Personal Rant

[RyanBooks]

I apologize if this is not the correct place for it, but I really did not see anywhere else it would fit.

There is a part of me that is just tired. I wish I knew how to better communicate it, better explain it. I am just tired. I try, I seek to understand, I seek to change and be different, I seek to give the benefit of doubt... and yet... deep down, I don't think what I desire is all that wrong or unthinkable.

I tired of feeling like the fifth child. I don't need a mother and I don't need to be mothered. I need to be loved, to be seen as a man, as a sexual being. I need to know that I am just as desirable.

I am tired of needing to plan when it will happen.. can't it just happen. Can't I just be taking a shower and out of nowhere a hand reach in.... Can't I just come up behind you, reach around.... can't we just cuddle?

I am tired of being subtly rejected. I am tired of expressing my needs and wishes, for it not to making a lasting difference. I am tired of expressing my needs and wishes, and being the one to have to understand and therefore being the one to change.

Maybe I should just deal... maybe I should just realize that this is how it is...Maybe it is silly of me being here, trying to find that person to connect with... sure, I know I am not going to change my situation, I know that chances are nothing would ever happen in the 'real world'..... but couldn't there be someone that can't wait to PM me and I can't wait to PM them... that brings back those butterfly feelings, those sly, silly, teenage flirtations, but with the knowledge and experience of someone older and more imaginative....

Well... thanks for reading. sorry for the rant. Feel free to ignore....

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

I've been there, man. It's rough. Have you talked about marriage counciling?

 

[DarkSimian]

I feel your pain brother

 

[RyanBooks]

I've been there, man. It's rough. Have you talked about marriage counciling?

To be completely honest, I am tired of talking.... and the last thing I need is a council of people telling me what to do.... (I know what you meant)

 

[lowphat]

To be completely honest, I am tired of talking.... and the last thing I need is a council of people telling me what to do.... (I know what you meant)

Time for a divorce then.

 

[RyanBooks]

Time for a divorce then.

Well.. that seems a little drastic and with children involved - out of the question. And for me, that really isn't a part of the equation.

I am tired, but not giving up. Maybe I am wrong to be here to find what I am looking for in other places... but I figured that I can't be the only one, and I am sure there are other ladies in my same situation... guess hoping to meet one so we can help each other out.

but... it seems I might have figured incorrectly.

 

[LadyVer]

The HT forum could be a better forum for this. There are no easy answers for what you're going through. I don't care what some people say, there is no perfect relationship, and there are times throughout life that life just sucks. Try to stay positive and find healthy things to do that don't feed into negativity. Good luck!

 

[lowphat]

Well.. that seems a little drastic and with children involved - out of the question. And for me, that really isn't a part of the equation.

I am tired, but not giving up. Maybe I am wrong to be here to find what I am looking for in other places... but I figured that I can't be the only one, and I am sure there are other ladies in my same situation... guess hoping to meet one so we can help each other out.

but... it seems I might have figured incorrectly.

Sorry, I got the wrong impression from your initial post.

 

[lacandy]

Well.. that seems a little drastic and with children involved - out of the question. And for me, that really isn't a part of the equation.

I am tired, but not giving up. Maybe I am wrong to be here to find what I am looking for in other places... but I figured that I can't be the only one, and I am sure there are other ladies in my same situation... guess hoping to meet one so we can help each other out.

but... it seems I might have figured incorrectly.

There are a lot of us here in that same situation.

The advice of divorce is often the one that I get, but it's not that easy. Young kids and more good than bad make that an option that isn't always the right path. I totally get that.

You can only express what you want so many times and be looked down on or even told that what you want is deviant or wrong (don't get any idea guys...I'm really a simple girl and most of you wouldn't think what I want is deviant ). And then being afraid to talk anymore, because you have to sit down at the dinner table with this same person and make life decisions with them and then you wonder if they are judging you for what happened the night before...

This place is tough sometimes, but the key is to interact with people and just be genuine...then you might stumble into that butterfly evoking relationship. It does happen here from time to time.

Good luck, and know that you aren't alone.

 

[RyanBooks]

There are a lot of us here in that same situation.

The advice of divorce is often the one that I get, but it's not that easy. Young kids and more good than bad make that an option that isn't always the right path. I totally get that.

You can only express what you want so many times and be looked down on or even told that what you want is deviant or wrong (don't get any idea guys...I'm really a simple girl and most of you wouldn't think what I want is deviant ). And then being afraid to talk anymore, because you have to sit down at the dinner table with this same person and make life decisions with them and then you wonder if they are judging you for what happened the night before...

This place is tough sometimes, but the key is to interact with people and just be genuine...then you might stumble into that butterfly evoking relationship. It does happen here from time to time.

Good luck, and know that you aren't alone.

Thanks... I guess I am wishing that it would just POP and be there (the butterfly thing), but that isn't how it works, I know... and not really having time to always be on here without being caught... maybe it is a mistake, i don't know... maybe just ranting a little will be enough...

thanks for the responses.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

I went through this same situation. It's rough and awful admitting you don't connect as a couple anymore. We went through every painful, tearful "I'm not happy" talk imaginable. People change and things happen and sometimes it's nobody's fault. But with freedom comes new life and new chances. Just make sure you exhaust all your avenues before you call it quits. Fortunately in my case the split itself was relatively smooth and we remain friends.

I really do wish you luck, Ryan. It's brave to come here and talk about this openly. If you're truly at a stand still and there's no hope at all for change then no one can blame you for moving on. But I am routing for you guys to work things out if it's possible. If not, that's okay too. Your feelings absolutely matter and are valid. Life and relationships should never be COMPLETELY about compromises and sacrifices. You have to think about your needs too.

 

[RyanBooks]

Thanks... I appreciate the comments...

well... off to bed... I think I will watch Ricky Bobby - its own netflix... loved that movie.

 

[lowphat]

Alright, normally I don't vent my dirty laundry in public (At least not major portions of it)

I put off the whole divorce thing for my kids (8 and 11 at the time, plus an 18 year old step daughter) because of that very same stigmata. My wife wanted nothing to do with sex, or anything romantic. She had her job, which kept her out of the house for days at a time, and when she was home, she was taking the kids everywhere.

I finally couldn't take it and said it had to change, or I wanted out. She moved out a week later. You know what? It was the best thing that ever happened to us. My kids were happier, and my wife realized she'd quit being a woman, to be a mother. She told me once that she didn't believe a mother could be the horny sexy hottie I married.

It took a year, but when she came back, things were completely different, and my kids feel like it was the best thing we could have done. I think some people hide behind their kids because they're too scared to go it alone again.

 

[DarkSimian]

I went through this same situation. It's rough and awful admitting you don't connect as a couple anymore. We went through every painful, tearful "I'm not happy" talk imaginable. People change and things happen and sometimes it's nobody's fault. But with freedom comes new life and new chances. Just make sure you exhaust all your avenues before you call it quits. Fortunately in my case the split itself was relatively smooth and we remain friends.

I really do wish you luck, Ryan. It's brave to come here and talk about this openly. If you're truly at a stand still and there's no hope at all for change then no one can blame you for moving on. But I am routing for you guys to work things out if it's possible. If not, that's okay too. Your feelings absolutely matter and are valid. Life and relationships should never be COMPLETELY about compromises and sacrifices. You have to think about your needs too.

than k you for the advice NRJ....I'm going thru the same thing, although the d word is our best option. It still sucks, being the last man to move on

 

[RyanBooks]

I appreciate the sharing...

My parents were divorced when I was 21-22... my dad said it was because I was now old enough... still hurt. still does at times.

 

[DropBear91]

I'm assuming I'm the youngest to post here but as a person who had to live with parents who were not able to work it out, it bleeds over onto the kids. If you exhaust all avenues to try to work things out from my experience living in a home where they tried to live together but always had problems do not do that. Kids are more resiliant than are given credit. You just have to make sure they understand what is happening, and do not make promises that things will work out, mine did that and i had it in my head they would be all hunky dorry, don't make promises you can't know you'll keep.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution, but don't sacrifice your happiness and mental state for your kids sake for in these incidents that has the possibility of bleeding onto the kids (and as i said happened to me and my sibling).
Good luck in this time.

 

[lacandy]

I think some people hide behind their kids because they're too scared to go it alone again.

I do know that in part I am doing this...I am very self aware

BUT, as I've said before on this subject, no one would EVER think that there was a problem in my marriage. We kiss each other good-bye and tell each other we love each other...my kids see this. We don't fight or argue. He's a GREAT dad and a good friend. He makes me laugh all the time. But sexually, we just aren't compatible anymore. I married young (not inexperienced, but not old enough to have even IMAGINED what I would want once I matured), and he had been in the military and experienced a lot more sexually than I had.

I am scared of going it alone, but I also think that I'm not at the point that it would make sense. I like to think that if one day the bad days are more common that the good ones, that I would be brave enough to say it would be better to not be together.

 

[RyanBooks]

Thanks to everyone last night that commented.

 

[tnman03]

Inertia is the ennui of marriages once past the honeymoon stage and transitioned into the child rearing stage. Sometimes things work out when couples return to core values and regain shared interests. I’ve more professional experiences dealing with the worst of marital disharmony then I want to remember.

My personal experiences will remain that. I suspect the OP has more interest in venting steam at the moment. Insofar as any advice I’ll offer it involves professional counseling before things devolve any further. Married life isn’t easy, but in reality life and inter personal relationships is generally pretty messy as well. Good luck to you.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I will simply just say that you are not alone and leave it at that, as I agree with tnman and think you just wanted an outlet to vent.

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

I went through this same situation. It's rough and awful admitting you don't connect as a couple anymore. We went through every painful, tearful "I'm not happy" talk imaginable. People change and things happen and sometimes it's nobody's fault. But with freedom comes new life and new chances. Just make sure you exhaust all your avenues before you call it quits. Fortunately in my case the split itself was relatively smooth and we remain friends.

I really do wish you luck, Ryan. It's brave to come here and talk about this openly. If you're truly at a stand still and there's no hope at all for change then no one can blame you for moving on. But I am routing for you guys to work things out if it's possible. If not, that's okay too. Your feelings absolutely matter and are valid. Life and relationships should never be COMPLETELY about compromises and sacrifices. You have to think about your needs too.

This is great advice. Rock is spot on. Shit happens. I'm sorry you're so unhappy. I hope you find whatever it is that you're looking for, so you can be happy.

 

[Dreamer74111]

I will say that your not alone in the complicated relationship dept. It's hard to know what to do when you still remember how things were at one time. Kids complicate things even further.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Having just left a marriage (with no children involved), all I can offer is this.

You can't make anyone happy if you're not happy with you.

 

[DarkSimian]

Having just left a marriage (with no children involved), all I can offer is this.

You can't make anyone happy if you're not happy with you.

amen KentuckyLady amen

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

Having just left a marriage (with no children involved), all I can offer is this.

You can't make anyone happy if you're not happy with you.

I want a like button.