Online dating advice

[Sanitysux]

I was just wondering if anyone here has any advice for me. I've just placed my first personal ad on this site, but my question involves online dating in general. I've recently started chatting with a guy that lives near me and he seems pretty decent so far. But, are there any clues or tell tale signs to watch out for, just in case he's a psycho or something? Sounds silly I know, but I'm new to online dating and thought some of the more experienced people here might have some advice for me. Thanks.

 

[WantonWitch]

I was just wondering if anyone here has any advice for me. I've just placed my first personal ad on this site, but my question involves online dating in general. I've recently started chatting with a guy that lives near me and he seems pretty decent so far. But, are there any clues or tell tale signs to watch out for, just in case he's a psycho or something? Sounds silly I know, but I'm new to online dating and thought some of the more experienced people here might have some advice for me. Thanks.

Best advice is make sure you meet them in a public place with lots of people around. Keep it like that until you feel comfortable and safe.

 

[Cathleen]

You're not silly at all to keep safe. Take your time - some tells would be:

- is he resisting giving you a phone number.

- what kind of phone number is it - cell, home, office etc.

- are there times he asks you not to call?

- if you have caller id use it. google the numbers - he might use a calling card for lots of honest reasons or maybe not so honest.

- what are his online habits - is he only online during office hours? What about evenings?

- do you have his address - if you wanted to send a greeting card. Is it a home, office etc address?

- when you are chatting either IM or phone are there times when he very suddenly has to go - as if someone is coming (like a wife).

- always meet in a public place - ALWAYS. Make sure you give a friend or relative the information you have - name, number, address etc.

If someone hasn't anything to hide they're usually free with those pieces of information after some time of getting to know you.

And in the words of one of my brothers: Google him!!

Welcome to Lit

Just be safe .....

 

[Emes]

Can I just add too....dont give him ANY personal details (phone numbers of ANY description, addresses, etc, etc) without getting his first.


If you do meet up with anyone PLEASE make sure someone else knows where you are meeting, what you will be doing (not ALL details you understand!), what you will be wearing and what time you are expected home. Make sure you call them when you do get back so they know you are safe.


Could also be an idea to work out some sort of code with the person who knows the above details and have them phone you. If you feel threatened you can use it as an excuse to leave....if you arent, a code to let the other know you are safe and ok.


Hope you have fun, online and in real life. Just keep safe

 

[rcuhljr]

Oh yeah it's always the guy who's crazy overall though solid advice, just use your head.

 

[Sanitysux]

Thanks for all the tips guys. I really appreciate the advice.

 

[omahaman2]

all great advice!!

The main idea; be careful Yes,be careful!! What happened to me might happen to you!! OMG!! I now have a roommate and am engaged to marry, so be
careful!!

 

[Sanitysux]

I now have a roommate and am engaged to marry, so be
careful!!

That's great news, congratulations! As for myself, even though I'm very much in favor of gay marriage, I've only recently gotten comfortable with my bi-sexuality. So, I think I'll hold off on making any wedding plans right away. For now, I'd be happy to meet a nice guy to have wild monkey sex with and maybe it'll develop into a long term relationship. LOL!!

 

[handy_gal]

You are absolutely right!

You're not silly at all to keep safe. Take your time - some tells would be:

- is he resisting giving you a phone number.

- what kind of phone number is it - cell, home, office etc.

- are there times he asks you not to call?

- if you have caller id use it. google the numbers - he might use a calling card for lots of honest reasons or maybe not so honest.

- what are his online habits - is he only online during office hours? What about evenings?

- do you have his address - if you wanted to send a greeting card. Is it a home, office etc address?

- when you are chatting either IM or phone are there times when he very suddenly has to go - as if someone is coming (like a wife).

- always meet in a public place - ALWAYS. Make sure you give a friend or relative the information you have - name, number, address etc.

If someone hasn't anything to hide they're usually free with those pieces of information after some time of getting to know you.

And in the words of one of my brothers: Google him!!

Welcome to Lit

Just be safe .....

I've talked to a few nice people on here...then there were a few....absolutely refused to give out a phone number....just wanted to meet right out....too many odd things. Always an excuse..."well, i have roommates....well, I'm heading to work...."

What's the old saying..."trust no one."

Sounds to me like there are "things" this person was hiding.

Yes, be careful no matter what your gender!

 

[Sanitysux]

....just wanted to meet right out....

That's been buggin me since I started talking to other men online. They don't seem interested in getting to know me or developing any sort of relationship at all. They just want to get together for a quickie. It's really been buggin me. I've only recently gotten comfortable with being bi-sexual and I haven't really "dated" any guys yet, but I don't think a real, same-sex relationship is un-heard of or something unreasonable to want is it?

 

[handy_gal]

I agree

That's been buggin me since I started talking to other men online. They don't seem interested in getting to know me or developing any sort of relationship at all. They just want to get together for a quickie. It's really been buggin me. I've only recently gotten comfortable with being bi-sexual and I haven't really "dated" any guys yet, but I don't think a real, same-sex relationship is un-heard of or something unreasonable to want is it?

In any relationship we all want and desire those thinks. Keep looking hun

 

[Sanitysux]

Keep looking hun

Don't worry,I will. It's just that I'm not getting any younger!! LOL...

 

[Stryderthorongil]

You're not silly at all to keep safe. Take your time - some tells would be:

- is he resisting giving you a phone number.

- what kind of phone number is it - cell, home, office etc.

- are there times he asks you not to call?

- if you have caller id use it. google the numbers - he might use a calling card for lots of honest reasons or maybe not so honest.

- what are his online habits - is he only online during office hours? What about evenings?

- do you have his address - if you wanted to send a greeting card. Is it a home, office etc address?

- when you are chatting either IM or phone are there times when he very suddenly has to go - as if someone is coming (like a wife).

- always meet in a public place - ALWAYS. Make sure you give a friend or relative the information you have - name, number, address etc.

If someone hasn't anything to hide they're usually free with those pieces of information after some time of getting to know you.

And in the words of one of my brothers: Google him!!

Welcome to Lit

Just be safe .....

Yes, Cathleen, all very good leading to the IS HE MARRIED? question. Always something to be very aware of unless you want to get into a very sticky situation.

 

[handy_gal]

Been there...

Yes, I dated the lying, cheating, two-timing jerk as well. He assured me he wasn't married, then I see hime with his wife in this small town I lived in. He then goes on to say "we're separated". Hardly. I broke it off, then like a fool, dated him, married him, and had a child by him.

Of course I was 20 at the time--I'll chalk it up to the stupidity of youth? lol

He treated me just like he treated the ex, abusive and a cheater.

So head the above warnings and be leary of those who are a little too secretive.

If he's not willing to fess up a house phone number and address--survey says.......married or otherwise attached.

And yes, there are some psycho chicks out there as well....that's a given.

I think the old fashion way of meeting people through friends, work, or other social settings has an advantage over this online stuff.

 

[Emes]

I think the old fashion way of meeting people through friends, work, or other social settings has an advantage over this online stuff.

It may well do hun...but I have met a very special person through lit and I am pretty sure I am not the only one. I was careful when we first met r/l though which is what I would advise others to do.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Worked for me

I think the old fashion way of meeting people through friends, work, or other social settings has an advantage over this online stuff.

I met my husband here @ Lit.
I stopped dating altogether because all of the men I met the "old fashioned way" didn't fit my personality.
Tried internet dating, had a couple who were nice enough, but didn't rock my boat, so to speak. Then outa the blue, someone I had laughed and joked around with here let me know he was interested. Because we had grown fond of one another via posting, we went the next step, which for us was emails that led to 'phone conversations and eventually he invited me across the pond to visit. Little did either of us know we'd fall in love!
heh heh, Funny things can happen here @ Lit.

~kym~ another happy Lit Love tale

 

[Sanitysux]

Because we had grown fond of one another via posting, we went the next step, which for us was emails that led to 'phone conversations and eventually he invited me across the pond to visit. Little did either of us know we'd fall in love!
heh heh, Funny things can happen here @ Lit.

That's a great story, I'm very happy for you. Maybe If I'm lucky, I'll have a similar story to tell about my becoming a member here someday.

 

[handy_gal]

Congrats

That's a great story, I'm very happy for you. Maybe If I'm lucky, I'll have a similar story to tell about my becoming a member here someday.

It's good to hear some have success. I guess we just have to be careful where ever this place takes us. Nothing like the feeling of being 'used'.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

It's good to hear some have success. I guess we just have to be careful where ever this place takes us. Nothing like the feeling of being 'used'.

*nods* It happens in r/l and cyber. Choose carefully!
peace handy_gal

~kym~ we are not judged by our capabilities, but the choices me make

 

[babydoll2u]

It's good to hear some have success. I guess we just have to be careful where ever this place takes us. Nothing like the feeling of being 'used'.

I can sure relate with you there handy_gal.



Sanity, I can only echo the rest of my friends... be CAREFUL

 

[Sanitysux]

...be CAREFUL

Oh yeah, most definitely. I really appreciate all the advice from everyone so far. It's a little frightening for me to strike up communications with someone online. You don't get the benefit of any "vibes" that people naturally give off in person, you know? Plus, I'm painfully shy and paranoid anyway, so that doesn't help matters much! LOL...

 

[stutterclutter]

- Make sure you see a picture, and talk on the phone so that you have real interaction with them beyond the internet.

- If their details do not add up, they're hiding something. Don't go into this skeptical of everyone, but it's best to keep your guard up and trust your gut instinct. If you're not very street smart you should take extra measures to feel safe.

- Meet in public, away from places you frequent a lot. You want to retain some privacy.

- If you have a distinctive last name, do not give it out. Make calls from a cell phone, or block your number before calling a stranger.

- If you're being pressured to play on a first date, or it's assumed of you, it's best to make sure they're sincere or you want the same thing they want. Never expect more then the person is capable of giving.

- Remember that the internet romanticises a situation, and reality can be very different. You can cyber or have phone sex and feel zero connection once you meet. Be mature and take it light at first. Sometimes you click with a person and it's magic, but don't force things because you're lonely.

- Don't bother meeting anyone you wouldn't want to be friends with first.

- Sometimes when you meet people off the internet you feel insecure and want them to like you, when in reality, if you met them by any other circumstance you might not even care. Put it into perspective.

- The internet comes with other weird dating rituals such as anayzing a date over emails the next day, or finding out the person wasn't interested when they stop responding, or blocks your instant messages. Remember there are real people on the other end and do your best to do what you would do if you weren't using the internet as your main form of communication.

- Good luck!

 

[handy_gal]

You're great guys....guess we have to take the bad with the good....and sometimes it seems more bad...

 

[Sanitysux]

Ad Sites??

What are some good sites to post a personal ad ? (Preferably free ones)
I've placed a small ad here and I have tried looking in a few different Yahoo chat rooms, but haven't had any real prospects yet.