overcoming brainwashing

[whtwlf1790]

Hey all, seeing the title you probably are thinking abusive relationship, but actually this is something I did to myself without realizing it. I was just wondering, either from people who have overcome brainwashing or those that know someone who has, what helps?

For me, I was admit that I am a Christian, different topic for different time I understand. But when I was young I cultivated a very Victorian belief you could say that anything that was pleasurable was wrong. I know, I was young and impressionable, but it has still lasted some 20 years or so later. My issue is that I have gone from being what you could consider meek to self-depricating. I don't want to do things for myself because I am scared that I am going to upset someone else. Yes I know you just say don't worry about anyone else, but it is not that hard when you engrained it in your childhood brain that you aren't supposed to do much of anything good for yourself. I have gotten over this a little bit but for the most part I am still reluctant to express what I want, or want to do for fear of upsetting what someone else wants.


And I was just wondering what advice you might have, now I know Im going to get a lot of just grow the F up, and I know that I need to, I just have the issue with expressing what I want.

 

[JohnnySavage]

Hey all, seeing the title you probably are thinking abusive relationship, but actually this is something I did to myself without realizing it. I was just wondering, either from people who have overcome brainwashing or those that know someone who has, what helps?

For me, I was admit that I am a Christian, different topic for different time I understand. But when I was young I cultivated a very Victorian belief you could say that anything that was pleasurable was wrong. I know, I was young and impressionable, but it has still lasted some 20 years or so later. My issue is that I have gone from being what you could consider meek to self-depricating. I don't want to do things for myself because I am scared that I am going to upset someone else. Yes I know you just say don't worry about anyone else, but it is not that hard when you engrained it in your childhood brain that you aren't supposed to do much of anything good for yourself. I have gotten over this a little bit but for the most part I am still reluctant to express what I want, or want to do for fear of upsetting what someone else wants.


And I was just wondering what advice you might have, now I know Im going to get a lot of just grow the F up, and I know that I need to, I just have the issue with expressing what I want.

I used to hate cabbage, but now I love it!

 

[bronzeage]

Hey all, seeing the title you probably are thinking abusive relationship, but actually this is something I did to myself without realizing it. I was just wondering, either from people who have overcome brainwashing or those that know someone who has, what helps?

For me, I was admit that I am a Christian, different topic for different time I understand. But when I was young I cultivated a very Victorian belief you could say that anything that was pleasurable was wrong. I know, I was young and impressionable, but it has still lasted some 20 years or so later. My issue is that I have gone from being what you could consider meek to self-depricating. I don't want to do things for myself because I am scared that I am going to upset someone else. Yes I know you just say don't worry about anyone else, but it is not that hard when you engrained it in your childhood brain that you aren't supposed to do much of anything good for yourself. I have gotten over this a little bit but for the most part I am still reluctant to express what I want, or want to do for fear of upsetting what someone else wants.


And I was just wondering what advice you might have, now I know Im going to get a lot of just grow the F up, and I know that I need to, I just have the issue with expressing what I want.

Stop letting other people play with your brain when your not using it.

 

[parodyluvr75]

When you're married with a kid, you have to consider what you do that might effect your partner and child.

If you are talking things you want to do with your partner, sit them down and be honest. They might want what you want.

 

[JohnnySavage]

When you're married with a kid, you have to consider what you do that might effect your partner and child.

If you are talking things you want to do with your partner, sit them down and be honest. They might want what you want.

Is this about anal?

 

[parodyluvr75]

Is this about anal?

No anal!!!!!!!

 

[NOIRTRASH]

What works are processes marketers use to influence consumers.

Keeping an idea or product in front of people persuades them to accept it. Doesn't matter what the stimulus is. If I presented a bowl of dog shit or this: GAS A JEW TODAY, people will buy both.

 

[whtwlf1790]

When you're married with a kid, you have to consider what you do that might effect your partner and child.

If you are talking things you want to do with your partner, sit them down and be honest. They might want what you want.

I am married with child, but it isn't about things that I want to do with my wife. It is honestly things that most people find silly, like wanting to watch a certain tv show or play a game, i can't because I am scared that I will upset her, even though I know that I wont.

 

[MrRandyWatson]

It took me until my 30s to get over the idea that there was a hell or that I could go there. I grew up being told "don't ever do this" or "don't do this until this time" and took that to extremes. "Don't have sex until you're married and be careful out there" turned into "If you ever have sex, you'll get AIDS even if the other person doesn't have it." "Don't drink until you're old enough" turned into "One sip will turn you into a hopeless alcoholic" (though having a recovered alcoholic for a grandfather - coupled with the big scary boogeyman that was drugs - didn't help.) Needless to say, "Jesus forgives your sin" turned into "If God doesn't like your face, you spend eternity in hell."

I've decided that I don't want any child of mine to be raised with such fear. I won't stand for any religious figure saying, "Believe this or burn in hell." I don't want that fear in them.

 

[Hard_Rom]

I am married with child, but it isn't about things that I want to do with my wife. It is honestly things that most people find silly, like wanting to watch a certain tv show or play a game, i can't because I am scared that I will upset her, even though I know that I wont.

Not everyone is an extrovert. Introverted wallflowers are part of personality makeups.

Do not beat yourself up about it.

If it is interfering with normal life or marriage, talk to your doc.

 

[parodyluvr75]

I am married with child, but it isn't about things that I want to do with my wife. It is honestly things that most people find silly, like wanting to watch a certain tv show or play a game, i can't because I am scared that I will upset her, even though I know that I wont.

If that's the case then you need a professional. They can help you work through it. You're not going to find what you need on here.

 

[BabblingBrooke]

If that's the case then you need a professional. They can help you work through it. You're not going to find what you need on here.

I agree with Birdie. Please find a doctor you can talk to, you need to sort this out and talk to your wife, too. We won't be much help with either of those.

 

[Que]

Stop letting other people play with your brain when your not using it.

I am stealing this.

 

[Palamino19]

I think the doctor stuff is a bit premature.

Eventually, you WILL get more tired of not having the people around you not considering what show you might want to watch, and you WILL say something. Odds are, they will realize you want to watch a different show, and probably thought you liked watching the other shows, or didn't care so much, and will be receptive.

You might want to choose to say it before the point where you just can't hold back anymore and blow up about a TV show.

Just choose to say it. Swallow the fear and do it.

When you realize the people around you can survive the ordeal of sharing the TV, you will probably realize they can also survive that you don't like spaghettios or other things. This won't mean you always get to watch your show, or that you will never have to eat spaghettios(though you should at least try for that one, there are graphic depictions on this very forum of just where spaghettios come from), but it does mean you will know they appreciate knowing you better, appreciate you speaking your mind, and they will try to listen.

There is a difference between introversion and being a doormat. A true introvert would have a TV in their own room. Possibly a bunker. This is just learning to be assertive. Introverts constantly assert their inward preference.

 

[Aella_]

Hope the guy is genuine (seems like it) and not a troll (GB makes you paranoid). Anyway:

Felt like looking in a mirror, reading the OP's initial post. I didn't quite have a religious upbringing, and my concerns were more typical for a female (what would people think of me if I did this or that), but my impression is that the core root is the same. Aka someone who's better than us is passing judgments (God or other people). All those guilt or shame-inducing ideas.
Strangely enough, I feel like, now, I'm more towards the other extreme. But for me, I think it was more of a gradual process (over many years!!) than a quick fix, unfortunately.

1.The thing that helped me enormously were the people.
I was lucky somehow to get on well with several kind and open-minded people at work, and I learned a lot from them, vicariously. So my suggestion would be to seek those sorts of social environments, and to avoid -if possible- conservative ones. Negativity always rubs on you, unfortunately.

2.Then - readings.
I didn't read these things with that goal in mind - just for my own pleasure-, but they opened my eyes to the fact that there are also other -more forgiving- ways of seeing the world.
- Aka I liked the existential-humanistic school of thought, that is a bit more in the line with gnostic christianity (as they say). They have a positive view of people and they frame the human dilemma as the need for self-actualization and knowledge, as opposed to the traditional christian view that "we are all bad or sinful" so we need to repent.


P.S.
Sorry about my logorrhea, but this is a topic that I particularly enjoy.

 

[neci]

talking to a therapist about cognitive therapy may help.

 

[Aella_]

I think it would, too, but isn't it expensive? Or are there any ways of subsidising it?

 

[Palamino19]

Seriously, the TV thing is common for married men. Especially with kids, I've heard like a million friends complain that they never get to choose their shows. Then, it reaches a head, and they blow up, and everyone's like, "oh, I thought you were okay with this show", the guys who last then are like, "well, I just thought, once in a while, we could watch something with people shooting lasers from their eyes, not all the time, but it'd be fun," and then they find common ground.

Especially common for the guys who work later.

It's an easy fix that shows a person that not everything is so goddamned big.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I say NO and mean it. I say YES and mean it.

 

[Aella_]

It took me until my 30s to get over the idea that there was a hell or that I could go there. I grew up being told "don't ever do this" or "don't do this until this time" and took that to extremes. "Don't have sex until you're married and be careful out there" turned into "If you ever have sex, you'll get AIDS even if the other person doesn't have it." "Don't drink until you're old enough" turned into "One sip will turn you into a hopeless alcoholic" (though having a recovered alcoholic for a grandfather - coupled with the big scary boogeyman that was drugs - didn't help.) Needless to say, "Jesus forgives your sin" turned into "If God doesn't like your face, you spend eternity in hell."

I've decided that I don't want any child of mine to be raised with such fear. I won't stand for any religious figure saying, "Believe this or burn in hell." I don't want that fear in them.

I liked this post.
Also, my sibling took a similar approach with her kids, and they are thriving.

 

[Palamino19]

Look it's Palamino19. As in, a number high enough that there couldn't possibly be that many other Palamino's on the board, but not so high that, if there were, I would be lost in the flock, herd, pack, whatever Palaminos gather in. A bevvy of Palaminos?

And yes. I agree with the way you agreed with me, even more than I agree with what you were agreeing with. Especially, simple, not easy, but simple. When we agonize on our problems, they seem so huge. Often, they aren't.

 

[JohnnySavage]

Sometimes a man needs to take charge of his woman. they'll run amok if you don't.

 

[JohnnySavage]

You'll end up watching Dancing with the Stars.

 

[Palamino19]

You'll end up watching Dancing with the Stars.

All the guys I know who think they rule their wives suspiciously seem to end up wearing clear gift sweaters that mark them as owned and dressed down. At least a TV show is only in your home. Sweaters are like upper body facials for husbands.

 

[Aella_]

Gosh, haven't thought of that. We've all been putting it on the guy, but maybe he's just fine, and the problem is his wife. I saw quite a few couples where the woman wore the pants, after I emigrated.

Or maybe he's just trying to mess with us, and his aim is to subtly steer us in that direction.