Online collaring

[Etoile]

In another thread, somebody mentioned "online [vs.] real-time collar" - can anybody explain to me what this is all about? I'm not too familiar with the concept of online BDSM relationships - while mine started online as a friendship, the transition to relationship was made very much in RL. What the heck is an online collar?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

In another thread, somebody mentioned "online [vs.] real-time collar" - can anybody explain to me what this is all about? I'm not too familiar with the concept of online BDSM relationships - while mine started online as a friendship, the transition to relationship was made very much in RL. What the heck is an online collar?

I think it is for people who never plan on transitioning to RL, or can't for whatever reasons.

 

[SexyChele]

In another thread, somebody mentioned "online [vs.] real-time collar" - can anybody explain to me what this is all about? I'm not too familiar with the concept of online BDSM relationships - while mine started online as a friendship, the transition to relationship was made very much in RL. What the heck is an online collar?

Could be opening up at can of worms here, but what the heck.

There are those that, due to one circumstance or another, cannot/do not transition from online to real life. They meet online, do the BDSM thing online, and they collar online. It might be a virtual collar or it may be a collar that the Dom selects and sends to the sub.

Typically, these types of relationships begin in chat rooms and most often between people who look to a BDSM relationship as some sort of "fulfillment". Also very common is the removal of these online collars. It is extremely common for some subs to have been collared a number of times online. As well, for some Doms to have collared a number of times, online.

The online collar, for the most part, is not really looked at with the same level of commitment that a real time collar is. Hence the term, "velcro collar". Most people wander in and out of these online experiences looking to either fulfill a void in their life or looking for a bit of excitement.

Now, I am certain some one will come along and state they have been collared or collared some one and it was true and right and every bit as "real" as those outside of the computer. Who knows, maybe some are. But the majority are as described above.

Oh, and typically, an online collar involves parties who have not met face to face, and probably will never do so.

 

[Lancecastor]

Online collaring is kinky cybersex.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have said it once, I will say it again.

You cannot give or receive a collar online.

A collar is real, and three dimensional. You can call it what you want, but an online collar ain't worth the substance it is made out of.

You say it is virtual, and not made out of anything? Then that is what it is worth...nothing.

 

[FungiUg]

Some people can do the "cyber relationship" thing (a variant of long-distance relationships I guess.) It's not necessarily about not transitioning to real life. In one case I know a woman who was "collared" on-line, and who subsequently moved to be with her Master in real life.

For some people it works, for others it doesn't. For me, I can't do the whole long distance relationship, especially one founded over cyberspace, because I know how much people will leave out about themselves, even with the best of intentions!

That doesn't mean it can't happen, but I suspect it's still hit-and-miss whether people who have founded a relationship in cyberspace can actually pull it off in real life.

 

[MissTaken]

I think that for some their kink is on line BDSM. So, yes, like Lance said, it is "kinky cybersex." Visit a chat room or two and you can see people enjoying their own kink to the degree they wish.

Then others, perhaps by circumstance or desire, are not able to meet in real life at this juncture but the power of their emotions, regardless of whether they are based on reality or fantasy, lead to a collar. Soemtimes, a meeting will take place, sometimes it won't.

I do believe, in some respects, while we have discussed various types of collars, this can be another deviation of collaring. It may be different from what those of us who are free to live BDSM in our real life can do/accept/desire, but as long as those giving and receiving do so willingly and happily, they should enjoy whatever it does for them.


It is when the idea of collaring is misused and BDSM is bastardized that I become frustrated. A collar given at any time is a serious thing and the commitment behind that collaring needs to be well thought out, even if two people are never to meet.


Online BDSM has become another branch off the tree of traditional BDSM. It may not be for me, but it is also a step toward mainstreaming the freaks, so to speak.

 

[Master_Vassago]

I must interject, I have been witness to a unique, ceremony that had both types of collaring. One Dom, whom I am very good friends with held the ceremony in his home and collared the sub in a R/t ceremony. Then a few days later when everyone had managed to get back home, and the close knit group of online friends got together, the entire community of online munch group basically, met at a designated time in a private chatroom and the ceremony was redone, with all the splendor it was in R/t. So while it was still not real online, we all knew it had been done so. But since the two had met online and then progressed into the realtime, they felt the urge to cement their bond in both places.

Yes, I tend to agree the online, "velcro collar" can be a complete sham. I think it also depends on whether or not the two ever intend to meet and the collar becomes real. To some this is an intriguing game. While to others it is an extension of their very being.

SO I guess to each, his/her own. Whatever works for the two people involved is all that is important not everyone else's opinion.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Would an online dominant care to explain the reasoning behind an online collar? Even if you plan to meet the submissive in real life, what is the purpose of an online collar? I don't see how a reasonable dominant could ever collar someone they have never met.

 

[Master_Vassago]

Would an online dominant care to explain the reasoning behind an online collar? Even if you plan to meet the submissive in real life, what is the purpose of an online collar? I don't see how a reasonable dominant could ever collar someone they have never met.

It is mostly used as a gesture, of the bond between the two in my opinion. Or a precursor to a real life encounter. Collaring online, yes, I have done it as well as in real life, the two have completely different meanings to me.

The real life one, the collar represents the never ending growth that the two should have together, much as the wedding band in a marriage represents that bond.

Online it is much the same but is given in good will and faith that one day we would meet. But it was also because I wanted her to know that I did care that much for her. That was interesting because in one circumstance, I knew the person in real life and experienced a few exchanges and scenes with her but she was much more comfortable online.

See the blurry line forming here? It can be good or a basic "velcro" thing, but it all comes down once again to the people involved.

 

[Lancecastor]

Too bad ~Dream~ isn't here to explain it all for us.

 

[Caitlynne]

Too bad ~Dream~ isn't here to explain it all for us.

I'm sitting here actually laughing my ass off. This is priceless!

 

[Master_Vassago]

Too bad ~Dream~ isn't here to explain it all for us.

Edited because it has been explained that I had missed some early going ons here. So forgive the tone if it seemed impulsive.

Stupidity overwhelmed me for a moment or two.

 

[le_kinklet]

Re: Online Collaring

i think it is a good precursor if you is truly gonna meet and take the relationship further, i was collared in R/L b4 the online thing, but it was good to get to know each other more, only to find we where not matched at all, so i felt a lil cheated, and denounced the collar! I think it is more a sign of going further in a relationship,,, and if that is not a goal, it is just kinky sex
~*HuGs*~

 

[Mr Blonde]

Master_Vassago: Thank you for the answer and it makes sense when you say they have different meanings. I made my post quickly before going to the movies so I apologize if my questions did not sound right.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Too bad ~Dream~ isn't here to explain it all for us.

She is busy these days, cradle robbing.

 

[Ebonyfire]

[BFor me, I can't do the whole long distance relationship, especially one founded over cyberspace, because I know how much people will leave out about themselves, even with the best of intentions![/B]

Actually, I find that people leave out less online than in real life. You cannot tell Me that real life people do not keep secrets, we all know better.

However, having a long distance relationship and giving and receiving an online collar are not the same thing.

I have met all of my real time subs online. And none of them are collared. How you meet someone is not the issue.

The issue is whether you can take something as serious as a collar, and give it and accept it without meeting face to face.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think it also depends on whether or not the two ever intend to meet and the collar becomes real.

It only becomes real in real life.

To each his or own, I agree, but let's not blow smoke up someone's ass.

If you want to collar or receive a collar. You have to meet for it to be real.

 

[Master_Vassago]

It only becomes real in real life.

To each his or own, I agree, but let's not blow smoke up someone's ass.

If you want to collar or receive a collar. You have to meet for it to be real.

Not to be argumentative, I'm already rolling my eyes at myself here. I know how this will sound EB and I don't mean it that way at all,the words yes, but the voice or tone please don't think this is coming negatively. Hey, I'm sounding sub like here lol.

I agree with you to an extent. The relationship can be real without the collar, but to collar or be collared you are right, it's material, and can only be gained in the flesh.

There not as bad as I had expected, I wasn't sure I could word that without sounding like an ass.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Not to be argumentative, I'm already rolling my eyes at myself here. I know how this will sound EB and I don't mean it that way at all,the words yes, but the voice or tone please don't think this is coming negatively. Hey, I'm sounding sub like here lol.

I agree with you to an extent. The relationship can be real without the collar, but to collar or be collared you are right, it's material, and can only be gained in the flesh.

There not as bad as I had expected, I wasn't sure I could word that without sounding like an ass.

What do you have to worry about? I am ranting, and you are perfectly entitled to state your opinion.

There are a lot of new people who are very vulnerable while taking their baby steps in this lifestyle. I want them to be clear about reality vs. fantasy.

If online servitude is your thing, have at it but do not mistake it for what it is not. That is all I am saying.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Master_Vassago: Thank you for the answer and it makes sense when you say they have different meanings. I made my post quickly before going to the movies so I apologize if my questions did not sound right.

All sincere questions are valid.

 

[serijules]

An online collar is basically a badge of denial, in my opinion. It would be like marrying someone online and never meeting. Not only is it not legally possible, but it isn't real in any way or form, other than in the participants minds. I feel the same way about online collaring. It's all fun and games, at best.

My first BDSM relationship was online, and led to an online collaring. When we met, it became clear to me that I was not suited for the relationship, and that an online collar was not for me. However, what I learned about myself from that relationship was invaluable, and for some, no amount of words of wisdom from anyone will convince them that their online relationship is not real, and to me, that is perfectly fine. Some things you just need to figure out on your own. I did.

I do believe in online relationships. I believe they have their place in BDSM and that for some, they work and work well. For me, it was a wonderful way to meet people and gain confidence in myself before I stepped into the "real" world...and I stepped into that real world with a lot more self confidence, wisdom, and a stronger knowledge of what I wanted and needed, than if I had not had those online experiences. I strengthened them in real life with real life experiences.

However, I don't believe in online collars. That level of commitment is not something I feel you can give to a person you have never met, and no matter how much two people are "themselves" online, they will be completely different in real life, in many ways. There is no way to overcome that, other than meeting.

Someone said that long distance relationships and online collars are different things. I agree with this, and get frustrated when people confuse the two. I might wear someones collar someday, but it will always likely be a long distance relationship/collar because the area I live in just doesn't have anything to offer as far as meeting others into the lifestyle. But I will never accept an online collar again, or even entertain the thought.

 

[Master Bertch]

An online collar...It would be like marrying someone online and never meeting.... it isn't real in any way or form, other than in the participants minds.... It's all fun and games, at best.

Collaring is a very serious matter to me. It is the symbol of a commitment between two people; much like a wedding band. It is special. A Master/Dom/me chooses a sub to be theirs completely and the sub gives her/himself freely.
I agree that an online relationship can be gratifying in its own respect. But, it can only take you so far. Matters of the flesh cannot exist only in the mind; online relationships restrict pleasure to the mind and ones own hands/devices.
A collaring should take place in the flesh.
Once again, that's my two cents. you don't have to agree with me, it's just the way I feel about it.

 

[stephb]

I agree with most of what is said here. I will not get a collar until my significant other is with me and able to put it on me himself. I wouldn't really want one either unless he was here to put it on me. To me, it isn't just having the collar, it is the actual action of collaring that means so much. It really is like marriage in a way.

Someone can send you a collar and you can put it on. That is true. But it doesn't mean as much as if they were there, and you felt them putting it on you as a sign of their dominance and love for you as their submissive. It's not just the collar, but the feeling that goes with having it put on by the person you submit to: the person you love and trust with your submission.

My two cents.

 

[Temptress_1960]

This thought follows serijules' post, in a way...

For me, in many aspects, online play can be a way to explore new ideas and activities, for lack of a better word, in a safe way. An opportunity to find out if something feels mentally stimulating or erotic, without putting yourself cold into an RL situation with all the baggage that each of us brings to the table.

I'm not sure I'm making sense, so here's an example.

Let's say you've never tried bondage. Online, with your online partner, you interactively explore that particular scenario.

1. There's no real physical risk, obviously.
2. Does this still appeal to you mentally?
3. Did it appeal enough for you to want to try it RL?

I think for most of us, if something is not mentally stimulating, then it is so not going to work RL.

I tend to be submissive. I like to be the one who's all tied up. When I try out tying up my sweetie, it's a real stretch for me (OK, you're in those lovely handcuffs. Now what the heck do I do with you?), and it does not arouse me a whole lot (hmmm, wonder if he'll notice if I zip off and catch the last bit of Friends? What the heck, he's blindfolded.). Fortunately for me, my lover does not have much of a submissive side. He does have an exceptionally nice way with handcuffs and other restraints, YAY!!

OK, thoughts of bondage have caused me to digress (they usually do *G*).

In RL, unless you are both very comfortable together, playing that does not work can be very awkward. Online experimentation, whether it has to do with bdsm or just some kinky thing you've never tried RL, is a great way to explore in a safe atmosphere.

That's particularly useful in bdsm, by the very nature of the activities. Trying out a collar online, I'd think, would be a good way to see if that is something you actually want to work toward in RL.

Not sure my words are expressing what I'm trying to say, but there's my 2 cents.