Partners lack of adventure

[prophet2501]

Hey all,

I have responded to a few posts and I have always been impressed with the candor and friendliness that people have responded so I decided to throw my quandry out there.

I have been living with/dating the same girl for a year and a half, I am a big-time lingerie, bondage, sextoy, creative sex kind of person. I am more or less constantly horny and willing to please at a moments notice. I love going down on women and I love jsu general playing and random acts of naughtyness.

My lady however...shares none of this. We had a fairly prolific sex life and it isn;t like we don;t have good sex, we have the best sex i have ever had, but its one a month if that. She refuses me outright every time i go after her most of the time or laughs at my spontaneous erections (constantly) Its to the point where i feel dirty for trying to touch her at all. I have more or less stopped trying to initiate sex and I am really unsure of where that leaves us.

I wish she could be more open and every time i show her something naughty or even a little "slutty" in a magazine or store she gets mad at me...

HELP!!! should i stay with her? I am just not satisfied....

 

[peachykeen]

Could it be your approach? Without neccessarily meaning to, you may be putting her off.

Ponder these two very similar but yet very different sentences:

I want to have MORE SEX with her.
I want to have more sex WITH HER.


Is it possible that you are leading her to think that the sex seems more important to you than the person you are having sex with?

Just a thought.


However, if you are going to invest much more time in this relationship, you need to work it out. Why not try going to counseling?

 

[shescurious]

I have to agree with peachykeen on this. It is possible that you have made her feel like sex is something she is obligated to give you by saying things like "you should take care of me" or something of that sort?

Try asking her how she feels about sex in general, and really listen to what she is saying.

Good luck,
Shescurious

 

[Image]

My advice (take it sparingly): If you don't have too much invested find someone else that shares this part of your life. Yes, love can be enough but...

If she's not a roleplayer, she'll never be one. It's an innate thing, you can't change her. If she just goes along with it for you it won't be as fulfilling. And she'll never take it seriously enough to enjoy the real naughtyness.

 

[prophet2501]

well I have discussed it with her in the past and I have never actually come out and said "hey baby do me now" to a woman at any point, I have always been jumped or been in a mutual situation. I am actually very submissive when it comes to being with a woman in the bedroom, I always have been so its weird for me to be in a position to be the one wanting to initiate sex...

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hey all,

I have responded to a few posts and I have always been impressed with the candor and friendliness that people have responded so I decided to throw my quandry out there.

I have been living with/dating the same girl for a year and a half, I am a big-time lingerie, bondage, sextoy, creative sex kind of person. I am more or less constantly horny and willing to please at a moments notice. I love going down on women and I love jsu general playing and random acts of naughtyness.

My lady however...shares none of this. We had a fairly prolific sex life and it isn;t like we don;t have good sex, we have the best sex i have ever had, but its one a month if that. She refuses me outright every time i go after her most of the time or laughs at my spontaneous erections (constantly) Its to the point where i feel dirty for trying to touch her at all. I have more or less stopped trying to initiate sex and I am really unsure of where that leaves us.

I wish she could be more open and every time i show her something naughty or even a little "slutty" in a magazine or store she gets mad at me...

HELP!!! should i stay with her? I am just not satisfied....

Have you told her who you feel? She can't fix the problem(if she even wants to) if she dopesn't know what it is.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Oh dear Prophet, I've been in similar situations myself. Whether the guy didn't share the same sexual drive as myself; or his idea of sex wasn't the same as mine, I came away frustrated. Didn't matter how much I loved him, I wasn't getting all that I needed out of the relationship. Which is another facet of the relationship; as far as I'm concerned.
I know that a successful relationship is a harmony of all things together, but for me; sexual passion is very important.
So Phophet, I understand where you are coming from. Don't have any answers, sorry . But know that you are not being "dirty" for wanting to touch and enjoy the wonders of her body. Nor is there anything wrong with being hard constantly. Personally, I'd take it as a compliment , but then again, I enjoy lots of sexual pleasure.
Follow your heart Prophet, where ever it may take you. Good luck!


-kym- keeping those thoughts of pleasure first and foremost in my mind

 

[prophet2501]

I love the advice, keep it coming all. I appreciate the attention

 

[myrgth]

I think that it is really important for you to have an open and honest discussion about this with her. She needs to know how you feel about your shared sex life, and know what your needs and expectations are and vice versa. She also needs to acknowledge whether or not she shares in the same expectations and you with her expectations. If she doesn't, odds are she never will. Sex is not the whole of the relationship, but when it isn't working well for both partners it becomes the focus.

Discuss all the things you want and like, perhaps she will share in some of them. If she doesn't, then it will be understood between you two what each of you want and need from each other sexually. Then, it will be up to you both to decide if you can please one another and more forward in your relationship.

 

[tyme]

your title is about her lack of adventure but what you are talking about is how often really

My lady however...shares none of this. We had a fairly prolific sex life and it isn;t like we don;t have good sex, we have the best sex i have ever had, but its one a month if that.

So you have great sex you just want more. Sex is not everything in a relationship but it can end one if two people are not seeing eye to eye on it. I would talk to her about it. why you are at it bring up some of the other things you are into. Who knows maybe she is into them to and just has not let you know it.

 

[fgarvb1]

Advise? Advise!

Dude, run like the demons of hell are after you!

She is not going to get any better. Why commit yourself to a life of unfulfilled frustration?

Don't let the door hit you in the ass!


You do NOT want to be where i am NOW!


RUN...RUN...RUN...RUN...RUN...RUN!

 

[SexyGiggles]

My lady however...shares none of this. We had a fairly prolific sex life and it isn;t like we don;t have good sex, we have the best sex i have ever had, but its one a month if that. She refuses me outright every time i go after her most of the time or laughs at my spontaneous erections (constantly) Its to the point where i feel dirty for trying to touch her at all. I have more or less stopped trying to initiate sex and I am really unsure of where that leaves us.

I wish she could be more open and every time i show her something naughty or even a little "slutty" in a magazine or store she gets mad at me...

HELP!!! should i stay with her? I am just not satisfied....

I've been in this boat too prophet. You really need to take a look at what you feel you are getting as compared to what you are not getting. Is the rest of the relationship worth the sacrifice?

Once you realize what you want and what you need, you should sit down and have an open, honest discussion with her. Let her know what you need and want from the relationship. Let her know how you feel -- if you haven't had an open conversation about this in the past, she doesn't know how you feel and how you have been feeling. Tell her what you like about the relationship, and tell her what you don't like. Suggest some changes that you she can make, and ask her what you can do in exchange. Make some compromises in order to achieve a relationship that is fulfilling and satisfying for both of you.

If that doesn't work, or if she isn't willing to meet you half way, then look at what you really want from a woman, and whether you'd be better off without her.

Just my two cents worth...

 

[SpankMyMonkey]

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Prophet,
Image is correct. If you can leave do so. She will not change. Trust me on this one. Don't get stuck into something you can't get out of. There are lots of people out there like you, and me and MY-Sir's-k-. You can find a woman who wants to fuck you like an animal and never stop.

Do not make the same mistake I did.

If you have too much invested, or cannot leave like me, then at least talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Maybe she is just inimidated by your experience. Read the above book I mentioned. It might help. It might give some insight into her perspective on love and sex.

Hope you get through it.

Bump
Bump

Spank

 

[Lovelynice]

Sometimes it's not the lack of talking, it's the method of communication. I've had partners that I'd end up in screaming arguments with because each was pressing the wrong buttons, communication was unclear, and with the pressure....the sex simply died out in the relationship.

I'd suggest writing her a letter, and you might find that she'd understand your point of view better when it's written down...people can take time to think about a written letter, and that can possibly lead to understanding.

She might be just as horny as you are, but too shy and embarrassed to admit it, and putting simple pressure on her isn't going to help make her open up. Make her panic though, and she might come around to your way of thinking, or at least be more open to what you want. I'd suggest that if she doesn't understand or pretends not to understand your letter, then give her an ultimatum....and be prepared to leave for real!

It might take six months to change her mind, but even if she doesn't call you back, at least she'll be absolutely certain as to why you left. If she loves you, she WILL ask you to come back....the point is here, do you know for certain that she cares as much about you as you do about her???

...and if she doesn't care as much, then why in hell are you still with her anyway!!!

 

[Guest]

with reluctant partner

 

[DuckLover]

Caution

Communication is the key. I teach a communication course at the local college specifically on raising delicate issues like this one.

A VERY important point was made by SexyGiggles-- ask what you can do to help. The nonverbal message in that request is that you honestly care about her feelings to, and that you are willing to work towards both of your happiness. People support what they help to create, so getting her input is critical. Put another way, the least effective solution will be anything that YOU create and SHE carries out; you need to be willing to do some work too.

Lovelynice's suggestion of writing a letter is a good one. Whether you actually give it to your gf or not. it will help you clarify your own points BEFORE you start talking to her. Some of us trip over our words or don't get to the point if we haven't thought about what we're going to say ahead of time.

I agree with Woodcarver that finding a specific, non-sexual time to talk to her is critical-- sometime when you won't be interupted and don't have a deadline looming. I would not, however, choose a romantic dinner. She might feel blindsided-- she was expecting a lovely evening of romance and time together and instead gets hit with "You're not putting out enough." (I know you wouldn't actually say that, but that is likely what she'll hear. Juxtaposition exagerates meaning.) His suggestions for a slow, sensual approach when you DO want to initiate sex are good, though.

Couples counseling may be beneficial also. Many clinics have a sliding scale for their fees based on you financial background. While in college, a gf and I went to one (cost us $5 a session) for a while. It did help us, particularly in that I learned what many of her issues were and why she wasn't horny frequently.

Be patient and good luck!

 

[Amfig]

Been there also. If you have a lot invested in the relationship and you otherwise want to keep it, consider third party assistance. sometimes a quick dip into counselling can facilitate communication issues. If the investment of time, money and emotion is not heavy, RUN!

IMHO a partner who is an infrequent and reluctant sexual partner is likely not bringing up a lot of other issues about problems he or she may have with him/herself, with you, or with the relationship. Counselling/therapy sometimes will bring out that sex is a symptom, not the problem. If you want to stay and work through all of it, do, and good luck. Be ready to pour more time, effort, work and money into it. If you're not willing, cut your losses now.

 

[lilpriss]

I hate to say this, but I've been there done that.

It's hard.

I didn't handle it well at all and it's affected me more than I realized...

It spilled into the next relationhip such that I put all of my issues (quirks if you will) out there right away and now am feeling like he's tickled about my sex drive but not interested in furthering the relationship.

The last BF was scared of my sex drive, but looking for marriage...

so I suggest you take the good advice onthis board...


ABOVE by Ducklover

 

[Mstrskey]

My words of wisdom

and a view from the other side of the coin.

Very early on in our marriage my husband was pretty much horny 24/7/365. He would wake up and want sex, come for lunch and want sex, sex before dinner and before bed. He was at best insatiable. At first it was kind of interesting, that he was " always in the mood" but after a while it got to be an irritation. At the time it took me a while to become aroused and him simply walking in dick first and grinning did nothing to get me ready for sex. Also it was starting to become just that, SEX, we were doing it so often it was starting to loose its sense of intimacy and specialness for me.
I began to shy away from sex more and more. My husband hoping to help spark my interest again would bring me porn, sex toys, grope and fondle me at a moments notice, talk about sex as we walked through the grocery store or watched the game. In his mind he was showing me how much he wanted me, in my mind the focus of our relationship became our sex life.
Neither one of us wanted to talk about it, after all we were in a committed relationship so he thought it was a given that I found him sexually desireable and I thought it was a given he would respect me enough to back off. I didn't want to hurt him by saying that he wasn't exactly rocking my world between the sheets when I did give it up, and he didn't want to hurt me by saying that my passivity in the bedroom was keeping him from acheiving real sexual release and gratification.
The dodge and pursuit went on for a good 6 months and in that short time span it came very close too ruining an otherwise great marriage. He felt like no matter what he did I was turned off and I felt like the only time I got his attention was if he wanted a quick fuck.

Eventually we ended up in a massive arguement where everything got aired out, but not in the best of ways. Rather then saying, " I love you and there are days when I want you very much but when you come at me the way you do it makes me feel cheap and unimportant for more then my vagina." I was screaming " ALL I AM TO YOU IS A FUCKING CUNT AREN'T I?"
Instead of him saying to me, " I think it would make things better for me if you were able to enjoy sex more and show me how good I make you feel." he was sceaming back, " WELL WHEN YOUR CUNT SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY FUCKING THING WITH A PULSE ON YOU WHAT DO YOU THINK." There were a lot of hurt feelings that could have been spared by just sitting down and TALKING to each other openly and honestly.

So my advice is:
#1 TALK and keep the lines of communication open and honest. Be truthful in your desires and expectations and respect that hers may not match them.
#2 LISTEN even if its not what you want to hear. Nobody wants to hear that they're not a good lover, or that they aren't as desireable as they thought, but sometimes its the truth.
#3 RESPECT the choices that are made and don't try and make somebody into what they're not. She may need time to come to grips with her own sexuality and intimacy levels. Forcing the issue will only increase her own inhibitions about herself and her sexuality.
#4 DECIDE if this is to crucial an issue for you to overcome. And understand that you're not some sort of male animal if it is. A healthy sexual relationship is a crucial part of the success of a committed relationship. Now that doesn't mean that you go at it like rabbits that means that you are open and honest about your sexual needs and expectations and that you respect your partner enough to abide by their wishes or try and adapt to make things compatible. If you can't it may be better to part ways now before it becomes a very nasty situation or you find your pleasure elsewhere.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Knights Raven]

Wow, I am glad I found this thread...

Whew!

I was not looking for this thread, but I am damn glad I found it. =)

I have been married for 5 years and recently we have begun to have a sort of barrier to sex. It is like an invisible pressure.

As a passionate husband I found myself really relating to MstrsKey when she recounted that:

*****************************
"In his mind he was showing me how much he wanted me, in my mind the focus of our relationship became our sex life."
*****************************

I think I may even have said those words. So I appreciate the insight into "the other side." I thought I would share “the other side” a bit as well. No blame, no fingers, (well maybe some fingers =) ), just my current situation….

We both work, and I am currently finishing my last year of law school. The result is that sex during the week just doesn’t seem like a real good time. We are both tired and tend to look at the clock reading 10pm and thing "well, have to getup at 5:30am so maybe I should just get some sleep."

Just yesterday, it was about 9:30pm and my wife was leaning over to adjust the radio, resting her elbows on the dresser. She looked so dang goos and maybe the visual image of the position got to me so I came up behind her and slowly drew my finger down her back and curved over behind her with my best purr as I supported myself with one arm on the dresser as well. I leaned in close to her ear and gave a little flick of my tongue to her earlobe saying how good she looked when she sets the alarm =) ...

Well, she kind of pushed me away with a smile and said something like"your impossible"... and went to the bed with her glass of wine and a book.

Maybe I should have let it drop then. One problem is that I feel that if I let it drop, then we will go 3 sometimes 4 weeks without sex. So... I got into bed next to her.

*note: about 30 mins prior to all this I had showered, brushed teeth, clipped my nails (making sure none door was closed and none were left on counter, floor, etc... of course … I only mention this to make clear that I understand that Body-odor, bad hygiene etc., can be a real barrier to confidant seduction*

So... I got into bed next to her kind of played with her fingertips a bit while having that "little smile" on my face. She kind of gave out a tired sigh and said to me "Oh honey you kind of got me excited but I am just really tired tonight..." I told her it was ok and that I loved her and continued to play with her hand for a little bit before giving it a squeeze and relaxing into a sleep mode while facing her.

SO... during the week, fine. I understand. I love her. No pressure, just chill I tell myself. Doesn't mean I am not sexy or can't arouse her passions, just means she is tired.

...I cant remember the last time we had sex during the week. =(

SO... then the weekend comes. Friday night. Nice dinner (she makes it, I set table and clean up after... is just one of those little marriage deals -- whoever cooks doesn’t clean), afterwards she wants to know what I would like to do?

well, I know she is pretty tired after a long week. “How about we go downstairs, turn on the fireplace, dim the lights, listen to some Enya or maybe low volume Engima, bring a bottle of wine and just relax together?” I suggest.

The invisible pressure hits. I can see it in her body language. "He wants to have sex, he is trying to be romantic and non-pressuring... I know when we go downstairs he is going to be thinking sex, and probably waiting for me to drink enough wine that I loosen up..." Argghhh! =( (I am getting frustrated even as I write this.)

Of course part of the problem is that she is absolutely right! I love it when she drinks and lets herself go. That passion and the (wow, this forum and I feel off for typing this but…) her "Slutty" side that comes out is an incredible turn on for me. I love it when she gets so "into" it that she just moans for me to do anything to her or have her do anything for me.

Fantasies of her's that have come out during this time have included other women, men, twosomes threesomes, etc... Although, I would have to say the most reoccurring is being on stage, or at Mardi Gras, or being video taped. She often talks of all the men watching her or even touching her.

I am a little bit off topic with the Friday Night pressure bit but let me say this about her fantasies: 1) I am aroused by anything that arouses the passions in her, 2) I recognize that in combination with her having a close, younger sister who is "Facially" more attractive than my wife growing up, and the Onstage-Filming-MardiGras bit, likely means my wife has issues with feeling desirably or sexy. (my sister in law is very attractive in her own right, but I prefer a bedroom fullness to a body over just a pretty face. Not saying super overweight (a little bit is actually a good thing to me) I just prefer something more than super thin anorexia girls)

In truth, her "I’m not sexy or desirable" couldn’t be further from the truth. She is 28, 5'6" 120lb athletic frame with a D chest that is still very firm and causes all of my friends to drool openly. (real by the way although I am not a breast man myself). She is interested in triathlons and is in great shape.

SO... back to the Friday night… In short, I become completely turned off by the body language she presents to my "pressure" and the discussion which maybe could revolve around how much we love each other, our future, our fantasies, thanks for things we did for each other in the past week etc...

Instead it is along the lines of: did you take out the garbage after cleaning up?... Poor girlfriend X who is recently divorced and needs a lot of my wife’s time for support, Frustrations at work/boss/project… who is taking the dog to the vet tomorrow etc...

Well with that passion inflaming discussion who couldn’t keep their hands off each other!? =(

So, grrr… I am happy to listen, happy to support. Yes, I used a coaster so the wine glass wont sit directly on the coffee table... Yes, let me go stain stick the khakis right away so that the bit of wine doesn’t stain them despite having 6 other pair upstairs and an income that barely registers the thought of a $30-45 pair of Khakis... grrr... =(

ANYHOO... all that frustration aside, sex is usually fulfilling for me when we have it. We have sort of a reverse problem then most couples I suspect. 99% of the time she comes before I do. 66% of the time, I use my fingers or tongue to entice her to continue to "play", or occasionally just slow/minimize my in out motion for more kissing and slowly working her passions back up while I am inside her. 85% or so she comes this second time and I usually come with her.

Pleasing the woman is very important to me and I won’t come if she is not into it. If she comes the first time and is done, then I usually just stop. She usually says something like “Is it ok that I’m done? You didn’t cum, is that ok?”, I tell her that I get a lot of pleasure out of pleasing her and if it was good for her then it was good for me. 99% of the time I am telling the truth when I say this.

I try to keep things fresh. The thought of just rolling over and saying "lets go" makes me gag.

But, on the other hand, I have rolled over so many times and let my fingers drift down her hips, or my breath on the back of her neck, my tounge on her sides and back as I drift slowly downwards... that now even that seems blaise and I get so tired of being the one to have to initiate and rouse her passions to the point that she lets go.

I have tried hard to be spontaneous sometimes, introduce toys, change atmosphere, etc...
Again MystrsKey:

*****************************
“My husband hoping to help spark my interest again would bring me porn, sex toys, grope and fondle me at a moments notice, talk about sex as we walked through the grocery store or watched the game.”
*****************************


So again, I found myself with an intimate connection to her reply.

I used to think the problem was the above. Or maybe that it was the fact that to me Sex was one thing, love is another. Great sex to me does not have to be a porn circus, but comfort with one’s wants/desires/fantasy’s etc.. seems important. My wife really responded when early on I introduced talking dirty in the bed room.

I am a bit at a loss to figure out the love part when I am taking her from behind with her thrusting back at me moaning “fuck me, fuck me, oh shit I love getting fucked and feeling your balls slap against my clit…” =)

To me, love is more the spending time at breakfasts together, the jokes, the trust, the tender touching when at the theater or holding of hands as we take a late night walk together… love is the times when we do things for each other because we are supporting them during a tough time, or even just giving her my jacket when she says “No, its warm enough I don’t need one…” and then shivering 2 hours later with the cutest little girl look I have ever seen when I offer my jacket again and she takes it. =)

That being said, I understand that to women the sex/love is much more combined. The other weekend I set up the following:

**********************************
We started by having a nice dinner and went for a short walk. Wife says “So, what do you want to do tonight?”

I say “Well, how about you open this bottle of wine, have a glass or two and just relax downstairs while I prepare you a little something upstairs?” Little mischievous grin…

Pressure forms =( but, I am convinced she will like this. We have not had sex for about 2 weeks since I have vowed to make sure “no pressure/no initiation” on my half. During this time she has been very busy with working out/her friends needs/house etc…

I go upstairs and find the bag of flowers I smuggled inside. It is the weekend after Valentines and you can get a lot of very nice flowers for not much money. I clip the pedals off most of them. Most go into the bathtub, some on the floor, counter, and more on the bed itself.

I use the baby’s-breath and fern pieces to cover up the reality of the bathroom (toothbrushes, rinsing glass, handsoap) and add more pedals. I take the rest of the unclipped flowers and spread them around randomly within the bathtub corners, on the bed/dressers and a few on the pedal pathways to the bathtub and the bedroom. I bought a TON of flowers, and I am actually getting into it when I see the transformation of the bedroom and bath.

I run an almost entirely hot water bath. It is hot enough to boil lobster and to hot to bath in but that is why I have the large bowl of Ice. The hot water makes the pedals into a kind of a rose tea and the steam and flower smell really is relaxing and smells like spring time (lol, we were in a blizzard here in Virginia =) ). The ice can be used to then put the water to whatever temperature she would like so that I don’t get it wrong.

Of course the lights are out and unscented candles are lit, each with their own base so as not damage whatever they rest on. The candlelight on the bathtub full of steaming hot water and bed with pedals and two crossed roses makes everything near perfect I think.

I am about finished when I hear “Are you almost done up there? What are you doing!?” I cringe a tiny bit since the tone is not one generally used when your lover tells you “relax here while I go upstairs for a bit” while smiling their best mischievous smile.

“Almost ready honey, just try and relax and think nice thoughts I say as I run downstairs and give her a little kiss on the forehead. “I know we have been a little busy lately and I thought I would doing something nice for you…” I smile again and run upstairs to finish preparations.

Ok, beach towel hidden, Hawaiian Tropic w/ no SPF tanning oil floating in warm water bowl to insure it is not cold for use later… also hidden. A blindfold / silk cord is also hidden.

I go downstairs and let her know all is ready. I am in Khakis, fresh shave and looking my best roguish look

*sidenote: at the risk of vanity… I am confidant that I am an attractive man of 32 years. I keep fit at the gym, and am 5’10, 165. I receive a number of complements and suggestions/joking offers from my lady friends that help to make me feel comfortable in my manliness. I am a bit over average “down there” and am comfortable in my ability to provide pleasure to my partner using my tongue, hands, breath or cock as best fits the situation. Sorry, digression. Continuing…

Anyhoo, so I lead her upstairs, and open the door to the wonderfully smelling, candlelight bedroom. She pauses for a moment smiling and I take her into the bathroom. The candelight makes the dark red flowers even more dark burgundy and although the dog barks because I wont let her in the bedroom, it is almost more romantic that it is not perfect.

I tell her to relax and make the bath to the tempeture she would like. I close the door leaving her alone to undress, my thought that I wanted her to relax and undressing in front of someone, even your husband can always be a little tough to pull off romantically sometimes.

I brought her more ice as well since I had underestimated the ability of our water heater after awhile, she let me know through the door that she was in the bath and I cam back in. I had another towel for her neck and shoulders, the bottle of wine, and I had changed into my bathrobe as well.

I sat outside the tub and soaped her shoulders, back and feet. She asked for a glass of cold water as well and I went downstairs to get a large glass with a lot of ice and Brita-water. We sit for awhile drinking wine, talking and me rubbing/using a “loof-ah” (Sp? =))

After talking for awhile about how nice it was and other romantic sort of smiles and touches, I asked her to just stay in the bath for awhile, and I went back to the bedroom and got the towel and oils ready as well as the blindfold.

*btw – I had enya/Yanni playing on repeat/loop on the stereo in the background…

When she was ready, I wrapped her in a large clean cotton towel and left her for a few minutes to finish any personal business such as teeth, face, or bathroom. Then when she was done I went back in and had her close her eyes while I slipped on her blindfold.

(It was the kind traveler’s use to block out light. It was black silk feeling with a dark blue front imbedded with silver and gold stars/moons etc…)

As I got ready to lead her out of the bathroom, she kind of paused me and said romantically “um, we’re not going to lay on the flowers are we? They might stain the Duvet cover…” =(

Grrr… =( that was not my plan and I had already thought of that. I gave her a little kiss and told her no, I was removing the Duvet cover and to just relax, that I had thought of everything, and she should just relax.

I lifted off the bed cover and laid down the beach towel over the sheets. She was standing in the entrance to the bathroom, blindfolded only able to hear and smell what was happening. It felt a little odd in truth but I had heard that the vulnerable feeling could be a good thing, and it was only while I slowly prepared the room for part II of the evening.

I led her by the hand then to the bed whispering my love and had her lay on her front side on the beach towel. I then stretched her hands a little bit above her head and loosely tied them together with a silken fabric and then to the head of the bed. I left a lot of play in the length so she could move them if it started to get uncomfortable, but tight enough so that she felt the restraint.

I then began to slowly apply the warm oil to her slightly chilled skin (bathwater hot -> standing/drying off little chill-> warm massage oil). I had heard not to drip it on but to massage it in my hands first before applying it. I had hoped that the blindfold->tying->oil bit would relax her so she knew it was just for her and she didn’t need to worry about pleasing me but only to enjoy the experience

I then proceeded to slowly rub in the wonderful smelling Hawaiian tropic oil over her arms, hands, back legs, and even her feet and toes. (btw- I don’t recommend Hawaiian Tropic oil. It smells and applies great but then I wanted to use my tongue on her back and it just tastes horrible! )

I played around using ice sometimes and my tongue (see above) and always more warm oil. I was rock hard but tried to avoid this part of me from touching her, and I had spread oil on myself as well so that when I straddled her our moved across her it was warm and slippery.

I did the same to her fronstide. Her nipples were very hard but I did not dwell on them. I spent more time on her sides, thighs, leggs and ass. When in doubt I always put more oil on my hands.

She seemed very relaxed at this point and looking back I wished I had stopped there. Maybe just untied her, washed off the oil with a little hot shower, and let her back into bed to fall asleep.

Truth was I was very aroused. We hadn’t had sex in two weeks, and I had been thinking about this for a couple days. SO… I started to kiss her thighs and pussy using my tongue as a point and that flat, loving the taste of her (although not the Hawaiian tropic on her thighs. I had rubbed some over her venus mound and cupped her gently but made sure to avoid getting oil inside her.)

Whew! Time out I am getting excited again! =)

So after this for a time I entered her and began to slowy thrust myself deeper and harder. She didn’t seem to really be reacting to this, so I untied her hands to allow her to roam her hands over my slick body. She grabbed hold of my slippery ass but wasn’t really pulling me into her, instead more stroking my back. I could tell she was losing arousal and was not climbing further towards a peak of the evening.

I switched her up a little so that she was on top and began to kiss and fondle her breasts as she thrust down on me. She began to become much more aroused again and began to talk about how good it felt which I knew was a clue she was starting to really enjoy it. About 30 seconds later I was spanking her ass as she rode me with her arms fully extended and back arched out thrusting her chest out in one of the most erotic poses I think there is for a woman. She was really pushing me deep inside her and grinding her crotch against me harder and harder asking me to spank her harder and harder.

She came very strong, and was obviously not up for further rounds as evidenced by her very limp “rag doll” sort of heavy breathing and collapse on top of me. I stroked her neck and kissed her shoulder. From when I had put her on top to when she came while I spanked her ass as she rode me, was all of maybe 2 minutes.

I was still hard but after slowly thrusting out the last of her orgasm I slowly pulled out of her. We lay together for a bit without saying anything, and then as she became close to falling asleep I got up and ran a hot shower for her to rinse off the oils and lovemaking. As she dried her self off with another clean towel (I did lots of laundry the next day =) ), I cleaned the room up a little and blew out the candles except for the one near her side of the bed. She fell asleep quickly and I wasn’t far behind her.

One of my biggest frustrations was that I don’t think the whole flowers/bath/massage part really did anything for her. She seemed a little uncomfortable with the whole bit, I think she was disappointed when I entered her after the tongue and hand massage. Then when she got on top she came (nipples very hard, face flushed breathing rapid, pulse jackhammer.. I feel pretty confident it was not fake) but it was more from the talking dirty and spanking her ass portion I think.

Bleh, long story above. I just am tired of initiating. I am tired of having to work so hard to get her to the point where she just lets go. I have tried completely no pressure a number of times before. Usually we end up going 3 weeks with finally a little quickie on Sunday morning.

She does have a lot going on. I appreciate that but on the other hand, they are all self imposed. I feel like sometimes she is really just putting those things ahead of me. Of course you don’t feel like having sex after doing all the things she does in a day, but the truth is they don’t all have to be done! =(

I sound like a girl, but it makes me wonder if I don’t “do it” for her anymore. I think the sex part is fine, but I am talking about the cnat keep hands off each other, pulse quickens when she is near portion… =(

We have talked about recently but the problem is that in many ways, it has made the invisible pressure worse since now we are thinking about the conversation instead of just really enjoying each other. I have tried to go back to zero pressure, but it is hard because I do have a passionate appetitie, and she is a gorgeous woman.

Sex is only a small part of my love her. She knows this. In another 30 years or so we will be 2 white raisins having a hard time rembering what sex is let alone doing it. If something happened and we never had sex again my love for her would still be as strong.

I just wish it were better. I miss the way she was before we got married. It makes me think that when I was new exciting it was good but now I am old hat. I resent that other women would be very grateful to have a man who would be as passionate as I try to be with my wife. Sometimes you don’t know how good you have it. I recognize the vanity, but I sometimes wish my wife would talk to some of her friends about sex.

*Her circle of friends have never watched “sex in the city”, and never discuss Lingerie/sex/ or their husbands… she said they would die of embarrassment if any of her friends brought it up. I don’t think she realizes that many women do talk about (perhaps more than they should), but that it is ok to talk about it and to enjoy it!*

Anyway, working my way through it. Just thought I would say “my side” and see if anyone had any suggestions/thoughts/or comments.

I have talked to her about this and told her how I feel, but as I mentioned, in some ways it made the "problem" worse (is it not a problem? am I getting to focused on this?? )

Anyway, felt good just putting out on this board to be honest with you.

--Thanks,
--Knights Raven

 

[SexyChele]

Hey all,

I have responded to a few posts and I have always been impressed with the candor and friendliness that people have responded so I decided to throw my quandry out there.

I have been living with/dating the same girl for a year and a half, I am a big-time lingerie, bondage, sextoy, creative sex kind of person. I am more or less constantly horny and willing to please at a moments notice. I love going down on women and I love jsu general playing and random acts of naughtyness.

My lady however...shares none of this. We had a fairly prolific sex life and it isn;t like we don;t have good sex, we have the best sex i have ever had, but its one a month if that. She refuses me outright every time i go after her most of the time or laughs at my spontaneous erections (constantly) Its to the point where i feel dirty for trying to touch her at all. I have more or less stopped trying to initiate sex and I am really unsure of where that leaves us.

I wish she could be more open and every time i show her something naughty or even a little "slutty" in a magazine or store she gets mad at me...

HELP!!! should i stay with her? I am just not satisfied....

Not to lose the overall friendly tone of the board, but I predict you will be married to this gal within a year. Never have figured out why the majority of men marry women they know beforehand they are sexually incompatible with, but the number is amazing to me.

Good luck!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

geesh! All that housekeeping just for sex? Boy I've been playing this game wrong for years! Do you mean if I'd just say no once in awhile some guy will clean my house AND use a coaster! I agree with Chele - why are all the non-sexual girls married to horny dogs and those of us who love sex are starving.........

 

[tbon45]

i have to agree with prophet when i got married 8 yrs ago sex was great but now it has dwindeled to a hurry up and get it over with or im to tired or what ever excuse my wife will come up with. im to the point where i started to look around.

 

[SexyChele]

geesh! All that housekeeping just for sex? Boy I've been playing this game wrong for years! Do you mean if I'd just say no once in awhile some guy will clean my house AND use a coaster! I agree with Chele - why are all the non-sexual girls married to horny dogs and those of us who love sex are starving.........

I agree! From now on, when a man enters my home, he picks up the broom with one hand and the mop with the other. Only after he does the floor, and maybe the windows, will I consider possibly giving him a hand job. Hell, by the end of this racket, I'd get a clean house and I'd get laid. Dayum! I've been going about this all wrong for years! Maybe my married girlfriends are really onto to something here...."Make him work for it, dammnit!"

 

[crazybbwgirl]

geesh - between phophet and knights raven my house could be spic and span. Actually I'm all for trading sexual favors for house cleaning. Or car repair, lawn mowing, patio furniture......