Passive-aggressively yours

[Sweetprey]

This captures it

I can not stand dealing with passive aggressive folks, which will undoubtedly complicate my career choice of counseling-but then they will have to pay me to be passive aggressive to me.
This particular ferret is my favorite symbol of passive aggressive behavior-enjoy.




http://www.fupenguin.com/2009/11/dissatisfied-ferrets-resort-to-jewish.html

 

[brioche]

There's this quote I remember from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Cordelia said, "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." I really agree with that to a great extent.

One of my brother's fellow trainees is going to teacher's college and looking forward to PTA meetings. I believe the phrase he gave to my brother was, "Your kid is a cunt." Now, you so can't do that, but sometimes I spend two or three minutes trying to tactfully tell a parent that their kid is a bitch, or bossy, or full of attitude, or sneaky, or whatever, and they'll respond, "Yeah, she really is bitchy/bossy/etc., isn't she?" and I'm thinking, "Why do I even bother?" And yet I often think that if I opened with, "Your kid is really bitchy," the parent would get offended.

When it get to the kids, though, I lay it on the line. Tact does not work with 10 year olds. You need to tell them that they smell and are wearing dirty clothes, or that you are tired of them correcting you since they are always wrong, or that they need a button for their lip since whatever is in their head just spills out and half of what they say they shouldn't.

But then, yesterday I had a parent asking me, "What is wrong with my son? What is wrong with him? Something is seriously wrong with him." What do you say to that? I've known the kid for 3 months. I have my own problems. How am I supposed to know why he's fucked up? So maybe I'm not the best judge right now.

 

[Homburg]

What's wrong?

(Your cue to say, "Nothing")

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[DeepGreenEyes]

i see. that's how it is.

That's the way what is? I don't know what you're insinuating. I'm just being supportive here.


you can tell I'm being supportive because I am using the words "I'm being supportive."

 

[neci]

That's the way what is? I don't know what you're insinuating. I'm just being supportive here.


you can tell I'm being supportive because I am using the words "I'm being supportive."

hiding behind semantics. yep.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

hiding behind semantics. yep.

And you, hiding behind sementics.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I'm left wondering..."Do I do this shit?"

Most people probably practice a degree of passive-aggressive behavior, probably unknowingly.

While a pattern of problematic passive-aggressive behavior needs to be addressed, I just want to point out that some people are merely non-confrontational. Not because they're messed up, or lacking in confidence, or lack control in their lives, but just because that's how they ARE.

You get angry, but you don't like confrontation, but you're angry and you're just SO ANGRY and that anger comes out, whether you like it or not. And it ends up being a sigh. or sulking but avoiding the subject. or slamming a distant door (I do this one without even knowing it). Anyway, in these instances, a little understanding is warranted, as long as the passive-aggressive behavior not an actual problematic pattern.

Also.

*SIGH*

 

[graceanne]

*SIGH*

Whatever.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Whatever.

Oh lord I hate the "whatever".

I also hate that I have to try SO HARD not to do it XD

 

[graceanne]

Oh lord I hate the "whatever".

I also hate that I have to try SO HARD not to do it XD

Like. Both parts. lol

 

[sweepthefloor]

thing is: I can handle aggressive but I can't deal with the fake passive bullshit.
Fucking liars.
I wanted to say: Just beat my ass already if that is how you feel: leave the psycho drama babble out of it.

The continuous: beat you down emotionally and abuse--then turn around and worship you--
i left him.

 

[Keroin]

LOL's all around.

I agree that most of us engage in PA at some point. To me it's something you mostly grow out of, though - or should grow out of. If you're 40 and your responses are still largely PA, then it's a problem, IMO.

What finally made up my mind with the friend I mentioned is that she has been pouting about *something* for a year now. I had no idea what she was pouting about and I do not play the "What's wrong?" game...I refuse. An event finally prompted her to come out and tell me, in a straightforward manner, what was going on in her brain. She was angry about something I did a YEAR ago, (women...ugh...[sorry women]). That alone is annoying but what's worse is the thing she was angry about had a completely logical explanation and if she had mentioned it to me a year ago I would have told her and she would have understood (as she did when I explained it to her) and it would have been no big deal at all!

Instead, she PA'd me for a year! A year.

Argh.

Done.

I know how it feels to have difficulty with conflict. I have difficulty with conflict. But GROW UP and deal with it!!

/vent

On another note, it's interesting to me how behaviour such as PA is not given the same status as out and out aggression. Someone who yells and calls names as part of their behaviour often ends up forced into some kind of anger management classes but people who engage in PA? Nothing. Society seems far more accepting of the latter and yet both are detrimental.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Yah, that sort of behavior is immature and stupid.

 

[KoPilot]

If someone asks me what's wrong and I say "nothing", then it's either really nothing, or I don't genuinely want to tell them.

That said, I'm faaar more prone to sweeping feelings under the rug and trying to put on a sweet face, or just going for outright sarcasm and assholery than ever resorting to PA.

Though I guess being a blatant dick isn't much better than trying to be a covert dick.

 

[graceanne]

If someone asks what's wrong and I say nothing, and it's something, it's because I know I'm being silly/hormonal and it won't be a big deal after I get some rest.

 

[Marquis]

If someone asks what's wrong and I say nothing, and it's something, it's because I am biding my time for the right moment to take revenge.

 

[Keroin]

These days, if I say "nothing" it is either because the matter is so trivial that it doesn't even warrant being spoken of, or there really is nothing bothering me.

In my youth, "nothing" usually meant "something". Something I was so upset about that I felt the need to torture the other person with my silence and suffering. You hurt me so now I'm going to make you suffer for it, damnit!

So silly.

 

[sb2009]

You know what is a total killer for PA shit? Being married to someone like my husband. His combination of being naturally selfish and ADD made it impossible for me to pout, etc and get any sort of satisfactory response. It was like the "extinction" method of dealing with temper trantrums in kids - he just did not respond, did not ask, did not notice, did NOTHING and it was totally a fruitless way to get any sort of attention.

It just took a bit of time for me to get it. And the positive results when I did ask "I'm super lonely feeling and would like some attention" resulted, in WOW, attention ROFL or whatever it was I was asking for.

Seriously, if a lot of people who do PA shit just would realize that they would probably get what they wanted by being up front, the world would be a way happier place!

 

[teknight]

So, this PA stuff- does it only apply to people who are close to you (either you're PA to them, or them to you) or are other PA people just labeled as "free-lance" assholes/dolts/pyL*.




*I'm subverting the term from its pure BDSM incarnation, of course.

 

[DVS]

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I'm not trying to be a "know it all", but ellipses are only 3 dots long. You're wasting dots for no reason. But, if you want to continue using 4 dots, that's fine with me. Who am I to judge?

 

[DVS]

These days, if I say "nothing" it is either because the matter is so trivial that it doesn't even warrant being spoken of, or there really is nothing bothering me.

In my youth, "nothing" usually meant "something". Something I was so upset about that I felt the need to torture the other person with my silence and suffering. You hurt me so now I'm going to make you suffer for it, damnit!

So silly.

Yes, I agree it's silly. But, isn't that how "some" women punish their SO? Are you slowly turning into a man?

I think you should post some more pictures, so we can be sure.

 

[Bandit58]

I tried to come up with some passive-aggressive style response, but I suck at it so I'm going to sulk and be mad at you and not tell you why.

You're not related to my ex husband are you??