Playing hard to get?

[LadyJeanne]

Do men really lose interest in a woman if she doesn't play hard to get in the beginning of a relationship? Does it really remove the 'challenge' and fun for him if she lets him know she finds him attractive and interesting and funny and sexy?

I like to flirt and tell men they're handsome and smart and charming if I think they are. Is that why I'm still single?

 

[Xt4cY]

with girls i've had the opposite experience, i like to feel wanted or even needed, and don't change your self and how u act, a guy will show up at your door step, the way i look at it everyone has that perfect someone in their mind, and never sell your self short it's never "good enaugh"...i never found hard to get too much fun, i'd rather have a girl that when we're at home will jump in my lap and tell me she loves me more than having to go way outta my way everytime to feel wanted, don't know if that makes sence but that's what i think

 

[je404ucd]

I agree with Xt4cY. I would rather spend time cuddling than constantly chasing.

 

[LadyJeanne]

with girls i've had the opposite experience, i like to feel wanted or even needed, and don't change your self and how u act, a guy will show up at your door step, the way i look at it everyone has that perfect someone in their mind, and never sell your self short it's never "good enaugh"...i never found hard to get too much fun, i'd rather have a girl that when we're at home will jump in my lap and tell me she loves me more than having to go way outta my way everytime to feel wanted, don't know if that makes sence but that's what i think

...feeling wanted and needed...

I like that feeling too, so when I get to know someone I admire, I like to be playfully affectionate with them thinking that it would make them feel good as well. I don't want to hide it from them...

 

[LadyJeanne]

I agree with Xt4cY. I would rather spend time cuddling than constantly chasing.

Do you like/need the chase in the beginning to pique your interest?

 

[je404ucd]

Before the relationship? Yes.

I try to live by a rule:

If it is too easy to get a girl into bed, you can't help but wonder how many others might've been there before.

For women, you obviously reverse the gender, but it still applies.

I am not saying a girl has to be a virgin, but this is a day with STDs and all that. I prefer having a courtship period (not sure how long it would be... but definately no sex on the first date).

Edit:
The "Hard To Get" phase is a great time for a girl to find out how dedicated/interested a guy is. However, it really should be played like a "Tag" (the children's game) meets "Hot and Cold" meets "Showing someone around." Not sure if that last part makes sense...

Basically if a guy feels that no progress is being made, he will get even MORE self-conscious (which is BAD) and will give up to avoid further embarrassment, (precieved) rejection, and all that jazz.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Before the relationship? Yes.

I try to live by a rule:For women, you obviously reverse the gender, but it still applies.

I am not saying a girl has to be a virgin, but this is a day with STDs and all that. I prefer having a courtship period (not sure how long it would be... but definately no sex on the first date).

Wow, I'm still working out the courtship thing and wasn't even thinking about the sex part. Well, maybe a little, when I'm alone, lying on my bed...

 

[je404ucd]

You sound like you have a specific person in mind. Would you rather have specific advice?

 

[LadyJeanne]

You sound like you have a specific person in mind. Would you rather have specific advice?

I do have someone specific in mind - he's someone who appeals to me in so many ways that I just can't manage to pretend he's not so special to me...and am fretting he'll lose interest if I'm obviously crazy about him.

I wouldn't be fretting except that, from past experience, I find that saying no to a guy doesn't seem to discourage them and, in some cases, they become even more persistent. On the other hand, being open about my admiration does seem to make them disappear.

 

[je404ucd]

If a guy can't accept your affection straight up (which is how you sound like you want to give it), you are going to a place you definately shouldn't be. It is emotionally taxing and extremely unpleasant.

If you tell him how he feels and he doesn't respond in how you want, go home, cry a bit, and move on.

 

[LadyJeanne]

If you tell him how he feels and he doesn't respond in how you want, go home, cry a bit, and move on.

and start flirting with the men (and women) on lit who respond well to open admiration!

 

[je404ucd]

If that makes you feel good. But I find it lacking. Everyone here is enthused by the anonymity of the internet. Which isn't bad, but it is very different.

Don't settle, go get the kind of relationship that you want.

 

[LadyJeanne]

What attracts to you the board, then?

 

[Xt4cY]

If you find the right person sex will not be on their mind so you don't need hard to get, and when that perfect moment arrives, u'll know. It doesn't have to be romantic settings, it's all how you feel about each other. If you love the person then you can unleash hell but playing hard to get i think is more annoying than anything else cuz it dampens the feelings and can frustrate people.

 

[je404ucd]

Now seems like good practice overcoming the male of the species classic "Emotional Evasiveness":

"I have my reasons."

 

[ReadyOne]

I've found that almost every girl I've slept with has had a little test for me. Not the paper and pencil kind, but generally she made an opening where I had to do something "right", after which I got the green light.

Once it was sleeping in her bed without making love. In the morning, she jumped my bones.

Another had a question about the biology of AIDs (and it was a tricky one).

One girl let me know her sister was having car problems, and after I went with her sister to take the car into the shop and give her a ride to work, then my gf let me move beyond the heavy groping stage.

I believe that many women construct an obstacle course for the guy to chase her through, and when he clears the hurdles he wins her favor.

 

[Xt4cY]

what ever happend to just talking hahaha

 

[je404ucd]

what ever happend to just talking hahaha

No wonder I am still a virgin...

 

[zhukov1943]

Play "hard to get"? Hell, no! Too much game-playing makes me want to run for the hills...

Decide whether you like 'em or not, then give it all you've got! He'd be a fool not to value you for YOURSELF!

 

[SIC]

I dont really like when the girl plays really hard to get at the start but i dont want her to be like cliny after the first date. That happen to me like a month ago and it scared me up. I dont like always havin to goto the girl and say i love you or anything like that i like when she comes up to me.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Are there no men out there who will speak up for the 'thrill of the chase?"

Ladies, do you play hard to get? Do you get your man?

 

[SmilinAngel]

I'm not a man, so I can't really answer for sure, but, I can tell you about my experience. I never believed in that stuff ... I thought, 'honesty is the best policy.' But, after being ditched too quickly by a few guys, I thought there may be something to my girlfriends advice. I mean, I wasn't professing 'true love' on the 2nd date or anything, but I always answered their calls, returned them promtly, so forth and so on. Well, with the next guy, I gave it a try. When he'd call, I'd always wait a few hours (sometimes 24 hours) to call him back, I wouldn't get all excited right when he'd ask me out ('let me see if I'm busy that night ... I think I have something planned with the girls') and what do you know? It worked! I have now been together with that guy a little over a year and a half ... I think there's something to it. There is a big difference between playing games and playing hard to get. I don't believe in games with peoples feeling. 'Hard to get' is just a larger version of 'teasing,' but I'm not leading him on, because I really do like him. Anyway, I've seen with plenty of my girlfriends. If they're nice, they get ditched, if they play hard to get a little, they get the man. So, like it or not, it seems to work ... well, at least, with most guys.

 

[intrigued]

I'm not a man, so I can't really answer for sure, but, I can tell you about my experience. I never believed in that stuff ... I thought, 'honesty is the best policy.' But, after being ditched too quickly by a few guys, I thought there may be something to my girlfriends advice. I mean, I wasn't professing 'true love' on the 2nd date or anything, but I always answered their calls, returned them promtly, so forth and so on. Well, with the next guy, I gave it a try. When he'd call, I'd always wait a few hours (sometimes 24 hours) to call him back, I wouldn't get all excited right when he'd ask me out ('let me see if I'm busy that night ... I think I have something planned with the girls') and what do you know? It worked! I have now been together with that guy a little over a year and a half ... I think there's something to it. There is a big difference between playing games and playing hard to get. I don't believe in games with peoples feeling. 'Hard to get' is just a larger version of 'teasing,' but I'm not leading him on, because I really do like him. Anyway, I've seen with plenty of my girlfriends. If they're nice, they get ditched, if they play hard to get a little, they get the man. So, like it or not, it seems to work ... well, at least, with most guys.

Excellent post!

I find it intriguing when a guy is playing it cool, teasing a little, and not coming on like a bull in a china shop. And I absolutely love throwing it right back at him. There is so much fun to be had in subtle flirting, walking away leaving them wanting more, with a very confident attitude and subtle smile. The movie "Intolerable Cruelty" comes to mind, Catherine Zeta Jones did it to perfection, in the early days of meeting her object of desire. That's my style.
People fly through the beginnings of a relationship so quickly and in doing so, miss the real fun of romance.

 

[Falcon60]

Every man, or person is different, for my taste the direct approach is best. Flirting is one thing but playing hard to get or teasing is not my style.

 

[Felt Tip]

Playing hard to get.. all men are different, but I'd suggest a middle way.

And maybe it's just a personal bias, but by middle, I mean just a little bit of playing hard to get.


However, there's a very important difference between 'not playing hard to get' and 'expressly telling him that you want him'.

If you actually sit him down and talk to him, explaining how attractive you find him, it kills all the mystery, anticipation and romance.
But if you don't openly discuss those feelings (at least not before you're a comfortable couple), but instead act on those feelings, let things progress between you, then you keep the anticipation and romance going.
Which is good.