Overused Words to Avoid

[NotWise]

I like Urban's list but agree that she's overboard on the dialogue tags. Her example here:

“You have a map,” said Ramona. “Figure it out.”

versus

“You have a map.” Ramona took a drag from her cigarette. “Figure it out."

That doesn't fulfill her mandate to avoid slowing down the pace or being distracting, nor does it tell you anything necessarily interesting about her characters or their situation. The smoking business is just that, business, which may add a little color but not enough to support Urban's mandate.

Since this is porn, "slowly" and "pleasure..." but it's difficult to do without either of them.

I think her example is a little too short for me to be critical. Overall, her version with the tags on every sentence was dreadful, and the version with the cigarette was better even though that line didn't work for me very well.

Most of what I've written in the last year-and-a-half has been with very reduced dialog tags. The little actions I insert to focus the reader on the speaker need to illustrate the scene. If they don't, then they're a bigger pause than a dialog tag.

In Urban's example, there isn't enough of the scene to tell whether Ramona dragging on the cigarette helps the scene or not.

 

[LAHomedog]

Where does one begin?

Here I way overuse "in and out" and "up and down." I think I use "that" as an easy placeholder until the 2nd or 3rd draft.

Last night, I was searching for a different way to refer to the "head of his cock" when I wanted to refer to the "head of his cock..."

(Love the list.)

 

[TadOverdon]

Most of what I've written in the last year-and-a-half has been with very reduced dialog tags. The little actions I insert to focus the reader on the speaker need to illustrate the scene. If they don't, then they're a bigger pause than a dialog tag.

I've been doing the same. Doing a search and destroy on adverbs while I'm at it. Not in dialogue, of course.

I don't know if my prose is much better now than the submissions I've uploaded so far at Literotica (which are between three and ten years old, depending) but I know it's different.

 

[TadOverdon]

Where does one begin?

Here I way overuse "in and out" and "up and down." I think I use "that" as an easy placeholder until the 2nd or 3rd draft.

Last night, I was searching for a different way to refer to the "head of his cock" when I wanted to refer to the "head of his cock..."

(Love the list.)

This stuff drives me nuts as well. "The head of his cock" in particular. Why is there not something obviously better. "His glans" will do sometimes.

 

[Nellymcboatface]

This stuff drives me nuts as well. "The head of his cock" in particular. Why is there not something obviously better. "His glans" will do sometimes.

I've seen and tried `crown'...

But nothing beats my friend's description during one drunkan discussion...

"Spade ended gut rummager...."

So spade end it is...?

 

[SamScribble]

I think most stories can only cope with one or two sesquipedianisms. But that's just my opinion.

 

[JanusGoneAwry]

Just read it. It's all excellent advice, except the bit about getting rid of dialogue tags. I disagree with that advice. The better rule, IMO, is to mix it up, use them where appropriate, and ditch them when you don't need them. Variety, rather than inflexible rules, is what makes the prose more readable.

I agree with Simon on that point completely. Varying them and skipping them when it's obvious who's speaking keeps the dialog fresh and as he already said, more readable.

 

[JanusGoneAwry]

I found that reading stories out loud to people. Saying the dialogue tags is daft; you have to act out the dialogue.

I use the read it out loud method too. It's very helpful to both hear the dialog and if you can read it out loud to someone else it's even better.

 

[LAHomedog]

This stuff drives me nuts as well. "The head of his cock" in particular. Why is there not something obviously better. "His glans" will do sometimes.

Yeah I tried "glans" and "crown." Last night I even tried on "mushroom tip..." Yeech.

There are so many slang terms for breast, vagina, penis, anus, but get into specific parts and it can become limited, unfortunately.

 

[jaF0]

And if you believe that, that should tell you something.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

This stuff drives me nuts as well. "The head of his cock" in particular. Why is there not something obviously better. "His glans" will do sometimes.

Acorn
Bell
Cone
Crown
Dumpling
Glans
Head
Helmet
Knob
Knuckle
Mushroom
Onion
Plum
Tip
Trumpet
Turban
Walnut

 

[jaF0]

Nobody has said said yet? That must have been said by now. He said. She said. They said. I said. We've all said ... errr ... typed said way too many times.

 

[lovecraft68]

Even...he even went...she even said...
Was...was wearing was doing.

When I first started writing the word almost and actually, two rarely needed words were a big problem. IN dialogue my characters kept saying "I mean, because I used to say it all the time.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I like Urban's list but agree that she's overboard on the dialogue tags. Her example here:

“You have a map,” said Ramona. “Figure it out.”

versus

“You have a map.” Ramona took a drag from her cigarette. “Figure it out."

That doesn't fulfill her mandate to avoid slowing down the pace or being distracting, nor does it tell you anything necessarily interesting about her characters or their situation.

And as anybody who's had sex ought to know, faster isn't always better. Conversation has its rhythms and judiciously placed dialogue tags can be useful for establishing those rhythms.

 

[TadOverdon]

Acorn
Bell
Cone
Crown
Dumpling
Glans
Head
Helmet
Knob
Knuckle
Mushroom
Onion
Plum
Tip
Trumpet
Turban
Walnut

Of these, "glans," "crown," "knob" and "helmet" are acceptable along with "head."

Although I often feel like I'm somehow insulting the dude attached to the thing with "knob."

When I use "tip," I'm suggesting something less ambitious than the lady getting the whole head in there at once. Either that, or she's teasing 'im.

And...I just typed "pursed her soft lips around the head of [his] cock," yet again. Arggh! Isn't "soft" a given, at least? Or do the hypothalamuses of porn fans respond to those reliable old adjectives like soft, hard, big, tight etc. in some ineffable and irreplaceable fashion? Don't we owe the reader the occasional steely cock or dripping pussy?

Okay, not dripping pussy. Forget that. But let's give steely its due.

 

[jaF0]

I like Urban's list but agree that she's overboard on the dialogue tags. Her example here:

“You have a map,” said Ramona. “Figure it out.”

versus

“You have a map.” Ramona took a drag from her cigarette. “Figure it out."

In ode to post 37, I approve of the second version.

 

[SamScribble]

And as anybody who's had sex ought to know, faster isn't always better. Conversation has its rhythms and judiciously placed dialogue tags can be useful for establishing those rhythms.

The value of using dialogue tags to 'pace' dialogue is greatly underestimated by authors who follow 'how to' listicles.

Thomas frowned. 'I'm not sure,' he said. 'I'm really not sure.'

Geraldine had to admit that she too had a few reservations.

 

[LAHomedog]

Of these, "glans," "crown," "knob" and "helmet" are acceptable along with "head."

Although I often feel like I'm somehow insulting the dude attached to the thing with "knob."

When I use "tip," I'm suggesting something less ambitious than the lady getting the whole head in there at once. Either that, or she's teasing 'im.

And...I just typed "pursed her soft lips around the head of [his] cock," yet again. Arggh! Isn't "soft" a given, at least? Or do the hypothalamuses of porn fans respond to those reliable old adjectives like soft, hard, big, tight etc. in some ineffable and irreplaceable fashion? Don't we owe the reader the occasional steely cock or dripping pussy?

Okay, not dripping pussy. Forget that. But let's give steely its due.

Agree with you. Even though I appreciate the list I could say "walnut" or "onion" or "plum" to describe the head of a dick. For me, they are not sexy or sexual.

Having said that, I use steel or steely all the time.

 

[NotWise]

The value of using dialogue tags to 'pace' dialogue is greatly underestimated by authors who follow 'how to' listicles.

Thomas frowned. 'I'm not sure,' he said. 'I'm really not sure.'

Geraldine had to admit that she too had a few reservations.

Pacing dialog might be their best use. Even though I'm trying to avoid them, I'll still use them for pace. I can insert actions within lines of dialog to get a similar effect, but even with short actions like getting a server's attention the pause is usually larger than with a simple tag.

On the other hand, if the action (like getting the server's attention) is integral to the scene and will happen anyway, then using it to pace the dialog gets the job done with zero overhead, while the dialog tag is just baggage.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Pacing dialog might be their best use... On the other hand, if the action (like getting the server's attention) is integral to the scene and will happen anyway, then using it to pace the dialog gets the job done with zero overhead, while the dialog tag is just baggage.

I polled my own text the last time this came up, and I'm fairly consistent - 10% of my dialogue is tagged "said" or "replied", about 20% tagged with some other vocative tag (whispered, sighed, moaned; that kind of thing), and the remainder relying on context or the dialogue to-and-fro to establish who's speaking.

I cringe when I see action tags with every sentence of dialogue - it comes across as trying too hard, in most cases, and sets up a really strange rhythm.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Tad, ‘dripping pussy’ is one thing no well-rounded individual can ever forget. Nor true ‘steely’,

And neither of them is ineffable.

 

[SimonDoom]

And neither of them is ineffable.

You get bonus points for "ineffable."

Not that you need bonus points.

 

[NotWise]

You get bonus points for "ineffable."

Not that you need bonus points.

That means you can't grade it an "F," right?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

'and then' was a bad habit for a while until I caught it. Now it's one of several "find and replace" word pairs that I always scrub. And 'just'.

I use worditout all the time - the site creates word clouds with the top 100 words (excluding the essential construction words). Very handy. Here's an example from my latest 1500 words:

https://worditout.com/word-cloud/4712686/private/2ec0af6523b1b39646ec195e3d625137

'and then' was a bane also. I just shortened it to 'then' of course word didn't like that, so I just ignore words advice.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Check out Diana Urban's 43 Words You Should Cut From Your Writing Immediately https://dianaurban.com/words-you-should-cut-from-your-writing-immediately

But, she suggests getting rid of 'then' and replacing it with 'and'. Now I did the exact opposite as I found I was using 'and' too much. Hmmm.