Onomatopoeia

[dr_mabeuse]

Is it ever okay to use purely 'sound' words in a story? Things like Whap! and Slap! during a spanking scene, say, or Crash! when something falls over, &c.

I generally avoid all such... whatever these are (is there a name for these, by the way?) except in erotic spanking scenes, where they seem to work to convey the sudden shock of the blow. I put them in italics, in separate paragraphs, and--I'm ashamed to say--often stick on multiple exclamation points, which I consider a cardinal sin in any other contest.

I draw the line at Bang! Bang! or Kapow! though.

And while I'm on the topic, has anyone ever looked at any foreign erotic comic art and noticed the kinds of sounds they use? I've seen some great stuff. In Manga, I've seen wild sex described with sounds like "sloosha! sloosha!" while in a Dutch strip by the artist Noe I've seen "flubba flubba" for the sounds bodies make striking against each other.

It's weird to think that, in the Maga at least, someone had to translate the sounds from the orginal Japanese. How do you do that with a non-phonetic language like Japanese?

---dr.M.

 

[MathGirl]

I'm ashamed to say--often stick on multiple exclamation points. I draw the line at Bang! Bang! or Kapow! though.

Dear Dr M,
It takes a big man to admit using multiple exclamations. Your shame is justified, but we're all proud that you can own up to it. Perhaps there's a twelve-step program.
MG
Ps. As for "Kapow!" how else does one describe the sound of a ping pong paddle striking an alabaster buttock?

 

[Boxlicker101]

Don Martin

Did you ever read anything in MAD Magazine by Don Martin. He uses some of the wildest written sound effects.



www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=118747MyHolidayStory

 

[English Lady]

I tend to use "sounds" when writing any spanking scene,because for me one of the main arousing things in the whole spanking thing is the sound of the hand against buttock

THWAK!


I think that is about the only time i do use them though....and I myself am quite definitely unstable as i use multiple exclaimation marks all the time!!!!!!!

 

[damppanties]

Is it ever okay to use purely 'sound' words in a story? Things like Whap! and Slap! during a spanking scene, say, or Crash! when something falls over, &c.

Yep. In a comic setting, they can be done beautifully. I do not mean "flubba flubba" though. Where do you come up with these things Doc?

 

[Dirt Man]

I used "Whap!!!" a couple of times when I first started writing erotica that had to do with bdsm scenarios. It always felt phoney to me, so I quit using it altogether, and instead took a paragraph to discribe it. It actually takes up less page space now.

The sound of a giant breaking a tree in half over their knee snapped in the air as the whip struck her ass.

Or something like that.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[shereads]

If you're the recipient of the actual smacking, "SMACK!!!" works nicely, with or without the exclams.

If the smack sounds like "KAPOW!" you're not a Dom anymore; you're Bobby Brown.

 

[Boota]

I have used sound effects occasionally, but I avoid them most of the time. I wrote a comic novel and I found one scene where it worked well, so I kept it. A harccore butch lesbian punk rocker smashed a guy in the face with her bass guitar and I just had to write "BWONGG!". Caps and all. Other than for the comic effect I don't think I would have used it.

Now with erotica, I think sounds could be used sparingly for good effect, but I would avoid getting stuck in a rut with using them all the time. Besides, it can be a lot of fun coming up with intersting ways of describing sounds. Another scene from my novel describes a guy's guitar sound as "beating a moose to death with a bag of cats". I wouldn't even know how to spell that sound. LOL.

 

[Boxlicker101]

onomatopoeia

A lot of words in the English language are sounds, such as wheeze, honk, bark(like a dog), swat, slurp, etc. I use those words freely but the only time I would use a sound effect would be in one thing hitting another, such as a spanking or car accident. Then I would almost always use an exclamation point.




http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=118747MySmuttyHolidayStory

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=207952MyOtherSmut

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[Icingsugar]

An intersting phrase came up in a real-life discussion today:

"That made my heart go THUMP!"

It's normal-sounding enough to me, so yes, I'd use a line like that in my writing if I felt it were appropriate to the tone of the story.

Just use caution. I don't know what you mean my that, but I associate that with the sound of something hitting the wall. And I've read exactly that "my heart went thump, thump, thump..." meaning it was beating rapidly. But I got the imagery of someone batting it with a large shovel...

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[Wills]

Macks

The nearest I can think of is Judy Garland - The Trolley Song "Thump Thump Thump, went my heart..." - Meet me in St Louis?

Will's (the rose is for the av - were not supposed to mention those any more)

 

[Guest]

Wills, don't wimp out. I love Mack's AV!!!

I also only thought of Judy in St. Louis.

Perdita

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[Guest]

Mack, I'd kiss your mistletoe in a sec. I only wish the tummy were a little bit rounder, otherwise I adore that 'come grab me' hip.

Perdita

 

[Lauren Hynde]

From my ongoing story:

***

Dozens, hundreds of entangled, lithe bodies, dancing, tormenting, slithering all around him, undulating, as perfectly synchronized as if it were a single sexual entity trapped between two gigantic mirrors, multiplied to infinity, an ocean of carnal pleasure overloading his senses, slow- but steadily submerging, drowning, trapping him inside a vortex of lust, until all he could hear was the beat of his own heart, faster and faster, louder. Louder. Thump. Thump. Thump.

***

Witness the fitness, the cruffiton liveth...

He turned around, still holding both drinks, and immediately saw a young model-type black-haired woman flashing an intense smile at him. High on adrenaline, he scurried over to her, right through the middle of the dancing throng.

Witness the fitness--

Wham! Out of nowhere, a rogue elbow slammed against his chest, projecting his body backwards through the air.

 

[pop_54]

Never have yet

Never have yet and can't see me doing so, I use sounds but only described sounds, "There was a loud twacking sound as the cane hit her soft yielding buttocks, the red stripe mark immediately raised on her white flesh". "A loud crashing sound from behind him made Tom jump with shock"

I just cannot imagine being able to write in kapow's and thwack's with a straight face. Fuck it I'd be doing the, Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Yesssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thing next.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

I used sounds in one story. It was based at a school and between the scenes. I would use ((((Ring!)))) on a line by it self. Instead of saying the bell for the next class sounded.

No wonder why that is my lowest rated story.

 

[wishfulthinking]

I think Dr M has been challenged to write an erotic story using the word "kapow". Very difficult to make that seem plausible in an erotic setting (all I can think of is batman comics), but if anyone was up to the challenge ...

I think it all has to do with context. Out of context, things sound stupid. But in the right context, it can work.

And personal choice. I came across a story that went something like "whack" down the page 10 times as someone was being punished. Didn't work for me, but might for others. For me, I would prefer the author describe the spank or whatever, and then say something like "and the slap of his palm against her quivering cheeks filled the room" or some such nonsense. Each to their own.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Do you people think my onomatopoeic use, three post up, works? I have my heart set on the 'Thump', but have been having doubts about the 'Wham' ever since I wrote it, months ago... Any comments would be appreciated.

 

[Guest]

From my ongoing story:

***

Dozens, hundreds of entangled, lithe bodies, dancing, tormenting, slithering all around him, undulating, as perfectly synchronized as if it were a single sexual entity trapped between two gigantic mirrors, multiplied to infinity, an ocean of carnal pleasure overloading his senses, slow- but steadily submerging, drowning, trapping him inside a vortex of lust, until all he could hear was the beat of his own heart, faster and faster, louder. Louder. Thump. Thump. Thump.

***

Witness the fitness, the cruffiton liveth...

He turned around, still holding both drinks, and immediately saw a young model-type black-haired woman flashing an intense smile at him. High on adrenaline, he scurried over to her, right through the middle of the dancing throng.

Witness the fitness--

Wham! Out of nowhere, a rogue elbow slammed against his chest, projecting his body backwards through the air.

Lauren, I love this! I don't think many people have a good enough grasp of the language to pull it off, but you sure do. Your use of onomatopoeic words enhances the whole thing, it really helps to paint a picture of the scene and adds to the intensity of it. That 'Wham!' works very well just as it is. The first paragraph is amazing and I became quite breathless reading it. Your skills at poetry really show through in that, I'd love to read the whole piece.

Lou

 

[English Lady]

I agree with Tatelou Lauren...those paragraphs work really well with the onomatopoeia in them

 

[Wills]

Lauren

Having added to my education by looking up 'onomatopoeic', (I knew I was here on some greater calling), I can only concur with the views posted above.

Now get the thing finished as we call all enjoy more of your wordcraft. I am sooo envious, my Portuguese will never be as good as your English, even if I had been born Portuguese.

Will's

 

[Dirt Man]

Do you people think my onomatopoeic use, three post up, works? I have my heart set on the 'Thump', but have been having doubts about the 'Wham' ever since I wrote it, months ago... Any comments would be appreciated.

Okay, I wasn't gonna bother, but as this seems important to you I'll try to explain. One of the first NO< NO's I learned about writing fiction is to never be redundent. Saying the same thing twice only differently is taking up wasted space. So what you have to ask yourself in this case is: "Am I being redundent?" Does adding "Thump, Thump, Thump!" add to what you have said, or doesn't it? Am I just being redundent to focus the reader's attention on something specific just so that they get what I mean? In the Judy Garland song: "Thump, thump, thump, went my heart beat. Ring, ring, ring went the bell." There is no redundancy. The writer is using the sound worlds with a modifier following to explain what went Thump, and what rang. So they weren't repeating themselves except that this is the chorus of the song, and sung over and over in it as was the norm then, and now in songs with a chorus. But you are not writing a chorus here, and so you as the author have to determine whether you are A.) being redundant, or B.) Emphasizing a moment to make it stand out. And if you answer is B, then you better have a hell of a damn good reason for doing so.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man