Open Marriage

[lady*laura]

I have come across this many times in my travels thru cyber world. How does one DO an open marriage? Do you call home and say...Sorry Dear but I won't be home til late I am going to go have sex with a friend? Or do you invite your spouse to join in? How do you handle an open marriage????

Inquring minds want to know!

 

[double16in]

I've only had one open marriage (of three), but it didn't last for other reasons. The way we used to do it was to agree that certain nights of the week both of us would be home and spend time with each other. Other nights either of us could go out with others, but we always agreed to be home by a certain time (it was 2 AM in our case). No questions were asked, no information was offered about where each of us had been or what we had been doing (other than casual chitchat about going to see some movie or whatever). The four nights/week we agreed to spend with each other were wonderful times together and there was no need to be jealous of what the other was doing when out.

 

[lady*laura]

Why the need for openess? I am just curious.

 

[Native Alien]

in the few open marriages that i have seen, it was because of the fact that the partners had different levels of sex drives and in a couple of cases due to one partner wanting something that the other wasn't about to do for whatever reason...

 

[dragonhearted]

I have come across this many times in my travels thru cyber world. How does one DO an open marriage? Do you call home and say...Sorry Dear but I won't be home til late I am going to go have sex with a friend? Or do you invite your spouse to join in? How do you handle an open marriage????

Inquring minds want to know!

hellifIknow ROTFL.....I don't believe in sharing

 

[lady*laura]

I could see where allowances could be made for different drives. I am thinking I might have a hard time sharing....I don't know. But I am fascinated by the concept.

 

[lady*laura]

oh dragonhearted.....

you are just so selfish......can't you share just ONE kiss?

giggle

 

[tendril]

I could see where allowances could be made for different drives. I am thinking I might have a hard time sharing....I don't know. But I am fascinated by the concept.

Yes, you have to be very secure and happy in your relationship to "share"

 

[H'venlee]

Not only do you have to be secure in your own relationship with your spouse, but you need to be honest & willing to communicate with the other person. It is not a substitute for something, it is an addition to the life you share.

The key is openess & honesty. If you do not have these...then it will not work.

 

[LdyBGemini]

I'm dating a guy who is polyamorous or poly for short. They believe in "many loves" It's still new to me but I'm reading Polymory...The New Love Without Limits...the definition for an open marriage or open relationship in this book is ... these are both nonexclusive couple relationships, the main difference being whether the couple is married or not. In this scenario the partners have agreed that each can independently have an outside sexualoving partners. A wide variety of ground rules and restrictions may apply.

We've been dating about five months. We haven't tested things yet. I'll come back later when we do...

 

[lady*laura]

I have read some about polyamorous relationships. The communicati0n levels would have to be incredibly open. I would be interested in hearing how things work out.

 

[tendril]

Not only do you have to be secure in your own relationship with your spouse, but you need to be honest & willing to communicate with the other person. It is not a substitute for something, it is an addition to the life you share.

The key is openess & honesty. If you do not have these...then it will not work.

well said.

 

[lady*laura]

Being opne and honest no matter the type of relationship is important. Maybe if more people spent as much time cultivating the lines of communication as alternative relationships do....well, speaking just from my own experince....we both wuld have been much better off.

 

[1sexylady]

Not only do you have to be secure in your own relationship with your spouse, but you need to be honest & willing to communicate with the other person. It is not a substitute for something, it is an addition to the life you share.

The key is openess & honesty. If you do not have these...then it will not work.

I agree very well said...

Jealous people can't have an open relationship there is no room for that and again H'venlee hit it on the nail...in my opinion..

 

[Igorovich]

open Marriage

Well, Allison484 and I met as a result of a swingers posting for the Dallas area. I had swung as a single many years ago and she had never. But she was bi-curious. So our first date was to a titty bar to let her have some dances and see how she liked it. she loved it.

then later we went to an on-premise party house. It took a while but she finally asked a lady if she could join her. Well, that lked to some of the best orgasms she had ever had. And a lot of fun for me, watching the action. After the ladies got their breath, the other left. EWe stood ot the side, watching others in the group room, when she told me that she wanted to suck the cock of the man next to us, I said fine. Well, they got down on the mattress and she began giving him the pelasure which i well knew. of course I had to help her along and was eating her while she was eating him. More orgasms.

We have been back several times and have had even more fun with other ladies and gentlemen.

Do you notice something missing here? How about any mention of ME getting any action form the ladies? this is because I am impotent due to diabetes. I have medication, not Viagra, that I can take. But I realize the she needs the feel of a nice cock along with all the other ways around the problem that I use to satisfy her. This was agreed upon by us when we met and had a very intimate conversation about our desires. Does it work for everybody? Probably not. Will it work for us forever? WE don't know how long it will last. But each of us has the other's pleasure to consider and enjoy. As long as she is being satisfied, I am happy and am turned on by it.

Will it work if we get married? I don;t know but for now, we will "keep on swinging" and see to it that the other receives a sensual pleasure whenever we decide to play.

Igorovich

 

[TheOlderGuy]

in my experience

there needs to be some groundwork
there from the beginning, or your partner
will feel like you're changing the rules
in the middle of the match

unless, of course, they've been having the
same kinds of thoughts and been afraid to
mention it to you.

so it's worth having a chat, but if it isn't done
in a totally nonethreatening way, it's
probably doomed

and if you get the green light -- total honesty
and lots of communication is the only way
to make it work. without it, your primary
relationship dies. sometimes that's actually the
latent wish to start with.

 

[LdyBGemini]

I have read some about polyamorous relationships. The communicati0n levels would have to be incredibly open. I would be interested in hearing how things work out.

Checking back in...I met my two of my boyfriends sons this weekend. They are living with him while they are between jobs. His ex moved back in with him to help out with expenses and help get the boys back on their feet. I met her also. We attended a poly dinner Saturday night...me,my b/f,his ex & one of his sons. To say the least it was different. All went well but on the drive home Sunday I had these feelings of sadness and I was upset.
I think since this is all so new to me I was overwhelmed by everything.
My boyfriend came over Monday and we talked about the feelings.

I'm doing ok with what I have experienced so far so I'll check back in later.

 

[sirhugs]

I agree that openness is the key. My open marriage solidified aftr my wife tried clandestine " cheating". In our case, it is not different sex drives- she has a need for affectuion from authourity figures, and that is noy my role in our marriage.

As to how it works, she sees her bf regularily- usually thurs night and sunday day. I am less active " outside" so I work around her schedule.

In return, we get along very well, deal from honesty, and I have freedom to explore things beyond what she has taught me.

 

[brevdravis]

One other thing which doesn't get mentioned a lot.

You need to say you want an open marriage BEFORE you get married. It really makes things easier. It's part of that honesty thang....

Stuart

 

[Linedrive]

Just thought I would mention that there was a pretty good size thread on Poly here in the playground a while back started by Pipercatt. Sure you could find it easily by searching and it might provide some answers and interestings things.

Gunner

 

[brevdravis]

Cool, thanks for the heads up

Stuart

 

[sirhugs]

One other thing which doesn't get mentioned a lot.

You need to say you want an open marriage BEFORE you get married. It really makes things easier. It's part of that honesty thang....

Stuart

definitely NOT how my marriage worked out.

But, if you view a relationship as organic, that means change is inevitable. Our open marriage is like two tree trunks, so intertwined we could never survive apart, but one happens to be drawn in the direction of a different sun....

 

[Linedrive]

I know of multiple instances in which open marriages didn't begin that way. Alot of the time it takes until you've reach that comfortability, security and trust level with your partner before you can comfortably go out and explore 'other partners'.

 

[H'venlee]

My marriage in no way started out open...but we saw it was needed, so it became so.

 

[lady*laura]

Hmmm.........I find all of this very interesting...I appreciate everyone's input..