Please, can't you review my artcile

Che80

Virgin
Joined
Apr 11, 2006
Posts
9
Hi, i'm now writing an article, but I'm not a native english person, so can't you find ten minutes and help me to check grammar, punctuation and bad english? Not a spam, I removed any links.

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Will cybersex ruin humanity?

“Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?”
All we remember this moment in Matrix. Science fiction movies and books are full of mentions of sexy robots, holografic girlfriends and virtual pleasures. But where are we on the way to the deram, what will it bring to humanity, and what will take away?

“Within the next few years sexual activity will move more and more from real world into virtual, that will give birth to new internet dependence for peoples” experts say.

“Traditional sex ceases to be means of peoples interaction” announce Julia Heiman, director of the american Kinsey Institute specialized in sex, gender, and reproduction. In her opinion in next few years users will be provided with possibility to create sexual content by themselves depending on own taste, choosing behaviour, appearance and enunciation of virtual partner. Already now internet connected devices with so named “teledildo” technology realized are presented in several online shops and services. Steve Rhodes, Sinulate Entertainment president says that his company sells thousands of such sex gadgets in three years. The peak of the popularity they reach during USA IRAQ war, Reuters report.

Porno industry magnats are also interested in new branch development. LALALA Multimedia presidend Brad Abram asserts that his internet game Virtual LALALA with Jenna Jameson famous pono actress as main star is already equipped with piquant devices connection possibility. This service costs 29.95 with no apparatus included, and several hundreds of thousands clients already tried online virtual sex.

One more game presented by LALALA Interference Inc. company. Andrew Borshtein, www.LALALA.com developmet manager tells: market always gives us an impulse to improve. In 2006 we translate our game on new 3D engine and now users can interact right in the browser window. Our specialist visited Milan fasion week where he spied for new cloth and lingerie collection and as result users can wear it in the game before they can see it in shops. We also keep in mind that many peoples tired with ordinary sex, and come to virtual for new feelings, some particular rooms in the game were added specially for this category.

Some developers looks farther ahead – in robotics area. Carl DiSalvo, Carnegie University researcher, taked part in machine that reddens and reacts on stroke creation. DiSalvo considers that his product can take not the last positions in adult industry market thanks to such realistic reactions. Simple sex doll from www.LALALA.com costs $6.5 thousands with no shipping included. Dolls with “feelings” will cost much more expensive.

Other researchers regards that physical sex-machines will become a thing of the past. Future technologies will allow direct brain stimulation. Marvin Minsky, artificial intelligence development pioneer supposes such type devices will be able to excite corresponding brain tissue areas and human reactions will be the same manner if it is physical influence. In the Minsky 's opinion this can become real in 20-30 years, if creators will be able to use third party countries people, where such experiments are allowed, the term decreases double.

“Virtual sex problem is polysemantic – psychiatrist James Phelps comments - on the one hand this method is effective as prophylaxis for mental disorder that concerned with sexual continence prophylaxis. Many peoples push together with sexual deprivation - sailors, truck drivers and so on. In their case such means can be useful, dolly in hygienic meaning more safety than accidental partner. Risk of family suffer from treason reduced. Invalids and simple unattractive people have right on sex too. It will be useful using such instrument in situation when sexual life of partners seems monotonous for them. Such things can keep family.

On the other hand dependence problem accompanies this – experts add. – For dependent peoples fixation on the most simple ways of satisfaction their needs is typical. Such peoples easily get into trap, acts to the prejudice of real life relations. But if person while using sex toys don’t forget that this is temporary, and trying to build normal relations with alive peoples, everything is all right.
 
Che80 said:
Hi, i'm now writing an article, but I'm not a native english person, so can't you find ten minutes and help me to check grammar, punctuation and bad english? Not a spam, I removed any links.

------------------------------------------------------

Will cybersex ruin humanity?

“Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?”

We all remember this moment in Matrix. Science fiction movies and books are full of mentions of sexy robots, holographic girlfriends, and virtual pleasures. But where are we on the way to the dream, what will it bring to humanity, and what will it take away?

“Within the next few years, sexual activity will move more and more from real world into virtual. That will give birth to new internet dependence for people,” experts say. (what experts? Give us names.)

“Traditional sex ceases to be means of personal interaction,” announced Julia Heiman, director of the American Kinsey Institute which specializes in sex, gender, and reproduction. In her opinion, in next few years users will be provided with the possibility to create sexual content by themselves depending on their own taste, choosing behaviour, appearance and enunciation of their virtual partner. Already new Internet connected devices with so named “teledildo” technology realized are presented in several online shops and services. Steve Rhodes, Sinulate Entertainment president says that his company has sold thousands of such sex gadgets in the past three years. The peak of their popularity was reached during the USA's engagement in Iraq, Reuters report.

There, I did the first paragraph for you.
 
I did a couple paragraphs.....
then got bored. I didn't fact check, and this really requires it as direct quotes are used. I did not change the last two paragraphs as they are supposedly direct quotes from the pshrink.

The rest sounds very plagiarised from assorted web sites, although cleaned up it reads as if it is an article.

***


Will cybersex ruin humanity?

“Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?”


We all remember this moment from the movie Matrix. Science fiction movies and books are full of mentions of sexy robots, holographic girlfriends and virtual pleasures. But where are we on the way to this dream? What will it bring to humanity? What will take away?

“Within the next few years, sexual activity will move more and more from the real world into the virtual, that will give giving birth to new internet dependence for people,” experts say.

“Traditional sex ceases to be the means for peoples interaction,” announce Julia Heiman, director of the American Kinsey Institute, specializing in sex, gender, and reproduction. In her opinion, in next few years users will be provided with ability to create sexual content by themselves, according to their own taste, choosing behaviour, appearance and enunciation for a virtual partner. Already now, internet connected devices with so named “teledildo” technology are presented in several online shops and services. Steve Rhodes, President of Sinulate Entertainment said that his company has sold thousands of such sex gadgets. (deleted the Reuters line, as the additional source for same topic is unnecessary and is not a valid cross reference for the statement by Rhodes)

Pornography industry magnates are also interested in new branches of development. LALALA Multimedia President, Brad Abram asserts that his internet game, Virtual LALALA, featuring famous pornographic actress, Jenna Jameson as main star is already equipped with piquant device connection capability. This service costs $29.95, machinery not included, and several hundred thousand clients have already experienced online virtual sex.

Of another game offered by LALALA Interference Inc., Andrew Borshtein, www.LALALA.com developmet manager tells: "(The) Market always gives us an impulse to improve. In 2006 we translate our game on new 3D engine and now users can interact right in the browser window. Our specialist visited Milan fashion week, where he spied for new cloth and lingerie collections, and as result users can wear it in the game before they can see it in shops. We also keep in mind that many people are tired of ordinary sex, and come to virtual (sex) for new feelings, some particular rooms in the game were added specially for this category."

Some developers looks farther ahead – into robotics. Carl DiSalvo, a Carnegie University researcher, helped develop a machine that blushes and reacts to sexual stimulation. DiSalvo sumises that his product can assume a strong position in the adult industry market thanks to its realistic reactions. A simple sex doll from www.LALALA.com costs $6500, sex dolls with real feelings will be much more expensive.

Other researchers predict that physical sex-machines will become a thing of the past. Emerging technologies will allow direct brain stimulation. Marvin Minsky, artificial intelligence development pioneer, predicts that such devices will be able to excite corresponding brain tissue areas creating the same reaction as if actual physical stimulation were used. In the Minsky 's opinion this can be reality within 20 to 30 years. If developers work in countries wehre such expermentation is permitted by law, the development time will be much less.


Psychiatrist James Phelps comments, “Virtual sex problem is polysemantic – on one hand this method is effective as prophylaxis for mental disorders that are concerned with sexual continence prophylaxis. Many people push together with sexual deprivation - sailors, truck drivers and so on. In their case such means can be useful, dolly in hygienic meaning more safety than accidental partner. Risk of family suffer from treason reduced. Invalids and simple unattractive people have right on sex too. It will be useful using such instrument in situation when sexual life of partners seems monotonous for them. Such things can keep family.

"On the other hand, dependence problems accompany this – experts add. – For dependent peoples fixation on the most simple ways of satisfaction their needs is typical. Such peoples easily get into trap, acts to the prejudice of real life relations. But if person while using sex toys don’t forget that this is temporary, and trying to build normal relations with alive peoples, everything is all right."

****
 
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I was going to give it shot, but my eyes started to cross.

The last two paragraphs boggle my mind. I can't deciper what this psychiatrist is saying ... it makes no sense at all. Was this run through an online translator? I would suspect that the original quote would have been in English ... find it and insert it.

kbate said:
I did a couple paragraphs.....
then got bored. I didn't fact check, and this really requires it as direct quotes are used. I did not change the last two paragraphs as they are supposedly direct quotes from the pshrink.

The rest sounds very plagiarised from assorted web sites, although cleaned up it reads as if it is an article.

***


Will cybersex ruin humanity?

“Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?”


We all remember this moment from the movie Matrix. Science fiction movies and books are full of mentions of sexy robots, holographic girlfriends and virtual pleasures. But where are we on the way to this dream? What will it bring to humanity? What will take away?

“Within the next few years, sexual activity will move more and more from the real world into the virtual, that will give giving birth to new internet dependence for people,” experts say.

“Traditional sex ceases to be the means for peoples interaction,” announce Julia Heiman, director of the American Kinsey Institute, specializing in sex, gender, and reproduction. In her opinion, in next few years users will be provided with ability to create sexual content by themselves, according to their own taste, choosing behaviour, appearance and enunciation for a virtual partner. Already now, internet connected devices with so named “teledildo” technology are presented in several online shops and services. Steve Rhodes, President of Sinulate Entertainment said that his company has sold thousands of such sex gadgets. (deleted the Reuters line, as the additional source for same topic is unnecessary and is not a valid cross reference for the statement by Rhodes)

Pornography industry magnates are also interested in new branches of development. LALALA Multimedia President, Brad Abram asserts that his internet game, Virtual LALALA, featuring famous pornographic actress, Jenna Jameson as main star is already equipped with piquant device connection capability. This service costs $29.95, machinery not included, and several hundred thousand clients have already experienced online virtual sex.

Of another game offered by LALALA Interference Inc., Andrew Borshtein, www.LALALA.com developmet manager tells: "(The) Market always gives us an impulse to improve. In 2006 we translate our game on new 3D engine and now users can interact right in the browser window. Our specialist visited Milan fashion week, where he spied for new cloth and lingerie collections, and as result users can wear it in the game before they can see it in shops. We also keep in mind that many people are tired of ordinary sex, and come to virtual (sex) for new feelings, some particular rooms in the game were added specially for this category."

Some developers looks farther ahead – into robotics. Carl DiSalvo, a Carnegie University researcher, helped develop a machine that blushes and reacts to sexual stimulation. DiSalvo sumises that his product can assume a strong positions in the adult industry market thanks to its realistic reactions. A simple sex doll from www.LALALA.com costs $6500, sex dolls with real feelings will be much more expensive.

Other researchers predict that physical sex-machines will become a thing of the past. Emerging technologies will allow direct brain stimulation. Marvin Minsky, artificial intelligence development pioneer, predicts that such devices will be able to excite corresponding brain tissue areas creating the same reaction as if actual physical stimulation were used. In the Minsky 's opinion this can be reality within 20 to 30 years. If developers work in countries wehre such expermentation is permitted by law, the development time will be much less.


Psychiatrist James Phelps comments, “Virtual sex problem is polysemantic – on one hand this method is effective as prophylaxis for mental disorders that are concerned with sexual continence prophylaxis. Many people push together with sexual deprivation - sailors, truck drivers and so on. In their case such means can be useful, dolly in hygienic meaning more safety than accidental partner. Risk of family suffer from treason reduced. Invalids and simple unattractive people have right on sex too. It will be useful using such instrument in situation when sexual life of partners seems monotonous for them. Such things can keep family.

"On the other hand, dependence problems accompany this – experts add. – For dependent peoples fixation on the most simple ways of satisfaction their needs is typical. Such peoples easily get into trap, acts to the prejudice of real life relations. But if person while using sex toys don’t forget that this is temporary, and trying to build normal relations with alive peoples, everything is all right."

****
 
RogueLurker, FallingToFly great thanks, and special thanks to Kbate. What about the last two ones? it is not a quotation from opened sources, so I can't find it. Is it now looks ugly?
I found double word “Virtual sex problem is polysemantic – on one hand this method is effective as prophylaxis for mental disorders that are concerned with sexual continence prophylaxis."
 
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FallingToFly - not only pregnancy, anything form caries to immunodeficienct virus.
Let's say "preventive measures" instead of "prophylaxis"

"Psychiatrist James Phelps comments, “Virtual sex problem is polysemantic – on one hand this method is effective as preventive measures for mental disorders that are concerned with sexual continence"
 
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RogueLurker said:
I was going to give it shot, but my eyes started to cross.

The last two paragraphs boggle my mind. I can't deciper what this psychiatrist is saying ... it makes no sense at all. Was this run through an online translator? I would suspect that the original quote would have been in English ... find it and insert it.


I would have to see the original in order to understand this statement and put it into readable English. I do not know where the doctor's quote and the article author's commentary begin and end.

As the second paragraph began with "on the other hand".... I assumed the entirety was quoted and treated it as such, even though I cannot imagine any doctor writing such an unclear statement.

Below is an attempt to make some sense of the final two paragraphs, but in order to publish I would remove the first clause attributing the statement to the psychiatrist.


****

Psychiatrist James Phelps comments,
“The virtual sex problem is polysemantic – on one hand, this method is effective as prophylactic for mental disorders concerned with sexual prophylaxis. On the other hand, dependence problems accompany this behaviour – for dependent people, fixation on this simple method of satisfying their needs is typical." Dependent people easily fall into the trap of virtual sex, performing the act to the prejudice of real life relations; but if a person while using virtual sex devices continues building normal relations with living people, everything should be alright.

Many people also suffer from sexual deprivation - sailors, truck drivers and so on. In their case, virtual sex can be useful, dolly in a hygienic setting translates to more safety than would sex with an occasional partner or prostitute. Invalids and unattractive people also gain the ability to have sex through virtual partners. Such instruments, used in situations where the sexual life of partners has become monotonous may help to prevent straying and keep families together.

****
 
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kbate :rose: :heart: :kiss: great thanks.
Here I meaned: this method is effective as prophylactic for mental disorders concerned with sexual continence (instead prophylaxis)
thanks again.
 
Che80 said:
great thanks.
Here I meant: this method is effective as prophylactic for mental disorders concerned with sexual continence (instead prophylaxis)
thanks again.

Check the edits on both posts. I changed some typos and re-arranged some more words. As the quote is not original, you must remove the reference to the doctor, or publish his quote as "To paraphrase Psychiatrist......:

I still have not fact checked this and I will not do that. I assume the website and such are all valid and the other quotations in the article can be referenced.
 
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