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Oral Servitude 3

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Farawyn said:
Who is in control, here, and who is serving whom?
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xianpeters said:
In my fantasy, she's the one in control, and he is serving her. You can see his cock softening as he continues to focus on her needs rather than his own desires.
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Yes. Perhaps even after he’s already had his and now she’s just moved back to ride his face while he licks her freshly fucked pussy.
 
xianpeters said:
Okay, ladies, you've indulged us enough. How about one for you all. I love it when she sits on my face and just grinds on me while I lick and suck her.
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So. With regard to Cookie's more-talk concept (which is a grand idea), here's a discussion I've avoided as if it were a rabid pack of animals.

Geez, can't believe I'm saying this.

~deep breath~

I have an extremely difficult time receiving oral. He goes down. I freeze up. Panic almost. He tells me how much he wants it, how good it is for him. I try, but I can't respond. Like at all.

:eek:

^ Yeah. Same for me.

And it's fucking things up. I respond in Every. Other. Way. But not for this. What gives?

This is a sincere question, so please respond in kind (note that wasn't a question). Thanks.

How's that for discussing things? :eek:
 
xianpeters said:
I'm interested to know why people freeze up over this. Is it body issues? Concerns about what he/she is dealing with down there? Past trauma?
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Nope. None of that. And it is interesting.

xianpeters said:
Sex is fun. Switching up power dynamics can be even more fun. I know it's not as simple as just snapping your fingers to get over it, so what would a therapist tell you to do?
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Yeah, no. Not discussing this with a therapist. Especially not the ones practicing in my small town where everyone knows everyone.

But you might be on to something with the power dynamics thing. Gonna think on that.
 
clistenovena said:
So. With regard to Cookie's more-talk concept (which is a grand idea), here's a discussion I've avoided as if it were a rabid pack of animals.

Geez, can't believe I'm saying this.

~deep breath~

I have an extremely difficult time receiving oral. He goes down. I freeze up. Panic almost. He tells me how much he wants it, how good it is for him. I try, but I can't respond. Like at all.

:eek:

^ Yeah. Same for me.

And it's fucking things up. I respond in Every. Other. Way. But not for this. What gives?

This is a sincere question, so please respond in kind (note that wasn't a question). Thanks.

How's that for discussing things? :eek:
Click to expand...

Hi there how do you do? I don't believe we have met... but yet I know you!

Thank you for this. Though I'm not sure if this is the right place as it seems the antithesis?

Anhow I'll jump on in as this is me. This is EXACTLY where I learned I was submissive and not broken.

So way back when can't say when cause rules... but I had a boyfriend who was fantastic. I mean salt of the earth amazing young man. Truly a wonderful person. We were intimate after a while but it was really really hard for me to get anything out of it. He is where I learned I LOVE giving oral. I could do it for him and be incredibly satisfied. But he didn't want that so he tried to reciprocate... he worked HARD trying to find what would work. Nothing did. For years we tried. We were together 5 years. I just gave up after a point and decided something was wrong with me.
I was not old, I was relatively attractive, I wasn't experiencing shame or embarrassment or anxiety... I just couldn't. I didn't know then why.

Fast forward to meeting my now Sir 1st day of college. I've never been so attracted to a man. I saw him across the room and HAD to meet him. He excited me in a way I've never in my life felt. Rightly so, we never got father than flirting because I was engaged to aforementioned Boy scout boyfriend.
Life went on and we both married and divorced and I had written myself off as frigid. I was ok with that.
Life took a strange turn and I ended up here 14 years ago. Found out I might not be so strange after all. Still thought I was broken though. Met a great person and we met for dinner and a day of no responsibilities. He was significantly older but we had a lot in common. He shocked he hell out of me because he had printed out a checklist I'd done as a joke. He asked if it was true I'd really never done *thing thing thing* and I'd really never had an orgasm? I affirmed that. He asked if I'd let him help me knock a few curiosities out of the way. I said ok and let me tell you....that was one of the single greatest experiences of my life.
As it pertains to this... I had never had anyone as Fara says down there... look at me. Really LOOK at me. By then I'd had a kid, gained some weight... I didn't feel like anything special. But that day he made me lay there... and he told me EXACTLY what he saw. I've never forgotten a word. He then proceeded to teach me how very VERY much I like anal anything... everything... but most especially rimming... fuck I was out of my mind. It was the first time I hit subspace. I didn't even know what that was. Didn't cum... but it was BETTER than that!@! ( I swear I'll get to the point soon)
And collars and leashes.
Things progressed and then ended there... and I still didn't get anywhere with receiving oral.
Reconnected with Sir and we decided to meet for the day we never got. We


More once kiddo asleep.
 
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There was sooooooooo much discussion on this in the last oral thread about 2 years ago.
You are not alone.

Some women, more of the sub mindset, felt that they weren’t worthy, as he was her Dom. That he shouldn’t be “servicing” her.

Some felt they were dirty.
Some felt they had a previous bad experience and didn’t want to try again.
Or their man wasn’t stellar at it.
Or he didn’t take enough time.

Or they simply got off better with fingers.

Most of the reasons stated were within us, as women, rather than a slight towards the man.

I think we aren’t taught enough about our cunts. We don’t look at it enough. We are all tucked in and hidden away.
When was the last time you (rhetorical you) really looked at it?
We are not airbrushed black and white hairless 20 year olds with that one perfect drip sliding down. We are real. We are better. When our hair grows in, there is stubble. We have odor. Some women squirt, some of us cream. We queef sometimes. We get swollen. We get ashamed.
But it’s attsched to us.
A man who cares wants you to feel beautful. All over. Wants to smell and taste you just the way we do with him.
It may not be your cup of tea. And he shouldn’t force it.

Talk about it.
Let him look at it. Just look at it. You watch him do that. Don’t touch him.
Let him touch it.
Look in his eyes.
Let him show you that you are beautiful and wanted.
 
xianpeters said:
Would it help you to know that people -- men and women -- take great pleasure in getting their partners off. It can be as much fun as getting off yourself.
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We don't know each other, so you couldn't know...

I am pleasure personified when I am involved, in any way, in my partner's orgasm. Nothing gets me off the same way *that* does.

That said, he's getting a bit frustrated with my response. So I figured I'd throw it all out here. I appreciate your take on the matter.

On to read Fara and Angie. :)
 
Maybe a little insight from a man’s perspective whose partner froze up for years:

I love giving oral. Before, during and after intercourse. But I don’t do it from a “servitude” attitude and I think that is what finally helped my wife relax about receiving it and finally orgasming from it. It took years by the way.

She had some hang ups about oral and didn’t get that it was another way that I enjoyed just being with her. Another way that thrilled me to make her body respond.

When we really started talking about it and I understood why she didn’t like receiving it made me realize that I had been going about it the wrong way for her. So instead of saying it was for her, I told her it was for me. That I loved the way she looked, felt, tasted, smelled and I was taking her in that way and that since it was for me that she could just put herself in my hands.

And that changed everything about it.

I don’t know if that’s helpful or makes sense.
 
Apisto42 said:
Maybe a little insight from a man’s perspective whose partner froze up for years:

I love giving oral. Before, during and after intercourse. But I don’t do it from a “servitude” attitude and I think that is what finally helped my wife relax about receiving it and finally orgasming from it. It took years by the way.

She had some hang ups about oral and didn’t get that it was another way that I enjoyed just being with her. Another way that thrilled me to make her body respond.

When we really started talking about it and I understood why she didn’t like receiving it made me realize that I had been going about it the wrong way for her. So instead of saying it was for her, I told her it was for me. That I loved the way she looked, felt, tasted, smelled and I was taking her in that way and that since it was for me that she could just put herself in my hands.

And that changed everything about it.

I don’t know if that’s helpful or makes sense.
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Very well put.

I dont really have this anxiety.
But I know it has helped me the first time with each partner to know it's something they really want and not just something they feel like they have to do or only tolerate.
Its just so personal and intimate an act, a vulnerable position, and like Fara said girls/women aren't taught to be as comfortable with their bodies.
No advice. Just big hugs and best wishes.
 
Okay, so here's a little insight from a woman's point of view on this subject.. namely me :)

I think I can relate to a little of what clistenovena has been saying, if I understand her right. Me personally, I'm really picky about who goes down on me. I'm more picky about that then who I choose to go down on. It's not like I don't enjoy having someone perform oral on me, it's just not that important to me. To be honest, there are more effective ways of getting me off than oral.

In order for me to be comfortable with a guy going down me, not only does there have to be a physical attraction, but an emotional one as well. Same goes for having real sex. If both those attractions aren't there for me, I simply don't want him doing that to me. Sorry if I hurt anyone's ego here.

One other thing I will add, if I'm making out with a guy and I know he's excited and his cock his hard and waiting for attention, the last thing I want is to be distracted by him going down on me. Nothing get's me off more than going down on a guy and feeling him react to what I'm doing. For me, it doesn't get any better than that.

Again, that's just my personal opinion on this. Enough said :)
 
xianpeters said:
My feeling about sex is that, ultimately, we all want different things out of it, so, like any relationship, it's a negotiation (I know; that's not sexy at all). If I was with someone who didn't like oral sex, I'd be okay with her not liking it, but I actually enjoy it myself -- the scent, the taste, the feeling of being so intimate between her thighs -- so I'd probably negotiate some time down there just to turn me on. If she doesn't get off on it, there are plenty of other ways to do that, including deep kissing, nipple play, PinV etc.
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Just to touch on the bolded section and also what JJ said about it being more intimate:

I have had a lot more partners that I didn’t go down on than I have. Casual one night hookups were usually more about just getting off and going home.

The only long term partner I’ve been with that didn’t love receiving it (their words not mine) has been my wife. She cums quickly, easily and harder from sex then she does from oral. But since I love performing oral and it’s a huge turn on for me (everything about it drives me crazy), it was not okay with me to give that up.

It was not a quick process. Lots of discussion about all aspects of life, sex, cultural differences, marriage. And just being open about why I love it.

But the final key was to turn it into an act of submission for her. Now she’ll hint about it in that good girl submissive way.
 
Farawyn said:
There was sooooooooo much discussion on this in the last oral thread about 2 years ago.
You are not alone.
Click to expand...
I know I didn't go searching for older posts about this topic. But if I had, I wouldn't have gotten this from you, so okay. :)

Farawyn said:
Some women, more of the sub mindset, felt that they weren’t worthy, as he was her Dom. That he shouldn’t be “servicing” her.
Click to expand...
While my husband an I have more of a S/M than D/s relationship, this still plays into where my mind is in the moment.

Farawyn said:
Most of the reasons stated were within us, as women, rather than a slight towards the man.
Click to expand...
It is definitely a "me" thing. But it's affecting him as well, so I gotta deal with me.

Though your words did make me ponder something. My orgasms are exceedingly messy (squirter here). Perhaps a misunderstood comment from him forever ago is playing into this for me. Gonna think about that.

Farawyn said:
When was the last time you (rhetorical you) really looked at it?
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Me last night (pics). Him this morning (fingers). No rhetorical you involved. :D

But I completely get what you're saying. And while I have no issues with showing any part of my body to my husband and (except for my scars) don't have many hang ups about the physicality of me, someone out there needs (and/or needed) to read the words that you so thoughtfully wrote. Thank you for taking the time to put it all together. :heart:

xianpeters said:
Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. Just trying to be helpful.
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You didn't offend me, not even a bit. You were quite helpful. Sorry my words didn't come across as intended. :)

Apisto42 said:
Maybe a little insight from a man’s perspective whose partner froze up for years:
Click to expand...
One of the perspectives I was hoping for.

Apisto42 said:
When we really started talking about it and I understood why she didn’t like receiving it made me realize that I had been going about it the wrong way for her. So instead of saying it was for her, I told her it was for me.

It was not a quick process. Lots of discussion about all aspects of life, sex, cultural differences, marriage. And just being open about why I love it.

But the final key was to turn it into an act of submission for her. Now she’ll hint about it in that good girl submissive way.
Click to expand...
I put together these key statements I took from what you wrote. Everything you wrote was all really good; these just slammed into me, so to speak. It all made perfect sense, thank you.

PrettyLilPussy said:
But I know it has helped me the first time with each partner to know it's something they really want and not just something they feel like they have to do or only tolerate.
Click to expand...
^ This! Everything about this! Like before, all your words were spot on, this just cut straight to the middle. I'm going to have a conversation with my husband about this, even if just to clear my mind on it. Hugs to you.

JerseyJade said:
Okay, so here's a little insight from a woman's point of view on this subject.. namely me :)
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Another viewpoint I was hoping for. :D

JerseyJade said:
It's not like I don't enjoy having someone perform oral on me, it's just not that important to me. To be honest, there are more effective ways of getting me off than oral.

Again, that's just my personal opinion on this. Enough said :)
Click to expand...
The right thing said. Got my takeaway. I appreciate your thoughts!

Thanks, all. This is why this place is so great. :)

Back to porn and discussions of such. :devil:
 
clistenovena said:
I know I didn't go searching for older posts about this topic. But if I had, I wouldn't have gotten this from you, so okay. :)


While my husband an I have more of a S/M than D/s relationship, this still plays into where my mind is in the moment.


It is definitely a "me" thing. But it's affecting him as well, so I gotta deal with me.

Though your words did make me ponder something. My orgasms are exceedingly messy (squirter here). Perhaps a misunderstood comment from him forever ago is playing into this for me. Gonna think about that.


Me last night (pics). Him this morning (fingers). No rhetorical you involved. :D

But I completely get what you're saying. And while I have no issues with showing any part of my body to my husband and (except for my scars) don't have many hang ups about the physicality of me, someone out there needs (and/or needed) to read the words that you so thoughtfully wrote. Thank you for taking the time to put it all together. :heart:


You didn't offend me, not even a bit. You were quite helpful. Sorry my words didn't come across as intended. :)


One of the perspectives I was hoping for.


I put together these key statements I took from what you wrote. Everything you wrote was all really good; these just slammed into me, so to speak. It all made perfect sense, thank you.


^ This! Everything about this! Like before, all your words were spot on, this just cut straight to the middle. I'm going to have a conversation with my husband about this, even if just to clear my mind on it. Hugs to you.


Another viewpoint I was hoping for. :D


The right thing said. Got my takeaway. I appreciate your thoughts!

Thanks, all. This is why this place is so great. :)

Back to porn and discussions of such. :devil:
Click to expand...

So much interesting, considered, and thoughtful discussion.

It’s got me thinking. So at the risk of delaying the return to porn and discussions thereof...

Mrs H and I went through a stage where she didn’t seem to enjoy me going down on her. It felt to me that she would quickly move to suck me, or have me inside her. It really frustrated me. But it turned out, after a while and when we got to talk properly about it, that she felt under pressure to cum. And of course if you feel under pressure, you’re not going to enjoy it.

She thought so long as she was making me cum, I was happy. But I desperately wanted to enjoy her body. When I showed her just how much I enjoyed going down on her - eating her, fingering her, looking at her - how hard it made me, how aroused, and that I would happily stroke myself to climax while doing it, she suddenly began to enjoy it more.

Not sure that this is relevant to your original question, but I think generally, we all need to remember to enjoy the journey without worrying too much about the destination.
 
*ahem*

Now say what you want about this thread but it's certainly inspiring. :)
I may or may not have just given some of the best oral sex of my life... :D
Im not sure how cum got in my ear but... it got everywhere ;)
 
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