Owning Toys

[shy slave]

Talking to a Dom friend recently, the conversation moved to discuss toys.

Pretty much all of my toys remain in Denmark with Andante, so I have been buying a few new things (particularly toys I have never tried before).

My friend said that in his opinion a sub with toys could be seen as 'topping from the bottom' and trying to control a situation.

He gave the view that if I took toys when I went to see him, he would not use them because he decides what is used, when, not me.

In my opinion, having toys is not outright saying 'use these' it is saying these are an option if you want to try them out.

Few people can afford a good range of toys from insertables, to thud type toys to sharp sting type toys and a sub having some toys gives more options.

It also gives an element of security, if you know you like a particular toy, why not say so and know you will be able to relax and enjoy it as a lead into other things.

Is saying 'I like this flogger/whip/strap' so very different from saying '(X) is a hard limit.'
I see it as an exchange of information, not trying to take control.

His opinion is a new one to me, but then I am not very experienced at many aspects of D/s, having been in so few situations with different people

He did agree that a sub having their own insertable toys is a good idea if they play with several people.


Any opinions on this?

 

[the captians wench]

I've never heard this shy, and I've almost exclusivly played with my own toys (and borrowed the dom from some one else *giggles*). Infact, except for the friends who showed me this stuff, my collection has been a bit more impressive than the person I'm playing with for various reasons. One guy just wasn't much of a sadist, but liked to see a happy wenchie, so while I couldn't talk him into the beaded flogger, he would have a nice go at me with the suade one if I asked very nicely.

The last play mate I had, had a live in vanilla girl friend and a kid, so no toys around the house. He would have me pack my own gear if I went to play at his house. Of course I always had to bring everything, and then he got to choose what was played with.

I had a friend also who just mooched off of the shop merchandise, so he quite often liked me to bring my toys because I had a few that he wasn't allowd to take off the shelf.

I've come to learn my toys well, I know how they feel and I know how to swing them if the option shows its self. There is a bit of security knowing that I know the limits of each of the toys we would be playing with, and what my limits are with that toy. (you can beat me full strength up and down my body with the swade, but the marti gras beads are 10-20 min max)

I can see the view that going over to play with some one holding a flogger in your hand could look like topping from the bottom, I think one might feel obligated to use the toy you have provided. I pack a toy or two when I go out to a club with friends now. But I'm not saying "you will use this toy tonight", I'm saying "oh pretty pretty please use this on me *eye bat*". Does it have to be used, no. Do I even have to be touched at all that night, no. But the option is now there.

This is the first time I've heard this view shy, and so far as my collection has grown, my play mates have been happy to see such a varity to choose from, and handy here as they don't have to pack their own shit and lug it over.

 

[Netzach]

I like subs with toys. Especially one's own insertables. I don't like someone presuming I'm going to have 1. a set just for them or 2. remote interest in sharing mine. Ew.

Edited to add, if I don't know what you like, how am I supposed to reward and pamper you at all, and if I have to re-buy it because of my ego trip I deserve to be broke.

 

[FurryFury]

I think the guy must be a bit insecure for him to view a sub having toys that way. I think everyone should have toys. Why the hell NOT?

*chuckles*

 

[BiBunny]

I think the guy must be a bit insecure for him to view a sub having toys that way. I think everyone should have toys. Why the hell NOT?

*chuckles*

Yeah, really. And I'm a switch. And so's my Owner. Are we supposed to swap our toys back and forth when we're in submissive moods? I call bullshit.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Talking to a Dom friend recently, the conversation moved to discuss toys.

Pretty much all of my toys remain in Denmark with Andante, so I have been buying a few new things (particularly toys I have never tried before).

My friend said that in his opinion a sub with toys could be seen as 'topping from the bottom' and trying to control a situation.

He gave the view that if I took toys when I went to see him, he would not use them because he decides what is used, when, not me.

In my opinion, having toys is not outright saying 'use these' it is saying these are an option if you want to try them out.

Few people can afford a good range of toys from insertables, to thud type toys to sharp sting type toys and a sub having some toys gives more options.

It also gives an element of security, if you know you like a particular toy, why not say so and know you will be able to relax and enjoy it as a lead into other things.

Is saying 'I like this flogger/whip/strap' so very different from saying '(X) is a hard limit.'
I see it as an exchange of information, not trying to take control.

His opinion is a new one to me, but then I am not very experienced at many aspects of D/s, having been in so few situations with different people

He did agree that a sub having their own insertable toys is a good idea if they play with several people.


Any opinions on this?

I love my 'treasures' as we have discussed previously Miss Shy . They have a unique providence to me , sweet personal affirmations to deviancy and potential intimacy in tangible form .

When all is said and done 'he' has the power of veto so I am a little puzzled to the reaction. I don't see your having them as topping . However I am not the dominant in this specific example , so my opinion past sharing here is of little immediate relevance .It may just be peculiar to him and perhaps that in itself is something to savour if other areas are well matched.

Only time can tell .

I say keep on collecting to your hearts content . If you do in fact cede a relationship with the dominant you spoke of the post , they may be retired . Acquiring 'treasure' is the easy part. A superb D/s partnership however .....

 

[SheDevilShay]

Yeah, really. And I'm a switch. And so's my Owner. Are we supposed to swap our toys back and forth when we're in submissive moods? I call bullshit.

;o

I don't know what to say, I usually am "dom" in the bedroom, I can't have an orgasm with out my vibrator, so everything else is just foreplay... and if my husband wants to be the Dom, (we switch hit) the fucker can let me give him head and tease him to extasy and not leaving me "hanging".. part of HIS power is watching me get off on "his" terms while he "watches" me do it... I make myself cum for his pleasure... I don't understand how thats a bad thing.... if my husband tells me to wait.. I do... my ultimate goal is to please him.... but my pleasure brings him immense pleasure... so for us it works...

 

[CutieMouse]

Odd question...

Is it poor ettiquite to use toys in a new realationship, that were gifts from the Lover-type-person in a former relationship?

Just curious...

 

[BiBunny]

Odd question...

Is it poor ettiquite to use toys in a new realationship, that were gifts from the Lover-type-person in a former relationship?

Just curious...

Not in my book, as long as you don't make a big deal out of where you got it from. B. bought me my strap-on harness, and I've used it on other people. Still have yet to use it on him.

 

[FurryFury]

Odd question...

Is it poor ettiquite to use toys in a new realationship, that were gifts from the Lover-type-person in a former relationship?

Just curious...

Hell no that's gravy baybee!

 

[myinnerslut]

i own all of the toys that A and i use. and that is quite the collection. he usually tells me to bring over everything when i visit him so he has a choice of what he wants to use.

 

[callinectes]

 

[FurryFury]

*stirs the pot*

I think a high percentage of PYLS are insecure as hell.

 

[BiBunny]

*stirs the pot*

I think a high percentage of PYLS are insecure as hell.

YES!

I could go on and on about this, but I won't.

 

[Chicklet]

My friend said that in his opinion a sub with toys could be seen as 'topping from the bottom' and trying to control a situation.

I've never once heard a negative comment about having my own toybag. A lot of PYL's suggested it, in fact, which is why I put one together.

I used to buy my own toys because I didn't have anybody to play with, and was looking for mostly vanilla boys who might not have a handy selection of crops.

My friend John says "Gotta love a sub with her own toybag."

The *only* people I've ever heard surprised about it, in fact, were newbs without a clue.

 

[Netzach]

*stirs the pot*

I think a high percentage of PYLS are insecure as hell.

I you.

And I am insecure as hell. Just about weird stuff.

Plus owning something does not mean you're going to be waving it in my face going "use this use this!" I mean one could, but it's not going to make the scene go well.

 

[FurryFury]

I you.

And I am insecure as hell. Just about weird stuff.

Plus owning something does not mean you're going to be waving it in my face going "use this use this!" I mean one could, but it's not going to make the scene go well.

I you too!

If only we lived closer maybe I could be your gal pal!

Every Dom I actually know well is insecure as are MOST people about something.

 

[HottieMama]

i would agree that most Doms are insecure about something because they are...after all...HUMAN. Besides, i happen to like that little twinge of vulnerability that comes out when they admit that insecurity. (What i hate are the pompous assholes that think they are god...and refuse to admit anything that might make them be perceived as "soft.")


i have my own toys, and my collection will keep growing. i see absolutely nothing wrong with this.

 

[BiBunny]

i would agree that most Doms are insecure about something because they are...after all...HUMAN. Besides, i happen to like that little twinge of vulnerability that comes out when they admit that insecurity. (What i hate are the pompous assholes that think they are god...and refuse to admit anything that might make them be perceived as "soft.")

Everybody's insecure about something. It's the pompous assholes you described who are the most insecure. They call themselves "Doms" because they want everyone to be submissive to them. They want everyone to be submissive to them because they think submission="I can squash her under my feet." They want to squash people under their feet, so those people won't recognize their insecurities. Fuckbags.

 

[HottieMama]

Everybody's insecure about something. It's the pompous assholes you described who are the most insecure. They call themselves "Doms" because they want everyone to be submissive to them. They want everyone to be submissive to them because they think submission="I can squash her under my feet." They want to squash people under their feet, so those people won't recognize their insecurities. Fuckbags.

Exactly...i think i have met a few of those over on CM.


On a semi-related note..you and i are agreeing on WAY too much lately... quick..let's start a fight about something!

 

[BiBunny]

Exactly...i think i have met a few of those over on CM.


On a semi-related note..you and i are agreeing on WAY too much lately... quick..let's start a fight about something!

CollarMe is overrun with them. I can honestly say that I've talked to bunches of "Doms" on there, and maybe two or three of them are not like this. I snatched up the best one for myself.

*Tosses you a crop and keeps the whip for myself* En garde?

 

[the captians wench]

Odd question...

Is it poor ettiquite to use toys in a new realationship, that were gifts from the Lover-type-person in a former relationship?

Just curious...

hmmm.....I don't have this problem...my toys are mine. Every "gift" I've "recieved" I either bought or made myself.



scratch that....I forgot about a couple new additions. *giggles*

 

[iltibido]

Use the whole Arsenal

Being a Dom/Male I make my wife sometimes pick the toys I will use on her it adds to the build up to the Event.
I have resently had her go on line and put toys, that she is interested in tring, into my favorites list on my favorite online porn store. She doesn't know what's coming yet she anticipates something new, it arives in a fedex box that she is not allowed to open until I get home, I work out of town so I'm sometime gone for 2 weeks at a time, adds to the anticipation.
Then I won't open the box until the following week.

 

[WriterDom]

It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

I expect a sub have her own nipple clamps, buttplug, and fuck toys.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Odd question...

Is it poor ettiquite to use toys in a new realationship, that were gifts from the Lover-type-person in a former relationship?

Just curious...

I dont think so I agree with the rest of them I have mine and I also have some from my D now... So I think since they are mine we dont need to talk where they came from.. JUST have fun