Personality Clashes

[P. B. Walker]

After the recent little tiff, it occurred to me that personalities play a major role in BDSM. I sometimes find it odd to see the classic outgoing type A person who is very head strong and straight charging turn out to be the submissive in a BDSM relationship. And vice versa, the quite, timid, little girl turn out to be Domme from hell, rolling into the bedroom on 6 inch heels and snapping her whip. I'm not saying this is true of everyone, I'm just voicing some of the things I find odd or wierd.

Do you think there is any correlation between personality and BDSM lifestyle perference (sub, Dom/me, switch, etc)? Or is it all a crap shoot?

And on another topic... what do you think is more common: Two Dom/me's butting heads personality-wise? or two submissives? Or more a Dom/me and a submissive butting heads? From what I observe here on Lit, it's mostly a submissive butting heads with a Dom/me. I've only seen one Domme butt heads with a Dom, at least that I can remember. Or are we all equally likely to butt heads with anyone on a given day?

PBW "You ah, likeah, to ah, lickah my ah butta?"

 

[Lancecastor]

Did you say "butt" ?

I hadn't noticed any personality clashes here....

Have there been?


~~~~~~~~~~~

All communities have personality clashes.

Anytime you get a group of more than 8-12 people dedicated to a particular cause, there will be some back biting and in fighting.

Beyond 12 it is acted out through cliques.

Standard human behavior.

Right now there are very few cliques on the BDSM Forum, if any.

That's why it's been so dull here lately.

 

[lark sparrow]

After the recent little tiff, it occurred to me that personalities play a major role in BDSM. I sometimes find it odd to see the classic outgoing type A person who is very head strong and straight charging turn out to be the submissive in a BDSM relationship. And vice versa, the quite, timid, little girl turn out to be Domme from hell, rolling into the bedroom on 6 inch heels and snapping her whip. I'm not saying this is true of everyone, I'm just voicing some of the things I find odd or wierd.

Do you think there is any correlation between personality and BDSM lifestyle perference (sub, Dom/me, switch, etc)? Or is it all a crap shoot?

And on another topic... what do you think is more common: Two Dom/me's butting heads personality-wise? or two submissives? Or more a Dom/me and a submissive butting heads? From what I observe here on Lit, it's mostly a submissive butting heads with a Dom/me. I've only seen one Domme butt heads with a Dom, at least that I can remember. Or are we all equally likely to butt heads with anyone on a given day?

PBW "You ah, likeah, to ah, lickah my ah butta?"

Personally, control is generally a charged subject in my life... I am usually aware of it in most situations in my life. Not so much in controlling others, but in being in control of myself. At work I tend to be or work myself up to a position of authority, because this is the easiest way not to be "under" too many others. In most of my relationships I am also this way - pretty self-possessed. Giving myself and my control to my Domme is a bit of a sanctuary, even semi-spiritual in an odd way.

I don't tend to butt heads on a seriously upset level with people online. If I am feeling an overwhelming push on my personal control, that is not consensual (or some of my hot buttons get pushed somehow) and I am in a personal relationship with the person, than I can definitely get upset at times. One thing that makes me bonkers instantly is a seemingly unfair attack on my Domme, lol, the rabid dog on the end of a chain... it takes alot of self-control not to over-react, and/or to sit back and let Her handle it.

I agree with you on the observation, especially online, that subs and Dom/mes tend to butt heads more often. I have seen quite a few submissives who seem to have a chip on their shoulder regarding control, and act out towards Dominants in odd ways - like simple requests or statements turned into power struggles, etc. that had they been received from a non-dominant person, seems it should have been common courtesy and certainly no affront to their personal control. (The other side of this would of course be Dominants who believe all submissives are there to serve, cowtow to them, etc. Will completely forgo the debate about "real" or "true" subs & Dom/mes.)

Smiles... and thinks you are right, sub, Dom/me or otherwise, given a foul mood or a personal issue (or simply the "hobby" of provoking) and someone else in the same space looking for some frustration release or entertainment, fights come up way too easily online at times.

 

[artful]

PBW

The "personality clashes" you refer to, I see MORE as a "clash of viewpoints". People have set views of what they, (want, need, expect, etc.), under this BROAD umbrella, which covers ALL of BDSM activities.

MOST of the "clashes" comes NOT from personalities, but of stated OPINIONS that OTHERS disagree with, (not all,...but MOST).

As Lance has pointed out many times, it's a, "My Domination is bigger or better than your Domination",...or, "My submission is bigger or better than your submission", thingy.

Once again, I recall a post Lance made saying to someone in effect, "I bet if we met in a bar, I'd buy you a drink", etc., and we would probably get along ok. I THINK,...he was right.

SOMETIMES,...it simply is a matter of someone making a statement that MOST of us disagree with, and clearly WAS a mistake to have POSTED it, (most of us have done so),...but instead of RETRACTING the post, or admitting they were wrong, they try to "JUSTIFY", an UNJUSTIFIABLE opinion.

Clashes DO happen here, and on all BB's, but like Richard stated on another thread, "I try to like everyone."

Am I successful in this endeavor, hell no,...but there are only a FEW posters that I have read, I truly DISLIKE,...and THOSE, are scattered throughout Literotica.

(JMHO),...but it's mine,...and I own it.

 

[lovetoread]

Or is it all a crap shoot?

Or are we all equally likely to butt heads with anyone on a given day?

PBW "You ah, likeah, to ah, lickah my ah butta?"

1.)Its a crap shoot.

2.)And you should see me in bitch mode. I've butted heads with my share of people who just pissed me off.

3.)I ah would likeah to seeah your butta,I ah aint too sureah about the lickah part.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Re: Re: Personality Clashes

1.)Its a crap shoot.

2.)And you should see me in bitch mode. I've butted heads with my share of people who just pissed me off.

3.)I ah would likeah to seeah your butta,I ah aint too sureah about the lickah part.

Awww come on LTR... <grin>... I'd do you if you do me... hehe

PBW

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: PBW

As Lance has pointed out many times, it's a, "My Domination is bigger or better than your Domination",...or, "My submission is bigger or better than your submission", thingy.

Once again, I recall a post Lance made saying to someone in effect, "I bet if we met in a bar, I'd buy you a drink", etc., and we would probably get along ok. I THINK,...he was right.

Geez that Lance guy's a fart smeller, er, I mean a smart feller, isn't he?

"My BDSM Kung Fu is more powerful than your BDSM Kung Fu" was the original line....and I think it was Zip's, yes?

It was someone here said it first....that's the person I wanna buy the first round for!

L

 

[Ricckk]

Do you think there is any correlation between personality and BDSM lifestyle perference (sub, Dom/me, switch, etc)? Or is it all a crap shoot?

And on another topic... what do you think is more common: Two Dom/me's butting heads personality-wise? or two submissives? Or more a Dom/me and a submissive butting heads? Or are we all equally likely to butt heads with anyone on a given day?

I think there is a definite corrrelation between personality and lifestyle. Not in "the" lifestyle but in all lifestyles. Fortunately, nobody is COMPLETELY dominant or submissive with the exception of the sociopaths among us. Additionally, it is very contextual: mess with the most timid submissive's children and you are likely to be clobbered. The most arrogant, overbearing dominant is usually putty in his/her mother's hands.

On the forum, it appears that orientation makes little difference as far as clashing is concerned.

MOST of the "clashes" comes NOT from personalities, but of stated OPINIONS that OTHERS disagree with, (not all,...but MOST).

I personally think the clashes are related more to personality than opinions. I can RESPECTFULLY disagree with artful on this; we can agree to disagree. Our opinions are different, but there is no clash until one of us starts flaming.

 

[zipman]

Re: Re: PBW

Geez that Lance guy's a fart smeller, er, I mean a smart feller, isn't he?

"My BDSM Kung Fu is more powerful than your BDSM Kung Fu" was the original line....and I think it was Zip's, yes?

It was someone here said it first....that's the person I wanna buy the first round for!

L

Grey Goose Martini, Dry, Extra Olives!

Thank you kindly!

I'm famous, I'm famous, my 15 minutes are here, Maybe I'll be in Bartlett's Quotations, I'm famous, I'm famous

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is not an issue

I personally have no problem with anyone here as long as my opinions are not attacked or flamed.

Disagree if you must, but leave character assassination out of it.

My only purpose here is too exchange ideas with folks whoa re interested in D/s. I am not here to be "liked"or "popular".

I always use "I" language to post my opinion. So if someone wants to disagree, that is fine, but I do take exception to being called names. I will not tolerate verbal abuse from anyone, sub or Dom/me.

Ebony

 

[UCE]

After the recent little tiff, it occurred to me that personalities play a major role in BDSM. I sometimes find it odd to see the classic outgoing type A person who is very head strong and straight charging turn out to be the submissive in a BDSM relationship. And vice versa, the quite, timid, little girl turn out to be Domme from hell, rolling into the bedroom on 6 inch heels and snapping her whip. I'm not saying this is true of everyone, I'm just voicing some of the things I find odd or wierd.

It is odd, I know, but sexuality is not connected to other personality traits. Take you know who for example. I'm very submissive and I'm also verrry aggressive. The two don't cancel each other out--they operate in different spheres of my life.

What I have seen online most is that, on a message board, there are mostly dom-dom ego-based fights with the submissives joining in only if one of their dominants is badly attacked. Then they get outraged. You are right: this place does seem to break the rules in that regard.

But in online chatrooms I mostly see the subs--at least the female subs--duking it out. I'm not fully sure why this is, but I bet it has something to do with the fact that women tend to dominate in chatrooms to begin with. I mean, dominate the talking whatever their sexual gender might be. And in chatrooms, at least in the maledom femsub ones I've seen, the men who are identified as dominant tend to collect a little harem of admirerers around them who all vye for his attention. This starts out as friendly competetion but gets nasty very quickly. I'm not sure why this happens either, as there are always tons of other guys in the chatrooms trying to hit on the submissive girls, but it semes like only a very few get seen as the "cool" doms that all the chicks want to be associated with.

I've rarely seen two women identified as dominant-only fight online, although I used to see in alt-sex-bondage (a now abandoned newsgroup) this weird thing where virtually everbody on the board would take a disliking to a female dominant. Usually it would be one who was being too commercial and using each post to advertise-glorify herself. I don't know if you get that type here but they used to be very common. It wasn't the commercialism so much that irked people but her assertion that she was the most dominant woman in the universe that caused folks to see red.

Whereas switches are pretty unpredictable in terms of fighting, I have never seen a completely male sub get into it online with another completely male sub. Maybe I just wasn't hanging out in the right places to see that.

I have seen LOTS of gay and het bdsmer fights, brawls actually, so much so that the two groups tend to keep separate these days. In such fights, the bisexuals usually get abandoned by the gays as not "pure enough."

You asked:

"Do you think there is any correlation between personality and BDSM lifestyle perference (sub, Dom/me, switch, etc)? Or is it all a crap shoot?"

I think sexuality, including the gay and striaght choices is partially genetics, a genetic _predisopistion_ to be one way or another. I think the predisposition, like other genetic predispositions, has to be activated in some way and the earlier in a person's life that this activation occurs (assuming it does occur), the stronger their orientation to that sexuality.

PBW, I got the impression from your posts that YOU liked to do the licking of butta, not the other way around.

Unda

If this lady were just a little taller, she could kick all of our buttas:

 

[P. B. Walker]

Great post UCE. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Seems you are pretty widely traveled (internet-wise). All good info.


Oh I like to licka little ass from time to time. Especially if it drives her wild. I've only had it done to me once... but I tell ya... it was gooooooooooooooodddd. Yum yum.

PBW "Now if I could just find a woman to do it... "

 

[Amaterasu]

I guess I always thought of the whole personality issue in BDSM as either a direct correlation (i.e. Dominant type A's etc being Dom/mes) or BDSM allowing a person to express a different part of their personality that for whatever reason they aren't able to or don't want to express in their 'nilla' lives (i.e., the CEO being humiliated by a domme).

Perhaps that is a simplistic or Hollywood view of things....As I have no experience in BDSM, I really have no data or anything to support that theory. I'd be interested in hearing if those of you in the lifestyle have seen this, or if i'm totally off the mark?

Keri

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: It is not an issue

I personally have no problem with anyone here as long as my opinions are not attacked or flamed.

Disagree if you must, but leave character assassination out of it.

My only purpose here is too exchange ideas with folks whoa re interested in D/s. I am not here to be "liked"or "popular".

I always use "I" language to post my opinion. So if someone wants to disagree, that is fine, but I do take exception to being called names. I will not tolerate verbal abuse from anyone, sub or Dom/me.

Ebony

Ebony, I couldn't have said this better. I whole heartedly ditto your post in its entirety.

dixi

 

[~Dream~]

Re: It is not an issue

I personally have no problem with anyone here as long as my opinions are not attacked or flamed.

Disagree if you must, but leave character assassination out of it.

My only purpose here is too exchange ideas with folks whoa re interested in D/s. I am not here to be "liked"or "popular".

I always use "I" language to post my opinion. So if someone wants to disagree, that is fine, but I do take exception to being called names. I will not tolerate verbal abuse from anyone, sub or Dom/me.

Ebony

________________________

I am in total AGREEMENT with all she just said ,, *DITTO*
took too many dam years of every abuse there is ,not gonna take any more..

 

[MissTaken]

Butting heads?

Well, we do have the occasional Aries sign on!

*smirks*

NO, I do think that the self confidence necessary to engage is something as taboo as BDSM does lend itself to very strong willed individuals gathering.

I also believe that grown ups and can be grown ups, when they chose. Head butting? Well. my lil one found at age three, that head butting mom lead to a short trip to Time Out.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I have no personality conflicts. I choose who to respond to and who not to. I choose whose threads I will post to and whose I will not.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Oh and MissT?

If it appears that I am following you around, LOL I am .........hahaha

 

[~Dream~]

originally posted by Ricckk:
I think there is a definite corrrelation between personality and lifestyle. Not in "the" lifestyle but in all lifestyles. Fortunately, nobody is COMPLETELY dominant or submissive with the exception of the sociopaths among us. Additionally, it is very contextual: mess with the most timid submissive's children and you are likely to be clobbered. The most arrogant, overbearing dominant is usually putty in his/her mother's hands.

________________________

Yes It's true mess with 1 of my babies and you are "dead meat ' ,plain ,pure and simple //as for the 'putty' comment ROFLMFAo .. if I EVER see THAT happen!!of course ,ahem . my Dom Isnt ' overbearing or arrogant.....

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Oh and MissT?

If it appears that I am following you around, LOL I am .........hahaha

If you are following me, you have my BEST view!

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Re: Re: Personality Clashes

Awww come on LTR... <grin>... I'd do you if you do me... hehe

PBW

Heh...

 

[zipman]

Another factor

I think there are 3 main factors that come into play during the types of arguments that this thread is based on.

The 3 factors are:
1) The posters' opinions
2) The posters' personality
3) The posters' communication style

Opinions
If someone posts an opinion that another person disagrees with, most people will respond to the post to give their opinion. The way that they respond will probably be affected to some extent by the original poster's personality. If the person responding does not like the original poster, they may take a more confrontational stance then if they did like them. I think this happens on a mostly subconscious level that most people are unaware of. If an opinion is presented as fact, chances are that the responses of the people that disagree with them will be harsher than if the person presented an opinion.

Communication style
If the poster's communication style is condescending, then the chances are that people will instantly be put off or insulted. Therefore, the responses that this poster will get will probably be much more confrontational in nature. If the poster clearly indicates that they are posting an opinion and are looking for comments, then the chances are that the responses back will be gentler.

Personality
If the original poster is a friend or someone that they like, chances are that if they write something that someone disagrees with, the readers will probably ask questions about the post rather than attack it. If the original poster has an annoying, condescending or confrontational personality, they will probably see those same attributes in the responses they get.

This is my take on the dynamics that occur when reading and responding to posts.

For the record, these are my opinions.

 

[~Dream~]

omg Zip..

I find myself "Agreeing' with YOUR opinion!! What IS this world coming to? lmao

 

[Rubyfruit]

Excellent observations, Zip.

I have found, however, that sometimes no matter how neutrally I've stated an opinion, the person I'm disagreeing with will become incredibly defensive and respond with personal attacks.

Not always, but sometimes, with some people.

 

[zipman]

Excellent observations, Zip.

I have found, however, that sometimes no matter how neutrally I've stated an opinion, the person I'm disagreeing with will become incredibly defensive and respond with personal attacks.

Not always, but sometimes, with some people.

Thanks Ruby. Some people have insecurities that turn a question about their opinion into an attack of them and their intelligence.

Not much you can do about it.