patience/stubbornness/lethargy

[neci]

i am afraid at times i have all three. i need to figure out how to motivate myself more. granted, yes. i need to become motivated without shutting down. it is not an easy walk.

 

[marshalt]

I invented all 3.

 

[marshalt]

Oh wait, that said patience. Nevermind. Fuck patience.

 

[neci]

the lethargy - sloth

it is the poison. it keeps me from moving forward. fear paralyses. i have to call it for what it is and examine it closely. it is a trait i worry about passing onto my babies. if i could prevent them from receiving any of my makeup, it is this. the depression plays a key role in this. i know it probably won't ever go away, and i do try to keep up with things that combat it. like taking meds, exercise (would be better if i could fuck 30 minutes every day,) sunshine - this one i am really getting down.

i love the fall. it is my favorite season. the cool air motivates me to move.

still. that fear. it is there.

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

Having patience is a great quality to have. Stubbornness can be good or bad. Lethargy can never be considered good.

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

the lethargy - sloth

it is the poison. it keeps me from moving forward. fear paralyses. i have to call it for what it is and examine it closely. it is a trait i worry about passing onto my babies. if i could prevent them from receiving any of my makeup, it is this. the depression plays a key role in this. i know it probably won't ever go away, and i do try to keep up with things that combat it. like taking meds, exercise (would be better if i could fuck 30 minutes every day,) sunshine - this one i am really getting down.

i love the fall. it is my favorite season. the cool air motivates me to move.

still. that fear. it is there.

what do you fear?

 

[neci]

I invented all 3.

oh, really?

Oh wait, that said patience. Nevermind. Fuck patience.

patience makes me feel like gandhi. or the buddha. i have patience down. no rush. really. none. the calm in the storm. action only when necessary. then a fierce downpour. followed by stillness.

 

[neci]

stubbornness - this is my bull. 8 seconds only for the best. it is my pride.

 

[Killswitch]

You have to play it straight for a year or two.

 

[doctor_insanus]

I know the feeling.

I tell myself that it is Tranquility. Sometimes, it's true.

 

[neci]

what do you fear?

so much. not being able to hold it together. failing someone else. my actions causing harm to my children. not being strong enough. needing more than i can give.

 

[marshalt]

oh, really?



patience makes me feel like gandhi. or the buddha. i have patience down. no rush. really. none. the calm in the storm. action only when necessary. then a fierce downpour. followed by stillness.

Gandhi was a bigoted old perv who slept with his niece and got shot in the face and Buddha was a plagiaristic jerk. I'm very happy I never feel like either of them.

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

so much. not being able to hold it together. failing someone else. my actions causing harm to my children. not being strong enough. needing more than i can give.

how old are your children?

 

[warrior queen]

I have learned patience.
I will always be stubborn - have tried not to be, and failed.
I have never been lethargic.... if something needs doing or attending to, I just get up and deal with it. Must be my yachtie childhood learning

 

[neci]

You have to play it straight for a year or two.

i have played it very straight. walking the line - literally. the tightrope. don't look down. i want to rest, but i can't now. i need action.

I know the feeling.

I tell myself that it is Tranquility. Sometimes, it's true.

tranquility.

i need to have that inner peace, or i can not go on. the lies i tell myself to sleep no longer serve their purpose. i have to break free, and that terrifies me. i know i have to do it, but i am scared. when i was younger, i never thought i would be scared. i was so sure. i feel vulnerable. i do not like that.

 

[thør]

Oh wait, that said patience. Nevermind. Fuck patience.

I remember her. Wasn't a great fuck.

 

[warrior queen]

so much. not being able to hold it together. failing someone else. my actions causing harm to my children. not being strong enough. needing more than i can give.

Those are pretty deep fears. Any idea what they spring from?

 

[neci]

Gandhi was a bigoted old perv who slept with his niece and got shot in the face and Buddha was a plagiaristic jerk. I'm very happy I never feel like either of them.

*sigh*

if i am remembered as a perv, i want to be remembered as the most artistic cock sucker there ever was. she inspired a generation of young gay men and women everywhere to learn how their mouths were made to sing. even the straight men wanted to taste themselves.

how old are your children?

too young for lit talk. both now in school.

I have learned patience.
I will always be stubborn - have tried not to be, and failed.
I have never been lethargic.... if something needs doing or attending to, I just get up and deal with it. Must be my yachtie childhood learning

i do not know where the lethargy comes from. well, i do. it comes from hiding. the insecurity. the panic of moving. safety in the dark and shadows. paralyzed.

 

[Killswitch]

*sigh*

if i am remembered as a perv, i want to be remembered as the most artistic cock sucker there ever was. she inspired a generation of young gay men and women everywhere to learn how their mouths were made to sing. even the straight men wanted to taste themselves.



too young for lit talk. both now in school.



i do not know where the lethargy comes from. well, i do. it comes from hiding. the insecurity. the panic of moving. safety in the dark and shadows. paralyzed.

Because you're overwhelmed and don't know where to start and then what if you're successful.

Thats hard.

Get off your ass. Your brain is telling you the same thing.

You'll feel better.

 

[neci]

Those are pretty deep fears. Any idea what they spring from?

yes. i do.

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

*sigh*

if i am remembered as a perv, i want to be remembered as the most artistic cock sucker there ever was. she inspired a generation of young gay men and women everywhere to learn how their mouths were made to sing. even the straight men wanted to taste themselves.



too young for lit talk. both now in school.



i do not know where the lethargy comes from. well, i do. it comes from hiding. the insecurity. the panic of moving. safety in the dark and shadows. paralyzed.

I understand that they are young enough that they still very much need their mom.

 

[neci]

Because you're overwhelmed and don't know where to start and then what if you're successful.

Thats hard.

Get off your ass. Your brain is telling you the same thing.

You'll feel better.

i am overwhelmed. my ass will move more now that it's not 100 degrees.

 

[neci]

I understand that they are young enough that they still very much need their mom.

they have me and always will. that has never been in question. i am harder on myself than anyone i know has ever been.

 

[Killswitch]

i am overwhelmed. my ass will move more now that it's not 100 degrees.

You have to center your chi.

Being productive does that but enjoy the buzz and build on it.

 

[warrior queen]

i do not know where the lethargy comes from. well, i do. it comes from hiding. the insecurity. the panic of moving. safety in the dark and shadows. paralyzed.

The day my brother died, everything changed for me.
I used to be the kind of person who could lie in of a morning, who could leave a basket of laundry unfolded, who could stack mail to be dealt with another day....
Now, I have to deal with the mail, fold the laundry, get up as soon as I wake.
If I'm afraid of anything, it's wasting a moment of the very limited time I have to live!