Online love discussion

[babyboo]

I'm just curious as to who here at Lit has fallen genuinely in love on the net having never met the person and how that worked for them.

Someone told me once that anyone who could develop feelings for someone without actually spending time with them in person was basically crazy which I think is dead wrong.

I've been in the situation where I've had really deep feelings for someone online and was wondering if anyone else had been through something similar, especially where there is a big distance between where you live.

 

[LukkyKnight]

You will hear both sides of it here.

I'm a believer - love is about communication, trust, not reliant on a face-to-face encounter before it blossoms. We had a sort of heated debate about the topic a few weeks back... can't recall the title of the thread but perhaps one of our better searcher-librarians can ferret it out for you to peruse.

 

[babyboo]

You will hear both sides of it here.

I'm a believer - love is about communication, trust, not reliant on a face-to-face encounter before it blossoms. We had a sort of heated debate about the topic a few weeks back... can't recall the title of the thread but perhaps one of our better searcher-librarians can ferret it out for you to peruse.

Thanks LukkyKnight

Anyone who can help with that thread title would be a big help. I would love to read it. Thanks again.

 

[MissTaken]

I am not sure what thread LK is referring to. However, revisiting "old" topics can be interesting as the faces of lit change almost daily.

IMHO based upon personal observation and experience:

No. I don't believe you can fall in love based exclusively on on line communication. It isn't real. When two people chat on messenger, their focus is seemingly entirely on one another. It is very nice and very cozy, feelings do develop, but to think that this is love would be a mistake. The interaction is too one dimensional and we all know, love is built upon and as many dimensions.

With an additional parameter to the relationship, perhaps phone, the possibility for a true and lasting love increases ten fold. If you are on the phone with your on line lover, having a terrible day, children are out of control and he responds in a supportive manner and/or isn't turned off by your Screaming Mimi interpretation of assertive discipline, then you got something there!

I could write pages on the topic as I have had experiences wherein I developed some feelings for someone on line, but won't. I will say that the relationships that developed into something more solid after beginning on line are the relationships that moved very quickly to phone contact and/or face to face meetings.

*"Relationships" include friends, some of whom I met here*

I don't mean to discourage or dishearten any would be on line lovers. I hope that my experience would help them to maintain perspective.

 

[april-wine]

Here you go babyboo....

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=67176&highlight=online+love

 

[babyboo]

I am not sure what thread LK is referring to. However, revisiting "old" topics can be interesting as the faces of lit change almost daily.

IMHO based upon personal observation and experience:

No. I don't believe you can fall in love based exclusively on on line communication. It isn't real. When two people chat on messenger, their focus is seemingly entirely on one another. It is very nice and very cozy, feelings do develop, but to think that this is love would be a mistake. The interaction is too one dimensional and we all know, love is built upon and as many dimensions.

With an additional parameter to the relationship, perhaps phone, the possibility for a true and lasting love increases ten fold. If you are on the phone with your on line lover, having a terrible day, children are out of control and he responds in a supportive manner and/or isn't turned off by your Screaming Mimi interpretation of assertive discipline, then you got something there!

I could write pages on the topic as I have had experiences wherein I developed some feelings for someone on line, but won't. I will say that the relationships that developed into something more solid after beginning on line are the relationships that moved very quickly to phone contact and/or face to face meetings.

*"Relationships" include friends, some of whom I met here*

I don't mean to discourage or dishearten any would be on line lovers. I hope that my experience would help them to maintain perspective.

Thank you for sharing your opinion MissTaken.... all very valid points and I enjoyed reading it

 

[babyboo]

Here you go babyboo....

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=67176&highlight=online+love

Thanks april-wine.... that was very sweet of you

*Love your quote by the way So true!*

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

I have and Yes I think nothing wrong with it

wow I fell inlove with a person and not a body. so?

 

[babyboo]

I have and Yes I think nothing wrong with it

It's nice to know I'm not alone here

I guess people, like the friend I mentioned, simple don't understand because they've never been in the situation and don't realize how easy it is to really get close to someone online and fall for their heart first and not their body.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

I feel very hard in love at LIT

I never felt it was possible to meet and fall for someone without seeing him or hearing his voice, but that's the way it happened for me.

We met at chat right after I decided to be "myself" and not carry on with fantasy characters just for the sake of cybering. After a while, a weekend without him became almost impossible to get through, and that's when I realized it was more than just a friendship.

Our next step was instant messaging (a little more direct and private than a chat room), then with the help of calling cards, we made our first audio contact. Fortunately another online friend set us up with AIM and we've been "miked" ever since.

Last week he came to NYC to visit me, and it was the greatest gift I have ever received to have him right in my arms. We consider ourselves a couple now, and I couldn't be happier.

Meanwhile we continue with the "mikes", with constant communication, and we are working toward our next physical meeting.

Our feelings for each other are as real as any I've been through in my life, and he "survived" meeting ALL of my friends too! There are problems we will be dealing with (like relocation and financial situations), but we can only take each day one at a time and continue to love and be there for each other.

 

[Ice Cold]

It can happen Baby. When I fell in love on line, it was becuase we talked and shared, there wasn't the physical complications to deal with, so it was just us being us. Over 1000 hrs online, then talking to each other over the phone... and finally taking a vacation to visit her to see if we were just as compatible in real life. That was several years ago, She is now my best friend and lives 10 minutes away. Sometime you just get lucky.

 

[patient1]

I have and Yes I think nothing wrong with it

wow I fell inlove with a person and now a body. so?

Fly, my friend, that was elegant

 

[scylis]

why the hell do you think i'm up here in Alaska?

only now i'm up here alone..

 

[QueenConundrum]

As for me, it's not something I'm interested in. I agree with MissTaken in that it's one-dimentional. and there are other things I dislike about it. It's just not my cup of tea.

But, I think if anyone else wants to go about things in such a manner, more power to them. We lead our lives in the manner of our chosing. If that's something that someone wants to do, I say "go for it (just not with me)." Whatever floats your boat.

 

[SilverVeil]

I refrained from posting to the other thread about online love as the poster said they were married and I have some strong opinions on that I wanted to stay away from.

Personally I met my fiance on the net at Talk City. ( Skip the next part if you have already read it in another post )

We met my 1st day on line in the chat room. We talked for about 9 months as friends and something came up that he came to TX to meet me. Now I KNEW how I felt about his online persona. And we all know that a lot of people are not the same in real life as they are on line. I was lucky that he was exactly the same in real life as he was on line. Just more cuddly.

And he has told me over and over that I am the same as I present myself to be. We met and fell in love. And he came down and stayed with me for a little while in TX and met my friends who all approved of him, and then I moved to Rhode Island to be with him.

We are in our 3rd year together and we are planning our wedding.

The one most important thing I can not stress enough is HONESTY between the people involved. If he had not been honest with me, and me with him, when our dirty little secrets came out in time, everything could have been lost that we established together.

I have heard horror stories about online relationships that turn into nightmares when people meet in real life. Hell I had one before I met my fiance. So did he.

We are 2 of the lucky ones. And we both know it.

Your friend is making an assumption that is wrong and slightly narrow minded. I have met men in bars that turned into nightmares. At least I had the time to learn to know my hunny before things got face to face personal. Yet even then .... if he had not been honest- things could have been different.

 

[Vivacia]

About 18 months ago I met my SO online...

My Hub (now EX) wanted us to have an "open" relationship! I wasn't happy about it but it seemed to be something he really wanted and being a new bride (we had only been married a matter of weeks) I wanted to please him.

We were chatting to several people online with the idea to met up with someone for sex, and I got to know my SO (I'll call him Sam) quite well... My hub was fine with this and thought that he would be a good "playmate" for us.

Sam's marriage was a bit rocky, so we spent alot of time chatting about all sorts of things that we were concerned about. It got to the stage that Sam and I were online every min we could get away with. We started to talk on the phone too, and called most nights. I knew that I was falling for Sam and told my hub, he was fine with it and didn't try to stop us at all. After about 3 months of this we agreed to meet up (all 3 of us) for a coffee, just to see what we thought of each other in the flesh as it were.

It was great, we got on really well and it only served to strengthen my feelings towards Sam, and his for me... we met up alone in the November and made love, our fate was sealed...

Last April I moved in with Sam, and we are now happy at last!

Ain't it nice when tangled messes have a happy ending?!

 

[WhiteRose]

Finding true love online

Is it possible? Certainly, it's possible. For most people that it happens to, it's not something that was planned or expected, but then love rarely is. If you've read the other thread, then you know where I stand on this and what my experience was. Is it something I'd ever pursue or hope for? Noooo. I've been through it once, and the end of the relationship is still devasting to me, although I love hearing stories about couples who really do make it work for them and knowing that it IS possible (I've known several couples who met their loves online and ended up married with children...and happy).

But there's a difference between keeping a relationship strictly online and taking it further. In the past couple of years I've met too many people online who weren't honest about who (or what...gender) they are, I don't think I could be as trusting now as I used to be. There's always that element of suspicion, but that also affects any interactions I have with people offline now too.

Any relationship, whether it begins online or in person, has to grow. There have to be experiences that bring the two of you closer, not just words on a screen. No, I don't believe you have to be in the same room or even the same geographic location to share experiences, it's about letting the other person into your life and vice versa. Knowing his family and friends (not just knowing ABOUT them), but talking to them, being aware of where they and you are in his life. Knowing that you have a real presence in his life, even when you're miles apart.

If there were no plans to further the relationship by making it physical (meeting and working toward sharing lives), then having an online relationship would have no more purpose than casual dating with no possibility of making it permanent...which to me would be a major waste of my time and energies, and isn't anything I'd ever be interested in. But that's just me. There are a lot of people who develop online relationships that are meant to remain online...whether it be because one or both of them is otherwise attached, or for some reason, they just don't ever want to take it further than that. Those are the kinds of relationships I don't understand. I don't see the point, and they're sure to end in pain. But how can you plan on "loving" someone temporarily? I guess it works for the people involved, and that's fine, but I wonder how many people are really honest about the limitations going into a relationship like that. How do you say, "I'll care about you this much, but no more than this."? If we could control our emotions as easily as that, there'd be a whole lot less heartache in the world.

 

[lovetoread]

I think that yes you can fall in love online.

I did and have no shame about it. I dont feel that since we did meet online (and on a porn site too!) that its a bad thing.

I have talked to him on the phone,spent much time physically with him, and I am planning on moving in a few months to be with him.

He is the one who helps me when the kids are screaming,sick, or just generally driving me crazy. Anyone that can do that is good in my book.

I think that as long as you keep perspective about the relationship, all will be well.