Play vs Commitment

[barcaboy]

Thought I'd throw this chew toy into the arena for the hungry wolves, tigresses, hyenas and pussy cats to gnaw on.

Is BDSM play/erotic theatre for you or a lifestyle commitment?

 

[DustyWolfe]

Thought I'd throw this chew toy into the arena for the hungry wolves, tigresses, hyenas and pussy cats to gnaw on.

Is BDSM play/erotic theatre for you or a lifestyle commitment?

For me personally when I'm in a bdsm relationship it's a commitment the same as a marriage or partnership.

I'm collared for a reason, it means I will be devoted to my Dom/Domme within reasons of course. That's what hard limits are for. Them collaring me means they understand that there are some things that I wont do.

A collar is something I take seriously, it's very much a commitment, an honor and a matter of pride

I hope I don't sound stupid, it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep lol

 

[incubus'_sub]

Now that's actually a good question for this board. I've wondered (& worried) about some posters who do seem to define their whole lives by BDSM as opposed to commitment to a good relationship which happens to satisfy their particular desires.

In our case, the recognition of our B&D compatibility was possibly the extra spark which ignited our love for each other, but is balanced by an all round attraction of intellect, ordinary physical desire, common interests & tastes, the whole range of "stuff" that makes a relationship work.


From reading here for quite a while now it seems there are those who jump from Dom to Dom (or sub to sub), each time declaring great commitment to said Dom or sub, until it doesn't work out & the search begins again. This seems to be particularly prevalent with the online only people. This does suggest to me that the commitment is to the BDSM "thing" rather than to the actual people involved.

So yes, I'll be very interested in the other answers too.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Thought I'd throw this chew toy into the arena for the hungry wolves, tigresses, hyenas and pussy cats to gnaw on.

Is BDSM play/erotic theatre for you or a lifestyle commitment?

It is both....deeply both. I am consumed with the theatre in play and committed to the lifestyle.

Committed for life? One always hopes so.

But in all honesty BDSM play can be just as fullfilling on a different level with no or little committment. With only theatre and respect.

 

[Arden]

.

 

[Netzach]

I clock in where Shadowsdream does.

I love my intimate relationships! I am very blessed by the people closet to me, and I love that they enjoy SM with me.

I also love SM by iteself. Whether I'm in a relationship or not, whether it's with someone I'm in an intimate relationship with or not...I'm in love with the process of playing and learning, and happy to dive in with some basic respect and a common interest.

 

[AvaAdore]

I am in a serious relationship. The commitment to my partner is primary. BDSM for us tends to be limited to play. It is definately an important part of me, but I don't define myself by it.

 

[Night_Wulf]

Originally posted by barcaboy
Thought I'd throw this chew toy into the arena for the hungry wolves, tigresses, hyenas and pussy cats to gnaw on.

Is BDSM play/erotic theatre for you or a lifestyle commitment?

A very good question, that has different meanings for everyone. Myself, I take my role as a dominant very seriously. I do not play with just anyone. Usually only those I have collared, or, am training.

The Gorean/BDSM lifestyle in many ways, can be more commited than many marriages. Taking this in mind, one must decide how they wish to live their lives and how it looks to others.

Many only take play to the bedroom, while others play with anyone at parties, etc. It is personal choice.

And, yes, This Wulf is always hungry. *chuckles*

 

[yourstruly]

Neither, although if I must pick one, it's the latter. BUT --- /GAWD/ I dislike the "lifestyle" label. Uh.. possible flame bait follows, lol...

"Lifestyle" is like this horrible euphemism, IMO, for "minority-group-sexual-practitioner". Why on earth, if I like a certain kind of relationship, should I be relegated to some "lifestyle"?! I don't want a life /style/, I want a life /partner/, durnit! I suppose, this comes down to the fact that, as much as possible, I want to define my identity as an individual, not as a member of a group. Hope this hasn't offended anyone, but if so, please feel free to flame the hell out of me...

This is also the (least controversial ) reason why I shy away from the "slave" label... BDSM is a really important part of who I am... but so is my profession, my intellectual life, my body, my spirituality, etc. The BDSM part of me ties into many of these things and barlely touches others.

In my way of thinking, if a slave, none of these are neccesarily my own... I might be permitted the luxury of controling some aspect of my identity, or not, by my owner. Personally, control of many of these aspects of my identity cannot be delegated in full to another. It's just a hard limit, I guess.

Therefore I'm no slave.

Which, I suppose, by process of elimination, makes me a submissive, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that label either, lol.

Kinda makes my handle seem ironic and farcical eh? For the record, it's not, I think I just started using this handle before I'd ever thought out such matters.

Anyhow, I suppose what with all the semantics I never really answered the question! The answer is: it's a pretty big deal to me -- it's certainly not just a game, it's 24/7, at least in a liberal sense of the term. But neither is it all-consuming... I guess it just lies somewhere in the grey area inbetween.

 

[Bandit58]

Ours started out as bedroom play but as it has gone on it has evolved outside of that.

We are in a committed love relationship, and because of Master's health problems I am His carer which satisfies my need to serve. So I am part service sub/part sexual submissive if you want to put a label on it!

 

[serijules]

I am committed to one, I play with many.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Neither, although if I must pick one, it's the latter. BUT --- /GAWD/ I dislike the "lifestyle" label ... This is also the (least controversial ) reason why I shy away from the "slave" label ...

Since you didn't identify with what makes a slave, why would you care what the label meant? If submissive bothers you as well, call yourself a kinkster and be done with it. Before anyone else jumps on this bandwagon with my alternate definitions, i came up with PYL/pyl so i didn't have to type every frickin' label to avoid marginalizing anyone interested in BDSM.

dayum ... i even managed to avoid calling it a lifestyle. Am i pc, or what? http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

BOT, i don't play.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

In our case, the recognition of our B&D compatibility was possibly the extra spark which ignited our love for each other, but is balanced by an all round attraction of intellect, ordinary physical desire, common interests & tastes, the whole range of "stuff" that makes a relationship work.

I love what you said here. So very true. BDSM is a lifestyle committment for us, but it is just part and parcel of what makes our relationship, as a whole, work.

~anelize

 

[Justina123]

Sir and I met at a munch and began seeing each other because of a common interest in bdsm. Then it grew as we came to fall in love and discovered we had many other things we enjoyed together and liked about one another. Now we have been 24/7 for almost one year and are engaged to be married. We lead busy and complicated lives, with demanding professions, his kids, my kids, etc. But through it all, we are very much Dominant and submissive, and our sex is decidedly sadomasochistic.

And at play parties and events, we both love to play with others, and then its the "erotic theater" mentioned above and an extremely fun and enjoyable part of our life for which we are both quite grateful.

-justina

 

[Justina123]

Sir and I met at a munch and began seeing each other because of a common interest in bdsm. Then it grew as we came to fall in love and discovered we had many other things we enjoyed together and liked about one another. Now we have been 24/7 for almost one year and are engaged to be married. We lead busy and complicated lives, with demanding professions, his kids, my kids, etc. But through it all, we are very much Dominant and submissive, and our sex is decidedly sadomasochistic.

And at play parties and events, we both love to play with others, and then its the "erotic theater" mentioned above and an extremely fun and enjoyable part of our life for which we are both quite grateful.

-justina

 

[Kajira Callista]

I can and have "just played". it's fun in the moment, but for me after...something is missing. Hmm not the aftercare stuff, it's something else. When sub-drop time comes...and i can avoid that for days, i get a little lost after play. What the hell ill admit it, i need to know there is someone there who cares for me, they dont have to show it or coddle me, i just need to know they exist.

 

[Richard49]

IMHO BDSM is a lifestyle
a sexual orintation if you will
it is about pain sensuality
bit the giving and recieving
it is about physical control and power

D/s is about relationships
it may or may not encompass BDSM
it is about the exchange of power at the psychological,
physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels

 

[yourstruly]

Since you didn't identify with what makes a slave, why would you care what the label meant? If submissive bothers you as well, call yourself a kinkster and be done with it.

Well... yeah good point . "Submissive" doesn't bother me -- it just doesn't seem sufficient to really describe what I am or how I love or what-have-you... When possible, I just don't bother putting a label on it. When I do need a word for it, I tend to use submissive nevertheless. Despite all appearances I'm actually pretty laid back about semantics, I swear

Before anyone else jumps on this bandwagon with my alternate definitions, i came up with PYL/pyl so i didn't have to type every frickin' label to avoid marginalizing anyone interested in BDSM.

Smart. Love the PYL/pyl thing, that is an absolutely fabulous convention for web forums and one that I will gladly adopt for my own posts around here.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For us it is a lifestyle which is lived in all ways 24/7, with moments of play which can step outside the daily reality. The foundations of Master/slave infiltrate every part of our lives, but is also complemented by a relationship which goes deep in the ways the vanilla community would identify with, and for which many in that community often comment on for the strength of our love and commitment. We both made a conscious choice to find a partner with whom we were compatible, not only in the normal ways such as politics, intellect, interests, philosophies, etc., but also someone who shared our vision of what we needed in a D/s relationship. Added to that expectation, we both made our expectations reach a little further in deciding if we didn't have a love bond with that person, it would remain a playtype existence more than a life commitment. LOL, we wanted our cake and eat it too, and then the party to go on the rest of our lives...greedy? yes!!

Fortunately we were blessed and recognised in each other from the first moment that indefineable something which made the almost impossible, possible. The beauty of it for us is we know we are there for each other through good times and bad, and after 2 years of marriage and a little longer as Master and slave, we have never regretted for one moment our decision to commit to this life we live as one. We have endured some exceptionally testing situations throughout the last 2 years which have only brought us closer and shown our commitment and love grows stronger as we support each other through those moments in time.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

Is BDSM play/erotic theatre for you or a lifestyle commitment?

Let's just say it's a lifetime interest that I am still exploring. I don't think of it as a "lifestyle".