opinion from the women here

[NaughteeDragon]

Husband and wife are having a conversation after their workout. They're sitting in the sauna, and talking about the female trainer they worked with the last couple of times.
The question I have is: how accurate a statement are the last 4 sentences of the scene below (in bold). This is a hypothesis I have, but I want to make sure I'm not completely off base here.

That night, after their workout, they were lounging in the sauna for the first time at Maria’s suggestion.

“She’s got your number,” Monica said. He replied with a grunt for an interrogative. “Every time you start flagging, she gives you a little peek. Just enough to make you push through.”

“So it wasn’t my imagination?”

“Nope.”

“And you think it’s funny?”

“I think it’s hysterical. As long as I keep reaping the benefits of it, I’m okay with it.”

“What do you mean?”

She reached over and patted his lap. “Your shorts keep giving you away.” John thought he might die of embarrassment. “As long as you don’t say anything about it to her, it will be fine. Women know how to turn men on. We know that sometimes we do it without even trying if the guy is interested enough. We just don’t want you to tell us that unless we’ve indicated to you that we are interested in you telling us that.”

 

[lovecraft68]

I know you're looking for women's opinions, but I'll give you one anyway seeing I do a lot of female POV.

The sentence doesn't work for me from any perspective. It's too long and too formal. Most people don't speak like that, especially in a long time relationship where familiarity usually makes it so you don't always have to explain every single thing.

"She knows you're looking and like what you see. As long as that's all it is, I'm fine with reaping the benefits."

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I know you're looking for women's opinions, but I'll give you one anyway seeing I do a lot of female POV.

The sentence doesn't work for me from any perspective. It's too long and too formal. Most people don't speak like that, especially in a long time relationship where familiarity usually makes it so you don't always have to explain every single thing.

"She knows you're looking and like what you see. As long as that's all it is, I'm fine with reaping the benefits."

I'm a woman and rarely agree with Lovecraft, but on this one he's dead right.

The sentiment is plausible enough, but too many words! (ditto replied, grunt and interrogative all in one sentence is overkill - lose at least one of those! I'd reduce it to 'Huh?', myself)

 

[ShinyCrazyDi]

Husband and wife are having a conversation after their workout. They're sitting in the sauna, and talking about the female trainer they worked with the last couple of times.
The question I have is: how accurate a statement are the last 4 sentences of the scene below (in bold). This is a hypothesis I have, but I want to make sure I'm not completely off base here.

That night, after their workout, they were lounging in the sauna for the first time at Maria’s suggestion.

“She’s got your number,” Monica said. He replied with a grunt for an interrogative. “Every time you start flagging, she gives you a little peek. Just enough to make you push through.”

“So it wasn’t my imagination?”

“Nope.”

“And you think it’s funny?”

“I think it’s hysterical. As long as I keep reaping the benefits of it, I’m okay with it.”

“What do you mean?”

She reached over and patted his lap. “Your shorts keep giving you away.” John thought he might die of embarrassment. “As long as you don’t say anything about it to her, it will be fine. Women know how to turn men on. We know that sometimes we do it without even trying if the guy is interested enough. We just don’t want you to tell us that unless we’ve indicated to you that we are interested in you telling us that.”

Agree with the others about perhaps editing the length. Although I think the first suggestion might have missed the context you're trying to convey (that it's important to think about whether raising it would make it awkward etc)

As for any veracity to the claim... it would obviously entirely depend on the woman. But yeah, sometimes men offer un-asked for opinions or 'compliments' on my appearance or think I've been sending them signals when I wasn't... & yeah. I think it can be a risk for a man to raise it - often depending on HOW he raises it.

Like, if a guy ASKED 'hey, any chance you're interested in me & want to go out sometime?' & could handle rejection (if they were wrong about the vibe) that'd be cool.

But if a guy assumes he's reading the vibe right & launches into saying something that makes things hella uncomfortable, nah. I'd rather they just stayed quiet. Same with if a guy starts love-bombing or something. It can make an OK moment flip to 'Jesus, I need to get out of here' REAL fast.

 

[LoneMilf]

I agree with what's stated above.
More specifically, I found the last sentence much too wordy and repetitive to be actual dialogue:

We just don’t want you to tell us that unless we’ve indicated to you that we are interested in you telling us that.

 

[Erozetta]

Husband and wife are having a conversation after their workout. They're sitting in the sauna, and talking about the female trainer they worked with the last couple of times.
The question I have is: how accurate a statement are the last 4 sentences of the scene below (in bold). This is a hypothesis I have, but I want to make sure I'm not completely off base here.

That night, after their workout, they were lounging in the sauna for the first time at Maria’s suggestion.

“She’s got your number,” Monica said. He replied with a grunt for an interrogative. “Every time you start flagging, she gives you a little peek. Just enough to make you push through.”

“So it wasn’t my imagination?”

“Nope.”

“And you think it’s funny?”

“I think it’s hysterical. As long as I keep reaping the benefits of it, I’m okay with it.”

“What do you mean?”

She reached over and patted his lap. “Your shorts keep giving you away.” John thought he might die of embarrassment. “As long as you don’t say anything about it to her, it will be fine. Women know how to turn men on. We know that sometimes we do it without even trying if the guy is interested enough. We just don’t want you to tell us that unless we’ve indicated to you that we are interested in you telling us that.”

I'd reduce pretty much everything after '...and patted his lap.' to something akin to "Don't acknowledge it or you'll ruin her fun." Monica grinned and lifted her chin before adding, "And mine."

But I also don't know how that flows with anything that follows.

I also have an issue with writing wordy characters who sometimes say more in a sentence than I have in a week in real life. Never more than I've said to myself in my head, but out loud? Yeah, too wordy for dialogue, but I'm working on it.

 

[NotWise]

Not a woman's perspective, but my reaction was that the whole thing was unlikely to happen. Maybe it's a case where you can get away with things in porn that don't usually work, but for me it needed more description and/or explanation.

What was the trainer wearing that she could give him a peek? A peek at what? Why would that motivate him to work harder?

Is it likely for the guy to get a boner under those conditions? Exercising harder and getting an erection at the same time? I'd think that working harder would kill an erection.

Is it usual for an adult guy to get hard from a peek under any condition? Personally I don't think it is.

 

[NaughteeDragon]

Thank you everyone for the feedback. I tend to be wordy, so that’s something I may need to be more cognizant of.
@NotWise - the context is included earlier, and his wife is winding him up.
@Erozetta - thanks for the suggestion, that’s great.

 

[Britva415]

Is it usual for an adult guy to get hard from a peek under any condition? Personally I don't think it is.

I see forum posters saying all the time that a peek got them instantly rock hard, but

 

[lovecraft68]

I see forum posters saying all the time that a peek got them instantly rock hard, but

Sounds like the crowd in fetish/personals or am pic. They're just desperately sucking up to the women who post pics or post sexy things.

If you can get hard from a peek you're either 14 or you haven't had sex in years and just popped an ED pill.

 

[Boobytrap73]

If you can get hard from a peek you're either 14 or you haven't had sex in years and just popped an ED pill.

I love this line! It needs to be dialog in a story!

~BT73

 

[lovecraft68]

I love this line! It needs to be dialog in a story!

~BT73

It's yours, royalty free.

 

[lovecraft68]

Not a woman's perspective, but my reaction was that the whole thing was unlikely to happen. Maybe it's a case where you can get away with things in porn that don't usually work, but for me it needed more description and/or explanation.

What was the trainer wearing that she could give him a peek? A peek at what? Why would that motivate him to work harder?

Is it likely for the guy to get a boner under those conditions? Exercising harder and getting an erection at the same time? I'd think that working harder would kill an erection.

Is it usual for an adult guy to get hard from a peek under any condition? Personally I don't think it is.

I'm taking the gist of the scene to be the woman might be flashing him in some way and he was so excited it caused him to work out harder due to arousal and trying to get her attention. Its porn absurdity for sure, but....we are on a porn site.

This reminds me of an old Married with Children episode where Steve was telling AL how back when he used to jog he was behind a woman also jogging who had such a perfect ass, he couldn't following her and before he knew it, he'd completed a marathon.

 

[NotWise]

I'm taking the gist of the scene to be the woman might be flashing him in some way and he was so excited it caused him to work out harder due to arousal and trying to get her attention. Its porn absurdity for sure, but....we are on a porn site.

This reminds me of an old Married with Children episode where Steve was telling AL how back when he used to jog he was behind a woman also jogging who had such a perfect ass, he couldn't following her and before he knew it, he'd completed a marathon.

Yeah, I get that. I wonder though, if our writing might be better if we didn't depend so much on the particular brand of "suspension of disbelief" that our readers give us, and we wrote more about more realistic motivations and reactions.

Now, back to football.

 

[NaughteeDragon]

He wasn’t laughing when he was done. He was sore. She had worked him as relentlessly as Chandler had, she was just nicer about it. He also wondered if she was deliberately teasing him. When he’d get toward the end of his last set and was struggling to finish, she’d lean in far enough he could see the entire inside of her breasts and whisper ‘almost there,’ or if she was working with Monica she’d bend over or squat down right in front of him. A couple of times he’d look up and see Monica smirking at him.

This description is from their last workout 2 days earlier. The time before that I went into some detail about how good Maria's ass and legs looked in her workout shorts.

The comments about his wife implying that he was getting hard from the views was completely a send up. He's actually been fighting some ED due to low testosterone from being almost 50 and 100# overweight.

 

[lovecraft68]

Yeah, I get that. I wonder though, if our writing might be better if we didn't depend so much on the particular brand of "suspension of disbelief" that our readers give us, and we wrote more about more realistic motivations and reactions.

Now, back to football.

The difference between a stroker and an erotic story.
To go even further according to many I/T stories just a peek at Mom or sis can cause you to commit incest.

 

[NotWise]

The difference between a stroker and an erotic story.
To go even further according to many I/T stories just a peek at Mom or sis can cause you to commit incest.

Just like any other fantasy genre, I/T depends pretty heavily on a suspension of disbelief.

Sorry, wandering off-topic.

 

[Boobytrap73]

It's yours, royalty free.

Thanks but I'm wondering if the reference to 14 would get me in trouble

~BT73

 

[AllenWoody]

I see forum posters saying all the time that a peek got them instantly rock hard, but

The instant I got a glimpse of her perfect 32DDD breasts my 12” monster of a cock sprang into life.

 

[Britva415]

The instant I got a glimpse of her perfect 32DDD breasts my 12” monster of a cock sprang into life.

Username checks out

 

[Belegon]

I also have an issue with writing wordy characters who sometimes say more in a sentence than I have in a week in real life. Never more than I've said to myself in my head, but out loud? Yeah, too wordy for dialogue, but I'm working on it.

I've caught myself doing that. Pretty often, actually.

 

[Erozetta]

I've caught myself doing that. Pretty often, actually.

It's a problem we should work on. But I don't know if that means our characters should say less, or we should say more, lol..

 

[WCSGarland]

Point of order...

Is instantly rock hard the same as instantly sprang into life?

 

[ElectricBlue]

Point of order...

Is instantly rock hard the same as instantly sprang into life?

One's rigid, the other a bounce. Sproing!

 

[strongnsensual]

She reached over and patted his lap. “Your shorts keep giving you away.” John thought he might die of embarrassment. “As long as you don’t say anything about it to her, it will be fine. Women know how to turn men on. We know that sometimes we do it without even trying if the guy is interested enough. We just don’t want you to tell us that unless we’ve indicated to you that we are interested in you telling us that.”

My soul mate and I talk like that all the time. Then again, we're both highly analytical and not very good at pretending to be Earthlingthings...