Personal History and Experience

[MissTaken]

Is there a part of your personal history that you believe has contributed to your finding D/s an appropriate or necessary part of your sexuality?

Or, has your Dominance or submission impacted your personal history, choices you have made or continue to make?

For some, BDSM only has a place in the bedroom. Of course, that is fine as it is to be interprated and utilized by each of us as we chose. However, even for those that see it as sexual play and certainly for those who chose to practice in their daily lives, how have the character traits of being Dominant or submissive impacted your personal history?

Aha...a real bargain, two threads for one!

 

[FungiUg]

MissTaken's treatise on human sexuality re BDSM & personal/cultural influences

Is there a part of your personal history that you believe has contributed to your finding D/s an appropriate or necessary part of your sexuality?

Yes.

Or, has your Dominance or submission impacted your personal history, choices you have made or continue to make?

Yes.

For some, BDSM only has a place in the bedroom. Of course, that is fine as it is to be interprated and utilized by each of us as we chose. However, even for those that see it as sexual play and certainly for those who chose to practice in their daily lives, how have the character traits of being Dominant or submissive impacted your personal history?

Damn near killed my relationship (and may yet do so.) But by god is it fun!

Aha...a real bargain, two threads for one!

Gee, Ta!

May give a fuller answer later... 'tis 2 a.m. here, time for bed.

 

[Ebonyfire]

My thoughts..

Originally posted by MissTaken

Is there a part of your personal history that you believe has contributed to your finding D/s an appropriate or necessary part of your sexuality?

Not at all. My sexuality is not contingent on D/s.

Or, has your Dominance or submission impacted your personal history, choices you have made or continue to make?

In my case, I think it is vice versa. My life is more than D/s or BDSM.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: My thoughts..

[Not at all. My sexuality is not contingent on D/s.

Oh, poor choice of words.

Will you spank me or have me serve you dessert wearing nothing but white stockings?

I was wondering how and if being a child from a single parent family impacted my inner desires.

Then, I thought back to my earliest years and can remember my mother doing things for my dad that seem very submissive to my way of thinking. i.e. taking off his boots when he came home from work etc. She worked very hard to please him in many ways, although she could never do so.

I was thinking about submission and what brought me here. As far back as I can remember, I have always viewed men with deference.

Then, I married a control freak/potential abuser. My ex definitely was King of his castle and ruled with an iron tongue...not fist. Was I searching for control? I think so. But, in not being aware of that fact, perhaps I found myself in an unhealthy relationship wherein only a few of my needs were met for a very short period of time.

Then, projecting ahead to the here and now, my career choice involves service, assisting others, helping others to find peace and happiness.

I just wonder if and how my biography may be strung together by my submissive nature.

Just random thinking on this, a somewhat important day in terms of my marriage and it's demise.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: My thoughts..

Oh, poor choice of words.

Will you spank me or have me serve you dessert wearing nothing but white stockings?

Why punish you? You know me, always spouting my own opinion.

However seeing you in the white stockings might be nice! Do they have lace at the top?

I think that when men are women are dating, they are on their best behaviour. So if the are abusers or control freaks, they manage to keep it under wraps. Remember vanilla social interaction is not very candid. Open communicaiton and honesty is not really rewarded in a dating environment. In short, we get fooled.

Then over time the behaviours that we eventually find distastful, we try to make it work anyway, cause we do not want to fail at the great american dream.

Whew! I need a nap behind all that!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Is there a part of your personal history that you believe has contributed to your finding D/s an appropriate or necessary part of your sexuality?

No. There is nothing in my past that I can attribute to my present state.

Or, has your Dominance or submission impacted your personal history, choices you have made or continue to make?

Maybe.

For some, BDSM only has a place in the bedroom. Of course, that is fine as it is to be interprated and utilized by each of us as we chose. However, even for those that see it as sexual play and certainly for those who chose to practice in their daily lives, how have the character traits of being Dominant or submissive impacted your personal history?

My submissiveness is only exhibited in the bedroom, for the most part. Or at least, it has only been exhibited in a sexual reference. That is how I want it to be, too.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: My thoughts..

Will you spank me or have me serve you dessert wearing nothing but white stockings?

I go for the dessert option!

 

[MissTaken]

ADR and EB...

Mayhaps I think too much?

I do think that for some, the qualities that lend themselves to being involved in BDSM do impact decisions or how they make decisions in other aspects of their life.

If my steak is served rare as opposed to medium, I suspect EB and I would handle the situation a bit differently from one another.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I'm brand new to this forum - this is my first post - so bear with me........... I've just started exploring my submissive side. I too was in an abusive marriage (20 years ago) Looking back I think I was drawn to his dominant nature but he turned out to be just cruel and mean. After our divorce I think I just hid that side of myself away for all these years. Now that my youngest is getting ready to graduate and leave the nest, I have started taking a good long look at myself and where I'm at spiritually, emotionally, etc. I have never had a long term relationship since my marriage (that was only 5 years!) And I started wondering why? After a few years it always seemed like something was missing and we'd drift apart. The more I learn about d/s lifestyle the more I yearn for a nice dominate mate. But how to find one? That's not going to be abusive? I live in a very small, VERY vanilla area! Any advice? Help?!?!?!

 

[MissTaken]

Welcome to the forum, BBW girl.

Ahh where you are may be very nilla, but Cinncy is a hot bed of BDSM activity.

Do a search and you will find that there are some very active groups in that area.

Hmmmm

I do understand the search and the journey. I found submission post divorce and like you, relationships have always been difficult to maintain.

*hugs*

Do lots of reading and when you feel like spreading your wings, there are some personals sites that you can access if you are too far from Cinncinati to get involved in the munch groups there.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Munch Groups? I'm not even familiar with that term. I'm about 6 hours away from Cinncy - opposite end of the state for me??? But I do appreciate your reply. Thanks! And yes - I will keep up with my research. At least from what I've read on this site it seems like lots of people do find their 'other half' eventually. That gives me encouragement.

 

[Richard49]

There are things from my past that make LTRs difficult
to have/maintain

I was brought up with two sets of beliefs that "may" have contrubted to my Dom side
1) that a man should be in charge and responsible
2) that a man should "make" a woman happy

The women in my life as I grew up were very "sexual" but complained about how weak the men were in there life

 

[Ebonyfire]

Join the "think too much club!"

ADR and EB...

Mayhaps I think too much?

I do think that for some, the qualities that lend themselves to being involved in BDSM do impact decisions or how they make decisions in other aspects of their life.

If my steak is served rare as opposed to medium, I suspect EB and I would handle the situation a bit differently from one another.

I know I think too much, but luckily this is not one of the things I think that much about.

As for having a steak served to Me rare rather than medium well (my preference), it would be sent back without so much as an eye blink. I would however, smile sweetly, after all the poor server is not at fault.

 

[WynEternal]

Is there a part of your personal history that you believe has contributed to your finding D/s an appropriate or necessary part of your sexuality?

I remember has a youngster, I tried everything to make my parents proud of me or to get some recognition. I had a deep need to please them, but seems to always have fallen short. A part of it could have been the fact that as a girl, I was looked upon as somewhat inferior or weaker than my brother.

It's more a part of my personality than my sexuality.

Or, has your Dominance or submission impacted your personal history, choices you have made or continue to make?

Not sure yet... will have to think on this for a while. Although it may have influenced my military decisions.

For some, BDSM only has a place in the bedroom. Of course, that is fine as it is to be interprated and utilized by each of us as we chose. However, even for those that see it as sexual play and certainly for those who chose to practice in their daily lives, how have the character traits of being Dominant or submissive impacted your personal history?

Unfortunately, before I began to take pride in who I was and why I was this way, I let myself be easily deceived by those who just wanted to use me. I've learned that being submissive doesn't mean I'm easy, or a pushover.

Aha...a real bargain, two threads for one!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Being of the same generation...

<snip>
I was brought up with two sets of beliefs that "may" have contrubted to my Dom side
1) that a man should be in charge and responsible
2) that a man should "make" a woman happy

I was raised in this era too, but my mother (a strong black woman), raised me to think for myself and to be independent.

So I rejected the notions in statement 1 & 2, and went on my merry way.

LOL

 

[Richard49]

Re: Being of the same generation...

I was raised in this era too, but my mother (a strong black woman), raised me to think for myself and to be independent.

So I rejected the notions in statement 1 & 2, and went on my merry way.

LOL

A major struggle that I have had over the last 18 months is weather to stay in the life style ... in fact weather to even attempt or believe that a LTR was posible for me ......

Each day I get closer to the point of dropping all attempts to intimate realtionships

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I don't even think it has much to do with your upbringing. I think its something inside each of us. Whether we explore it or not is the difference........

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

A major struggle that I have had over the last 18 months is weather to stay in the life style ... in fact weather to even attempt or believe that a LTR was posible for me ......

Each day I get closer to the point of dropping all attempts to intimate realtionships

Most of mine are long term, but they are loosely bound. I am mostly a free spirit, and I balk at being tied down, so I have no trouble finding others who have the same values. I just accept that relationships end, and when they do, I do what I have to do to protect myself, and then I move forward.

I always move forward.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

Most of mine are long term, but they are loosely bound. I am mostly a free spirit, and I balk at being tied down, so I have no trouble finding others who have the same values. I just accept that relationships end, and when they do, I do what I have to do to protect myself, and then I move forward.

I always move forward.

Sometimes I have problems moving in any direction

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

Sometimes I have problems moving in any direction

I think we all do at some point in time, but I have forced myself to move on cause I can't wait to see what the future will bring.

My first core value is freedom, but my second core value is adventure. I love new adventures!

Eb

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

I think we all do at some point in time, but I have forced myself to move on cause I can't wait to see what the future will bring.

My first core value is freedom, but my second core value is adventure. I love new adventures!

Eb

perhaps an adventure would make a difference to me
I really no longer know
I have lived a very full life
I still have some vingar to live some more
However I have come to a place where I really want to live it with someone .....

The Ex So and I were talking about doing the train around the country this summer ... I love trains ......

At this point I am tired, depressed and desappointed in ablity to judge people properly ... I always seem to pick the ones that abandon me
........ the ones that leave me thinking I am not good enough

Now this is a Dom talking ... I can imgine what some Submissives go through

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

At this point I am tired, depressed and desappointed in ablity to judge people properly ... I always seem to pick the ones that abandon me
........ the ones that leave me thinking I am not good enough

Now this is a Dom talking ... I can imgine what some Submissives go through

As a dominant, I understand these feelings cause there have been times I have felt similar things. But I just keep on slugging. And things always have a way of getting better. But I am impatient, so I do things to help it along!

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

As a dominant, I understand these feelings cause there have been times I have felt similar things. But I just keep on slugging. And things always have a way of getting better. But I am impatient, so I do things to help it along!

When i try to help things along I either
1) step on my dick
2) am desappointed with the results

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

When i try to help things along I either
1) step on my dick
2) am desappointed with the results

Wow. big dick! (or short legs?)

Reminds me of a joke. Two drunks are walking home at night, and as they cross a bridge, they both decide they need to pee off the side of the bridge.

After the initial moment of relief, one of them says "wow, this water is cold!" To which the second says "I know. Deep too."

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Being of the same generation...

When i try to help things along I either
1) step on my dick
2) am desappointed with the results

Well I step on dicks too, but they are never mine, unless you consider that they belong to my property.