Oooooaaaaaaoooaaaaooomygod!

[MaxSebastian]

I've read a few stories on literotica - I won't name names because...well...I can't remember any (curse that quadruple vodka)...and to be honest, I was absolutely loving them. And then, well into the "plot", the dialogue suddenly branched into...well...something like this:

Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyy GGGGggggggooooooooodddddddddddddd I'm cuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg

you know the kind of thing - the guy just touches her button and she says aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr... for about a paragraph or two.

I just wondered what everyone's opinion is on this kind of gritty realism. Is it just the writer having a moment of his/her own while writing the story and forgetting to take their digits off the keys or is it art?

what is art, anyway?

no, don't go there.

I'm sure the odd (very odd) jeeeeeeeeeesuuuuuuus IIII'm cuuuuuuuuuuming is very truthful to the whole occasion, but doesn't it lend itself to some degree of tackiness? It certainly spoils the mood for me. Especially when I drop my coffee in my lap.

ho hum. perhaps we should have a competition to see who can write the best climax scream. I'll start off:

OOOoaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrfiddlesticks...I just can't bring myself to do it.

 

[Whispersecret]

A hearty welcome to you, Max.

I'm Whispersecret and always ready to fling out my opinion about writing.

I find the never-ending orgasmic moan (NEOM) to be tacky and disruptive to the story, as you said. I also think it's lazy writing. (This is where everyone who has included the NEOM in their stories decides I'm a horrid bitch.)

Describing a climax is challenging, but as in all things, it usually takes effort before it's well done. Also, being a stickler for detail, it's physically impossible to hold a 'd' sound indefinitely, as in, "Ohhhh, Ggggooooooooddddddd!"

Ah, by the way, let me wipe that coffee up there... Yeah. Oooh. Nice ta meetcha! Good to see you weren't permanently damaged. <winks>

 

[Ulyssa]

The NEOM in Great Literature

No such thing.

Thanks whisper! I love that acronym--NEOM.

It has always been a sloppy story device. Once when I decided to use a tape recorder to tape record my own responses, I'm pretty sure I only managed four "o's" in the the middle of "OhhmyyGooood!" Actually come to think of it, the correct spelling might be three "A's" and three "W's" as in "OhhhmyyGaaawwwd."

But you're absolutely right about multiple "D's." It would be impossible for anyone other than a major stutterer.

[Edited by Ulyssa on 04-02-2001 at 04:38 PM]

 

[KillerMuffin]

Don't feel bad, you aren't alone. I generally get a "I loved you stories, would you look at mine? Here it is!" which is followed by a reply that generally goes like this:

First, take it out of second person. I don't have a cock and the story totally alienated me. For the most part people will instantly back click out of a second person story.

Second, pick a tense and run with it. I recommend past tense. Present tense is okay, but it really gives an amatuerish quality at times that may not be good for your writing.

Third, OOOOHHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GGGGGGGGOOOOODDDDDDDD III"""MMMMMM CUMMMMINGGGGG!!!!! Is lazy writing and degenerates a piece of prose into a session of bad cybersex. Think about the times you've seen it in writing already, how has it affected you. Get rid of the caps too. They don't add emphasis like it seems in the heat of writing and repeat usage cheapens it.

Fourth, ellipis marks (...) if you must use them, use them correctly. They do not denote a pause in speech and there are only three of them. You use them in two instances, when the character's speech is incomplete or when the quote you are using is incomplete. Put a period at the end of the ellipis if they come at the end of a sentence.

Fifth, it is physically impossible for a woman to have the greatest multiple orgasms with no foreplay. You can check with your female acquaintances. You may also want to view the lunch scene of "When Harry Met Sally."

Sixth, I recommend you get a book on grammar and punctuation.

I don't really have time to do a line by line edit, I'm backed up as it is, I hope this helps, and I hope you can find a good editor who has the time to devote.

Muff

 

[cymbidia]

NEOM. Clever, whisper. Great acronym.

There's been a time or two i've sat at my computer, giggling as someone did one of those on the sceen. Okay, right. Sometimes i didn't giggle, sometimes i was picking at a hangnail or cleaning my keyboard while the thing went on and on.

NEOM's are anathema to all good descriptive writing. Besides that, they're boring, which is one of the Deadly Sins in my book.

 

[Whispersecret]

Okay. Tell me there's a shade of gray in this NEOM area wherein I can squeak by with an "ohhhh" here and there. I just saw in the story I'm working on that I slipped that in.

If I'm being lazy, tell me. I want nothing less than to be hypocritical in my writing.

I await your verdict.

 

[cymbidia]

"Ohhhhh"'s, being only a teensy bit of a true NEOM, can be slipped in on occasion when nothing else will do.

There. Feel better?

Ummm. Errr. Can i get a pass to use run-on sentences occasionally when i feel like i really really need one? (-;

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I have no problem with it, but, as they say, everything in moderation.

I've used "Ooooooo"s here and there, but only sporadically, and only if I feel that I've created an appropriately heady moment to warrant such theatrics.

Like anything else, the device isn't so much the problem, but how it is utilized.

 

[Ulyssa]

"Can I get a pass to use run on sentences occasionally..."

To use the football term (yes, I lived with one of those people for a few years)--we might invent the term and grammatical device called the "end run on sentence." This is where we don't have to clean up obvious grammer problems as long as we can pass them on to a secondary character who comes into the story for one phrase and signals to the reader that the run on was intentional.

You know I always wondered if the penalty for holding in football was a designed to be direct afront to the Gay Players Association?

 

[Cockatoo]

I made a noise

I've noticed this dusturbing trend, too. I've always thought it was much better to try to describe the sensation of orgasm. Not to disparage anyone in particular, but a wicked little voice in the back of my head made me put this line into "4768, or The Thingy" http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=11296 :

"I made a noise with lots of the letter G in it."

Thus sparing you, dear reader, from suffering through yet another obvious and somehow anticlimactic NEOM. Tee Hee.

 

[Dopefish777]

I Agree.

I Agree, the NEOM is annoying. I'm guilty of it in my first couple of stories, but they were my first, and I'm entitled to a few mistakes. I've been with girls, and they don't scream like that or that long. Someone who's reading is thinking "Well then you must be crappy in bed". That isn't it(at least I hope not, I dont ask "was it good for you")It's a physical impossibility.

I welcome your complaints
P.S. Great stories, Whispersecret. Your How-to story has helped in the story I'm writing.Thanks.

 

[Whispersecret]

You're welcome, Dopefish. It's funny how I get more mail about my how-to's than my stories. Hmmmm. If I didn't have a big head about my writing, I'd get depressed.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I tried it. I admit it. I wrote out a few NEOMs to see what they might look like if spelled a semblance of correctly. This is what I came up with:

"Oooooooooooooooooooooohh." Bad joke cringing.

"Oooh-oooh-oooh-oooh-ahh!" Lamaze classes.

"OooooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooo!" Coyotes?

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrggghhhhhhh!" Irritation?

NEOMs are pretty much simply lazy writing. You cannot articulate the combination of undulating howls and gasping pants that make up the sound of an orgasm.

I've discovered in my own writing a simple and more erotic way to circumvent the NEOMs. At least in my own overweeningly arrogant august opinion.

 

[cymbidia]

Am i the only one who giggled out loud reading KM's post?

 

[Ulyssa]

Forgot one.

"Oaaaw mmmaaahhaaaahhhaaaahhhnnn!" Lo there were Shepherds and ewes abiding in the fields by night.

 

[MaxSebastian]

"aaaaaaaaeeeaaaaaaaaaaaeeaeeaeaeaeae," yelled Tarzan through the jungle.

 

[Cockatoo]

It's gone!

I know you said you were going to change your picture, Cymbidia, and I know you have your reasons...

...but I really miss your ass.

Am I alone in this? Anybody? Anyyyyyyybodyyyyyy?

 

[Cockatoo]

It's BACK!

Okay, I feel like a schmuck. There it is again, thank god. Your picture just must not have loaded all the way when I looked at this page last time. NEVER MIND.

Love that ass, you know.

 

[Ulyssa]

Re: It's gone!

...but I really miss your ass.

Am I alone in this?

I've already told this to Cymbidia, but it's worth repeating: Your posterior picture continues to be one of life's little guilty pleasures!

 

[story_time]

Just a thought

While I will agree that the use of NEOMs (nice acronym) adds nothing to the story, I wonder if anyone has considered possible benefits of and/or reasons for their inclusion.

For instance, imagine the ease with which one could discover whether your story has been plagiarized. By including the NEOM "OHHHHHHH MMYYYYYY GODDD" or the equivalent in every story, one could quickly ascertain whether any stories had been copied and reposted without consent. I mean how many people use two Ms and six Ys in the my when everyone knows that five Ys is much more realistic.

In fact, I envision a day when NEOMs are parceled out like domain names. On the chance this may happen, I hereby lay claim to the above NEOM for my personal use in perpetuity.