Parenting/Teaching 101: Teenagers... help please!

[Guest]

 

[marksgirl]

I totally feel your pain, my daughter is 13 too....I think it's the boys!

 

[Spinaroonie]

Don't over pressure her. Many people do that and garuntee failure.

 

[Cibo]

Make sure her friends aren't fucked up either.

 

[Guest]

Share a joint. Relax.

She'll start to talk to you.

 

[Weird Harold]

I totally feel your pain, my daughter is 13 too....I think it's the boys!

That's not as facetious as it might sound at first. It might not be "boys" specifically, but it probably does have a lot to do with social pressures.

LL, When you talk to her teachers, make sure you find out just how her grades were arrived at -- was she down-graded for not finishing homework, because she didn't pass tests, or a combination of both?

If it's a hoomework problem, ask the teacher to send you a copy of her homework assigmnments so you can make sure she completes them before answering the phone or going out.

 

[amelia]

Is 13 the beginning of Middle School? I can never remember. Girls have a hard time usually between the time they are 11-13. Hormones, friends, interest in boys...lots of things add together to make it hard to concentrate on school.

I don't really have an explanation. But when i talk to my friends that teach this age group, they say it's like a completely different species. Girls in their offices crying everyday, fighting only with their friends...ugh..i don't remember being that way when i was 13, but i'm sure i was.

 

[Hillbilly_Honey]

I have a 13 year old son and I can totally relate. However, he IS flunking. I'm not sure whats going on either. I've done the whole grounding him, takin away computer/phone privileges, talked to teachers. Nothing seems to affect this kid. If you discover anything that works...let me know please. Until then, I share your frustration.

 

[Secret Kate]

I'll join in on this one as well!

My now 14 year old (turned 14 a month ago) - has been the same way. 6th grade went fine. 7th grade was a roller coaster - her report card grades were good A, B & Cs. but progress reports would always be low Cs, Ds and yes even an F or two.

8th grade has been just as hectic.

We've grounded her - pulled her from the school play - taken away basketball at one point - until we talked to the coach and her teachers. She managed to pull it all together again by report card time - even brought up a 50 in ELA (English/Language Arts) to an 85! She loves sports and knows we'll pull her from them if she's got another F or even a D - but she's struggling.

I think it's the boys, the hormones, the peer pressure - all rolled into one!

I have yet to find a cure - and just hope and pray that high school next year will be better!!

At least we all know we aren't alone in this!

 

[busybody..]

I have three kids, so I feel qualified to answer

This may NOT sit well with most......but this is what I did.

When my youngest had a habit of goofing off....I sat down with him and explained the downside of doing poorly in school.....

I refrained from watching TV when he had homework to do.....

I was always available for him when he had questions....

I didnt do anything but read a book near him when he had homework....I didnt make him feel I was having a good time when he was doing homework!!!!!!

Reward him with words/prizes/gifts/encouragement when he does well......

He is now in an Ivy League School

 

[Weird Harold]

I have a 13 year old son and I can totally relate. ... If you discover anything that works...let me know please. Until then, I share your frustration.

Unfortunately what works for a 13yo girl is NOT likely to work for a boy of the same age.

Has your son always been a poor student, or is this a sudden change or recent development?

One thing that might cause a sudden decline is being tagged a "nerd" or "brainiac" by their peers. Sadly, "fitting in" is often more important to kids that age than learning is.

 

[marksgirl]

Re: I'll join in on this one as well!

My now 14 year old (turned 14 a month ago) - has been the same way. 6th grade went fine. 7th grade was a roller coaster - her report card grades were good A, B & Cs. but progress reports would always be low Cs, Ds and yes even an F or two.

8th grade has been just as hectic.

We've grounded her - pulled her from the school play - taken away basketball at one point - until we talked to the coach and her teachers. She managed to pull it all together again by report card time - even brought up a 50 in ELA (English/Language Arts) to an 85! She loves sports and knows we'll pull her from them if she's got another F or even a D - but she's struggling.

I think it's the boys, the hormones, the peer pressure - all rolled into one!

I have yet to find a cure - and just hope and pray that high school next year will be better!!

At least we all know we aren't alone in this!

My daughter has been able to keep her grades above a C, but I have had to stay on her like a fly on shit!

Kate I agree with you about the boys, the hormones and the peer pressure all rolled into one!

God please let me get this one grown! Before I kill her!

 

[kotori]

I (fortunately) can't relate. My sixteen year old is the proverbial "brainic." She's focused all her competiveness on grades and class rank. She revels in her nerdiness, but doesn't care. She's completely obsessed with getting into college.

 

[Secret Kate]

We are staying on top of her from now til the end of the school year - she wants us to!!! And she found a friend at school who was having the same thing - so they are trying to be a support to each other - checking on homework and all that - one call a night to see that the other did her homework.

I email her teachers each Thursday to see if everything is done for the week so far - if not then she has Thursday night to get it done and turned in on Friday.

She knows one drop in her grades and she's off of basketball team - we aren't waiting the 3 weeks for progress reports or report cards.

Our last conference with her teachers we had her brought in too. Felt bad when she started to cry - but one teacher told her she didn't know how lucky she was to have parents who cared - they have some students who are failing everything and they can't get the parents to come in for a conference. It seems to help to have her 4 main teachers and her parents at the same time telling her they just want her to do well.

Keep our fingers crossed we make it through middle school - only 5 more months to go!!!

 

[marksgirl]

I (fortunately) can't relate. My sixteen year old is the proverbial "brainic." She's focused all her competiveness on grades and class rank. She revels in her nerdiness, but doesn't care. She's completely obsessed with getting into college.

My 18 year old son was the brainic, he is in the Army and going to go to college. Hell even West Point wanted him...he could not go because he is married...that kinda sucked!

 

[Hillbilly_Honey]

Unfortunately what works for a 13yo girl is NOT likely to work for a boy of the same age.

Has your son always been a poor student, or is this a sudden change or recent development?

One thing that might cause a sudden decline is being tagged a "nerd" or "brainiac" by their peers. Sadly, "fitting in" is often more important to kids that age than learning is.

Actually, he was in the talented and gifted program during his 4th and 5th grade years, but since 6th grade it's been going downhill. He's a very popular kid in school, always excelled at athletics ..until his grades dropped and he wasn't allowed to play anymore. Now there just seems to be nothing that will motivate him.

 

[freakygirl]

I (fortunately) can't relate. My sixteen year old is the proverbial "brainic." She's focused all her competiveness on grades and class rank. She revels in her nerdiness, but doesn't care. She's completely obsessed with getting into college.

My three older kids are just like this. They all maintain 3.8 or higher GPAs.

My kids know without good grades they won't get scholarships to the colleges they want to attend.

And mom and dad can't pay for it either.

LL.. Good Luck on getting this all worked out.

 

[Spinaroonie]

I (fortunately) can't relate. My sixteen year old is the proverbial "brainic." She's focused all her competiveness on grades and class rank. She revels in her nerdiness, but doesn't care. She's completely obsessed with getting into college.

Good God.

Save her. Save her.

Sounds like she is naturally smart and adaptive and learns well. Make her go out and live. Be sure to explain to her that getting college is very easy- they want money. They want to take in more and more and more students. If they flunk out, who cares?

Also, tell her there is no such thing as a permanent record.

 

[kotori]

Good God.

Save her. Save her.

Sounds like she is naturally smart and adaptive and learns well. Make her go out and live. Be sure to explain to her that getting college is very easy- they want money. They want to take in more and more and more students. If they flunk out, who cares?

Also, tell her there is no such thing as a permanent record.

I've tried, Spin. But I'm a failure as a parent. I give her punk / emo cds, she wants opera. I offer her Guinness, she wants iced tea. I'm this close to lighting up a doobie with her, but there are some things you just gotta learn on your own.

 

[seXieleXie]

Re: I have three kids, so I feel qualified to answer

He is now in an Ivy League School

you let your kid go to an ivy league school? aren't you afraid it's evil liberal ways will sway him over to the dark side?

 

[Weird Harold]

Actually, he was in the talented and gifted program during his 4th and 5th grade years, but since 6th grade it's been going downhill. He's a very popular kid in school, always excelled at athletics ..until his grades dropped and he wasn't allowed to play anymore. Now there just seems to be nothing that will motivate him.

That's a tough problem to diagnose remotely like this. There are just so many things that could have gone wrong. It really sounds like a problem for the school counselor (or a private counselor if the school's is no good.)

That kind of drop from advanced to failing is definitely a sign that something needs to be done -- he's encountered something that he can't handle by himself.

 

[Guest]

 

[Secret Kate]

I feel your pain, worry, and all that!

My daughter's problem seems to be homework as well. Her teachers tell us that she is great in class, does well on assignments in class, test, projects that are done in groups, etc., but when it comes to homework it just isn't getting done.

She did get taken off of basketball after the report card came home - but not by us. Her history grade just wasn't high enough - it was with her final test figured in, but the school looks at actual "6 week grade" and not with the finals included. So with only a 64 average she doesn't get to play basketball until the next 3 week review. She's missing the big tournament and one other game. By the time she gets back on the team there are only two games left! We still make her get up at 5:30 AM though and go to practice!! (the coach asked her if she would still practice with the team, so she'll be ready for those last two games!)

Good luck on all this - and do pursue that teacher conference. I can't believe they make you wait til February! Our teachers have a free period when the kids are in "advisory class" and they gladly will meet with us any day we can all arrange to be together. We've met twice this year already - once without the daughter there and once with!

 

[someplace]

As the mother of three outstanding academics and a fourth piece of fluff who could absolutely care less about studying, I totally symphathize with your plight.

My 14 (soon-to-be 15) year old daughter was just removed from the basketball team under our "no pass/no play" rules. The dinner table discussion a few nights ago was dominated by her desire to drop Spanish because she is doing so poorly there is very little hope of her passing by the end of the term. Our situation is compounded by the fact that any notice is going to her father, not me, even though I'm the custodial parent. Of course he didn't pass on to me any notices of her poor grades to me in time to actually DO anything about it. It's a very weary battle with him and the schools.

 

[Secret Kate]

Someplace - we can share daughter horror stories on Saturday night!!!!

Weird how they both get taken out of basketball for low grades!