Opinions on my first ever story here

[Ooopsiedooherecomesthegoo69]

Was hoping to hear some opinions on my first story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-discovery-of-a-porn-fan

 

[ElectricBlue]

A quickie, with alphabet soup: D, DD, DDD. Probably too short for most folk, but certainly enthusiastic. There's some that will like it, others won't.

Write a bit more next time, give your characters a bit of a personality, and take more care with your edit. This, for example:

"Hello?" My voice was Sharkey and croaked.

made no sense .

 

[Ooopsiedooherecomesthegoo69]

Thanks for the input. Editing is my sore point and is something I need to find an editor for.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I might also suggest that you break up some of the longer paragraphs; they can be intimidating and easy to get lost in.

Important thing to remember however - you’ve written! Congratulations on that! The worst writer has given far more to society than the best critic. Remember how it was learning to ride a bicycle; you only learn by falling down. So, good start!

 

[Tigersman]

I didn't read your whole story, but as a volunteer editor I was cringing at what I was reading, grammar wise. I found run-on sentences, clauses used as sentences, wrong verb tense and punctuation errors.

 

[NoJo]

^^^ What he said, I'm afraid.