. Either way, the writing was more than tolerable, and not at all confusing.

Third, the bad part. I honestly did not give a crap about the characters. I understand it's not an erotic piece, but it felt quite stale. I was ungrabbed, and the characters felt emotionless.

Overall, not bad for a first, but you need to make something happen for a reason or cause some sort of conflict, any conflict. It felt like I was reading about someone going to work.

It's a solid 3 story, but I did not vote on it. Your potential is there, just needs some excitement.

 

[sarhad]

Ok, first thing: Never start a sentence with and or but unless you absolutely have to.

Secondly, if English is a second language for you, nice work. Either way, the writing was more than tolerable, and not at all confusing.

Third, the bad part. I honestly did not give a crap about the characters. I understand it's not an erotic piece, but it felt quite stale. I was ungrabbed, and the characters felt emotionless.

Overall, not bad for a first, but you need to make something happen for a reason or cause some sort of conflict, any conflict. It felt like I was reading about someone going to work.

It's a solid 3 story, but I did not vote on it. Your potential is there, just needs some excitement.

thanx a lot bro.... yes english is my 2nd language. though i have been reading & speaking english for quite a long time now i have not written any story or something which has had a global exposure. thanx for pointing out the language flaws

about the characters, i thought of this idea as a small puzzle in a big story. maybe someday i will write a big story too in which i will make sure that the characters are well defined and there isn emotional connect.

thanx for taking out time for such a detailed reply

 

[sarhad]

anyone else ?