Pet peeves

[bluebell]

Boobage

I hear there's an open spot now that Anna Nicole is gone.

Swish!
(and the ball breezes clean through the net...)

When I see them, I get all teary, thinking about sitting on their laps to listen to stories, getting snuggles and comfort.

They know this when they see you. They have Geriatric ESP.
Then they cross to the Dark Side and begin creaking out their perverted thoughts.
Do you rub yourself all over with mothballs? I hear that makes their aged nostrils twitch and attracts them...

 

[Lurnk]

I hear there's an open spot now that Anna Nicole is gone.

Nice.

They know this when they see you. They have Geriatric ESP.
Then they cross to the Dark Side and begin creaking out their perverted thoughts.
Do you rub yourself all over with mothballs? I hear that makes their aged nostrils twitch and attracts them...

It makes a great perfume and I use denture cream on my pimples sometimes...I get it now: I'm asking for it.

 

[Ekserb]

I hear there's an open spot now that Anna Nicole is gone.

Which brings up another pet peeve of mine.

Entertainment Tonight has been running Anna Nicole headlines all fucking week. There are comparisons between her and Marilyn Monroe. People are lined up to show the world how sad they are about Anna dying.

When the fuck did this whore become Princess Diana?

I happen to have a soft spot for strippers, but I also realize that most of them (over 98%) are dumber than a box of rocks. This silicone-titted moron is famous for being famous. Same thing with Paris Hilton (another one I will watch the news reports of her death and think: "Why did that take so long?").

In The Old Days™, people were famous for being important. Now people are important for being famous. When was the last time you saw someone who makes a difference on Jay Leno's show? Can anybody name off the top of their head any doctor who is now working on a cure for cancer? Or any scientist working on clean energy? Or any inventor that developed a tool that you use on a daily basis that you really can't live without?

Anna Nicole and her ilk are no more important than a cheap Casio wristwatch; when the battery dies, I toss it in the trash and buy a new one. No fanfare. No lengthy remembrances. No questioning the heavens, "Why, oh why lord? Why did it have to happen so soon?"

Fucking cunt.

 

[Honeybee80]

delete

 

[bluebell]

Cover my eyes.

It makes a great perfume and I use denture cream on my pimples sometimes...I get it now: I'm asking for it.

I know. You're a trollop. A senior citizen-luring trollop.
I'm getting t-shirts made up...

 

[bluebell]

Well, as long as she's shaved.

People are lined up to show the world how sad they are about Anna dying.

When the fuck did this whore become Princess Diana?

I think Larry King has permanently staked-out an Anna Nicole camp on his show.

I'm getting sick of watching him interview morons while I'm at the gym.
All that's left is for someone to put a mic on a petri-dish filled with sperm that allegedly, might have, possibly, perhaps could have been the ones that made her pregnant with her daughter. Then I can die.

 

[Lorali82]

I have ants. It hasn't been above freezing one single day in the past 4 weeks, Spring isn't even close to being here, and yet I have ants.

 

[Ekserb]

I have ants. It hasn't been above freezing one single day in the past 4 weeks, Spring isn't even close to being here, and yet I have ants.

You have ants because it's freezing outside. You think they want to be out there?

 

[monique1971]

I have ants. It hasn't been above freezing one single day in the past 4 weeks, Spring isn't even close to being here, and yet I have ants.

Ugh, ants! I am so sorry.

 

[trysail]

Dolphin v. Porpoise

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING:
This is a serious, "that time of the month," full-out, hissy-fit rant. I'm sorry, I need to get it off my chest.
_____________________________________________


Folks, a "dolphin" is a fish. I HATE IT- it drives me NUTS- when morons see porpoise (the mammal!) and idiotically blurt, "Oooo, dolphin!" Now, before you respond that, according to the dictionary, the word "dolphin" and the word "porpoise" can be used interchangeably, let me make one observation.

If people would simply use the word "porpoise" when they're talking about Flipper and his cousins, there would never be any doubt what they were referring to- we'd all know EXACTLY what they were talking about. When they use the word "dolphin," it is ambiguous: for all I know, they could be talking about the damn fish (a/k/a "dorado").

 

[Lorali82]

You have ants because it's freezing outside. You think they want to be out there?

Those things can lift 50x their own body weight and can live for up to five days under water. I should think they would be able to withstand a few days of sub-zero temperatures as well.

 

[Ekserb]

Folks, a "dolphin" is a fish. I HATE IT- it drives me NUTS- when morons see porpoise (the mammal!) and idiotically blurt, "Oooo, dolphin!" Now, before you respond that, according to the dictionary, the word "dolphin" and the word "porpoise" can be used interchangeably, let me make one observation.

If people would simply use the word "porpoise" when they're talking about Flipper and his cousins, there would never be any doubt what they were referring to- we'd all know EXACTLY what they were talking about. When they use the word "dolphin," it is ambiguous: for all I know, they could be talking about the damn fish (a/k/a "dorado").

Actually, you're wrong.

A quick search found that bottle-nosed dolphins and porpoises are both in the dolphin family. The dolphin family also includes killer whales and about 40 other species of mammal.

The dolphin fish (dorado, mahi-mahi) is actually not in the dolphin family, but is instead a tropical fish in the coryphaenidae family. The mahi-mahi name has become much more prevalent recently to avoid confusion with the dolphin mammals. (Too many kids thought Mom was frying Flipper for dinner.)

By the way, Flipper was not a porpoise - the character was portrayed by a female dolphin.

My pet peeve: People who make dubious claims before even a cursory investigation of the facts.

 

[Ekserb]

Those things can lift 50x their own body weight and can live for up to five days under water. I should think they would be able to withstand a few days of sub-zero temperatures as well.

Look at you! All ant fact-y 'n shit. Maybe they're coming into your house to be closer to the knower of all things ant. Hail, the Ant Queen!

 

[monique1971]

All these ant and dophin facts! Lit has become so educational of late.

 

[bluebell]

Ants in the pants (hey, someone had to).

Look at you! All ant fact-y 'n shit. Maybe they're coming into your house to be closer to the knower of all things ant. Hail, the Ant Queen!

Something tells me that the bestowing of this dubious honor may not be excitedly received by Lorali.

 

[Lorali82]

Something tells me that the bestowing of this dubious honor may not be excitedly received by Lorali.

Yes, although in my retroactive ant fact checking paranoia induced by Ekserb's previous peeve, I learned that the ant queen can actually live up to 30 years. Nice to know I have some time left.

 

[trysail]

Dolphin v. Porpoise


Ekserb, ol' buddy, ol' pal-

You are right and I am wrong. Taxonomy is not my strong suit. All I can offer in my defense is:

"The porpoises are small cetaceans of the family Phocoenidae; they are related to whales and dolphins. They are distinct from dolphins, although the word 'porpoise' has been used to refer to any small dolphin, especially by sailors and fishermen." [Wikipedia]

I am an old sailorman- I eat dolphin; if its got a blowhole, it's my friend and a porpoise.

 

[monique1971]

Ekserb, ol' buddy, ol' pal-

You are right and I am wrong. Taxonomy is not my strong suit. All I can offer in my defense is:

"The porpoises are small cetaceans of the family Phocoenidae; they are related to whales and dolphins. They are distinct from dolphins, although the word 'porpoise' has been used to refer to any small dolphin, especially by sailors and fishermen."[Wikipedia]

I am an old sailorman- I eat dolphin; if its got a blowhole, it's my friend and a porpoise.

I am rather charmed by this gracious concession. <smiles sweetly at trysail>

Moments like this are why Ekserb thinks I'm too nice to be interesting.

 

[bluebell]

Apartment weirdnesses

I have ants. It hasn't been above freezing one single day in the past 4 weeks, Spring isn't even close to being here, and yet I have ants.

You know, Lor, I'm getting scared for you to be living in that apartment.
After reading of your many woes, it's peeving me out, and I don't live there...
Perhaps this is a testament to your descriptive skills.

 

[bluebell]

Over the Rhine

I am rather charmed by this gracious concession. <smiles sweetly at trysail>

Moments like this are why Ekserb thinks I'm too nice to be interesting.

Well, who wouldn't be charmed by the yummy use of the word "blowhole"?
Lunch, anyone?

 

[monique1971]

You know, Lor, I'm getting scared for you to be living in that apartment.
After reading of your many woes, it's peeving me out, and I don't live there...
Perhaps this is a testament to your descriptive skills.

I agree. Ants, broken door: what else? Can you move? I think you're entitled to break the lease at this point.

 

[Lorali82]

I agree. Ants, broken door: what else? Can you move? I think you're entitled to break the lease at this point.

It's really not so bad despite my plethora of complaints. It's really cozy and spacious and in a very nice neighborhood on the shore of a big lake. And I have a really low rental rate. So not all that bad, honest. I'll quit bitching about it now.

I do wish my stupid landlord would follow through on his promises once in a while, though.

 

[ShyGuy68]

It's really not so bad despite my plethora of complaints. It's really cozy and spacious and in a very nice neighborhood on the shore of a big lake. And I have a really low rental rate. So not all that bad, honest. I'll quit bitching about it now.

I do wish my stupid landlord would follow through on his promises once in a while, though.

Stop paying rent, and then he might

 

[Lorali82]

Stop paying rent, and then he might

Yeah...after he evicts me and uses my security deposit to fix the place up for the next tenant.

 

[Ekserb]

Ekserb, ol' buddy, ol' pal-

You are right and I am wrong. Taxonomy is not my strong suit. All I can offer in my defense is:

"The porpoises are small cetaceans of the family Phocoenidae; they are related to whales and dolphins. They are distinct from dolphins, although the word 'porpoise' has been used to refer to any small dolphin, especially by sailors and fishermen." [Wikipedia]

I am an old sailorman- I eat dolphin; if its got a blowhole, it's my friend and a porpoise.

I am rather charmed by this gracious concession. <smiles sweetly at trysail>

Moments like this are why Ekserb thinks I'm too nice to be interesting.

Actually, I'm surprised at this as well. Most Lit members would instantly retort with something about me being a "species nazi." Instead this was an intelligent, thoughtful exception.

I would much prefer an end to the large green fonts, though.