Open Relationships/Marriages

[HeyItsDani]

So the thread on Affairs got me to thinking, how many of you could be in an open relationship or open marriage? What if the person you were falling in love with told you that they'd only be in an open relationship?

A couple of years ago I made the decision that I would only coexist with someone in a committed relationship if it were open, especially if it were with a man. I enjoy being sexual with another woman, and at this point in my life I'm not prepared to give that up. I'd also like the ability to play with another guy if I found myself in the position to do so. And I'd have no problem whatsoever if my guy/girl played with other people as well.

I think so long as you're open about what your doing and communicating with your partner, and you set some ground rules, they can be just as viable as any other relationship.

What are your thoughts, opinions, etc. about open relationships? Could you be in one? If your partner told you they wanted an open relationship, how would you react?

 

[applications]

"Open" marriage

My wife and I have a sort-of open marriage. We both agree that sometimes sex is romantic and deeply emotional, and sometimes it's not, and so sex with other people isn't automatically a problem. However, its not part of the underlying agreement involved: its expected that each of us has "veto" power for the other, and the veto power is absolute, and needs no justification.

In practice this translates into a pretty open relationship, but conceptually it is far from it, since there is a presumption of physical monogamy, even if we routinely have sex outside.

Additionally, and I think this is really the key that makes it work, is an ironclad rule against romantic emotional attachments. Getting emotionally intimate with somebody else would be cheating in the most hurtful sense, and this is something we have no degree of openness about. By having this be clearly off limits, the rest of it can have some wiggle room, and we can focus on what matters, which for us is putting each other and our relationship first.

I'm not sure that this is a model for anybody, but it works well for us.

 

[Jackotheshadows]

Nope, wouldn't work for me. Among many of my character flaws is a temper and a jealous streak ten miles wide. Sure, lots of people have tempers, but coupled with my ADD....well, my temper can erupt into a scary killing-rage thing, or so I've been told.

I don't share well with others...

 

[boredVAwife]

I am not really sure what a truly "open" marriage is. Is it one where you may actually be passionately in love with two different people or loving one and playing on the side in agreement with your spouse? I don't think I could possibly love two people like a marriage at the same time but I could make it work in a marriage that allows for the occasional partner on a sex/friendly basis only. I think.

 

[vibes]

I think anything goes between consenting adults.
Only, over time people tend to change their mind or the way to look at things or the way things work for them. Hence a new consensum is needed each time there is a change.

Dani, if you don't change that fucking avatar I will never be able to write anything even remotely sensible

 

[HeyItsDani]

I am not really sure what a truly "open" marriage is.

I think that's up to the couple(people?) involved to define for themselves, really.

 

[SmileyGirl]

I couldn't imagine wanting to share a partner with anyone else and I wouldn't like the thought that he would want to share me with anyonelse! I'm rather boring and selfish in that sense

 

[HeyItsDani]

Dani, if you don't change that fucking avatar I will never be able to write anything even remotely sensible

I'll be changing it later on this evening. However, I can't promise the new one will be any less...distracting.

 

[HeyItsDani]

I couldn't imagine wanting to share a partner with anyone else and I wouldn't like the thought that he would want to share me with anyonelse! I'm rather boring and selfish in that sense

And that's perfectly fine. ORs aren't for everyone, that's for sure.

 

[vibes]

I'll be changing it later on this evening. However, I can't promise the new one will be any less...distracting.

Good

 

[HeyItsDani]

Good

lolol

 

[SmileyGirl]

And that's perfectly fine. ORs aren't for everyone, that's for sure.

Oh definitely Every individual is different but I think it's good if you can recognise what your limits are and I know I wouldn't be able to handle that But you could say that's part of a persons insecurity maybe? Or maybe just greedy wanting someone all to themselves

 

[vibes]

lolol

You better keep your word before I bite that nipple

end of thread hijacking

 

[Pinktacokitty]

I understand open relationships, but do not like to share my boyfriends when I have one, if we are exclusive. I do not see being able to share my husband when I get one.... I would question why you are married if you are not 100 committed to the person you married. I am not condemning an open marriage if it works it works I am happy for the people involved.

 

[HeyItsDani]

I would question why you are married if you are not 100 committed to the person you married.

That statement makes it seem as though you think marriage is only (or primarily) about sex. It's not. A marriage is about commitment to one another, and how that commitment is shaped is determined by those involved in the marriage. Commitment doesn't necessarily mean "exclusively sexual with."

 

[cookiejar]

Nope, wouldn't work for me. Among many of my character flaws is a temper and a jealous streak ten miles wide. Sure, lots of people have tempers, but coupled with my ADD....well, my temper can erupt into a scary killing-rage thing, or so I've been told.

I don't share well with others...

I second this sexy man.

 

[Pinktacokitty]

That statement makes it seem as though you think marriage is only (or primarily) about sex. It's not. A marriage is about commitment to one another, and how that commitment is shaped is determined by those involved in the marriage. Commitment doesn't necessarily mean "exclusively sexual with."

I think marriage means you should have a 100% commitment in all facets of the marriage.

 

[snugglestruggle]

I think marriage means you should have a 100% commitment in all facets of the marriage.

Short, Sweet and to the point. My two cents, Your partner deserves Your best. Starve the divorce Lawyers and find someone else.

 

[sexiskye]

I think marriage means you should have a 100% commitment in all facets of the marriage.

My thoughts too.

If you are getting Married I'm in it for the whole thing, if it was just an OR I'd leave it as a de-facto thing

 

[papadoc19]

I understand open relationships, but do not like to share my boyfriends when I have one, if we are exclusive. I do not see being able to share my husband when I get one.... I would question why you are married if you are not 100 committed to the person you married. I am not condemning an open marriage if it works it works I am happy for the people involved.

I agree with this totally...I know couples that are happy with open relationships but I don't think it would work for me. Once I am committed to a relationship I am all in...and if that is not enough for you then maybe we should not be together in the first place. I want someone who wants to be with me...not me, Tom, Dick, and Harry.

 

[RAddams]

My wife and I only recently decided to try opening up our relationship to new people and experiences. For now it is purely an online adventure and I find it to be a big turn on that she is enjoying other men online. Who knows where it will take us, but I can truly say that it is part of why we are happier now than we have ever been before.

I also have to say that an open relationship takes 100% faith in your partners love for you. It also requires a high level of self esteem on both sides. A lack of either will likely lead one or both partners to eventually feel jealous.