Parenting our parents

[shereads]

Just returned from a good-sad visit with my mom up in Savannah GA. Always a bit of a shock to see an elderly parent after several months, isn't it? She seems so fragile, like translucent paper folded into a tiny origami mom.

Random observations: no one else could make me willingly endure back-to-back episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. ("That Barney Fife is something else!")

She weighs only eighty pounds now, but still has big hair. AquaNet rules!

She remains the person with the highest opinion of me in all the world, and the most erroneous.

A Southern lady is never too old to enjoy male adoration. Mom's boyfriend is cheerful, eager to please, and lets her hold half of his walker so she won't have to admit she needs her own.

 

[NoJo]

Just returned from a good-sad visit with my mom up in Savannah GA. Always a bit of a shock to see an elderly parent after several months, isn't it? She seems so fragile, like translucent paper folded into a tiny origami mom.

Random observations: no one else could make me willingly endure back-to-back episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. ("That Barney Fife is something else!")

She weighs only eighty pounds now, but still has big hair. AquaNet rules!

I bet she still knows what's what, too.

 

[shereads]

I bet she still knows what's what, too.

"If a man really cares about you, he won't insist on having sex."

~ Mom

 

[NoJo]

"If a man really cares about you, he won't insist on having sex."

~ Mom

I can guarantee not to give a shit about you

 

[shereads]

At least once per visit, my mother points to a picture of me taken just after college and says, "I like your hair better like that."

 

[shereads]

I can guarantee not to give a shit about you

A man will promise anything to get a lady to share his walker.

 

[NoJo]

At least once per visit, my mother points to a picture of me taken just after college and says, "I like your hair better like that."

At least it's a picture of you

 

[shereads]

My mom

- lowers her voice when she says that someone is "divorced." Especially me.

- worries about whether white clothes are in season

- is a dainty eater until dessert is served; attacks cake like a Hoover Wet-Vac

- feels too crushable when I hug her goodbye

 

[jomar]

With appropriate mother respect, is she a blue hair? Elderly southern ladies make outstanding blue hairs.

 

[NoJo]

A man will promise anything to get a lady to share his walker.

You're not sharing my fucking walker

 

[shereads]

With appropriate mother respect, is she a blue hair? Elderly southern ladies make outstanding blue hairs.

White as snow. I haven't detected a blue cast to her 'do.

If she heard you suggest such a thing, she would have her boyfriend call you out.

 

[NoJo]

My mom

- feels too crushable when I hug her goodbye

That's parents -- when you're at the beginning they're near the middle, and when you're in the middle they're near the end.

 

[Angeline]

My mom

- lowers her voice when she says that someone is "divorced." Especially me.

- worries about whether white clothes are in season

- is a dainty eater until dessert is served; attacks cake like a Hoover Wet-Vac

- feels too crushable when I hug her goodbye

You made me smile reading this because it sounds so much like my mother who is in assisted living now, but is a) assuredly a Yankee and b) very sharp in her mind in spite of being rather physically limited now. I always have such guilt about not having her with me, but in fact I couldn't take care of her on my own and she wouldn't do it anyway: she has too many friends where she is.

 

[shereads]

Regarding her boyfriend's attire:

Mom: "I didn't like that shirt you wore last week. You wore it out."

Boyfriend: "It's a sport shirt."

Mom: "It was hideous."

Boyfriend: "It's comfortable."

Mom: "You're comfortable enough in the shirts I like."

 

[gauchecritic]

Outrageous and charming at the same time, that's how I tend to find most older ladies in my care. the men are just grumpy old bastards ('cept for a few).

We have one lady that is rather demented but quite often has episodes of lucidity and cares not what others may think.

A colleague accompanied this particular lady to help her toileting. As the lady sat on the pot and began evacuating she was heard to exclaim "Ooh, that's better than cock."

 

[jomar]

White as snow. I haven't detected a blue cast to her 'do.

If she heard you suggest such a thing, she would have her boyfriend call you out.

I can take that poser.


My grandmother was a blue hair. It was like a halo when backlit.


Your observations create a touching and loving 'image' of your mother. I feel the good-sad. Thank you.


Now back to the regular program.

 

[shereads]

A colleague accompanied this particular lady to help her toileting. As the lady sat on the pot and began evacuating she was heard to exclaim "Ooh, that's better than cock."

I don't want to live that long.

 

[impressive]

Mom: "You're comfortable enough in the shirts I like."

 

[starrkers]

Mum turned 85 yesterday. She also failed her driving test.

She has two more chance before they take her licence away - two weeks from now and then again (if needed) two weeks after that.

 

[fifty5]

"If a man really cares about you, he won't insist on having sex."

~ Mom

Is "Insist on giving you sex" different\?

 

[DesertPirate]

Things are looking up here. For those that don't know my Mom came out forher annual Easter visit. Wanted to see the great granddaughter born in August. On Good Friday I spent the night in the emergency room and she was finally admitted with pneumonia. Yesterday they moved her up a floor to rehab to get her strength up so I can get her back to NM from here (NC). She can't travel alone so someone has to. Her normal traveling companion had to return to work, he is the father of my #1 son in law. She is already planning on me staying at least a week and has a list of who I must see.
Looks like she will get out on the 15th and will be home on the 18th for her 80th bday.
My daughters understand that when she leaves it is probably for the last time. I doubt she will be able to come next year.

Also have on of Dads cousins here that will be 102 in May
I'm inclined to agree with her daughter and don't really want to be 100 either

 

[shereads]

Things are looking up here. For those that don't know my Mom came out forher annual Easter visit. Wanted to see the great granddaughter born in August. On Good Friday I spent the night in the emergency room and she was finally admitted with pneumonia. Yesterday they moved her up a floor to rehab to get her strength up so I can get her back to NM from here (NC). She can't travel alone so someone has to. Her normal traveling companion had to return to work, he is the father of my #1 son in law. She is already planning on me staying at least a week and has a list of who I must see.
Looks like she will get out on the 15th and will be home on the 18th for her 80th bday.
My daughters understand that when she leaves it is probably for the last time. I doubt she will be able to come next year.

Also have on of Dads cousins here that will be 102 in May
I'm inclined to agree with her daughter and don't really want to be 100 either

It's scary. Our mothers were once the people most devoted to our care. They endured our bouts of vomiting, our measles and scarlet fever and strep throat and injuries and ear infections, and somehow made us better. To see them laid low - to consider any visit as a possible "last" - is to feel battered by inadequacy, tenderness, remorse, frustration and a terrible love.

Panic flaps and flutters within the cages of our hearts. We are orphans-to-be. Small. Weak. Helpless. Heartsick. Trying to put on a brave face. pretending for their sakes and our own that all hurts can be healed.

 

[DesertPirate]

It's scary. Our mothers were once the people most devoted to our care. They endured our bouts of vomiting, our measles and scarlet fever and strep throat and injuries and ear infections, and somehow made us better. To see them laid low - to consider any visit as a possible "last" - is to feel battered by inadequacy, tenderness, remorse, frustration and a terrible love.

Panic flaps and flutters within the cages of our hearts. We are orphans-to-be. Small. Weak. Helpless. Heartsick. Trying to put on a brave face. pretending for their sakes and our own that all hurts can be healed.

That's it exactly. One thing though, she will live at home, no exceptions. If hse was forced to go elsewhere (and I have offered to bring her here) she wouldn't last 6 months. She will stay in the house we moved into in 63 to the end and we have things set up so she can. Let things go her way and keep her happy. It is worth it.

 

[sweetness6280]

That's it exactly. One thing though, she will live at home, no exceptions. If hse was forced to go elsewhere (and I have offered to bring her here) she wouldn't last 6 months. She will stay in the house we moved into in 63 to the end and we have things set up so she can. Let things go her way and keep her happy. It is worth it.

for you. for mom.

Sending you love.

 

[sweetness6280]

It's scary. Our mothers were once the people most devoted to our care. They endured our bouts of vomiting, our measles and scarlet fever and strep throat and injuries and ear infections, and somehow made us better. To see them laid low - to consider any visit as a possible "last" - is to feel battered by inadequacy, tenderness, remorse, frustration and a terrible love.

Panic flaps and flutters within the cages of our hearts. We are orphans-to-be. Small. Weak. Helpless. Heartsick. Trying to put on a brave face. pretending for their sakes and our own that all hurts can be healed.

I had all of those emotions you describe. It is a rollercoaster of frustration, joy, love, fear, and confusion. Much like young parents feel upon realizing that small infant in their arms is totally dependent upon them.

I consider it an honor and a privilege to have had the opportunity to take care of both of my parents before they passed. As difficult as it often was, I wouldn't change a moment.