Opinions wanted

[Horny_Aussie_72]

I have had a few stories published here on lit, and was wondering whether my writing style lacked something, or what I could do to improve it as I enjoy writing but lack confidence to continue. I would appreciate any feedback that could be offered as to how I could improve my writings. Here are the links to my published stories:- http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=684276&page=submissions

All constructive criticism welcome

 

[sr71plt]

It's the basic short stroker with just enough plot to set up the sex scene, which was fine, if lacking emotion. The rating seems quite fair.

The editor, who was named, didn't do you any favors, if this was posted in the form that the story was edited (most numbers should have been written out, not in numerals, the rendering of time was not one of several choices that are acceptable, some of the dialogue construction uses periods where there should be commas, terminal punctuation is missing in at least one place, italics used incorrectly in one place, British style of dialogue punctuation is used in one place, but American elsewhere). Spelling seemed fine, but there are a lot of short, choppy sentences, making it seem sort of sophomoric.

For a pretty short story, there's material that's just sort of filler--a long description of leaving the house and getting into a car for the airport doesn't contribute anything to the flow or plot of the story. It could have used more believable motivation, heat, and more thought in a creative ending. Assume you haven't been to Vegas. The nearest casino to most Vegas hotels is downstairs, not next door. The story just sort of skimmed along the surface without much emotion. Some would ding you on the use of measurements. If you were aroused in writing it, that's justification for having done so--and you received a few story favorites, so it did it for a few others, at least. I didn't vote, as it wouldn't have improved the rating it now has (which isn't a jab; even a 4 vote would have brought your rating down).

 

[Horny_Aussie_72]

Thanks for the feedback sr71plt. I appreciate it. I read your profile on here, and I was wondering if it would be ok if I discussed a couple of things with you through PM?

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

Yeah i dont edit and i could have done better than that... there are simple rules that you need to follow, like contractions only used in speech, and numbers being written out that they clearly dont know.

Its not quite long enough for my tastes but much better than plenty i have seen on here, so i would say you should be proud of it. I did not rate it either, as i dont rate anything that is not on the lines of my personal tastes.

 

[sr71plt]

Thanks for the feedback sr71plt. I appreciate it. I read your profile on here, and I was wondering if it would be ok if I discussed a couple of things with you through PM?

Sure, PM ahead.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I have had a few stories published here on lit, and was wondering whether my writing style lacked something, or what I could do to improve it as I enjoy writing but lack confidence to continue. I would appreciate any feedback that could be offered as to how I could improve my writings. Here are the links to my published stories:- http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=684276&page=submissions

All constructive criticism welcome

Your writing suffers from passive verbs, especially THE HADS, as Ayn Rand called them; passive verbs scream CUT-CORNERS and SLACKER.

 

[Horny_Aussie_72]

Thanks for the feedback guys... I was working on a new story... But my laptop died... And so did the story... But it's in getting fixed...

 

[CeasarBoobage]

I only read part of the Vegas poker story, but the impression I got was that that it was more 'telling' the reader what happens instead of walking the reader through the scenario. For a better read, I would suggest sentences that were less clipped short and more dialogue to describe what was happening.

While this site's view count and rating system may be a bit unreliable, the numbers it has shows that your audience does approve of what you're writing. It also shows that my comment is just my opinion, so you don't need to change if you don't want to.

One thing you could do is to look closer at authors you like. Analyze the way they write, breaking down the scenes/dialogue/structure to see how they differ from yours. Another thing is to find a story that's similar to yours and paste it into your writing software. Plugging in your characters and scenes, you can see how the styles differ, plus if you think those changes would help your story improve. Do not post that revision though, since it's not really your own unique work. It can serve as a guide to help future creations, and you can think of the other author as an influence.