Partner initiated sex ?

[Blue_Duck]

Guys/gals, I have a question for the group. How often does your partner initiate sex with you? Maybe a better question to ask is "when you have sex together, how often is it that your partner is the one who initiated?". I ask because I'm frustrated with the fact that I can count on one hand how often this has occured with my wife. I enjoy sex with her, just not often enough....and it becomes disappointing when it is always me who begins the festivities. This frustration is closely tied with her unwillingness to share her fantasies with me as well. Our previous sex life was filled with threesomes and high adventure....but it has tempered with our age. Anyway, your info and thought are appreciated; thanks.

 

[bbw05]

I had the opposite problem with my ex, it was always me who initiated and often felt like he was doing me a favour! I didn't want to view doing me as a chore! Sometimes he was just too tired! I think it was just a case of differing libidos and very now and then I would try and do something exciting to kick start his. I don't think he was going elsewhere, just not that big an appetite.

I sympathise, it doesn't make you feel good

 

[Blue_Duck]

I wonder if her libido will ever return? The "doing chrores" analogy is pretty spot on. It seems that my spouse thinks of sex as something that has do be done and not something to enjoy. That is the most frustrating part for me. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts!

 

[Goey]

Sounds like she's had a kid as this seems to happen a lot after that, so let us know if that's the case.

First of all, your going about this wrong. As soon as you start pointing the finger at her and saying "Why isn't she having sex with me?" you've already sent yourself back to the start of the game. In fact if you've ever said "it seems to be me initiating the sex half most of the time" to her then congrats - sex is now something she won't wish to do and you have a lot of work in front of you.

Asking and whining for sex is the worse thing a man can do. All men do it a bit but when it gets past a point you've kicked her enjoyment out of sex and made it a you thing. She might still enjoy the sex once it gets going but it will be overshadowed by the annoyance before hand.

Make her feel good without having sex with her. Foot-rubs, back rubs, massages. Show that you like giving her pleasure. And whatever you do - don't ask for sex, ever.

I'm kind of shooting in the dark here as I simply don't have enough info but I hope it helps

 

[KlaytonFrost]

It must be very frustrating to go through that change in a relationship. I've not much to say really, except that it seems to be something that a lot of guys experience. I think it can be absolutely terrible when the sex drives of a couple don't match up. Talking always helps, and the more honest and open you can be about it without it becoming an issue the better.

I wish you look, and hope you manage to find a solution that lets you both be happy.

 

[Blue_Duck]

Goey has some good comments. I just missed the signals and transition (from my wife) where she went from grabbing my cock and giving me a blow job while out on a nature walk (granted when we were younger and three kids ago) to now where I can hold her in bed and slowly rub her cunt while she reads a book....and never put the book down. She has never said "I don't feel like having sex" and I have never asked her "do you want to fool around?". I usually take the route Goey mentioned and begin with back rubs or touching. I have told her that I would enjoy if she reciprocated the same, but that is a very rare event when it occurs....and lately she has not really response to the foreplay stuff. I had often heard that women's labido went up as they hit their 30s. My wife must have missed the memo. Again, thanks for your input.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

Guys/gals, I have a question for the group. How often does your partner initiate sex with you? Maybe a better question to ask is "when you have sex together, how often is it that your partner is the one who initiated?". I ask because I'm frustrated with the fact that I can count on one hand how often this has occured with my wife. I enjoy sex with her, just not often enough....and it becomes disappointing when it is always me who begins the festivities. This frustration is closely tied with her unwillingness to share her fantasies with me as well. Our previous sex life was filled with threesomes and high adventure....but it has tempered with our age. Anyway, your info and thought are appreciated; thanks.

I get the impression this isn't something that's recently happened. My advice is talk about it, otherwise it'll fester, become the norm and your relationship will suffer, maybe terminally. Talk to her, you have nothing to lose.

 

[Goey]

Most of these situations normally end up being a case of "too little too late."
If you miss the slow changes the end result can be really difficult to counter.

 

[LucyH]

I suspect I do my share of starting things, but I don't really keep track. I used to wait for my partner to take the initiative, but I was a lot less confident then. Believing that I'm wanted and I can make my partner feel really good makes me more inclined to start something.

 

[Noor]

You rub her cunt while she is reading and she doesn't react? Most women would be pretty annoyed if they weren't interested.

Sounds like more than just a sex thing, sounds like she is shutting down. She doesn't even bother to get angry with you.