Outrageous Balls

[scheherazade_79]

Have you ever met a person who did something that made your jaw drop in a combination o f disbelief, horror and total respect?

Today I witnessed a car driving down a No Vehicular Access road. The road was marked as a no go area for a very good reason - there was a hardware store about halfway down it, which had a lot of it products on display in the middle of the street. The car slowed down at this point, then it sped up again and just ploughed through everything

An old man in a brown overall came running outside. The car parked up about ten metres away from him, and I watched the old man stalking towards it, his fists clenched.

Then the car door opened... and out stepped a woman who must have been about eight months pregnant. She glared at the old man, and just headed into the grocery store just opposite.

The parking situation in my home town is atrocious, and I didn't blame the woman at all for being so feisty. In fact, I felt this deep sense of admiration.

Has anyone else ever witnessed something like this and found themselves smiling?

The old man just stopped in his tracks, said 'Oh,' and headed back inside.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Another one springs to mind, involving my first girlfriend. She was living in NY at the time, and I'd come over to spend my birthday there. My birthday request was to go to the aquarium on Coney Island, which incidentally turned out to be really shit.

We set out from Yonkers at around 11, and got so lost I had to get out and ask for directions... and I ended up in an army recruitment centre, where the woman was convinced I was Australian. But that's another story.

The bottom line is, if you'll excuse the pun, my girlfriend hadn't 'been' for several days, and had foolishly taken a large dose of senna tea before leaving the apartment.

We got as far as the tunnel leading to Coney Island before I noticed her squirming in her seat. Suddenly, she swerved sharply into a Burger King, and left the car parked across three spaces, door hanging open as she sprinted inside. Her last words were: "It's coming down!" before she vanished into the building.

A few moments later, she emerged. In terms of emptying her colon, the visit had been a resounding success. But... it turned out that the toilet wouldn't flush at all. As she was washing her hands and considering making a hasty exit, a Burger King worker came in to clean the toilets. There was no one else in there but my girlfriend, and apparently the stench was quite frightening.

Whereas most of us would have blushed and got the hell out of there, never to return again, my girlfriend turned to the worker and started complaining about the standard of cleanliness. She alerted the worker to the heap of shit in one of the two toilets, and said it had made her sick to her stomach when she walked in there - so sick that there was no way she'd be buying any food from there!

I was impressed. Whenever I've had to go for a McPee, guilt has always forced me to buy at least a drink from the place. She had a dump for nothing

 

[Guest]

Did I miss a memo or misunderstand the story? Does being pregnant give one license to break the law and destroy property?

Don't get me wrong, the story of total respect that jumped into my mind, was an Australian couple that I met on a San Francisco bus. They had brought their family on vacation and were seeing a lot of the city by walking, and taking the bus. They were shepherding five children between them, ranging in age from an infant in a carrier to eight years old.

Where did they get the energy?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Zade, will you please compile these anecdotes into a damn book already??

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I used to work in a really busy and understaffed inner city grocery store. Once, late at night, I was checking and my line backed up so far it was out into the aisles. Some jerky guy cut in line in front of everyone, including a woman with a little baby who was the next to check out.

He was like "I've got to be somewhere, fuck this!" and pushed her out of his way. I told him to get his ass back in line and he started swearing at me, coming toward me. As I was calling the cops, an older guy who looked like he'd just gotten off work, stepped out of the line behind me, came around and punched the line cutting guy in the face. The police hauled the line cutter away with a bloody nose and I gave my hero a free six pack. Because, honestly, if he hadn't been there, I might've gotten my ass kicked by that maniac before the cops could get there.

 

[Guest]

I had a customer interrupt me once "just a quick question" when I was helping a nice, professionalyl dressed young woman. The answer was literally two words, so I answered, and said "If you need anything else, I'll be free after helping this lady."

"Just one more quick question?" he said, asking it.

I answered, and then said, "let me find someone to help you."

"No, that won't be necessary, just..." and he asked another question.

The young woman said, "Listen, Ted is being real nice to you. But he has to be nice to you, I don't. So let me say to you what he wants to. Fuck off!"

He backed off, and waited patiently. She got an extra discount on her purchase.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I had a customer interrupt me once "just a quick question" when I was helping a nice, professionalyl dressed young woman. The answer was literally two words, so I answered, and said "If you need anything else, I'll be free after helping this lady."

"Just one more quick question?" he said, asking it.

I answered, and then said, "let me find someone to help you."

"No, that won't be necessary, just..." and he asked another question.

The young woman said, "Listen, Ted is being real nice to you. But he has to be nice to you, I don't. So let me say to you what he wants to. Fuck off!"

He backed off, and waited patiently. She got an extra discount on her purchase.

Hahaha. Yeah, in retail, you get to see the best and the worst of humanity, that's for sure.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I was walking through a Safeway parking lot one evening several years ago. It was mid-June and the schools had just let out for the summer. It was that twilite hour just after the sun went down and the sky was just beginning to darken. As I approached the store a Toyota pick up truck went by me filled (front seat and rear bed) with nake teenagers. I shook my head and trudged on.

Obvioulsly these kids didn't get the reaction they wanted so they went around the parking lot again and came up next to me and started screaming. The kids in the bed were standing dancing and the driver was leaning out the side window waving and screaming at me just as the truck slammed into the side of the building.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Did I miss a memo or misunderstand the story? Does being pregnant give one license to break the law and destroy property?

No, but it's a damn good excuse. Pregnancy and old age are two things I really look forward to, because they give you licence to get away with murder!

Where did they get the energy?

Possibly from all those times when they didn't walk to the store to buy contraceptives?

 

[scheherazade_79]

Zade, will you please compile these anecdotes into a damn book already??

They're already in the damn book of my mind, there to be retrieved whenever I get a boring moment Yes, I'm one of those maniacs who suddenly gets the giggles for no apparent reason, other than what's going on in my mind!

 

[scheherazade_79]

I used to work in a really busy and understaffed inner city grocery store. Once, late at night, I was checking and my line backed up so far it was out into the aisles. Some jerky guy cut in line in front of everyone, including a woman with a little baby who was the next to check out.

He was like "I've got to be somewhere, fuck this!" and pushed her out of his way. I told him to get his ass back in line and he started swearing at me, coming toward me. As I was calling the cops, an older guy who looked like he'd just gotten off work, stepped out of the line behind me, came around and punched the line cutting guy in the face. The police hauled the line cutter away with a bloody nose and I gave my hero a free six pack. Because, honestly, if he hadn't been there, I might've gotten my ass kicked by that maniac before the cops could get there.

Miss Scarlet, you have my utmost respect for confronting the rude person and kudos to the guy who decked him. You see, this is what I mean - you'll never ever forget that guy who took the law into his own hands

 

[scheherazade_79]

I had a customer interrupt me once "just a quick question" when I was helping a nice, professionalyl dressed young woman. The answer was literally two words, so I answered, and said "If you need anything else, I'll be free after helping this lady."

"Just one more quick question?" he said, asking it.

I answered, and then said, "let me find someone to help you."

"No, that won't be necessary, just..." and he asked another question.

The young woman said, "Listen, Ted is being real nice to you. But he has to be nice to you, I don't. So let me say to you what he wants to. Fuck off!"

He backed off, and waited patiently. She got an extra discount on her purchase.

There! You see, Ted, that's way more in the spirit of things

 

[scheherazade_79]

I was walking through a Safeway parking lot one evening several years ago. It was mid-June and the schools had just let out for the summer. It was that twilite hour just after the sun went down and the sky was just beginning to darken. As I approached the store a Toyota pick up truck went by me filled (front seat and rear bed) with nake teenagers. I shook my head and trudged on.

Obvioulsly these kids didn't get the reaction they wanted so they went around the parking lot again and came up next to me and started screaming. The kids in the bed were standing dancing and the driver was leaning out the side window waving and screaming at me just as the truck slammed into the side of the building.

Was anyone hurt?

 

[scheherazade_79]

I saw a TV programme once, called Teenagers from Hell. I don't know why I watched it - I had more than enough first hand experience of teenagers from hell in my job. But there was one story that gave me that jaw drop moment...

There was this bus driver somewhere in the north of England, who was on a new route and got lost. So he left his bus at the side of the road with the engine running and walked into the nearby park to ask directions.

In the meantime, a teenage boy and girl got on the bus. This was all captured on the bus' CCTV, so you got to see everything. The boy started the bus and started to drive it down the street. He gathered speed, and while he was hurtling down the road, the teenage girl was dancing in the gangway.

After this short clip, they interviewed the teenage girl, who kept saying - "It were only a bit of fun. That's all it were."

Then they interviewed the owner of the bus company, who said - "It were wicked! Downright, sheer wickedness that made them take that bus!"

Then they showed an old lady sitting in her livingroom doing some knitting. She said that she'd been sitting in that very seat a few months ago, when she'd heard an almighty crash... and suddenly there was half a bus inside her house, just inches from her.

Nobody was hurt, and I fully acknowledge that this were... I mean was a totally wicked thing for those kids to have done. But it also shows totally outrageous balls, and I'll never ever forget that programme.

 

[scheherazade_79]

.....

 

[oggbashan]

My town has a prepondence of elderly people, who are not noted for their tolerance or PC attitudes.

We have a carnival queen and princesses who work hard all their year, visiting schools, nurseries, old people's homes, and opening anything they are asked to, come rain, shine or sleet.

For the last three years, three of the town's gay men have presented themselves as the alternative carnival queen and princesses. They spend many hours constructing their carnival float that is bicycle-propelled. They wear matching salmon pink bridesmaids dresses and have a wicked line of repartee with the crowds watching the carnival. They too visit the old people's homes and entertain with over the top renditions of wartime songs, imitating the wartime songstresses.

They have overcome the prejudice to become a much loved and accepted part of the community. They are in-your-face Gay and proud of it. The real carnival queen and princesses are happy to be photographed with their 'rivals' whenever an opportunity arises.

Those three men have done much to make our carnival fun to watch as others try to imitate their panache.

Og

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Was anyone hurt?

No one was hurt other than a few bumps and bruises... at least not until their parents had to bail them out of jail

 

[ABSTRUSE]

They're already in the damn book of my mind, there to be retrieved whenever I get a boring moment Yes, I'm one of those maniacs who suddenly gets the giggles for no apparent reason, other than what's going on in my mind!

ME TOO!!!

Silly is good. Like this....

http://www.ctgilles.net/images/pictars/hello_yourgay.jpg

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

OMG... years ago, Portland had a kiddie show staring "Heck Harper, singing cowboy". He played cartoons in the afternoon. One afternoon at the end of his show he didn't realize his mic was still on and turned to the floor manager and said, "That ought to keep the little bastards for a while." He was immediately fired. I saw a clip of the incident some years ago.

In 2002 I was with a group of friends in a resturaunt and someone mentioned Heck Harper wanting to know whatever happened to him. I related the story and the table laughed. Then they told me I was full of shit.

A guy at the next table butted in an told everyone the story was true. He had been the floor manager Harper was talking too.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Miss Scarlet, you have my utmost respect for confronting the rude person and kudos to the guy who decked him. You see, this is what I mean - you'll never ever forget that guy who took the law into his own hands

Thanks, S. I was much mouthier back in the day, was lucky I didn't get capped for it on more than one occasion.

 

[SeaCat]

I work on an Oncology Unit in a local Hospital.

Because it is an Oncology Unit they do a ton of Blood Transfusions. Because of this they lump in Blood Disorders with Oncology.

One of these disorders is a congenital disease by the name of Sickle Cell Anemia. It can be and is often more than a little painful. It tends to manifest when the victim is young. In many cases, because the patients are so young and so obviously in pain they are catered to by the Medical Staff.

About a year ago one of these patients came up on our floor. She was young, 19 years old. She was on an I.V. Drip of Morphine with additional Morphine as needed. This young woman would sleep for several hours then wake up demanding more Morphine. (Normal for so many of them, and I am not being judgemental here.) When she was awake, being used to being catered to she would demand oh so many things.

I had been gone on vacation and when I returned I found her to be in my care. On that first day she set the tone for our very short relationship. I walked into her room at roughly 0730 to do her vital signs and was immediatly besieged with demands for extras. (I took care of these even while cursing silently.) Soon after this I was called to her room to find her lounging in the recliner wearing nothing but her slippers while her boyfriend was stretched out in the bed. She informed me that she wanted me to run across the street and buy both of them several things from the Burger King there, and on my way back she wanted me to pick up a couple of packs of smokes for her BF. Of course she wasn't going to pay for these, I was expected to pay out of my pocket. When I explained to her that I was not going to do this she ordered me out of her room, got dressed then called for my super and complained that I was not meeting her basic needs.

Oh she must have been laughing when she heard my boss giving me hell in the hall after that.

Not too long after this her Doctor went past me and into the room. He soon came out redfaced and madder than hell. He called for my boss and chewed her ass out. It seems that when he had walked into the room he had intruded on a rather intimate moment between the patient and her BF.

She was rather quickly escorted off the property. In the Doctors words, if she felt good enough to be doing that then she felt good enough to be at home.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

The other one I absolutely love happened in Mashpee Mass.

A man had been arrested for possesion of drug paraphenialia(sp). He was sitting in jail waiting for a friend to come by and pick him up. That friend showed up several minutes early and was sitting in his car in the police station parking lot, the friedn was promptly arrested. It seems the friend, having arrived a tad early had decided he was bored and needed a fix. An officer passing by watched in amazement as this friend got everything ready and started to shoot up right there in the parking lot of the police station.

Cat

 

[human_male]

In junior high I had PE with a guy with a huge and disgustingly copious scrotum.

Ok that's probably not as good as everyone else's stories.

 

[Aurora Black]

Oh she must have been laughing when she heard my boss giving me hell in the hall after that.

What a bitch! Burger King and smokes do not fall under "Basic Needs." I can't believe that your super yelled at you over something so stupid.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I watched the owner of a local, small hole-in-the-wall bar bet a woman that if he could let his ball-sack roll out of his pants without having to touch it or help it any way, she'd have to lick his ball-sack right there for everyone to see.


I would have never imagined a ball-sack that hung so low that it would roll right out of a guys zipper hole without help. All he did was adjust from outside his pants to get'em in position. She licked'em.