Online Submissive To Real Life:other Issues Involving It, Open Thread

[~Dream~]

HI!! I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT THIS THREAD REPLACES MY ORIGINAL ONE THAT I HAD ENTITLED INCORRECTLY,although my grammar and punctuation may not be technically correct,I promise to try and present my posts as clearly as possible so that there is no need for anyone to correct me -just doing the BEST with what I have to work with....
Hope fully this new thread will bring knowledge to all and most especially to me who is so willing and wanting to learn this lifestyle.
please post whatever you feel but try to be courteous of other's feelings
WE are all here to live,love and have fun,hope fully
WELCOME TO THE THREAD!!!

 

[James Blandings]

Fair enough, dream.
My submissive experiences have all been RL, but if I can answer any questions or give any opinions that are of value to the discussion, I will be happy to contribute.

 

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

why Thank-You James,so nice to see you again...How do subs go about setting boundaries ,lists for their Masters?

 

[anneski]

Good morning Artful's Dream

Good morning Dream, this looks like being an interesting thread - I'll visit frequently I reckon. Don't know whether I'll be able to contribute much or not, but I'm sure I'll learn plenty!

OK, the sun is out, the garden is calling to me.. (it needs weeding again, all this darn rain we keep having!!) so, I'm off... hope you, Art, and everyone you care for have a great weekend! Ours is extra long of course, cos of the Queen's Golden Jubilee, so it stretches to next Wednesday - wahoo!!

Take care..<<<hugs>>>

 

[Jewelz]

Dream darlin...I am just stopping by to support you and your thread and wishing you the best of luck to get a great discussion going and hope that you get the answers you are looking for. I know nothing of this lifestyle so I can not offer contribution that way. But a special guy asked me to stop by and wish you well, so I did just that

(((((((((((((((((Big hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Shadowsdream]

How do subs go about setting boundaries ,lists for their Masters?


There should always be a negotiation stage between a Dominant and a submissive.

This comes AFTER the getting to know each other stage where you first discover what it is about each other that attracts you in the first place.

The FIRST place to begin is to discuss the hard limits you have...it is in this stage that the Dominant should also let you know about Their hard limits. If the sub says they have no hard limits there are two things the Dominant will think, first that the sub has no REAL clue about submission and Domination and second that they have no self respect. ( boundaries)

Lists?...please define what you are asking with this word.

 

[CarolineOh]

I believe that dream may be referring to those bdsm checklists that some people use, in which they rank activities on a 1-5 scale. If I'm not mistaken, someone posted a link to such a list a while ago.

 

[MissTaken]

Setting limits and boundaries?

As a new sub, it was difficult as I didn't truly understand or know what it was I was saying "no" too.

For example, in the beginning, I was absolutely committed and very clear when I said that anything involving pain was not acceptable.

*blushing* How could have I known that pain =pleasure and that some of the activities I most enjoy now, include that tingly, warm feeling after a spanking or the intense sensation brought on by nipple clips?

I discovered these things through hours of communication and trust building.

To set limits, be conservative. He will know what may interest you and how to move slowly into new realms of pleasure.

Be clear.
Read and study.
Know what you enjoy.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

I found castlerealm.com very helpful. They have the Deviant's Dictionary which defines terms and activities. They also have a checklist that can be used, should you feel the need to clarify your position concerning tastes.

Re: checklists.
I use them as points of discussion, only. I don't post them on a personals ad to draw anyone in. Why? What I may have loved doing with Dom #1 may never be something I wish to explore with Dom #2.

Also, the checklist has entertainment value. After a scene, revisiting the checklist with a Dom can be fun, as we discuss the changes that need to be made and giggle about our foray of excitement.

I am sorry, I am babbling on.....

 

[lilredwolph]

Here is a link to a check list http://ms.ha.md.us/~tammad/over21/bondage/sub-checklist.html

I don't know how much help I can be to other subs, but I will do what I can. Reason being I am a "BRATTY" sub, and I know it, my Dom knows it, but it works for us (has for 15 or so yrs). But still I can offer help, opinions, and a caring hand.


Be safe and true to yourself,
lilred

 

[MissTaken]

*smirks* at the bratty sub!


My most recent involvement has been with someone who truly enjoys my brattiness.

Sometimes, I have to really work hard to be bratty enough to please him.

 

[lilredwolph]

I have never had a problem being "bratty" enough but when He rolls his eye's or makes that "what are you thinking" grumble low in his throat , I put on the little girl eye's, and remind him I am only as "bratty & spoiled" as He has made me. .

 

[MissTaken]

I have never had a problem being "bratty" enough but when He rolls his eye's or makes that "what are you thinking" grumble low in his throat , I put on the little girl eye's, and remind him I am only as "bratty & spoiled" as He has made me. .

Welcome to the board.

I think you are going to be great fun!

 

[lilredwolph]

Thank You ! I have a feeling I could be "trouble" (in a playful sort of way) for some.


I have tried a couple of times to type out an introduction for myself, but have been unhappy with each attempt, because they make me sound like a cardboard cut-out.

 

[anneski]

Thank You ! I have a feeling I could be "trouble" (in a playful sort of way) for some.


I have tried a couple of times to type out an introduction for myself, but have been unhappy with each attempt, because they make me sound like a cardboard cut-out.

LOL!!! Hey that's ok, you put the cut-out out front to fool people, then the real you does devilishly fun things behind the scenes... (not that I'd do anything like that of course, cos I'm a gooooood girl.. )

 

[CarolineOh]

Welcome, lil red.
I'm looking forward to your input. Although I don't think of myself as a brat, I certainly am sassy, and I'm interested in how you integrate that part of your personality with your submission.

 

[Shadowsdream]

CarolineOh

~~~smile~~~ no not referring to the check lists....I don't believe they have any real use to someone so new to BDSM...many that have been interested for a very long time are even confused by some of the questions on it and the very new can be scared to death of the extremes there. The check list can be a useful tool for those who already have at least some realtime experience though.

 

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

~~~HUGGS~~~ and WELCOME to ALL
Miss T,LILRED,and SHADOW,,
I know my Master enjoys my "playfulness".
I feel he really listens to my needs and respects what I have to say.
He especially listens to my fears and concerns as this lifestyle is not all that new as I experienced online this before but NOT with A Master who "really cared " for me,only one who wanted to exploit my sexuality.
I was only "enquiring abouth the checklists as I had heard from several of my friends that they use them. Master will know the appropriate time for "us " to have this.
We communicate very well and i have found that I can be "quite stubborn" lol and rebellious but He loves me and patiently corrects my attitude.
I believe he loves my gentle playfulness,at times also.
Help,openess,and a caring,guiding hand are always welcomeand appreciated at this thread.
Special huggs& kisses to ANNESKI and my friend Jewelz thanks for visiting ladies..<<<<<<hugggggs>>>>>> to alll!!

 

[kayte]

Congratulations Sis !!!!

dream - So glad to see you and that you started what looks to be a very popular thread.

To you sis. I have had a very busy morning, and just got here at all. It is now almost 2pm and I have another thing I have to get to. Hope you are having a great day, I will be visiting this thread of yours often.

 

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

SIS KAYTE!! Hi hun <<<<<hugggs>>>> missed you thanks for stoppin in .
yes,cymbidia and I apologized to each other and decided to be adults about things and as Risia suggested,the other thread will be allowed to "die" out even thoi shall miss it ,lol i now have "this one" ..still havent visited Casterama yet but i plan to tonite lots of love andgood wishes to you sis ,gonna go post at your thread now * *

 

[ShiningEyes]

Dream, I wanted to send out my support for the thread! I'll be dropping by often to ask my many questions and contribute what I can! I think what you are trying to do is absolutely wonderful!!

 

[Fiana Sidhe]

~*~Waves at Dream~*~

I just thought I would check this out and wish you the best of luck with this thread! because I do like both you and your master! {{{HUGS}}} and to you both!

Fire and Passion
Fiana

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have already said my piece

on what I do. It is a very long process I use over time, and I use the BDSM checklist. I find it very helpful, you may feel differently. Read my previous posts if you want details.

Ebony

 

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

Thank You for your comments Ebony and I shall look back over your posts as my curiosity is quite aroused..
FIANA!!!! <<<<<,hugggs>>>>> to You girl and thanks so much for stopping by ,Master and I think highly of You also,after all HE did help repair Your plumbing problem...lmfao love to you sweet lady

 

[SierraMoon]

Hello again dream!!

Glad you started another thread, dream.. i'm sure you will have better luck with this one....
Well, i don't have much to add to this thread, as of right now.. i am having my first r/t play date tomorrow, so maybe i can contribute some after that.. just wanted to pop in and say hello!!! Wish me luck!!!
take care, and hugs to you and your Master, Artful!!! sierra

 

[Ebonyfire]

Use of the BDSM Checklist with new subs

I don't believe they have any real use to someone so new to BDSM

I find it useful, almost necessary. In fact, if they are very new I require them to complete it. I also make them do a lot of reading which includes all the activities they do not understand that are on the checklist. I do not want squeamish and/or fearful subs. Also, I want to know how much they DO know about the lifestyle. If they do not want to learn about D/s, they can go elsewhere.

Like I always say, others may feel differently.

Ebony