Pissed Off By Dead-End PMs

[Erodicus]

Recently I received a PM from a person who asked me for a reply. I have had many great conversations with Listers but on this occasion, after I spent considerable time writing a detailed response, I've heard nothing in reply. Not even a "Thank you." Zilch. I'm always careful not to give offence, so I'm sure that I have not said anything to warrant the cold shoulder. I checked their recent postings and they had been active on the site each day - so it wasn't as if they hadn't logged on to Lit and not seen my reply. I'm sure others would have had similar treatment. How do you deal with such lack of common courtesy?

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Well, you deal with it preemptively by having zero expectations of anyone with whom you converse with on here. Seriously. Even if the chemistry is great and you move to a more real-time, 3rd party app for chat, still have zero expectations. If you two are still talking 4 months from now, great. If not, you accept that they've moved on for reasons that honestly don't matter to you & your life, in the grand scheme of things. Move on to the next PM or respond to a new thread that could result in you receiving a new PM.

You'd drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why someone chooses to ghost you. And no, the common denominator isn't always you. This is a sex site, after all. Some people literally just need to get off & move along.
Try to have fun. And do what you're doing here: reach out for advice when you need to.
Deep breaths, okay? You've got this.

 

[Rob_Royale]

It could be something as simple as your email dropping into his/her spam folder automatically. It has happened to me.

 

[KatieDoes]

I’m not sure how you can know for sure that you didn’t say something they found off-putting.

I sometimes take a while to mull over a PM and formulate my response. Especially if it’s an involved conversation. I’ll occasionally pop in here while I’m at work and make a quick post in a thread, but not take enough time to properly reply to a private message. Or I’ll start a reply and get interrupted and have to log out and live my life for a bit.

No one owes you their time.

 

[live4thebj]

Well I don’t owe anyone a response. So I don’t expect one either. If they reply okay. If they don’t I don’t see the issue.

I get a lot of PM’s most are clearly from people that don’t read my profile.

One person was looking for a pitty party like the OP on this thread. They didn’t like my reply and had a hissy fit. So I blocked them.

 

[Chernosoth]

I have never sent a PM. I tend to forget that feature exists until I receive one.

 

[Erodicus]

I’m not sure how you can know for sure that you didn’t say something they found off-putting.

I sometimes take a while to mull over a PM and formulate my response. Especially if it’s an involved conversation. I’ll occasionally pop in here while I’m at work and make a quick post in a thread, but not take enough time to properly reply to a private message. Or I’ll start a reply and get interrupted and have to log out and live my life for a bit.

No one owes you their time.

I accept the points you make. I always take my incoming PMs on face value. If there is something unacceptable in them, I will say what it was and then make it clear that I will not be engaging with them again.

I try hard not to give offence. I am always polite and I usually ask what people like and dislike and am guided by that. But in raunchy exchanges you can never be sure. If I make a misjudgement, I'd prefer to know.

It just seems like common courtesy to reply when someone has made the effort to contact you. I never take offence if they are not interested.

Silence tells me nothing.

 

[sandybrooke]

Wow, get a hobby

 

[KatieDoes]

I accept the points you make. I always take my incoming PMs on face value. If there is something unacceptable in them, I will say what it was and then make it clear that I will not be engaging with them again.

I try hard not to give offence. I am always polite and I usually ask what people like and dislike and am guided by that. But in raunchy exchanges you can never be sure. If I make a misjudgement, I'd prefer to know.

It just seems like common courtesy to reply when someone has made the effort to contact you. I never take offence if they are not interested.

Silence tells me nothing.

Sometimes when a woman tells a man that she’s not interested in continuing the conversation, he will say ‘Thanks for letting me know, I hope that you find what you’re looking for.’

Sometimes, he will become insistent, keep sending messages, and try to bargain and cajole her into continuing.

Sometimes, he will tell her that she’s a fat ugly worthless bitch anyway, and deserves to be abused and raped.

We never know which way it’s going to go. So sometimes we just stop replying.

 

[LarryTee50]

The art and the fun is to message someone .....and then the wait and see...in the meantime message someone else.
I have had several more than one ghosting on here.......and I have had some riotous fuck fun with marvelously crazy people.
This is not a place for me to take things too seriously.

 

[Lorack]

wow, yesterday and now again today, first time in a long time I didn't have any PM's
Hello, is this thing broken???

 

[MRaith]

Well, you deal with it preemptively by having zero expectations of anyone with whom you converse with on here. Seriously. Even if the chemistry is great and you move to a more real-time, 3rd party app for chat, still have zero expectations. If you two are still talking 4 months from now, great. If not, you accept that they've moved on for reasons that honestly don't matter to you & your life, in the grand scheme of things. Move on to the next PM or respond to a new thread that could result in you receiving a new PM.

You'd drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why someone chooses to ghost you. And no, the common denominator isn't always you. This is a sex site, after all. Some people literally just need to get off & move along.
Try to have fun. And do what you're doing here: reach out for advice when you need to.
Deep breaths, okay? You've got this.

This was a good, healthy response. Well done, ICBP