Parenting and Kink

[intothewoods]

Does anyone know of a reference for evidence that shows kinky parents are just as capable/good/whatever at parenting as vanilla folks? Website, book, etc.?

 

[HottieMama]

No..but i will look for one for you....


And if you need to chat..PM me.!!!!!

 

[CutieMouse]

Ohhh sweetie... off the top of my head I don't, but I'll see if I can find something over the next few days...

Edit-

Just thought of something- would Geoff's kink friendly therapists link be helpful? A professional might be able to help you find resources/know how to manage yourself to reduce any impact on the divorce/etc...

 

[Puman]

Are you looking for something that could be presented from a legal standpoint or just for your own reference?

 

[graceanne]

I don't know about stuff that's for bdsm specifically, but I'm sure that their's stuff on gay couples, and that's considered 'kink' by some. You might want to start looking there.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Good places to start : the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom
The Woodhull Freedom Foundation
The Institute for 21st Century Relationships

Hope that helps!

 

[CutieMouse]

Quick google search turned up a couple of sites with Q/A regarding parenting and BDSM; the third link is an overview page of an attorney in Virginia, giving generic advice on how to deal with the courts when you have an alternative lifestyle.

http://lauragoodwin.org/children.htm

http://bondage.com/id/13/which/187/show_column.html

http://www.cjfaelaw.com/cjf_Poly301.asp

 

[intothewoods]

Are you looking for something that could be presented from a legal standpoint or just for your own reference?

Well, it hasn't come to that and I doubt it will. We will be talking with a coparenting counselor, and my husband has concerns. I know he would never drag us into court. But I want to have my shit together, and also I think it would help to bring facts, rather than emotions to the table in the counseling sessions.

 

[intothewoods]

Thanks you guys. I really, really appreciate it. I'm going to sleep now, but I'm going to pour over those links in the morning.

 

[Strange1]

I dont want to go into it but my parents are freaky... And I turned out ok

 

[tabbybaby]

not exactly evidence, more words of encouragement.

if you can practice BDSM, you're showing trust and comfort in your relationship. if you can come here asking for help, you're showing common sense.

you've got two things down. keep your chin up!

 

[intothewoods]

Well, apparently my husband presented "data" to the coparenting counselor.

I don't know what the subject of this data is, except that thankfully it's not personal.

Could be: bdsm, group sex/swinging, internet relationships, internet addiction ...?

Wow. So I'm a masochistic slut internet whore? Fun times.

 

[CutieMouse]

Well, apparently my husband presented "data" to the coparenting counselor.

I don't know what the subject of this data is, except that thankfully it's not personal.

Could be: bdsm, group sex/swinging, internet relationships, internet addiction ...?

Wow. So I'm a masochistic slut internet whore? Fun times.

PM me if you need to talk.

 

[Shankara20]

Fun times.

wish that there were a word I could say to make this all go away

but, alas, all I have is an expression of concern and support.

 

[Alt]

Well, apparently my husband presented "data" to the coparenting counselor.

I don't know what the subject of this data is, except that thankfully it's not personal.

Could be: bdsm, group sex/swinging, internet relationships, internet addiction ...?

Wow. So I'm a masochistic slut internet whore? Fun times.

Divorce brings out the worst in people. It does take two cool heads to prevail, and I hope his reaction is but a brief fear that you can ease. I am curious about the subject of the data as well. Would be nice to know where he's coming from.

Good luck!

 

[Netzach]

What does he want?

I found that if the ex is re-assured that you're not trying to screw THEM in every possible way, it helps a lot. People talk to their friends and hear everyone's bitch and moan and then get stupid, men and women alike.

You know this person. If you think closely you'll know what his insecurity here *really* is. He's assuming the worst about you if you are assuming the worst about him. Talking to one another might actually help diffuse that - assuming you are on semi-ok terms (he wasn't abusing you or them etc.)

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Well crap..

Alt is right.. divorce brings out the worst in us - all the hurt, anger and feelings of betrayal plus there is the posturing that goes on both for public consumption (I'm the aggrieved party here, (s)he did this to me while I was the perfect spouse! & the re-introduction of looking out for myself and gotta get all I can)

What really is scary about divorce is the fact that the person you trusted with all your inner most secrets is now your "enemy" and has the ammo to hit you where it hurts.

You have my sympathy and my best wishes!

 

[intothewoods]

Well, it's both better and worse than I thought. Better, in that it's not about kink, or even internet sex. Worse, in that it is about decisions I made that hurt my husband.

His concern is basically about my involvement with someone that I met over the internet. My safety. My kid's safety. Neither have ever been at risk, and I know I will be able to assure him of that.

But at the end of the day, I fucked up. I cheated. Is it all my fault? Nope. But some of it is.

Sorry for the whirlwind thread here. He did suggest that his concerns were about kink, but in the end, I think that was just a smokescreen for other issues. I just feel like such a shit. No matter how much I've felt hurt, he has his hurt too. And that just sucks. I did that. Not very proud of myself.

 

[CutieMouse]

Marriages do not fail in a vacuum.

If you reached the point where you are unable to stay married, it means you *both* made decisions along the way, that hurt the marriage/each person in it. Those decisions (and the repercussions) may have been made intentionally or unintentionally, but no one has the power to single handedly kill a marriage.

 

[JupitersGirl]

...

 

[Shankara20]

And that just sucks. I did that. Not very proud of myself.

Time - it will take time,

and some self-care

 

[Chris_Xavier]

But at the end of the day, I fucked up. I cheated. Is it all my fault? Nope. But some of it is.

Hey.. you're not the first and won't be the last. What separates us from the 4 legged critters is our ability to learn from our mistakes.

 

[Pseudonomic]

Sometimes I envy the four legged critters, not Having to learn from my mistakes...so much easier sometimes /dreams wistfully

 

[coy_one]

ITW, I'm going through the EXACT same thing right now. My divorce is UGLY - SUPER UGLY and my ex will use everything against me - and already has in some places.

PM me if you want to talk - commiserate. ((HUG)) Seriously, I can relate more than you know.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Marriages do not fail in a vacuum.

If you reached the point where you are unable to stay married, it means you *both* made decisions along the way, that hurt the marriage/each person in it. Those decisions (and the repercussions) may have been made intentionally or unintentionally, but no one has the power to single handedly kill a marriage.

Very true. If he is going to try and present internet relationships as unstable, risky etc., he might have more of a battle than he anticipates. Apart from the proof you have here, there have been more than a couple of documentaries and studies done to show that internet relationships can become quite fulfilling and permanent real life relationships, and even some high profile people are now meeting life partners that way. Add to that you usually get to know more about a person you talk to online than one you meet in a noisy bar and can't hear a word they are saying before handing them your phone number or accepting a ride home with them. Hope it works out for the best for you and try not to waste too much energy on beating yourself up over previous choices you made...what is done is done, now is the time to move forward and start a new life for you and your children.

Catalina