On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting Dressed, surrounded by
all her family and she Suddenly realized she had forgotten to get
shoes. ((Panic)) Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of
White shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day.
Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the Time the
festivities were over Sophie's feet were in agony. When she and
Edward withdrew to their room the only thing She could think of was
getting her shoes off. The rest of the Family crowded round the door
to the Bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts,
Straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they
heard Edward say, "Darn, that was tight." "There," whispered the
mother. "I told you she was a virgin." Then, to their surprise they
heard Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more
grunting And straining and at last Edward said, "My God! That was
even tighter!" "That's my boy," said the father. "Once a sailor,
always a sailor."
>> >next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water
>> >temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used
>> >to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath
>> >in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were
>> >starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide
>> >the body odor. Hence th e custom today of carrying a bouquet when
>> >getting married.
>> >
>> >Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the
>> >house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other
>> >sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all
>> >the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose
>> >someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the
>> >Bath water..
>> >
>> >Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood
>> >underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all
>> >the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When
>> >it rained it became
>> >slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
>> >Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dog s.
>> >
>> >There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This
>> >posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
>> >could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a
>> >sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy
>> >beds came into existence.
>> >
>> >The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
>> >Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would
>> >get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw)
>> >on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they
>> >added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all
>> >start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the
>> >entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
>> > < BR>>> >(Getting quite an
>> >education, aren't you?)
>> >
>> >In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
>> >always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added
>> >things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much
>> >meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the
>> >pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.
>> >Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
>> >Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas
>> >porridge in the pot nine days old..
>> >
>> >Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite
>> >special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to
>> >show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the
> > >bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would
>> >all sit around and chew the fat..
>> >
>> >Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid
>> >content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead
>> >poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the
>> >next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
>> >
>> >Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom
>> >of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
>> >the upper crust.
>> >
>> >Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would
>> >sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone
>> >walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for
>> >burial. They were la id out on the kitchen table for a couple of days
>> >and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and
>> >see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
>> >
>> >England is old and small and the local folks started running out of
>> >places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take
>> >the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these
>> >coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the
>> >inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they
>> >would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the
>> >coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would
>> >have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to
>> >listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or
>> >was considered a ..dead ringer..
>> >
>> >And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring!
>> >Educate someone. Share these facts with a friend.
(Unlike spells per day, the number of spells a sorcerer knows is not affected by his Charisma score; the numbers on Table: Sorcerer Spells Known are fixed.)
A sex-starved wife is fed up with her boozy husband. Every night he
comes in drunk and falls asleep straight away. It comes to a point where
she hasn't had a good shag for over a year and is considering divorce.
After another night in the pub, she decides to confront him when he
gets home. When he staggers through the front door, before she can have
a go at him, he coos "baby, get upstairs to the bedroom".
She can't believe it - at last he's going to give her one. They get to
the
bedroom and he rips off her clothes. "Now darling do a hand-stand
against
the full length mirror on the wall".
"Hmmm," she thinks "KINKY. I like it." She does the handstand and
her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin between her legs right
on her muff.
"The boys down the pub were right," he says, "a Goatee WOULD suit me!"