opening up?

[warl0ck1]

Here is the thing. I am outgoing most of the time, but I have few friends outside of my wife. I know a lot of people but I do not call them up and say hey friend lets go do something. Maybe that is why the internet is so good for me. but even in places like lite I rarely reach out and touch someone and when i do it is very short lived?

Is there a way out of this?

 

[tumbledown]

Why is it that you don't call up the people you know? I think the answer to that might give you an idea where to focus your effort to change.

 

[warl0ck1]

oh well then i guess I'm okay kuz I'm always here on lite. thanks i guess i hae to do some soul searching.

 

[McNoob]

I can relate to your problem. I have a bunch of work mates that I enjoy going for a drink with, and a decent set of friends that I am friends with through my wife.

About 4 months ago I was forced to take stock of my life, and realised that this was something I needed to fix. I ended up doing 2 things, both of which worked for me.

Firstly I reached out to a friend I had ignored for nearly 2 years. She was delighted to hear from me, and we regularly meet up now. It still isn't convenient, but it is worth the effort.

The second thing I did was I started going to therapy to discuss my social anxiety, and I have made great strides there. I didn't feel terribly socially awkward, because over the years I had opted our of doing things that made me feel uncomfortable. What I was never aware of was how negative that must have looked to others. It's no wonder no one seemed to want to be around me when I didn't ever seem to want to be around them.

Things are much better for me now, even though I still have a huge way to go. Without feeling like I am doing anything different the number of chats I have at the coffee machine has increases tenfold. When I am invited to the bar I hear disappointment from people if I can't make it. I even enjoy the interplay with cashiers in shops now!

I haven't made any new friends yet, but I am convinced that will come in time. And I am so much happier inside myself in the meantime.


Anyway, that is my story, yours may be different. I think the most important things is you have to be ready to change. I was closed off for years before something finally gave, and I knew I needed to open up. If you are ready also the just do. Make the leap. I don't think it really matters what you do, just do it with commitment. And be patient, behaviour learned over years cannot be undone in days or weeks.

Don't be told you have to change though, I don't believe this is something you can do for anyone except yourself. If you are happy with your life then why would you want to "fix" it? But if you are not happy, you owe it to yourself to change.

 

[whitemist]

Here is the thing. I am outgoing most of the time, but I have few friends outside of my wife. I know a lot of people but I do not call them up and say hey friend lets go do something. Maybe that is why the internet is so good for me. but even in places like lite I rarely reach out and touch someone and when i do it is very short lived?

Is there a way out of this?

be patient......its obvious you have not met kindred spirits....
Maybe you have been waiting for me..lol