Physical Limitations and BDSM

[SexyChele]

If this thread goes anywhere, I see it as a way to bring up little quirks and how to work around or with them. I guess I'll start this off, and see who else might have something to say.

I have a condition known as TMJ, which, long story short, means that my jaw can "lock open" under certain situations. (Yes, I know, I hear all the snickers already - it can be a comical thing!) Normally, I must be careful about opening my mouth too wide, and that is not a problem for me. Except when it comes to gags. Most are HUGE! There is no way most of them would work for me. (Unless my Dom happened to be a dentist or something) Fortunately, the Dom that I am currently considering has a gag that we both think might work, as it doesn't keep the jaw stretched open. (But if anyone else has any other ideas, I'm all ears!)

Now, I don't know if this particular example is of any use to anybody - except for a few laughs about some woman with her jaw stuck open. But I'm interested in knowing if there are other physical limitations that have been realized and worked around regarding the BDSM lifestyle.

Just a note: I would respectively ask that those who post here remember that discussing these issues can be hard for some, and hopefully we can do so as adults? I admit that my particular situation sounds funny - hell, I get a laugh out of it at times - but it can be a very real problem if not discussed openly and honest beforehand. Likewise, I would like people to feel comfortable posting here, either looking for answers, giving advice, or relaying ways they overcame.

 

[MzChrista]

Instead of a gag have you tried using a bit? That might work better for you.

 

[SexyChele]

Instead of a gag have you tried using a bit? That might work better for you.

I have thought of that. Have not had an opportunity to use one - yet! But, from what I've read, the object of a gag is to stop the noise, and a bit is not as good for that particular purpose.

I do have to admit that I like the look of a bit much more than I do a gag, though!

 

[MzChrista]

I have thought of that. Have not had an opportunity to use one - yet! But, from what I've read, the object of a gag is to stop the noise, and a bit is not as good for that particular purpose.

I do have to admit that I like the look of a bit much more than I do a gag, though!

Well depends. You want to stop any sound, or you want to stop the person from talking? A bit will let you moan and groan but not talk. And if you get the kind that has foam rubber padding, as you get saliva on it it swells some and that muffles some of the sound.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Chele, you will get no laughs from me on the TMJ. I have some jaw problems myself (never asked the doc or dentist about it, so not sure if it's TMJ, but my Mother has it so probably is). I also have a big problem with gags, makes my jaw hurt like crazy for several hours after play. I have heard that the bit gags are supposed to be easier on the jaws tho.

My other physical limitation (yes I'm full of them..lol) is a bad back, arthritis in several vertebrae. I have problems being tied in certain positions, or in one position for too long at a time. Will make me unable to move for a few minutes after released. The only solution I know of is to change positions or avoid certain positions all together. Of course there is always the go ahead and do those positions just don't expect me to be able to move for a bit afterwards.

Great thread Chele.


dixi

 

[SexyChele]

Well depends. You want to stop any sound, or you want to stop the person from talking? A bit will let you moan and groan but not talk. And if you get the kind that has foam rubber padding, as you get saliva on it it swells some and that muffles some of the sound.

I'm thinking to stop sound. I hadn't known about the bit gags made of foam rubber padding. Will have to take a look at some of those. Sounds like what might work the best.

Thank you!

 

[SexyChele]

Chele, you will get no laughs from me on the TMJ. I have some jaw problems myself (never asked the doc or dentist about it, so not sure if it's TMJ, but my Mother has it so probably is). I also have a big problem with gags, makes my jaw hurt like crazy for several hours after play. I have heard that the bit gags are supposed to be easier on the jaws tho.

My other physical limitation (yes I'm full of them..lol) is a bad back, arthritis in several vertebrae. I have problems being tied in certain positions, or in one position for too long at a time. Will make me unable to move for a few minutes after released. The only solution I know of is to change positions or avoid certain positions all together. Of course there is always the go ahead and do those positions just don't expect me to be able to move for a bit afterwards.

Great thread Chele.


dixi

I've had this problem since my 20s. Caused from grinding my teeth in my sleep at times. I hate it, but there is no "cure", so what can ya do?

The arthritic back sounds not good. I tweaked my back last Saturday, but still had some "fun" Saturday evening. (We went very carefully and very slowly) I certainly paid for it Sunday when I could barely move! You have my sympathies on that one!

 

[MsWorthy]

~as much as I *hate* spoiling an online image of myself ...lol...(we can be perfect online, you know) ... ~

Most of my family has a degenerative disk disease, and I suspect I do too (although I avoid asking a doc to actually check. My partner makes it easy to deny my physical problems by spoiling me terribly; she waits on me). This means, at the least, that my back (disks) are weak and easily ruptured. This translates into rl by a weakness/pain when (pardon my bluntness) thrusting, lifting or standing too long. [My mother has had 5 operations on her back (last two were spinal fusions, one didn't take), my uncle has had 3, my aunt needs one, my sister 3, my brother one, another brother is badly in need of one and is bed-ridden, and I try to live in denial. This disease frequently/most commonly leads to paralysis of the legs, because the disks rupture and press against the nerves in the spine]


I also have a bad knee [chondramalacia (sp?)] which means I can ride a stationary bike, but can't put much pressure/weight on that (right) leg, can't walk far weight-bearing, and deal with pain when I do.

Just thought I would share so that others might feel more comfortable admitting physical limitations/weaknesses.

~so, if anyone wondered why I was online so often....smiles...now you know~

 

[lilfrk]

Dusty and I have the same condition, it's a wicked nasty thing called Fibromyalgia. There is a thread around here from the very beginning where we talked about it. If you want to go check it out here's a link:

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73902

Fibromyalgia fucks with your whole body, it feels like you have a wicked case of the flu 24/7. The pain makes you tired so you sleep, but because you are in pain it's not good restful sleep so your body can't mend. The longer you are in pain and go without restful sleep the more likely it is that your mind will start to play tricks on you.

Along with the Fibromyalgia comes things like TMJ which was already mentioned here. Another thing that comes with the disease is depression. Huge bouts of major nasty depression. If you are a survivor of any type of abuse the depression can trigger things like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It really isn't a fun thing.

We work around it when we play. My Man is good about making sure I'm comfy. If I'm not comfy I can't play. The bad pain over rides the good pain in about 3 seconds flat. Our bondage is usually simple and very quick release so that if I need to move he can let me.

Another factor in our play is I have asthma. So gags are just a hard NO for me. I'm petrified of having my mouth stuffed full and being bound and not being able to tell him I can't breathe. Dead isn't a good way to play I don't think.



A quick link to a definition of Fibromyalgia:

http://www.sover.net/~devstar/fmsdef.htm

 

[~Dream~]

No Chele,TMJ isnt funny at all..

I truly hope you find a way to be more comfortable in your BDSM activities ,dear..
well I guess You can say I am one of lol "Jerry's kids".I have what I like to call "special feet'.actually I have a neuromuscular disease
called Charcot-Marie-tooth disease,it's also known as spinal muscular atrophy(wasting away of the muscles in the body)...
Specifically ,attacking the lower extremities,feet ,legs,but also the hands ..it is a genetic,female dominant disease(both my daughter's have it) 50% chance the boys will*sigh*..
anyways I have a really high arch and my toes curl a lil bit but the main bummer of it is that I can only wear tennis shoes (more comfortable) and standing for long periods of time exhausts me easily,my immune system is also lower than a 'normal person's..

My Master has been soo thoughtful regarding this as I also have trouble balancig(cant ride a bike) etc..but He gave me the most loving,beautiful foot massage on my visit there and told me He loved my feet cause they were"A part of me'..

I swear I never loved a man more,than I did Him that very moment..I have been married 4 times and none of them ever said touching,beautiful words like that to me!!! thanks for the thread Chele,seems like we have ALOT of strong women on this forum..

 

[cymbidia]

I, too, have TMJ. Now what are the odds that so many of us here would have the same kinda off-the-wall condition? Maybe it's far more widespread in the general population then i knew?

Instead of getting stuck open, though, my jaw gets stuck closed. I cannot open my mouth. The joints that hinges one's jaw, that allows it to move open and closed, lock up. It can be exceeding painful for me to try to move my mouth at all. I think of myself as kinda like the Tim Man in the Wizard of Oz at those times cuz i almost feel like i'm rusted shut.

I have to wait it out.
There's nothing i can do to make it go away and no medication (beyond aspirin and it's relatives) i can take to relieve the symptoms. It usually goes away in a few hours but i've had it go for a couple days, too.

Additionally i get migraines.
Bad ones.
Several times a month for up to three days at a time, i get the kind of migraines that make a person puke and whimper and crawl into the darkest closet they can find to avoid the light.

I have a prescription med to take at the onset of the migraine (imitrex, nasal inhaler) but it doesn't work all the time, and it doesn't work at all if i don't take it within about two hours of the onset of the headache. The trouble lies in determining when, precisely, that onset is. Every little twinge in my brain causes me to wonder, to worry, is this a migraine or not? I'll wait...can't take the imitrex unless i know. I'll just wait awhile to see...

If the imitrex doesn't work or i've waited too long to take it, then i can take vicodin. That doesn't take the pain away, just makes me not care about it any more. Course, i also don't care about cleaning the bathroom or buying milk or brushing my teeth, either - but so what? The pain is just a dim star in my life, not a blazing inferno.




My trouble with migraines and TMJ are small potatoes compared to what so many people here have to deal with on a daily basis. I'm awed and humbled at the resolute courage and tenacious strength so many here, many who've not posted to this thread, yet, show in the face of their truly serious and incredibly painful diseases and disorders. Mine is nothing but an annoyance when compared to what they have to deal with on a daily basis - and we all know it.

 

[subtledecadence]

I can definately sympathise w/ the TMJ. I was diagnosed w/ it at 13. Luckily, my Dominant is not partial to gags, but rather prefers that I use self discipline, and not make a sound when told not to. Kneeling however, for long periods of time is impossible for me as I have extremely weak joints. W/we work around that by using pillows and such to allow for a slightly longer period of time then would otherwise be possible. Another problem use to be Migraines. I started getting them at 6 yrs. old. For the past 2 yrs. though, they have eased off dramatically.
This is part of the reason I believe communication is the biggest key to any relationship, and especially a BDSM one. Letting your Dominant know ahead of time what your physical limitations are, allows for figuring out ways around them, and understanding when you are unable to do certain things.

Of course, thats just my opinion. I could be wrong

subtledecadence

 

[mskittykatt]

Dusty and I have the same condition, it's a wicked nasty thing called Fibromyalgia
A quick link to a definition of Fibromyalgia:
http://www.sover.net/~devstar/fmsdef.htm

me three
in fact it was Dusty's question on the first thread that gave me a name for what's been slowly taking over my life for the last 10 years. i come to find out that the doctor already had the FMS diagnosis in my charts and they hadn't told me

"because sometimes when you tell someone they are sick, especially when there is no cure they will just get worse and depressed - with your history of depression and PSTD we hoped that we were giving you the chance to be strong and weather this out"

in fact i don't think i remembered to thank you Dusty, for bringing up that discussion. i have answers now, and a name, a face and a plan of attack - that i wasn't given before.

now - that's how i relate my physical limitations with my D/s and sex life as well. some things - physical restraint in some positions are just something i can't do, so we find other ways (i just ordered a set of soft hospital restraints)
i can't hold one position for too long, so we add talk to our play as we go, with my honey talking about the next thing he wants to do, making me "beg" for what he's been teasing me with, so that changing positions isn't an interruption but an antisipated and sexy thing.

 

[Red Menace]

I have a very messed up neck which also tends to affect my lower back. I tend to pinch nerves and have muscle spasms very easily.

I'm wondering if suspension will make this better or worse...

 

[SexyChele]

Wow, I have to give all who responded kudos for their courage and stamina! You are all great to come forward and talk openly. And here's why. I think when people read about or see pictures or read stories of BDSM, they think the folks involved must have these perfectly healthy bodies. Like illness or health conditions don't affect them somehow. Having recently embarked on my own adventure, I learned very quickly how I had to adapt my thinking and how my Dominant had to rethink various strategies. I just figured I couldn't be alone.

Each of you has mentioned conditions that have somehow made you more "real" to me - if you know what I mean, and I'm thankful for that!

What I think is even more encouraging is how each have managed to work through their individual condition and continue pursuing what some would consider a rigorous sexual experience! That is awesome to me!


And cym, my mom used to get migraines as you describe. I can remember them when I was child - the house had to be dark, no TV, no radio, couldn't even flush the toilet. I remember sitting in my room, reading a book with a flashlight, because the light under my door would bother her. It was really hard for her. She did the chiroprator thing, and that worked for a while. Then a doctor told her to stay away from red wine, aged cheese, and chocolate. She hasn't had a migraine since. Not sure if it helped or if they simply went away with age. Whatever, I'm glad she doesn't get them. And even more glad that they have seemingly skipped over me. I can truly sympathize!

 

[~Dream~]

oops i forgot to mention..

My trouble with migraines and TMJ are small potatoes compared to what so many people here have to deal with on a daily basis. I'm awed and humbled at the resolute courage and tenacious strength so many here, many who've not posted to this thread, yet, show in the face of their truly serious and incredibly painful diseases and disorders. Mine is nothing but an annoyance when compared to what they have to deal with on a daily basis - and we all know it.

---------------------------------------------


wow so many strong,courageous women here..I am in awe..since I am an Honest person,I did neglect to mention that I am also bi-polar so my Master has had to deal with some very real and very bothersome mood swings even tho I am currently being treated with Depakote for it,it doesnt always help..sometimes I am real "manicky" and sometimes very very depressed,all so hard for a man who is so good at Controlling me but has His hands tied ' so to speak' when it comes to battling my illnesses ..it recquires lots o patience but He always manages to make it all better for me.. I draw my strength and my courage from His love ..I think we should be thankful that we have such loving and caringDom/mes..

 

[cymbidia]

Then a doctor told her to stay away from red wine, aged cheese, and chocolate.

Triggers. Gotta know your triggers.

Mine are caffeine (chocolate, coffee, colas, etc), the sulfites in red wines, and sleep deprivation (anything less than 4 hours for more than three days in a row is the same thing as my asking for a migraine). I've begun to suspect a dairy products allergy tie-in, too - but my mind is shuddering away form that in horror. No quesaduillas? No ice cream? No yogurt??????


Of course, i still do and have all the things that trigger my migraines. I'm just careful about them, indulge with caution. You know the gig.

Wish R was here to talk about her medical stuff. Muff, too. I won't, wouldn't, shall not. There're some places you just can't go for another person. Suffice it to say that they are both incredibly strong woman with regard to what they have learned (no choice) to handle in terms of medical stuff.

Makes my migraines look like stubbed toes or something, you know?

 

[Shadowsdream]

Bi-Polar
Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue
Four Disintegrating Disks in Mid Spine
MPD
to name a few inconveniences

Õnce upon a nightmare I was told I would spend the rest of My life in a wheelchair due to a car accident. I remained in traction for 1 1/2 years. Almost fell for it. Stubborness got Me back on My feet.

I get through them all with will power and humour but when the fatigue is high I just slow down. I find different ways to keep the Domination strong. Using the mask more to utilize passive bondage and become more creative with tasks and mind control.

 

[WillowPuss]

My goodness ... mine are 'minor' compared to some ... but still need working round.


Jaw - it will dislocate easily - no big yawns (or ball gags for me unless I don't want to close my mouth until I can hinge it back. The bit gag took care of the gag bit.

Migraine - not too often now ... but when they do happen its a case of don't even breathe loudly.

Arthritis - easier to list joints not affected - so won't go there. Bondage positions have to be changed and on the occasions I do get locked, Robuck helps to straighten the affected limbs.

Deafness - now what has this to do with BDSM? Well - Master has to choose which ear to do the whispered commands in

there are other bits - but they don't restrict me quite as much.

 

[petrel]

bad shoulder - I think I brought it up a while ago and also a silly physical weakness; a long time ago I was very ill for 2/3 years. For whatever reasons, whether physical or mental it left me with an inability to cope with lack of sleep - I am writing this at 10.30am having got abotu 3 hours solid sleep and another 3 hours interupted sleep last night and I feel like crying! It makes it difficult sometimes to play on weekday nights cos I get so scared of how I will feel the morning after that I lose all desire to play.

the shoulder I work around the sleep I just have to try and fit in as much rest as I can over time! As you'll see from the sig link I spent last night having photos taken here - I'm pleased with the results and I think it was worth it but its still a bit upsetting to be too tired to take it in properly and too tired to fully enjoy sex afterwards (about 12am)

 

[petrel]

okay do any of you out there have hints or tips for delaing with mood swings and depression - I won't go on anti depressants (hate the side effects) but my mood swings do affect our lives alot. to the point that 18 months ago the relationship nearly ended not through lack of desire or love but because R didn't think we could cope as a couple with the mood swings. thankfully we are managing so far but its hard and I wouldn't mind a few tipe (i do take St Johns wort in the winter as it appears to be the only thing that keeps me sane!)

 

[Shadowsdream]

okay do any of you out there have hints or tips for delaing with mood swings and depression - I won't go on anti depressants (hate the side effects) but my mood swings do affect our lives alot. to the point that 18 months ago the relationship nearly ended not through lack of desire or love but because R didn't think we could cope as a couple with the mood swings. thankfully we are managing so far but its hard and I wouldn't mind a few tipe (i do take St Johns wort in the winter as it appears to be the only thing that keeps me sane!)

Side effects from anti depressants are often far more devastating than depression can ever be. Not always..but often.

I have discovered that for Myself facing the mood swings head on and honestly without letting the sadness or the anger be used as an excuse for disfunction to be very valuable.

It is easy to go within and hide or to lash out and blame rather than admit the moment, though difficult, can be survived. I believe it to be extremely important when the mood swings hit to face them. Explain them. Confirm to your partner that the mood comes from INSIDE of you and is no reflection on them. That they will pass that you need some space in the moment.

Give the partner the relief of not being drawn into trying to fix something that they cannot. Give them the opportunity to not feel guilt because they cannot fix it. When you can speak openly about the mood swings without trying to rationalize them by taking or giving blame. When you can not need someone else to hold you up through them. When it can be understood that a chemical imbalance is the cause not emotions.

The journey to using will power to over come, and laughter to endure will open a path that is walkable. A journey that is not always easy but definately full of a back door kind of beauty.

For it is in the pain that music is written, poetry created and understanding is born. Without a taste of pain beauty may never be seen.

When My impossible moods hit Me I know that I must take My sub to his knees and release him from any obligation to try to improve My day. I must take the time to explain he is NOT responsible for My darkness, that I need some space and understanding but no smothering. I must relaese him for guilt that he does not own.

BUT

If I do not do that he will be left to question what he has done to cause My darkness or My sadness. That would be selfish and irresponsible on My part.

I hope at least a small part can be of some help for consideration petral

 

[SexyChele]

Petrel, I have to agree with Shadows. Dealing with mood swings head on, and talking about them is a good way to face them.

There are, besides St John's Wort, other herbal remedies that might work as well. It's worth checking out. Good luck to you!

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Oh wow, I didn't go into much except the major discomfort ones earlier.

I am also an allergic person....nothing heavily scented (read perfumed) better come near me. Will close up my sinus passages and cause a monster of a headache.

Then there's the hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)....haven't had my blood sugar bottom out yet during a play time. Damn that would suck.

Also a trick knee that makes kneeling interesting. I've learned ways to do it without causing too much bad pain. Also can't just drop to my knees, or get up very quickly. Lucky for me Master knows all my physical limitations and is very careful.

I'm awed by how open everyone has been about their limitations. I agree with Chele that this makes everyone here seem more real to me too.


dixi

 

[James Blandings]

I have two physical problems I have to take into consideration during BDSM play.
I have arthritis, particularly in my shoulders, but also in my hips, and when it flares up I am unable to paly much, either because my shoulders won't let me swing anything, and my hips won't let me receive. Fortunately, I only get one or two serious flareups a years, usually when the weather is cold and damp.
The more serious problem is that about 15 years ago I had both my knees shattered in an industrial accident. I can not kneel long, or do much strenuous lifting or long stretchs of walking. On the bright side, the settlement I received allowed me to become financially independent.