Perfectionism

[Bramblethorn]

I'm a bit of a perfectionist in most things, writing included. I like to take my time on stories and make sure they're the very best they can be.

This year I'm finding that hard. My day job is taking a lot out of me - so much change lately that I have to stop and check my email signature to remind myself what my team is currently called, and I've had to set up a spreadsheet to keep track of the people I have responsibilities over. (Boss and colleagues are great, but there's still a lot of demand on my executive function and interpersonal skills, which I find very draining.)

There's that steady background buzz of virus, economic recession, and general world-is-fukt-ness. I'm in a safer place than most, but people in my world are finding it hard, and it's my nature to worry about others. We're going back into lockdown just when it looked like things were under control here, which is hard on everyone.

I'm still writing, when I can. But I'm conscious that I'm not writing at my best. I just don't have the focus to give to writing that I would usually have, and it suffers from having less time to write - it's easier for me to lose track of details, forget the things I had planned. I keep having to tell myself that it's better to bring my B game than not to show up at all, but it goes against the grain.

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

 

[Voboy]

Try something stream-of-consciousness, not for publication, but just to get your thoughts out. Catharsis. Who knows? Maybe it'll be worth publishing.

I've never been a perfectionist, least of all about my writing. I find that the more I agonize over it, the less organic it feels. I don't suggest that for you if it'll add stress; generally, I've had bad luck in my life when I've made a conscious effort to go against my grain. I wouldn't recommend it.

I sympathize, but I've found that the fucked-upness of the modern world has actually been good for my writing. I've been struck by the kinds of behaviors that I now see and want to explore in my stories. I've done a couple of Covid-type tales, which in turn have sprouted new characters that I now want to dig more deeply into.

But no. I've not changed my standards. I find comfort in sticking to the process I enjoy, especially when the rest of life is not that enjoyable right now.

 

[NotWise]

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

I don't think I've ever written my "A" story. I don't have your patience.

The current conditions don't effect me they way they effect you. I retired last year, but I'm still working half-time at my long-time employer's request. It's given me the luxury of sitting back and staging a story. I can write out a rough plot, develop the characters, and then refine the story to better match the characters.

My wife and I watch our friends and family. We can offer financial help if they need it, but so far they don't.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

By picking and choosing. I imagine time like a long line hanging in space, sort of like a clothes line. Hanging all along the line, at least the parts of the line I've gotten to, are droplets. They're like large water droplets, but more stable. Each droplet is a moment hanging there. I can pick them up, look at them, and put them back.

The droplets that are the past are larger, because smaller droplets have run together. That's how it's supposed to happen unless there are moments that I need to keep separate from the others. The droplets that are the present are smaller, because they're all the little things haven't run together yet. Right now, the line is shaking and the droplets are crowded an dancing frenetically.

I can't make each droplet perfect. I can't even make each droplet hang still on the line. So, I choose some to try to make perfect, because I need some of that in my life. Others, I just try to manage by giving what's required. Some droplets are just a mess and they're going to have to stay that way. The hardest thing is consigning the ones that are a mess to their fate, but once the decision is made, the hardest part is over.

(Hope you weren't looking for something practical. I've got nothing in that department.)

 

[BelleCanzuto]

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

I'm not a perfectionist in anything, especially hobbies. I've always preferred odd numbers to even; asymmetry to symmetry; flower arrangements with one askew bloom rather than every one evenly spaced. I was the girl who wore mismatched earrings before it was trendy (in the 80s), and I don't mind if my crocheting turns out differently than planned. So, I'm not struggling to maintain a standard.

But, I'm struggling to write at all. I have three or four stories that I started, and the thought of trying to work on them drains me. I'll be at work, letting my mind wander while I'm writing documentation, and I'll think of an idea, or the next part of one of the stories. By the time I get home, I can't bring myself to open the laptop.

Monday and Tuesday, each week for the past month at least, I've looked forward to the weekend as a chance to pull up a story and add to a draft, or finalize an edit. Each weekend I've looked at a couple of stories and fixed some typos. And then I've closed the laptop and found something silly to watch.

Logically, intellectually, I'm not any more stressed than usual. Because of my job, my schedule hasn't changed, financially I'm fine, my family tells me they're taking precautions. But I just can't. I just can't think creatively in the same way I could four months ago. I believe it'll come back to me. And I'm going to keep noodling around with a story or two. And? I don't know.

Maybe in a flash of brilliance and a caffeine overdose I'll have some kind of breakthrough. Or maybe I'll keep nibbling the edges until something's good enough to call done.

What's that quote attributed to JM Barrie about being kinder than you need to because everyone's going through some kind of struggle? It would do a lot of us good to be kinder to ourselves, too.

 

[vanmyers86]

I'm still writing, when I can. But I'm conscious that I'm not writing at my best. I just don't have the focus to give to writing that I would usually have, and it suffers from having less time to write - it's easier for me to lose track of details, forget the things I had planned. I keep having to tell myself that it's better to bring my B game than not to show up at all, but it goes against the grain.

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

Yes. I don't have the focus or the sense of fun I normally bring to writing fiction, so I am writing less. (I also just moved 1,600 miles and started a new job, and that's had an impact too). It was hard, but I have made peace with that fact that I'm not at my usual level, even though it means I won't hit my goal for this year.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Yes. I don't have the focus or the sense of fun I normally bring to writing fiction, so I am writing less. (I also just moved 1,600 miles and started a new job, and that's had an impact too). It was hard, but I have made peace with that fact that I'm not at my usual level, even though it means I won't hit my goal for this year.

I've seen a number of writers mention goals for the year and it's got me curious. Why do you want a goal?

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm a bit of a perfectionist in most things, writing included. I like to take my time on stories and make sure they're the very best they can be.

This year I'm finding that hard. My day job is taking a lot out of me - so much change lately that I have to stop and check my email signature to remind myself what my team is currently called, and I've had to set up a spreadsheet to keep track of the people I have responsibilities over. (Boss and colleagues are great, but there's still a lot of demand on my executive function and interpersonal skills, which I find very draining.)

There's that steady background buzz of virus, economic recession, and general world-is-fukt-ness. I'm in a safer place than most, but people in my world are finding it hard, and it's my nature to worry about others. We're going back into lockdown just when it looked like things were under control here, which is hard on everyone.

I'm still writing, when I can. But I'm conscious that I'm not writing at my best. I just don't have the focus to give to writing that I would usually have, and it suffers from having less time to write - it's easier for me to lose track of details, forget the things I had planned. I keep having to tell myself that it's better to bring my B game than not to show up at all, but it goes against the grain.

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

Absolutely, I relate to this, although my reasons for not getting stories done may be more personal and selfish than yours. I find the standards I set for myself for writing stories have risen over time, and it's an extra challenge to meet them. It slows me down.

I'll offer this as a boost: You're a good writer, and what you may regard as your "B" effort is still something that people will want to read, so I encourage you to just keep writing and publishing. You will keep getting better and you probably will find satisfaction from continuing to publish even if at the time of publication that nagging perfectionist voice in your head tells you to tinker with the story longer.

 

[vanmyers86]

I've seen a number of writers mention goals for the year and it's got me curious. Why do you want a goal?

I've been a professional writer and editor for decades, but am still relatively new to writing erotica. I know from experience that the only way to improve is to practice. Setting goals for output and for trying new things helps keep me on track to becoming the writer and storyteller I want to be in this genre.

 

[SamScribble]

I have been a professional writer and editor for more than 55 years, but I am now well past my ‘use by’ date. Even before the lurgy arrived, my paid writing and editing work was down to two or three of projects a month. And with the arrival of the lurgy, it fell off the cliff. So now I have no excuse not to get on with my own writing. That said, I’m not sure that I’m very good at writing erotica. My erotica is typically of a very gentle nature. And that doesn’t always fly here at Lit.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Lit is where I'm allowed to drop my standards - everyone else does (that's a joke, but sometimes when searching for something new to read it feels like truth. I'm currently working through Bramblethorn's stories and enjoying them a lot). I've got a few stories I'm proud of and some that are more experimental or just have the fault of being a scene rather than a story. I need my A-grade writing at work.

Right now I'm writing piles of dross, and I know it - I'm ill and grumpy and passing the time when I can't sleep. What started as a short story 100 days ago turned into a novel-length series and I've got to the stage where I've written almost all the 'good scenes' and have to focus on the connecting bits I need to fill in the plot. Much of which mean making these characters I've got rather fond of have an argument, so I end up having them talk and see what comes out.

The other day I ended up with about 500 words about their Tesco shopping order (internet grocery delivery). Sometimes my brain goes places I worry about. I figure if I keep writing bits and then editing at other times, there will be some good bits in there - there always are - but sometimes it feels as unproductive as say Candy Crush but at least without the feeling of being constantly manipulated by anything outside my own mind.

 

[Brutal_One]

I think it can depend too on how you approach the writing. Writing for a single story or if longer a novella rather than a full blown novel will take time and if you have written well and it’s been received well you know your own capabilities.

If you are writing for profit it is most likely you have an editor even if you self publish. I guess an editor that knows your style and capabilities will challenge you not to drop your standards.

If however you are writing a series which have a ‘cast of characters’ that you have spent time introducing and developing and know well often they can write themselves and the quality is already presenting. Of course with story arcs it helps from the plot point of view if there is a longer term end goal for the characters.

Arguably poor writing can ruin a successful series but often this is due to other writers ‘messing up’ as they lack the vision of the original author. Case in point is ‘The Song of Fire and Ice’ - Game of Thrones. When G.R.R. Martin finally gets round to finishing the books it is most likely the readers will be more satisfied.

As you mention most writers probably have more rather than less time if they are writing as a hobby these days.

‘Writers block’ can be an issue too. I am unsure if the current world situation may lead to more of it, possibly as any additional worry or anxiety is likely to have an impact on creativity.

Brutal One

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm a bit of a perfectionist in most things, writing included. I like to take my time on stories and make sure they're the very best they can be.

This year I'm finding that hard. My day job is taking a lot out of me - so much change lately that I have to stop and check my email signature to remind myself what my team is currently called, and I've had to set up a spreadsheet to keep track of the people I have responsibilities over. (Boss and colleagues are great, but there's still a lot of demand on my executive function and interpersonal skills, which I find very draining.)

There's that steady background buzz of virus, economic recession, and general world-is-fukt-ness. I'm in a safer place than most, but people in my world are finding it hard, and it's my nature to worry about others. We're going back into lockdown just when it looked like things were under control here, which is hard on everyone.

I'm still writing, when I can. But I'm conscious that I'm not writing at my best. I just don't have the focus to give to writing that I would usually have, and it suffers from having less time to write - it's easier for me to lose track of details, forget the things I had planned. I keep having to tell myself that it's better to bring my B game than not to show up at all, but it goes against the grain.

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

Yes, and exactly for most of the reasons you said. Even though where I am our state has done an amazing job with balancing keeping as many working as possible with safety, its obviously still a concern as is the violence and insanity happening all over the country/world.

Outside pressure, even if its not yours, can grate on you and I have always felt that creative types, writers/painters etc...are more sensitive than others, we get a lot of inspiration from outside sources and those same sources can have an opposite effect as well.

I used to write to the clip of 2-3k every time I sat down, lately if I manage a few paragraphs before I lose focus I'm lucky. I have two partially finished novels I can't get back into, just lost the feel, and even smut is not coming as easy as it used to. As you said even what I'm writing is not my best, not even close, but its the stubborn will not to shelve trying and give this mess that's called 2020 yet another victory.

Good thread, tells anyone going through this not to feel bad, that its not just them.

 

[lovecraft68]

I've seen a number of writers mention goals for the year and it's got me curious. Why do you want a goal?

Pretty much for the challenge, to push yourself, or to give you some type of structure rather than yeah, I'll write whenever I feel like.

Nanowrimo is all about that, and if anyone here hasn't done it, I suggest giving it a try.

 

[HectorBidon]

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

Writing takes me a long time too, part perfectionism but part just trying to figure out what it is I'm trying to say. My challenge is that though I'm retired, and so theoretically should have all the time in the world, we have our daughter and two young grandchildren living with us now, and that makes it pretty hard to have large blocks of time for "private" projects.

But writing has always been just a hobby for me, a pastime. I do it to the extent that I enjoy it, but I don't feel too bad if I have to set it aside.

Have you considered taking a literary sabbatical? Trying something else for a while? Poster making, carpentry, alto sax. Or just letting a few of your acres lie fallow. Your drafts will still be there when you come back.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I sympathize, but I've found that the fucked-upness of the modern world has actually been good for my writing. I've been struck by the kinds of behaviors that I now see and want to explore in my stories. I've done a couple of Covid-type tales, which in turn have sprouted new characters that I now want to dig more deeply into.

The fucked-upness of the world (the virus, George Floyd, etc.) haven't affected my writing at all.

(To digress at bit: man, you should see the looting damage in parts of New York, especially Manhattan. It's astonishing.)

What did sidetrack me were some personal problems last winter. I stopped writing entirely for a few months. But it did come back.

I'm retired, and I'm lucky I have something to do with my time.

 

[jsmiam]

I'm a bit of a perfectionist in most things, writing included. I like to take my time on stories and make sure they're the very best they can be.

Your knot a loan.

At the same time, I definitely notice (for lack of a better term) Four-scores (four bombs) as my penance for less carefully proofread work.

To sidetrack, personally, I don’t think most readers scrutinize the subtleties and meanings of their votes. So rather than call my four-scores a vast conspiracy, I simply have noted that more time proofing and gold plating makes a subtle difference, I would venture to say somewhere in the .1 to .2 range of my final score.

So keep being a perfectionist! Your pay rate for your lit stories will not be impacted one bit!

 

[joeyjax]

I'm a bit of a perfectionist in most things, writing included. I like to take my time on stories and make sure they're the very best they can be.

This year I'm finding that hard.

...

Anybody else feeling this challenge at the moment? How are you dealing with it? Writing less, giving yourself permission to lower your standards a bit, something else?

Definitely feeling something similar but for different reasons. I didn't get my 'Love the Ones You're With' story submitted in time because of perfectionism (plus the fact that story simply wasn't finished).

And then not even a week after the deadline passed, my wife and her mother got Covid, which put a real damper on my wanting to finish the story at all. They've both recovered, though for a few days for each of them, we literally weren't sure they'd survive it (the lung/breathing issues got really bad for both of them). And just yesterday, one of her uncles passed away from Covid.

Now, I'm back to working through the story, but it's been difficult. When I started it, Covid wasn't so personal, not from a life/death perspective, anyway. But now it is. I still want to finish the story, but it's become a lot more (personally) emotional to me now than when I started.

As for how I'm dealing with it? I sometimes just go sit in the backyard after dark, queue up some music on Spotify, get comfy and reread/edit my story as it is so far. Sometimes, I'll actually tweak something, but rarely have I been actually adding anything new, or if so, it's usually just a paragraph. I just don't have the desire or creative energy to try to 'force it' out of me, so I'll just let it take however long it needs to, I guess.

I suppose I could start investing in a different story, one that isn't so near to real-life, but then I fear I won't finish anything the rest of this year.

I have been a professional writer and editor for more than 55 years, but I am now well past my ‘use by’ date. Even before the lurgy arrived, my paid writing and editing work was down to two or three of projects a month. And with the arrival of the lurgy, it fell off the cliff. So now I have no excuse not to get on with my own writing. That said, I’m not sure that I’m very good at writing erotica. My erotica is typically of a very gentle nature. And that doesn’t always fly here at Lit.

Not that the Red-H's really mean much of anything (ultimately) but I see quite a few red-H's in your portfolio. Based on that alone (again, fwiw) I wouldn't be so quick to ding yourself with an "I’m not sure that I’m very good at writing erotica" judgment. I've seen stories here that don't have any sex in them and yet they've been well-received. Not sure you can get much gentler than no-sex-at-all. Anyway, my hunch is you're being too hard on yourself.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Definitely feeling something similar but for different reasons. I didn't get my 'Love the Ones You're With' story submitted in time because of perfectionism (plus the fact that story simply wasn't finished).

And then not even a week after the deadline passed, my wife and her mother got Covid, which put a real damper on my wanting to finish the story at all. They've both recovered, though for a few days for each of them, we literally weren't sure they'd survive it (the lung/breathing issues got really bad for both of them). And just yesterday, one of her uncles passed away from Covid.

You've had a really rough time lately. I'm sorry about all that. I'm so glad your wife and mother in law are okay. Sounds terrifying.

 

[Bramblethorn]

If you are writing for profit it is most likely you have an editor even if you self publish. I guess an editor that knows your style and capabilities will challenge you not to drop your standards.

I do have that going for me. I can rely on AMD to tell me when there's room for improvement!

As you mention most writers probably have more rather than less time if they are writing as a hobby these days.

Not me, though - work got significantly busier.

Writing takes me a long time too, part perfectionism but part just trying to figure out what it is I'm trying to say. My challenge is that though I'm retired, and so theoretically should have all the time in the world, we have our daughter and two young grandchildren living with us now, and that makes it pretty hard to have large blocks of time for "private" projects.

But writing has always been just a hobby for me, a pastime. I do it to the extent that I enjoy it, but I don't feel too bad if I have to set it aside.

Have you considered taking a literary sabbatical? Trying something else for a while? Poster making, carpentry, alto sax. Or just letting a few of your acres lie fallow. Your drafts will still be there when you come back.

I suspect I'd have the same problem with any other creative hobby, alas. I've been catching up a little on reading but I get itchy if I'm not doing/making something.

I've gone on hiatus before. The problem just now is that I'm in the middle of a series, and in the past I've found it hard to pick that up again when I let go of it, even with detailed notes. I may have to just muddle through as best I can. But it helps hearing that I'm not alone with this.

 

[Bramblethorn]

And then not even a week after the deadline passed, my wife and her mother got Covid, which put a real damper on my wanting to finish the story at all. They've both recovered, though for a few days for each of them, we literally weren't sure they'd survive it (the lung/breathing issues got really bad for both of them). And just yesterday, one of her uncles passed away from Covid.

Oof. Glad your mother and wife made it, but that's rough.

 

[joeyjax]

You've had a really rough time lately. I'm sorry about all that. I'm so glad your wife and mother in law are okay. Sounds terrifying.

Oof. Glad your mother and wife made it, but that's rough.

Thank you both, and yes, it was terrifying--that's a really good word for it.

We had some conversations that we never imagined needing to have at our age (when this or that bill was due and when to pay each thing, sharing certain passwords, would you want to be intubated? Would you ever want a DNR?). Then there were the nights when thoughts I never thought I'd wonder about would start to nag at me.

Our dog still slept at the foot of our bed, even though half of it was no longer being used and he could have moved and been more comfortable. And I did the exact same thing sleeping on 'my side' of the bed. Would her side ever not be empty? Would the clothes in her closet never get worn again? Should I throw away her toothbrush? Crazy, stupid, thoughts and questions and they'd keep me up half the night, pretty much every night.

It's of course gotten a whole lot better now that she's recovered (back to probably 90%), but it still doesn't feel like a past-tense thing yet. And sometimes I find my eyes welling up completely out of the blue (usually when I'm alone sitting outside at night and in a contemplative mood) when the realization hits me that I nearly lost my wife a scant few weeks ago.

Our hugs now have extra squeeze in them and I hope we'll never take them for granted again.

Sorry, didn't intend to hijack the thread a little bit, here. What was the question from the OP? Oh yeah, Perfection. You'd think I'd figure out after all this that perfection is overrated, but I still struggle with it, too. I guess I always will.

 

[Brutal_One]

And then not even a week after the deadline passed, my wife and her mother got Covid, which put a real damper on my wanting to finish the story at all. They've both recovered, though for a few days for each of them, we literally weren't sure they'd survive it (the lung/breathing issues got really bad for both of them). And just yesterday, one of her uncles passed away from Covid.

Sorry to hear brother. COVID is such a vile virus, bad enough that it keeps people apart but to be so directly impacted by having loved ones have it and coming so close, scary as hell and sorry to hear of the loss of your uncle .

Brutal One

 

[ElectricBlue]

Not that the Red-H's really mean much of anything (ultimately) but I see quite a few red-H's in your portfolio. Based on that alone (again, fwiw) I wouldn't be so quick to ding yourself with an "I’m not sure that I’m very good at writing erotica" judgment. I've seen stories here that don't have any sex in them and yet they've been well-received. Not sure you can get much gentler than no-sex-at-all. Anyway, my hunch is you're being too hard on yourself.

Sam is too humble for his own good. His gentle erotica may not suit the unsubtle, but then, writers choose their audience by what they write.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Thank you both, and yes, it was terrifying--that's a really good word for it.

We had some conversations that we never imagined needing to have at our age (when this or that bill was due and when to pay each thing, sharing certain passwords, would you want to be intubated? Would you ever want a DNR?). Then there were the nights when thoughts I never thought I'd wonder about would start to nag at me.

Our dog still slept at the foot of our bed, even though half of it was no longer being used and he could have moved and been more comfortable. And I did the exact same thing sleeping on 'my side' of the bed. Would her side ever not be empty? Would the clothes in her closet never get worn again? Should I throw away her toothbrush? Crazy, stupid, thoughts and questions and they'd keep me up half the night, pretty much every night.

It's of course gotten a whole lot better now that she's recovered (back to probably 90%), but it still doesn't feel like a past-tense thing yet. And sometimes I find my eyes welling up completely out of the blue (usually when I'm alone sitting outside at night and in a contemplative mood) when the realization hits me that I nearly lost my wife a scant few weeks ago.

Our hugs now have extra squeeze in them and I hope we'll never take them for granted again.

Sorry, didn't intend to hijack the thread a little bit, here. What was the question from the OP? Oh yeah, Perfection. You'd think I'd figure out after all this that perfection is overrated, but I still struggle with it, too. I guess I always will.

I think the experience is probably going to stay with you for a while. I had a health scare that wasn't even nearly fatal - although I'm not sure my husband was convinced of that - and he was so traumatized by it that he didn't even start talking about how it felt to him until over a year afterward. It wasn't until then that I realized the extent of the emotional toll it had taken on him. I'd suggest making sure you don't ignore your own healing process, because it is an emotional injury, and a deep one at that.