Out of Curiosity...

[Ophelia_221]

At what age would you say you were involved in your first Dom/sub relationship?
Did it just sort of happen like that? Were you looking for it?

 

[LeahLo519]

I guess it depends on what you would consider really dominant/submissive. I've been submissive in all my relationships. I don't wear a collar or anything like that, but I expect to be taken care of and I do whatever my man tells me to do. And I'm just like that, we've never talked about it. It's just a more traditional female role in the relationship.

 

[Ophelia_221]

Im suspecting most answers will reveal that it's been evident in all or most relationships. Till it escalated to the point of waking up and saying "you know, there is a term for this, im a sub/Dom whatever"

 

[TaintedB]

Well, I don't know. It's awfully hard to sub to a vanilla man. Not that I didn't try valiantly.

I was 29 or 30, and yeah it was conscious. I honestly didn't know s&m existed for real before then, although it was always in my sexual fantasies and in my desires for my partners' behavior.

 

[Farblat_Ieem]

At seventeen I was caught with a girl tied up in my parked car. I was menacing her with an ice scraper as the flashlight came thru the steamed up window. It took her lengthy explaination to the cops that she really, really didnt' mind to keep me from being arrested. Would that make it offical?

 

[Ophelia_221]

Ha! Thats great...and I bet it counts!


Steven was very vanilla when I met him, more partners than me..but far fewer marks in the "experience" range, if you catch my drift. He really never knew what a sadist he was till then.

 

[oddity83]

20 when I came out of the kink closet, 22 now and in a realtionship that I am proud to say has B&D in it.

 

[DVS]

At what age would you say you were involved in your first Dom/sub relationship?
Did it just sort of happen like that? Were you looking for it?

I was 12, and she was 10. She was a lovely and willing neighbor girl, down the street. Spanking her naked bottom was the usual event. We didn't actuallly know what it all meant, but we still knew we liked doing it.

Then, a little later, there was another lovely and willing neighbor girl. She lived across the street. When we were found, we were behind the couch, I had her hands tied, dress up and panties down. My mother found us. Her mother was there, too. If I remember correctly, it was just a neighborly visit for coffee. Little did our mothers know...As before, I don't remember how it all started and we didn't actually know what it was, but we knew we liked doing it.

After I began to notice a trend in this type of encounter, I finally found something in Playboy or Penthouse that fit with what I felt. Only then did I have a label for it.

We didn't know what it was, and it all just kind of happened. Being kids, we experimented, you know. And, were we expecting it? I think something in the back of my mind had to have an agenda, sending my thoughts a certain way. How else do some of these things ever happen?

Now, if I had been older when I first experienced some of this, I might have already known what it was. I do know I would have had access to Penthouse and Playboy sooner to see the article! Yes, this was all lightyears before the Internet came around.

 

[h_i_s]

At what age would you say you were involved in your first Dom/sub relationship?
Did it just sort of happen like that? Were you looking for it?

No matter what type relationships and the labels they are given ... there's always some levels of a balancing act which takes place, with dominant & submissive traits involved.

Any and every relationship that i've ever been a party to has been between a dominant and a submissive personality. Every single one failed due to those roles, and the balance between the two, being backwards ... except for the one i am in now. i always ended up HAVING to take on a dominant role, simply because the persons i'd been involved with either didn't understand what i needed in those relationships and/or didn't have the balls, and/or didn't care enough to take charge and make it happen once i had made it known to them what i needed.

i am finally happy because i have found myself being allowed to be *me*.

So, i'll say i was 36.

It didn't 'just happen'. i joined a BDSM personals site , and we found each other, so yes .... i was certainly 'looking for it'.

 

[Quint]

16 when I got in my first relationship in which we experimented with some themes, but I always knew the name for them because I'd done my homework. I did a lot of active fantasizing way before then but by the time a partner was doing things WITH me, I knew what it was about.

19 entered first full-time D/s relationship.

 

[curiousjen]

I did a lot of dirty punishment games with friends in primary school- but after that not a lot of activity. Secondary school came around and I had regular boyfriends who I wouldn't even say i was submissive or even that sexual with.

I wasn't until I met Owen, aged nineteen that I started to really submit. And it was years after we fell in love that I started to put my behavior and feelings into words, or understand that there were others like me. I'm still very much on a journey, but I can't imagine having any other sort of relationship now I've discovered my inner kink and the joy of submitting.

 

[Netzach]

My vanilla relationship did not organically and magically transform, it died a slow death. I recognize now that my partner was more of a closet top than a closet bottom, in spite of his mellow and laid back ways -- and I am not that adaptable or switchable that I was going to put aside my control needs for the sake of the relationship and getting my fetish fix in some format. That rel. lasted from around 19-26 in some form.

So my first D/s kink relationships were all conciously sought, and I'd say I got in them at around 22/23.

 

[Killishandra]

No matter what type relationships and the labels they are given ... there's always some levels of a balancing act which takes place, with dominant & submissive traits involved.

Any and every relationship that i've ever been a party to has been between a dominant and a submissive personality. Every single one failed due to those roles, and the balance between the two, being backwards ... except for the one i am in now. i always ended up HAVING to take on a dominant role, simply because the persons i'd been involved with either didn't understand what i needed in those relationships and/or didn't have the balls, and/or didn't care enough to take charge and make it happen once i had made it known to them what i needed.

i am finally happy because i have found myself being allowed to be *me*.

So, i'll say i was 36.

It didn't 'just happen'. i joined a BDSM personals site , and we found each other, so yes .... i was certainly 'looking for it'.

Wow, sinn. Your experience with past relationships sounds almost exactly like mine! I even met my first and only Dominant partner on the same site you did yours. Sometimes I feel like sending a bouquet of flowers to whoever runs collarme.

 

[h_i_s]

Wow, sinn. Your experience with past relationships sounds almost exactly like mine! I even met my first and only Dominant partner on the same site you did yours. Sometimes I feel like sending a bouquet of flowers to whoever runs collarme.

In reading a few of your posts, i'd noticed the similarities. i'd bet that if it were not for the internet, i'd never have met my Master ... or anyone who could make me even half as happy as He does.

As is common with many here, i spent a good amount of time as a member at Lit who chose to read threads, rather than actually post. One of my first posts here was to a thread in which i replied simply to provide the url to collarme for someone who was searching for a D/s partner. At that time, i was not familiar with any of the names of some of the more frequent posters here at the BDSM section of the forums, so for that reason, i'm not quite certain of who it was that i'd posted the url to. i do recall that they were appreciative, (and did surf over to collarme and liked what they found there). my recollection may be wrong, and i think it may have been Marquis? i'm not certain ..

The most amazing part of the story involving how i met my Master, was certainly how quickly i found Him, and how we literally connected and began to fall in love moments after meeting. i found His profile the first day i signed onto collarme. That same day, feeling no hope left for finding the right submissive for Himself. He had signed onto collarme with the intention of deleting His account. Then He saw my profile & sent me an email. i logged onto my email and decided there were too many bogus replies, and too many file attachments worth opening with my slow dial up account. i deleted all of those messages unread, including the one He'd sent for me (in reply to His having viewed my profile, as well). He received my message that i'd sent Him after viewing His profile & one of the first things He asked me as He replied to my email was, "Are you replying to my email i sent you?". i then realized what had occured. A chance for a future brimming with happiness had landed in my email and i deleted it!! i'm forever greatful for having stumbled upon His profile and not chickening out in emailing Him that day.

We no longer post at collarme forums. As much as we enjoyed participating with some of the many friends we made there, it is our opinion that the Mods on that forum (SO unlike the Mods here ... i am greatful for being able to say ..) act upon their own personal opinions in deleting & censoring posts rather than stick to the TOS. We never flamed anyone there, yet didn't hold back from telling another that we didn't agree with them, or felt that they were failing to make their point understood. Neither of us enjoyed the feeling of having been stifled in what we feel was an outright block by certain Mods in being able to freely express our opinions simply because others did not hold the same beliefs or opinions on a given topic of discussion. We still send others there who are not having luck in finding a well matched partner, or one who is local to them. It's an awesome site. It was just the inconsistancy in moderation of the forums that left a bad taste in our mouths.

Since deleting our accounts on the personal ad side of that site, i did go back a couple of times to post a few updates to some friends there, regarding my Master's health. The last time i posted at the collarme forum was to inform our friends there of our marriage, and to offer a HUGE thank you from both of us to the 'owners' of the site for having provided us the opportunity to find each other and meet.

 

[Her sissy slave]

age?

2003..2 yrs ago...i am 49 yrs old and went to calif from ia to my 1st Mistress..

and yes i was looking for it.

thanks

now 51 and under consideration...to a new Goddess

 

[AppleBiter]

I was 16 when we first got into bondage. We didn't get into sado-masochism until just recently, and I'm 25.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've been making females do my bidding since I was in short pants. I guess college when it first got explicitly nasty.

 

[graceanne]

Um, before K I dated a guy named Matt. And I wasn't the submissive one. That's how I learned that while I can be friends with submissive guys, I cannot be in a relationship with them. Matt drove me crazy, and not in a good way.

 

[Ophelia_221]

For some reason, my relationships with male subs just seemed to make me feel suffocated because I feel like I'm dragging around a man with more emotional baggage than me. Granted emotions prolly dont have much to do with it, but I like masculinity. yes, a bi girl that is attracted to overblown masculinty. hey, sex is sex right? man or woman its a means to an end.

 

[graceanne]

With Matt I jsut got bitchier and bitchier, trying to get him to do SOMETHING. It was like, Geeze I'm being a bitch! But Matt would just apologize for pissing me off, give me those goo-goo eyes and tell me he loved me. Drove me batty.

 

[budderfwy]

I've always been submissive to men, but I'd have to say at 21 .. although I didn't know it had a name. I was in a relationship with a 35 yr old man who did all kinds of naughty things to me and I enjoyed the hell out of it. I didn't put a name on it until a few years later when I married and we went to see his aunt in CA did I put a name on it, and even then I didn't think it applied to me

This said aunt and uncle took us to The Treasure chest and then to their house to watch some "movies" and I still remember asking her why she had a plant hook over her bed ... dood i was stupid back then.

 

[Seduce]

I am not involved in anything specific yet, although just this morning I got complains about me being involved in Lit so much lately, and since he is not so good in English "how the hell is a man supposed to control you"....... well, I didnt know I should be controlled in first place so my temper got quite high..... and I dont suppose anyone would want to hear the rest.....

I do remember playing bondage Barbie and Ken when I was a kid though. But if I remember correctly Ken was the one that got his head teared off.

 

[ammre]

relationship wise.. never. i've always jsut wanted the older guy to take me and lead me and teach me and take joy in my growth under his tutelage.
although something at that fantasy never sits right with me becasue at the same toke, i like trying to deconstruct the mentor guy. I like challanging him and growing and eventuitally become more powerful, but at the same token there's no fantasy once i gain that power, i want to go back to being mentored.


i was about 9 when i found a bdsm movie where they were putting clips on the girl. at the time those little butterfly hairclips were all the rage. I had a bunch of them. I decorated my body, and in my young naivatey i stuck one on each nipple then one right on my clit. Oh dear god did that hurt, btu then i tried to ride it out and let the pain subside. i was proud of myself that i handled it, until i took it off, and THAT pain left me curled up in a ball wimpering. Lesson one: clips hurt more AFTER they are taken off, and butterfly clips have really long pointy teeth that are not pleasent when dug into you.
Then it all went back into hybernation, until i met some friends who brought me to a goth club where i found my love for the whartenburg wheel and the love for the little welt marks across my hips and rear. It's funny becasue those friends liked to play with the BDSM kink becasue it went along with their gothic subculture. I go along witht he gothic subculture becasue it incorperated my bdsm lifestyle. I've gotten more intrested then they ever were, even thought they introduced me.

 

[BlueSugar]

hm.
I'd say I was in my first D/s relationship when I was about in my late teens.
I used to roleplay online and through character developement and meeting a few of the people I played with in real life-

I learned for myself what and who I was, and then my journey started through there.
It lasted a year or so.

Maybe about hand full of years later I wasn't in another D/s (bdsm..) relationship till about a year or so into my current three year relationship.


expecting it?
No. I don't think I was - it was just a character and messing around with words and a computer ... little did I know I would start to feel something and realize how it actually made me feel.