Pain by design

[Croctden]

Do other Doms get annoyed when you hit your sub harder than you meant so she is sore the next day when you did not her to be?

Or when she is pain because she stubbed her toe or something that effects your play? I am the only one who should be causing her pain.

 

[FungiUg]

Or when she is pain because she stubbed her toe or something that effects your play? I am the only one who should be causing her pain.

Well, I guess you could always spank her for stubbing her toe!

I try to be careful with the pain I inflict, but sure, it can end up being more than I intended. So long as it's not intentional, and the submissive trusts that you won't repeat it, I guess that's just life.

Of course, I imagine if you're doing needle play, knife play or something similar, then being extremely careful would be the best rule.

 

[Croctden]

Re: Re: Pain by design

Originally posted by FungiUg I try to be careful with the pain I inflict, but sure, it can end up being more than I intended. So long as it's not intentional, and the submissive trusts that you won't repeat it, I guess that's just life.

I'm not even going to that deep a level. The question is not about how she feels or the trust in the relationship, but just do you get pissed at yourself? How much of a perfectionist are you? If I have a plan and it gets spoiled, I'm disappointed regardless of who spoiled it.

I'm picturing a sub reading this and rolling their eyes.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: Pain by design

I'm not even going to that deep a level. The question is not about how she feels or the trust in the relationship, but just do you get pissed at yourself? How much of a perfectionist are you? If I have a plan and it gets spoiled, I'm disappointed regardless of who spoiled it.

Okay okay, I get you now.

Um... perfectionism vs realism?

I know that because I am dealing with imperfect beings (myself included, and a very human submissive, and add to that my unpredictable lover who I love to bits!) that "planet Bruce" where I have all my perfect plans and "reality" only ever approximate each other.

Of course, the fun is in trying to rearrange the real world so it gets even closer to Planet Bruce, but I never expect it to match exactly.

So I would guess in answer to your question, it's all about your outlook. If you expect life to be perfect and match your expectations exactly, then something going wrong will be a disappointment.

On the other hand, if you expect life to not live up to your personal planet, and then manage to make it come pretty close, then you'll come out feeling exulted!

Make sense?

 

[Netzach]

All the time, I'm pretty self-critical.

It bums me out just as much as if I'm playing with someone and it's not enough, and I'm doing a bad job of reading them or they are very opaque. Some bottoms are very quiet and opaque and take a lot of drawing out to figure what the hell works and doesn't, and it's not always something that can be negotiated fully beforehand. I want the bottom to sink, I want to get them spaced, and it doesn't always happen.

Sometimes a scene just has a few isolated moments of good or great, the energies don't quite lock. I hate that, but it's how it is.

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Re: Pain by design

I'm not even going to that deep a level. The question is not about how she feels or the trust in the relationship, but just do you get pissed at yourself? How much of a perfectionist are you? If I have a plan and it gets spoiled, I'm disappointed regardless of who spoiled it.

I'm picturing a sub reading this and rolling their eyes.

There is no need to take a switch to Yourself and have it if things don't work out the way You planned.

i used to find that if the Dominant was disappointed by something that did not work out right, i was the one who felt terrible ... even more so if i was the cause. As a submissive, i am sensitive to the feelings of other people, and particularly sensitive to someone who is my Dominant. If the Dominant exhibited disappointment, i felt it in a major way regardless of whether i was the cause or not.

The disappointments happen. They just do. The trick is to get back on track right away and not let a minor letdown turn into melodrama theater. Not saying that is Your case Croctden, but i have seen it happen to others and ... kaboom! Lots of drama and little of anything else.

lara

 

[Howling_Ire]

Sometimes a scene just has a few isolated moments of good or great, the energies don't quite lock. I hate that, but it's how it is.

Well , at least you have Venus on your side.

 

[s'lara]

Well dear Sir, at least you have Venus on your side.

That would be dear Ma'am.

Welcome to the board btw.

lara