Over 15000 readers already?!!

[Programmer Cat]

I can't believe that my story, Caught After Class, has already been read over 15000 times. Not only that, but those who've voted on it seem to like it.

I wonder what people really think about the story, though; as I haven't gotten any feedback messages.

 

[champagne1982]

First Times is a very popular category.

With that said, you've got a good story and it's well constructed, sexy and the spelling is wonderful.

You have lots of elements that constitute good "First Times" erotica in your story.

1. One of your characters is losing a "reserved virginity" to the person they've been saving themselves for.
2. The participants are young and attractive.
3. Your lovers climax together.
4. The woman orgasms.
5. There are no morning after conflicts.

All of these make a "nice" story that your readers will generally vote favourably on.

I, personally, would have liked to know how it felt for Matthew to be finally, sexually inside a woman's vagina, nevermind that it's the woman of his dreams! You could try to add details (metaphorically if you must) about what it physically feels like and never neglect the emotions he must have been experiencing. You write this from the woman's point of view though, so I suppose your lack of details regarding Matthew's experience is justifiable, but where are those about Catherine's? She revels, she feels wonderful, she orgasms but what did it feel like when it happened?

Matt's parents were okay with them sleeping together but what about Catherine's? You have her disappearing after school, missing dinner, spending the night at a guy's house and getting up late enough in the morning that someone had already brewed coffee, all without a single thought for her own family. I'd have liked to have read a few more details about how she'd decided that having sex with her friend was the best thing for their relationship. Does she feel anything besides a long standing desire for him?

You have a pleasant little story about a pleasant act with pleasant results. So, I feel pleasant. That's nice. You should really try to arouse your reader emotionally, I think. The physical effects will follow naturally once you get the mind turned on.

Thankyou for sharing your story. I'm sure you'll improve as you get accustomed to the "showing not telling" aspects of writing, which is, what I gather from your profile, your primary goal. Good luck and welcome aboard the trial and error train. We're all just seeking enlightenment.

 

[ffreak]

Good story PC, and good response, Champagne. I think I'm going to use this as a litmus test when I try to write a first time story.

-FF

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I think Champagne did a good job, I'll just add this. It's a sweet little story and everything works perfectly, the problem for me is, nothing ever works that perfectly. From plans for dinner to vacation plans, nothing ever comes off without a hitch.

I remember my first time as a lot of fumbling, a good deal of trial and error and not a little pain. For a first effort it's good, especially from a technical perspective. Well written and far fewer errors than some of my recent works, light years ahead of my first efforts. I would just suggest adding a few little complications here and there, they are what make life real and the common thread that makes us all human.

-Colly

 

[sweetnpetite]

Sure, it's not exactly true to life, but it's a beautiful story. To me, I think it would go well in Romance. I think maybe it should be called, Every Girls Fantasy of her First Time. In the case of this particular fantasy, I think it's ok that everything was perfect. It's a very nice feel good story. It makes me smile almost as much as if it had just happened to me that way. Thats the point really isn't it? Nowonder your story is doing so well. Congratulations

 

[sanchopanza]

"I'm eighteen," she thought, "and he just turned eighteen last week."

slipped surreptitiously in there - not so forced as it can sometimes appear. nice story. very nice. not vulgar at all - where did i ever go wrong? i used to be such a nice boy. so nice