Patronizing.

[Joe Wordsworth]

I had to endure a polite, four hour long session with a friend's family tonite... the topic? A seemingly endless series of advice and presumptuous bullshit from "the older folk".

I had to bit back the "you're fifty and going nowhere, please shut the hell up" begging to come out and the "your son is a college drop out working a Game Stop and living at home, you do not impress me with your parenting skills" just begging to leap out of me.

Ugh.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I have those kind of evenings with my extended family at times. With them, it's more the "you're wasting your life, when are you going to get married and have kids?" line. As though any of their marriages or their kids' marriages are shining examples of something to aspire to.

I just dribnk more until I'm drubnk enough to start explaining I would happily get married and have children, but I'm afraid I'll end up with someone like them. Then they start dribnking, and I call a cab and go home to find some peace.

We do it all over again the next time we get together.

 

[duckiesmut]

I had to endure a polite, four hour long session with a friend's family tonite... the topic? A seemingly endless series of advice and presumptuous bullshit from "the older folk".

I had to bit back the "you're fifty and going nowhere, please shut the hell up" begging to come out and the "your son is a college drop out working a Game Stop and living at home, you do not impress me with your parenting skills" just begging to leap out of me.

Ugh.

What...It isn't your life's goal to work at a Game Stop?

Darn...That must just be me.

 

[BlackShanglan]

For one golden moment, I enjoyed the perfect response to this sort of thing. I was visiting an old friend and was roped into having breakfast with an ex whom I loathe, but to whom I was willing to be civil for the space of a breakfast in order to enjoy the company of our charming mutual acquaintance. Said ex bragged at length about current accomplishments - moderating a Yahoo newsgroup or similar for some species of exercise fanatic, and evidently taking great pleasure in telling people that their submissions were not acceptable because they were not up to the ex's standards in graphic design. Charming. At the end of this lengthy self-puff, I was asked in a condescending tone what I'd been doing with myself for the past few years. Modesty forbids full details, but I'd been overseas doing something that sounds quite impressive to the layman. I did have the decency to feel honestly sorry to have to say it, but the cruel, spiteful little inner beast enjoyed the look on the ex's face. Ex's manners, to be fair, improved markedly from that point - or at least, ex was more quiet, which for that particular individual amounts to about the same thing.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

Good for you, Joe.

I can't count the number of times I've bit my lip in order to not speak my mind at such gatherings.

A fair number of my family resides in a somewhat secluded part of the U.S. They have had little exposure to higher education and enlightened viewpoints and only minimal contact with people of color. *sigh*

Let's just say it has taken a fair amount of in-your-face from my husband and myself (including the threat of not allowing our children to be around any of them) unless they cleaned up their openly prejudicial comments.

To their credit, at least around us, they have.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Well done for holding the line. You've done your children a great service.

 

[Guest]

Well done for holding the line. You've done your children a great service.

 

[Guest]

You know, they never said anything about horses . . .

Good thing, 'cause horses are so much fun to ride.

 

[BlackShanglan]

You know, they never said anything about horses . . .

Good thing, 'cause horses are so much fun to ride.

Ah, but what are their thoughts on black horses? One hesitates to ask.

 

[Guest]

Ah, but what are their thoughts on black horses? One hesitates to ask.

Dunno. Don't care.

I would love to be astride a black stallion, myself.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Dunno. Don't care.

I would love to be astride a black stallion, myself.

Then I, at least, am entirely satisfied. Or not doubt would be.

 

[Guest]

Then I, at least, am entirely satisfied. Or not doubt would be.

Yes, you would. http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/zensiert/girl.gif

(And so would I. )

 

[Op_Cit]

My first martial art instructor was amazing. After I moved away from that area, I grew despondent, having visited every dojo I could, and unsuccessful in finding any with the same --or anywhere near the-- fundamental quality, approach, and dedication. So, I wrote to him and in reply he gave me the following advice: "In learning, you need to become a thief." He explained that I needed to learn to be able to endure the crap and sift through it all to pick and choose the real nuggets.

So, anyway, whenever I catch myself slipping away like you describe, I stop myself and think that there has to be something in all this crap that I can use, something in what they're saying, why they're saying it, or some other aspect of the situation. It did lead to my learning a lot I never imagined.

(There, how's that? Did I manage to capture the proper tone and attitude, the essence of proper patronization? Or do I need to work on it? I'm not quite yet an old fart, but I need to prepare...)

 

[English Lady]

*relaxing shoulder massage for Joe*

I had an encounter with my mother over Easter about how my husband is a recluse and how I should be aiming to be something other than just a mother...


She means well but she sucks at diplomacy

Add in my Nanna talking about how fat I am and it made the perfect family fun weekend *L*

 

[mlady_france]

Ah yes, the moment I realized my faimly thought of me as an adult was when then all sat me down and planned out my life. We were in the hospital, of all places, looking after my great grandma, who has been ill ever since. This all happened about 3 weeks after I graduated highschool. They didn't like that I wasn't going to college, they didn't like that I had been dating the same guy for 3 years (who, they informed me, was gay and couldn't make me happy that isn't true at all he's not gay ), then they told me that if I really wanted to design costumes for a living that I should beg my aunt (who has a factory in her garage making Harley head wraps and religous danceware) to give me a job so that I could "learn something". This went on for about 2 hours. That's when I decided not to spend so much time with them. I also got a new favorite aunt. She tried to stick up for me, but 10 against 2 is not very fair.

 

[impressive]

... my aunt (who has a factory in her garage making Harley head wraps and religous danceware) ....

There's a porn story in there somewhere.

 

[mlady_france]

There's a porn story in there somewhere.

I'm sure there is. I worked there for 6 months before I got laid off. I can fill you in on some of the details.

 

[impressive]

I had to bit back the "you're fifty and going nowhere, please shut the hell up" begging to come out and the "your son is a college drop out working a Game Stop and living at home, you do not impress me with your parenting skills" just begging to leap out of me.

(devil's advocate alert)

Now, now. Perhaps they are "fifty and going nowhere" by your standards. If they're happy, does it matter? Or are your standards of success all that matter?

I'm sure you are aware that fucked up progeny aren't ALWAYS the fault of poor parenting skills. Is he happy? Who are you to judge, anyway?

Is this Game Stop waste product the friend of whom you speak? If so, why are you lowering your own standards to even hang out with the dude? Geez, the slacker virus might be contagious! Run away!

Otherwise, if the slacker is just the sibling of your friend, then obviously the parents did something right in raising a child worthy of your friendship.

 

[tolyk]

(devil's advocate alert)

Now, now. Perhaps they are "fifty and going nowhere" by your standards. If they're happy, does it matter? Or are your standards of success all that matter?

I'm sure you are aware that fucked up progeny aren't ALWAYS the fault of poor parenting skills. Is he happy? Who are you to judge, anyway?

And lastly, is this Game Stop waste product the friend of whom you speak? If so, why are you lowering your own standards to even hang out with the dude? Geez, the slacker virus might be contagious! Run away!

*sighs dreamily*

You're the best Well.. sorry, second best... *grin*

 

[mlady_france]

(devil's advocate alert)

Now, now. Perhaps they are "fifty and going nowhere" by your standards. If they're happy, does it matter? Or are your standards of success all that matter?

I'm sure you are aware that fucked up progeny aren't ALWAYS the fault of poor parenting skills. Is he happy? Who are you to judge, anyway?

Is this Game Stop waste product the friend of whom you speak? If so, why are you lowering your own standards to even hang out with the dude? Geez, the slacker virus might be contagious! Run away!

Otherwise, if the slacker is just the sibling of your friend, then obviously the parents did something right in raising a child worthy of your friendship.

Were you at my last family gathering? That all has a familure tone to it.

 

[Lisa Denton]

I had to endure a polite, four hour long session with a friend's family tonite... the topic? A seemingly endless series of advice and presumptuous bullshit from "the older folk".

I had to bit back the "you're fifty and going nowhere, please shut the hell up" begging to come out and the "your son is a college drop out working a Game Stop and living at home, you do not impress me with your parenting skills" just begging to leap out of me.

Ugh.

Yes Joe, your thoughts were very patronizing.

Sometimes its best to just state the truth "You are not perfect, therefore you have wasted four hours attempting to help me while I didn't listen to a word you said" and go find some friends whose family will sit and listen to your seemingly endless advice and presumptuous bullshit for hours.

The entire universe suffers when you fail to share your wisdom.


Also conversations can easily be redirected or ended politely, simply say "But what should I do with my life if I'm really into gay bondage?" Then ask for several shots of tequila, with salt and lemon slices please.

You know I joke with affection Joe

 

[Guest]

Yes Joe, your thoughts were very patronizing.

Sometimes its best to just state the truth "You are not perfect, therefore you have wasted four hours attempting to help me while I didn't listen to a word you said" and go find some friends whose family will sit and listen to your seemingly endless advice and presumptuous bullshit for hours.

The entire universe suffers when you fail to share your wisdom.


Also conversations can easily be redirected or ended politely, simply say "But what should I do with my life if I'm really into gay bondage?" Then ask for several shots of tequila, with salt and lemon slices please.

You know I joke with affection Joe

 

[yui]

if I really wanted to design costumes for a living that I should beg my aunt (who has a factory in her garage making Harley head wraps and religous danceware)

Hi Mlady,

Sorry! Not to jack the thread, but what exactly constitutes religious dancewear? I'm racking my brain trying to think of what North American religion (outside of Fancy Dancing) would regularly need dancewear.

Luck,

Yui

 

[Belegon]

You mean that's not religion they're selling down at Deja Vu?


Damn. Is it too late to tell the IRS I want a do-over? I don't think some of my deductions are going to pass inspection....

 

[Op_Cit]

Sorry! Not to jack the thread, but what exactly constitutes religious dancewear? I'm racking my brain trying to think of what North American religion (outside of Fancy Dancing) would regularly need dancewear.

hmmm... You know the inner workings/rites of the Mormon church are kept secret... who's to say what goes on...
(They have special underwear after all...)