Personal Bi sexual dilema

[Koroshinobi]

I have been seeing a really wonderfull girl for the last 8 months, our sex life is great but there is one glaring problem. I am bisexual and I know that she would be disgusted by that. It came up in casual conversation that she thinks anal sex and by extention gay sex is disgusting. This is making me very uneasy about the future of our relationship. I know I can't be with someone who doesn't completely accept me but, she has become so dependant on me that I don't want to jepordize our relationship by getting this out in the open. However I know the longer I wait to tell her the worse it is going to be.

 

[Missouribiguy]

This is a good thread. Still, I will wait for others to post.

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

That's definitely problematic. You are going to have to tell her, unless you want to completely deny that side of yourself (which probably isn't possible and certainly wouldn't be good for you).

As for the fact that she's dependant on you, it will have to be her decision whether or not she'll accept comfort from you. For that matter, no-one is forcing her to break up with you. You would stay with her if she was OK with your sexuality, right? Make sure that when you tell her, you also tell her how you feel about her. If she knows that you love her, it might take some of the pain/worry out of the equation.

It's not an easy situation and I'm not the one in it, so take my advice with a grain of salt. Good luck.

 

[KokopelliRises]

My advice is to tell her, tell her how you feel about her and where the relationship is going, and then wait for her reply.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

To thine ownself be true...

No one can live your life for you. Relationships come and go. Your true partner will accept you, warts and all...

Denying your bisexual side, as she wants you to do, simply will end up destroying yourself from the inside.

 

[bison1]

To thine ownself be true...

No one can live your life for you. Relationships come and go. Your true partner will accept you, warts and all...

Denying your bisexual side, as she wants you to do, simply will end up destroying yourself from the inside.

I am bi and have been for years .my wife my family have no idea
I would not recomend it for you
Since your starting out do it right ..Its a long life to have to hide it .And down the road like me its inevetable you will stray to men
Wish i had been honest with myself and everybody
IOts harder to be out later believe me
Bison

 

[biwmspeedolvr]

"....."

 

[human_male]

It sucks that you might risk something that seems so good but I'd tell her too. Partially because I wouldn't want any secrets between me and someone I was in a long term relationship with. And also because I wouldn't want to be with someone with that attitude. It might be she just said that because she thinks it's what you want to hear, I don't know. Or she doesn't understand that being gay isn't all about putting it up other men's butts. But if not I'd rather know about it now and move on.

If you do tell her you have to be clear that you're not interested in running out and sleeping with men. That you're committed to her. It also doesn't mean you're gay and your life with her is a lie. Some women seem to have difficulty understand that.

It sounds like you know what you have to do. Not to sound harsh, but it doesn't matter that she's dependant on you. You're not responsible for her. She is a grown up.

I wish you well.

 

[vices2habits]

<snipped> ... I recommend you not tell her, just find someone else.

I second this advice... strongly.

Here's why: anyone who would use such a strong term as "disgusting" is saying that their mind is well past made up... they are describing a visceral reaction -- disgust -- over which they have no control, and they like it that way.

While many young people talk this way but mature out of it a decade or so down the road, this is a miserable road that you do not want to spend any time on if you can avoid it.

A true relationship, with all the openness, mutual understanding, acceptance, support, and etc. is just not possible here.

If you do reveal yourself to her, you will surely lose the relationship and any possible friendship that you might have kept had you just eased yourself out gracefully and moved on. We can still be friends with folks and keep our sexuality to ourselves... just not really close friends.

 

[alaskabibear]

You never said in your post that you truly love her. You really should ask yourself that. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? (I've been married to the same woman for over thirty years. It takes a lot of love, trust and openness to make any relationship last. Add bisexual issues in and you have to have even more of all of these things.)

Her "dependence" on you is absolutely not a reason to stay in a relationship. Eventually her "dependence" will wain and you may be left only with her "disgust" of who and what you really are.

Unless you really want to bring your bisexuality out in order to try to make the relationship work, I would opt for a graceful exit without bringing up the subject of your bisexuality. If she is truly "disgusted" with the thought of you with another man, I can envision that she might spread a lot of rumors about you that might be detrimental to you.

Good luck!

 

[Etoile]

Did she SAY gay sex was disgusting, or just that ANAL was disgusting? I wouldn't necessarily assume that one belief leads to the other.

 

[Chicklet]

Are you planning on having sex with men while you're with this woman? If you tell her you're bi, are you planning on following it up with 'and i don't think i'd be happy having sex with only women for the rest of my life'?

you should definitely tell her if it's the second one there. you'll need to find a relationship not only with someone who's 'open' to a bisexual male, but who doesn't mind an open relationship.

if you're bi but plan to remain with her and only her, i'd follow up your confession with that fact. let her know that you are in fact bisexual, but that you won't be doing anything like that while you're with her.

 

[Elengil]

You could always get a strapon, start with only her getting it (using it to be a one man DP team) then maybe later on, once shes comfortable with it, move on to her wearing it and you licking it (maybe after using it on her, so your really just licking off her juices)

Endgame would be her using it on you, to let her experience the "power of the penis" (not gay sex, just position reversal)

In theory it could give you the "bisexual" experience you seem to want, but not freak her out.

Just my 2 1/2 cents...

 

[Etoile]

Endgame would be her using it on you, to let her experience the "power of the penis" (not gay sex, just position reversal)

Bingo! It's only gay sex if two men are involved. Otherwise it's straight sex no matter what activities you do.

 

[Mansa Musa]

Give up. You´re too young to allow yourself to get entangled in a serious relationship. And you don´t want to become the next Larry Craig, do you? If you´re really bisexual, you´ll need a woman who truly supports your lifestyle, not a woman who cringes at the thought of you engaging in same sex play. The GB has a plethora of women who´d love to watch you suck cock. And there are quite a few women in the world who´d gladly indulge your kink and embrace you with open arms.

 

[lostforwords_no]

BI or monogamous

I'm not sure if you are telling her that you are BI or that you want to have sex with men while you are with her?

My wife and I have had a threesome with another woman. We didn't cheat on each other, we shared a living sex-toy. We both wanted it. I'm not BI (I don't think anyway. . .), but having sex with anyone but my wife is out of the question (unless she's there).

So, is it being in a monogamous relationship for the rest of your life the problem?

 

[Etoile]

Give up. You´re too young to allow yourself to get entangled in a serious relationship. And you don´t want to become the next Larry Craig, do you? If you´re really bisexual, you´ll need a woman who truly supports your lifestyle, not a woman who cringes at the thought of you engaging in same sex play. The GB has a plethora of women who´d love to watch you suck cock. And there are quite a few women in the world who´d gladly indulge your kink and embrace you with open arms.

Wow, way to be an ass. Around here, advice is usually given helpfully, not like a snarky bitch. Go do your trolling on the GB, assmonkey.

 

[Bill3250]

Couldn't go straight.....

When I first got married, I kept my male-to-male desires in check, but it was driving me up a wall. Then I started to sneak a little cock on the side, but it became too difficult to conceal, so I decided to tell my wife about my other needs. She loved me enough to allow me an occasional fling and later, after we started swinging, she tried a three way with me and one of my bi-friends, but it wasn't her thing. We never did it again, and returned to my having gay sex on my own.

 

[texharley]

You need to tell her sooner or later or decide if you can live straight. I am bisexual but live straight because I have a wonderful wife who loves me and is good to me, but I do not get my biesxual side of me satisfied except coming online and having cyber sex with men or just talking about it.

It sounds like you cannot live straight so she needs to know. It is better to have a break up now rather than hide it and cheat on her. That would really devastate her.

 

[Mansa Musa]

Wow, way to be an ass. Around here, advice is usually given helpfully, not like a snarky bitch. Go do your trolling on the GB, assmonkey.

Love you too, sweetie.

 

[Etoile]

Love you too, sweetie.

I can't stay mad at somebody with a lolcat in his signature, I just can't.
http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/1992/ihopezmikezy2.jpg

 

[silkybiblue]

To thine ownself be true...

No one can live your life for you. Relationships come and go. Your true partner will accept you, warts and all...

Denying your bisexual side, as she wants you to do, simply will end up destroying yourself from the inside.

I have hidden it for years and have suffered silently for years, TELL HER !
I look back now and see the signs but I did not even realize them about myself at the time teen crushes that i just assumed were nothing, the hidden desires, the confused desires - sound familiar ? - you need to tell her, don't live the lie, it is torture - believe me.....

 

[wantonthoughts]

Hmm well you are going to have to tell her- I think the last thing you need to do is hide who are and what you desire. It would be unfair to you and to her. I have been lucky to been loved by someone who felt he could be open with me and tell me he was bisexual. Not only did it make us closer it also opened the doors of commuication and it was so much easier to understand his desires. Though no longer together - not because he was bi- I still can look back on that relationship as one of the best I have ever had, emotionaly and sexually.

 

[Mansa Musa]

I can't stay mad at somebody with a lolcat in his signature, I just can't.
http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/1992/ihopezmikezy2.jpg

I R Cruhsing on a Lebsian. I R Not Larning My Lesson From Teh Last Time.

 

[robbie_boy1]

I have been seeing a really wonderfull girl for the last 8 months, our sex life is great but there is one glaring problem. I am bisexual and I know that she would be disgusted by that. It came up in casual conversation that she thinks anal sex and by extention gay sex is disgusting. This is making me very uneasy about the future of our relationship. I know I can't be with someone who doesn't completely accept me but, she has become so dependant on me that I don't want to jepordize our relationship by getting this out in the open. However I know the longer I wait to tell her the worse it is going to be.

Koroshinobi,

Ok, though I commend your honesty with the people on the site I hope I can do that in real time. My reason is that I really don't know anything about you but I do know that we are only as sick as our secrets ... * and you do sound interesting*

If you are in a relationship that is one on one and your dick has been in other ports be it anal or oral..and who knows if you used protection... I would say that you are taking risks that are really offensive and not really yours to take. That should be the other person's choice and they should be informed. I am sure you agree.

Now, on the other hand if you slept with this person and she knew what meals you have been experiencing that would be another story.

I know I could be wrong, I know I may sound like I am harsh but dead is forever and I want you to live and do it until the end of time perhaps with the one you are with at this time. I feel that nobody should die under informed just because they were in pleasure mode.

My wife knows what I do and who I do it with. I am 100% up front about who and what I am doing and who I am doing it with be it male and/or female (like that would happen..LOL)

I don't want to come across as I know better because I don't. Have I ever had unprotected sex, yes. I was upfront with that and didn't have sex for a long period of time until the next time I was tested, yes and it was hell. I get tested at least twice a year and I use *safes* (just to show my age)

Having said that would I fuck up? wouldn't be the first time........

be safe

robbie