Online Domination

[sara-anne]

i haven't posted here before...i hope you don't mind a 'newbie' posting a new thread on the board.

i have recently found myself with a master...through emails and messenger. i allow him to control me, although it has only been 2 weeks. i do as he instructs, but still lead my own life.

what are your views on this situation? i cannot do it r/l as i have a boyfriend of 5 years, and a very proud family. this is the closest i have to the real thing. it is very new to me, and i am enjoying it, so far. i miss him already when he isn't online.

is anyone else in the same situation? i am only 21, and haven't done this before, but i know it is for me.

thank you for reading.

 

[MissTaken]

Hello, sara-anne,

Online Domination is a tricky situation and a tricky topic.

There are many challenges involved, but if it is what meets your needs, enjoy!

How did you meet this Dom?
What sorts of things does he have you do?
What will happen if this Dom starts to have you do things that interfere with you and your SO?

I am curious.

Trust is a huge issue with BDSM. One of the greatest challenges in an online situation is trust. How does he know that you are doing as directed and how do you know that whatever his part of the agreement is being kept?

I hope it is successful for you and perhaps, you will shrae some of the details of your involvement.

Take care and Welcome to the forum!

MissT

 

[Ricckk]

Hello, sara-anne,

Online Domination is a tricky situation and a tricky topic.

Well said, MissT.

Two weeks is not a long time to put your trust into anyone. There are many dominants, myself included, who would say it is impulsive on the part of the dominant, not to mention a "Master" (whatever that means). Since it is the dominant who is in control, he or she is primarily responsible for the relationship and should not take that responsibility lightly...or impulsively. I guess I am trying to say...slow....careful.

D/s takes many forms as you have seen here and in other places, but in general it is NOT JUST about telling someone what to do.

You may get responses that state that online isn't "real" and for many people it isn't. But as one who has been involved in a 5 year online relationship, we have seen many "real" ones come and go.

Good luck to you and your partner. Since everyone is willing to accept my jibberish, I am sure that he is also most welcome to post.

 

[Lancecastor]

If you're not giving up personal information to a stranger that could be used against you or doing things that could cause you harm in real life...I see no problem in trying out some domination exercises with your online "master", especially if it's turning your crank and making you feel good.

In the meantime, I'd suggest that you use the Search function here and find some of the recommended reading/book threads on BDSM and learn more about the subject.

Have fun

Lance

 

[snoozebutton]

Sara-anne just realize that you will be more vunerable than you ever have before, submitting goes deeper than you ever knew possible. All the advice I can give is go slowly and be honest with each other.

 

[sara-anne]

thanks for your replies. they're appreciated!

i met him on the chat here, when i was having a look around the site once.

he has, so far, only made me go about my usual daily duties minus some underwear. we have discussed that if at any time, i'm not happy with something, we will talk about it. if he asks me to do something i am worried will upset my career, family life or similar i will explain why i'm not happy with it. he is very understanding, and not forceful at all.

i don't know how he trusts i do things he requests...he does though. i have never, and would never, consider saying i have done somthing when i haven't. i am an honest person and i just have to hope that he can appreciate that. i tell him if i don't do something.

i never give personal information over the internet. i have heard too many horror tales about that. i never give my picture either.

i have been interested, or should i say fascinated, in BDSM for about 5 years. i have read lots in that time, seen quite a bit, excerimented a little and furthered my interest. nothing whatsoever has ever put me off this. i have known for a long time i am submissive, even before i knew i was doing things...i understand that now. as a child i used to play with toy handcuffs and make people catch me to 'arrest' me. i used to dream of being locked in prison, playtime i was always the captive.

this is just me, and i'm delighted that you're welcoming me to this board so that i may be able to read and discuss more!

sara-anne

 

[James G 5]

I would just caution you to remember that this is ONLINE
It's more of an interactive fantasy
so keep one eye on reality
I was approached, in my capacity as a fetish photographer, by a woman who'd had an online "Dom" for over a year. He'd progressively taken her further & further in to "their" relationship without ever meeting to the point where she was sending him compromising photos, money, and in the case of our conversation asking me to arrange to take photos of her fucking a DOG to send to him
I might add she's never actually seen or spoken to this man
It could've been a perverted teenager in Duluth

So keep at least one foot firmly on the ground while you explore this part of yourself, and remember that it can be a scary ride without someone "real" there to help you thru it

 

[SexyChele]

I hesitated posting here, as I wanted to be certain my words were measured well. I still don't know if they are, but....

About a year and a half ago, I entered into an online Dom/sub "relationship" with a gentleman who lives in the UK. I was looking further into this type of relationship and curious. He was willing to help me engage in my fantasies. It worked for us, but it was only a limited time - less than 4 months. We have long since discarded the "relationship", but continue on as friends.

Exploring an online relationship can provide a bit of fun and spice - but maintaining them can take a lot of energy and effort. I know there are some who manage to do it, but it would rightly fall under the heading "long distance relationship", as they have eventually met. (I realize that some fall outside of this parameter as well)

You met this guy about 2 weeks ago and he is already a "Master"? I would be dubious at best. You met him in the Lit chatroom? I would be even more doubtful. I know most of the "Doms" in there, and most are into the kinky sex thing. There ae a myriad of horror stories that stem from "Dom/sub online relationships" that have spawned from there, so just be careful. I've heard of "Doms" meeting a sub one night, collaring her a week later, and discarding her for something better within a month. Also, don't forget that he probably has several personas in Lit - most in chat do.

Whatever you do, stay grounded. Don't do the usual "dumb" stuff such as reveal your true name, location, or what you look like. And believe very little of what he tells you unless you can absolutely prove it. Do not allow yourself jealousy with him. There may come a time when you will log into chat and find him in a private room with some one else, and refuse to give you the password. Think about that. It happens more than you know.

Keep in mind, this is probably a fling and nothing serious. Have fun with it, and when it is no longer fun, leave. You are exploring, so you owe this man nothing, and he does not owe anything to you. I know it seems basic, but one or the other can get too emotionally involved and some one ends up getting hurt.

Oh, and as some here might tell you, I did, in fact, lie to my online "Dom". As much as I like him and still do, I simply didn't always have time for his games at the end. That had a lot to do with the ending of the relationship. Just keep in mind that, over the internet, you can be whatever you want - and so can he.

Keep it in perspective, have fun, but don't go overboard with it.

Good luck!

 

[Hecate]

Am I missreading the initial post? then discard the following comment as completely meaningless....

Sara, you say you can't persue your BDSM tendencies in real life becasue of career, family AND a boyfriend with whom you have been for 5 years and - as I understand - still are?

Just a note of warning: should I have read that right I can tell you he may not take too well to find you doing compromising things for a "stranger".

Does he know about that "relation" on the internet? (I would strongly suspect no) Or will he feel you are cheating on him when he finds out? How would you feel finding out about him having an online affair / an online sub / an online Mistress?

Is BDSM something you want so much that you are willing to compromise your relation to him? And more important - if you want BDSM so strongly to be willing to risk that much, don't you think you had better talk it out with your boyfriend? You might be surprised about introducing some kinky fun (Most Mid-twenties guys would be more than happy from my experience).


Your online Dominant on the other hand - does he know you are in a relation? please note that absolute honesty and trust are the basics of all D/s relation and multiple times as much in online ones.

There has been a lot of advise about the dangers and cliffs online relations hold in store, so I won't go into that any more. So just my own little advise:

Don't mistake some kinky e-mails, chats and fantasy exchanges for a relation, let alone a BDSM one!

Be aware that "relations" are less stable and honest (in many many cases) on the interent where there is basically no means of getting "caught" and held responsible for the actions. They hurt just the same though wenn going sour.

Realize that the internet DOES INFLUENCE real life (as it is part of your real life). It is blatant selfdeception to think it does not! It does change time schedules, priorities and your mood. To think this goes unnoticed is naive!

Whatever you seek, the interent may falsly make you think you found it - but if BDSM ist part of you, you need it IN your real life relation, not as an "aside". Explore - test - taste the concept - learn (always under due care for your privacy as described pin previous posts) , but if you then really WANT it, face the demons (and no, I am not talking a bout the big "Outing" to shock the world!) and look for a matching partner in the flesh so to speak.

Hint: many nice infos have been shared about 'nilla relations/marriages going BDSM, and how the lack of BDSM ruined 'nilla marriages. You are still young and can make your decisions wisely by being honest and open towards yourself and your needs and desires - a better place than many of us "older" people have found ourselves in, only learning about what was missing when the consequences we had to face were much more monumental.

I am not condemning, berating or belitteling you - it is more of a "been there, done that" - approach.

 

[James G 5]

Am I missreading the initial post? then discard the following comment as completely meaningless....
<snip>
I am not condemning, berating or belitteling you - it is more of a "been there, done that" - approach.

:: clapping ::
WELL said Hecate, great advice for ANY online "relationship", and especially a BDSM one
You've capsulized all my reasons for not believeing in online BDSM relationships, in fact

 

[navarre]

Well said Hecate and James.

You both posted my words.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have to say that I cannot add anything to what has already been said either.

However, I must say it is never a good idea ( in my opinion) to go behind ones SO to have a D/s or any other relationship. If you value your relationship with your SO, it will become increasingly harder to keep your interest in D/s a secret.

 

[James G 5]

I have to say that I cannot add anything to what has already been said either.

However, I must say it is never a good idea ( in my opinion) to go behind ones SO to have a D/s or any other relationship. If you value your relationship with your SO, it will become increasingly harder to keep your interest in D/s a secret.

Amen
I know one lady who kept it secret from her husband for 11 YEARS
But she had to resort to more & more lies and deception to carry it on
The initial lie being revealed was enough of a blow to her hubbie
But to find she's carried it on SO long about killed him
There's no value in that sort of dishonesty

 

[Nusance]

I think the online cybering thing is kind of a waste of time, i have done it and it can be kind of hot.... But i would rather have real time with someone i personially know. I can understnd your situation with your bf and all though so its all good!