One liners
- Thread starter iceracer
- Start date
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh k i have a few to add to this thread....
grab a coke and relax
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here.
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast."
Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
"I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner."
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
"Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.
Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"
Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
"How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?"
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
heres bad pick up one liners......Hey baby, why don't you sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!!
(motion for girl to come here with one finger), "If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!"
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Fuck me if I'm wrong...but haven't we met before?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs.
Are those real?
I may not be Fred Flintstone but I sure can make your bed rock.
(offer guy/girl a screw) wanna screw?
Ya know, that shirt is very becoming on you......of course, if I was on you, I'd be cumming too.
The word of the day is LEGS, so let's go to my house and spread the word.
The only place I want to go is south of the border.
Hey you want to know what I heard about you? Fuck me and I'll tell you.
Why don't you come over and we can do math in the bed; add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and I'll multiply.
What's a nice girl like you doing on a face like this?
Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
Mmmmmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible"
So, do you want to see something really swell?
Excuse me but is your last name "Gillette"......cause you are the best a man can get!
Hey baby.....can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
My shirt's chaffing me.....
Excuse me miss, do you give head to strangers? (No) Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
They call me Milk, because I do your body good.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Hey baby, wanna wrestle.
Hi, do you want to have children? (assuming the answer is no) Ok then, can we just practice?
You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
They say the best things in life are free....they lied( but I do accept American Express)
This Valentines Day, I really want you to know how I feel.....So you better use both hands.
You can feel the magic between us......No, lower!
You're on my mind this Valentine's Day.....I'd prefer you on my bed.
This Valentine's Day I want you to know that I'm head-over-heels for you....and I know some other positions too.
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
You have 250 bones in your body, want another?
If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
Hey baby, can I tickle your belly from the inside?
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya.
Yo baby, I bust more nuts than a squirrel.
wheres Q i bet he can add some here
(motion for girl to come here with one finger), "If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!"
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Fuck me if I'm wrong...but haven't we met before?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs.
Are those real?
I may not be Fred Flintstone but I sure can make your bed rock.
(offer guy/girl a screw) wanna screw?
Ya know, that shirt is very becoming on you......of course, if I was on you, I'd be cumming too.
The word of the day is LEGS, so let's go to my house and spread the word.
The only place I want to go is south of the border.
Hey you want to know what I heard about you? Fuck me and I'll tell you.
Why don't you come over and we can do math in the bed; add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and I'll multiply.
What's a nice girl like you doing on a face like this?
Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
Mmmmmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible"
So, do you want to see something really swell?
Excuse me but is your last name "Gillette"......cause you are the best a man can get!
Hey baby.....can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
My shirt's chaffing me.....
Excuse me miss, do you give head to strangers? (No) Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
They call me Milk, because I do your body good.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Hey baby, wanna wrestle.
Hi, do you want to have children? (assuming the answer is no) Ok then, can we just practice?
You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
They say the best things in life are free....they lied( but I do accept American Express)
This Valentines Day, I really want you to know how I feel.....So you better use both hands.
You can feel the magic between us......No, lower!
You're on my mind this Valentine's Day.....I'd prefer you on my bed.
This Valentine's Day I want you to know that I'm head-over-heels for you....and I know some other positions too.
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
You have 250 bones in your body, want another?
If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
Hey baby, can I tickle your belly from the inside?
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya.
Yo baby, I bust more nuts than a squirrel.
wheres Q i bet he can add some here
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I couldn't care less about apathy.
Energizer Bunny Arrested; charged with battery.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
I couldn't care less about apathy.
Energizer Bunny Arrested; charged with battery.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
That guy is so old he shops at EXTREMELY Old Navy.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
That guy is so old he shops at EXTREMELY Old Navy.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store is free yet?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see perfectly?
They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
He was hairier than Chewbacca dipped in Rogaine.
Well, paint me purple and call me Barney.
I'm busier than a one-legged Riverdancer.
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store is free yet?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see perfectly?
They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
He was hairier than Chewbacca dipped in Rogaine.
Well, paint me purple and call me Barney.
I'm busier than a one-legged Riverdancer.
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.
babydoll2u
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2004
- Posts
- 34,775
I just KNEW DLL was gonna find a new home here, lol....
you should see her on my Silly Questions thread!
you should see her on my Silly Questions thread!
heres more.....
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.
I was more nervous than a ceiling fan storeowner with a comb-over.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody.
All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.
Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.
Remember: First you pillage then you burn.
To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.
Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.
Arkansas State Motto: Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Laugh
You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.
Save the whales: collect the whole set .
I just got lost in thought, and it was unfamiliar territory.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Can a blind person feel blue?
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Police Station toilet stolen: cops have nothing to go on.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years.
Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
I was only looking at your nametag, honest!
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible.
Jesus is coming, so look busy.
Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.
Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat!
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
There's no future in time travel.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!
Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
A good pun is its own reword.
Wear short sleeves; support your right to bare arms!
For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
I love cats; they taste just like chicken.
Lord save me from your followers.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
If you spread out all the sand in North Africa, it would cover the Sahara Desert.
Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.
I have friends who swear they dream in color; I say it's just a pigment of their imagination.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.
Look out for #1, and don't step in #2, either.
Department of Redundancy Department
"If the shoe fits, buy it." - Imelda Marcos
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.
Clones are people two.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
Geez if you believe in honkus.
He's a graduate of The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of hair styling.
Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.
I was more nervous than a ceiling fan storeowner with a comb-over.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody.
All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.
Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.
Remember: First you pillage then you burn.
To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.
Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.
Arkansas State Motto: Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Laugh
You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.
Save the whales: collect the whole set .
I just got lost in thought, and it was unfamiliar territory.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Can a blind person feel blue?
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Police Station toilet stolen: cops have nothing to go on.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years.
Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
I was only looking at your nametag, honest!
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible.
Jesus is coming, so look busy.
Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.
Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat!
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
There's no future in time travel.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!
Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
A good pun is its own reword.
Wear short sleeves; support your right to bare arms!
For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
I love cats; they taste just like chicken.
Lord save me from your followers.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
If you spread out all the sand in North Africa, it would cover the Sahara Desert.
Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.
I have friends who swear they dream in color; I say it's just a pigment of their imagination.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.
Look out for #1, and don't step in #2, either.
Department of Redundancy Department
"If the shoe fits, buy it." - Imelda Marcos
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.
Clones are people two.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
Geez if you believe in honkus.
He's a graduate of The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of hair styling.
Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
"My wife and I were happy for 23 years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield
MT_Pitcher
Dead
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2004
- Posts
- 13,109
I can masturbate with either hand, does that make me bisexual?
I've been married three times...Hey, some guys collect stamps..
I've been married three times...Hey, some guys collect stamps..
BellaBloodAngel
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2003
- Posts
- 605
postcard: "The weather is here...wish you were beautiful"
AAAAA The Organization for Drunk Drivers
AOL Anti On-Line
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
COMPUTER Capable Of Making Perfectly Uncomplicated Tasks Extremely Rigorous
DOS Defunct Operating System
IBM I Blame Microsoft
IBM I Bought Macintosh
ISDN It Still Does Nothing
LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
LOTUS Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash, If Not The Operating System Hangs
MCSE Minesweeper Consultant & Solitaire Expert
MCSE Must Consult Someone Experienced
MCSE Making Computers Slow Everyday
MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
MIPS Mistakes Incurred Per Second
MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
NTSC Never The Same Color
OS/2 Obsolete Soon Too
PASCAL Pedantry And Strictness Created A Language
PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
RISC Reduced Into Silly Code
SCSI System Can't See It
SCSI-2 System Can't See It Again
SNMP Security Not My Problem
WINDOWS Wonderful Interface No Dos User Would Sanction
WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
Now for the REAL ones:
! Indicates, "have a comment"
$0.02 Throwing in your two cents worth.
<g> Grin
501 An excuse that's full of holes.
? Indicates, "I have a question"
A-OLs Administrators On-Line. Administrators who police on-line services.
AAMOF As A Matter Of Fact
ADN Any Day Now
AFAIC As Far As I'm Concerned.
AFAIK As Far As I Know
AFAIR As Far As I Remember
AFJ April Fool's Joke
AFK Away From the Keyboard
AISI As I See It
ANFAWFOS And Now For A Word From Our Sponsor
ANFSCD And Now For Something Completely Different
AS Another Subject
ASAP As Soon As Possible
ATM At The Moment
ATSL Along The Same Line
AWC After While, Crocodile
AWGTHTGTATA Are We Going To Have To Go Through All This Again?
AWGTHTGTTA Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Again?.
AWHFY Are We Having Fun Yet?
AYOR At Your Own Risk
AYT Are You There?
B4 Before
B4N Bye For Now
BAK Back At Keyboard
BBFN Bye Bye For Now
BBIAB Be Back In A Bit
BBIAF Be Back In A Few (minutes)
BBL Be Back Later
BBN Bye Bye Now
BBR Burnt Beyond Repair
BBS 1. Be Back Soon 2. Bulletin Board System
BCNU Be seeing you
BEG Big Evil Grin
BF Boy Friend
BFN Bye For Now
BION Believe it or not
BOT Back On Topic
BRB Be Right Back
BRS Big Red Switch
BTA But Then Again
BTAIM Be That As It May
BTHOM Beats The Hell Outta Me
BTOBD Be There Or Be Dead
BTW By The Way
BWL Bursting With Laughter
BWQ Buzz Word Quotient
BYE? "Are you ready to say goodbye?" If so, the other person replies "BYE"
BYKT But You Knew That
BYOB Bring Your Own Bottle
BYOM Bring Your Own Mac
C&G Chuckle and Grin
CADET Can't Add, Doesn't Even Try
CID Crying In Disgrace
CMIIW Correct Me If I'm Wrong
CO 1. Conference. 2. Company
CPP C Plus Plus or C++
CSG Chuckle, Snicker, Grin
CU See You
CU2 See You, Too
CUL See you later
CUL8R See You Later
CULA See You Later, Alligator
CWYL Chat With You Later
CYA 1. See Ya. 2. Cover Your Ass
CYAL8R See You All Later
DIIK Damned If I Know
DIKU? Do I Know You?
DILLIGAD Do I Look Like I Give A Darn?
DIY Do It Yourself
DK Don't Know
DLTBBB Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite
dotgov A government official (from the .gov ending of government domain names)
DTRT Do The Right Thing
DWIMC Do What I Mean, Correctly
DWIMNWIS Do What I Mean, Not What I Say
EG or <eg> Evil Grin
ETLA Extended Three Letter Acronym
F2F Face To Face
FCFS First Come, First Served
FISH First In, Still Here
FITB Fill In The Blank
FOAF Friend Of A Friend
FS For Sale
FTASB Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
FTF Face to Face
FTL Faster Than Light
FUBAR Fouled Up Beyond All Repair
FUBB Fouled Up Beyond Belief
FUD Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt
FURTB Full Up Ready To Burst - describing hard drive
FWIW For What It's Worth
FYA For Your Amusement
FYI For Your Information
G Grin, or Giggle
GA Go Ahead
GAL Get A Life
GD&R Grinning, Ducking and Running
GD&RF Grinning, Ducking, and Running Fast
GD&WVVF Grinning, Ducking, and Walking Very, Very Fast
GDW Grin, Duck and Weave
GF Girl Friend
GFN Gone For Now
GFR Grim File Reaper
GIWIST Gee, I Wish I'd Said That
GLGH Good Luck and Good Hunting
GMTA Great Minds Think Alike
GOWI Get On With It
GTSY Great To See You
H&K Hugs and Kisses
HAK Hugs And Kisses.
HHIS Hanging Head In Shame
HHO 1/2 K Ha, Ha, Only Half Kidding
HHOJ Ha Ha Only Joking
HHOK Ha Ha Only Kidding
HHOS Ha Ha Only Serious
HHTYAY Happy Holidays to You and Yours
HOYEW Hanging On Your Every Word
HSIK How Should I Know
HTH Hope That Helps!
IAAA I Am An Accountant
IAAL I Am A Lawyer
IAC In Any Case
IAE In Any Event
IANAA I Am Not An Accountant
IANAL I Am Not A Lawyer (but) A disclaimer which is usually followed by a legal opinion
IAW In Accordance With
IBTD I Beg To Differ
IC I See
IIABDFI If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It
IIRC If I Remember Correctly
IIWM If It Were Me (or) If It Were Mine
IJWTK I Just Want To Know
IJWTS I Just Want To Say
IKWUM I Know What You Mean
IMA I Might Add
IMAO In My Arrogant Opinion
IMCO In My Considered Opinion
IME In My Experience
IMHO In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO In My Opinion
IMPOV In My Point Of View
INPO In No Particular Order
IOW In Other Words
IRL 1. In Real Life (chat). 2. Industrial Robot Language (a high-level language used for the programming of industrial robots)
ISS I'm So Sure
ISSYGTI I'm So Sure You Get The Idea!
ISWIM If (you) See What I Mean
ITFA In The Final Analysis
ITSFWI If The Shoe Fits, Wear It
IWALU I Will Always Love You
IWBNI It Would Be Nice If
IYFEG Insert Your Favorite Ethnic Group (for ethnic jokes)
IYSWIM If You See What I Mean
JAM Just A Minute
JAS Just A Second
JIC Just In Case
JMO Just My Opinion
JSNM Just Stark Naked Magic
JTLYK Just To Let You Know
k Okay
KHYF Know How You Feel
KISS Keep It Simple, Stupid
KIT Keep In Touch
KMA Kiss My Ass
KWIM Know What I Mean?
KYFC Keep Your Fingers Crossed
L Laugh
L8R Later
LABATYD or LAB&TYD Life's A Bitch And Then You Die
LJBF Let+s Just Be Friends
LLTA Lots and Lots of Thunderous (or Thundering) Applause
LMAO Laughing My Ass Off
LMHO Laughing My Head Off
LOL Laughing Out Loud
LSHMBA Laughing So Hard My Belly Aches
LSHMBH Laughing So Hard My Belly Hurts
LTHTT Laughing Too Hard To Type
LTNS Long Time No See
LTNT Long Time, No Type
LTS Laughing to Self
LUWAMH Love You With All My Heart
LY Love You
MLA Multiple Letter Acronym
MOF Matter Of Fact
MOTAS Member Of The Appropriate Sex
MOTD Message of the day
MOTOS Member Of The Opposite Sex
MOTSS Member Of The Same Sex
MTFBWY May The Force Be With You
MYOB Mind Your Own Business
NAVY Never Again Volunteer Yourself
NBD No Big Deal
NFW No Friggin' Way!
NHOH Never Heard Of Him / Her
NIH Not Invented Here
NIMBY Not In My Back Yard
NINO 1. Nothing In, Nothing Out 2. No Input, No Output
NOYB None Of Your Business
NP No Problem
NQA No Questions Asked
NTIM Not That It Matters
NTIMM Not That It Matters Much
NTW Not To Worry
NTYMI Now That You Mention It
O Over (completion of communication)
OATUS On A Totally Unrelated Subject
OAUS On An Unrelated Subject
OBO Or Best Offer
OBTW Oh, By The Way
OIC Oh, I See
ONNA Oh No, Not Again
ONNTA Oh No, Not This Again
OO Over and Out (end of communication)
OOTC Obligatory On-Topic Comment.
OTF On the Floor (laughing)
OTFL On the Floor Laughing
OTL Out To Lunch
OTOH On The Other Hand
OTOOH On The Other Other Hand
OTT Over The Top; too much
OTTH On The Third Hand
OTTOMH Off The Top Of My Head
OWTTE Or Words To That Effect
PABG Packing a Big Gun
PDS Please Don't Shout (Shouting in chat mode is typing all in capital letters, which is considered rude) Example: PLEASE DON'T SHOUT
PLOKTA Press Lots Of Keys To Abort
PMBI Pardon My Butting In
PMF 1. Pardon My French 2. Pure Freaking Magic
PMFBI Pardon Me For Butting In
PMFJI Pardon Me For Jumping In
PMIGBOM Put Mind In Gear, Before Opening Mouth
PMJI Pardon My Jumping In
PNCAH Please, No Cursing Allowed Here
POSSLQ Person Of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters
ppl People
PTMM Please Tell Me More
R U THERE? Are you there?
RAEBNC Read And Enjoyed, But No Comment
re 1 Hello again; re-greet 2 In regard to
rehi Hi again
RHIP Rank Has Its Privileges
RL Real Life (an abbreviation used in MUDs and chat)
RLCO Real Life Conference
ROFL Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROFLASTC Rolling On Floor Laughing And Scaring The Cat
ROFLGO Rolling On Floor Laughing Guts Out
ROFLMAO Roll On Floor Laughing My Ass Off
ROTF Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLAHMS Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Holding My Sides
ROTFLOL Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud
RRQ Return Receipt Request
RSN Real Soon Now
RSVP Respondez S'il Vous Plait
RTBM Read The Bloody Manual
RTFAQ Read The Frequently Asked Questions
RTFF Read The Freaking FAQ
RTFM Read The Freakin' Manual
RTM Read The Manual
RTSM Read The Silly Manual
RTWFQ Read The Whole Friggin' Question
RYFM Read Your Friendly Manual
RYS Read Your Screen
S Smile
SAPFU Surpassing All Previous Foul Ups
SCNR Sorry, Could Not Resist
SEC Wait a second
SETE Smiling Ear To Ear
SFLA Stupid Four Letter Acronym
SICS Sitting In Chair Snickering
SLM See Last Mail
SMOP Small Matter of Programming
SNAFU Situation Normal: All Fouled Up
SO Significant Other
SOL SH** Out Of Luck
SOS 1. Same Old Stuff 2. Help!
SOW Speaking Of Which
SUFID Screwing Up Face In Disgust
SWIM See What I Mean?
SWL Screaming With Laughter
SYS See You Soon
TAF That's All, Folks!
TAFN That's All For Now
TANJ There Ain't No Justice
TANSTAAFL There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TARFU Things Are Really Fouled Up
TBYB Try Before You Buy
TDM Too Darn Many
TFS Three Finger Salute (Ctrl-Alt-Del)
TFTHAOT Thanx For The Help Ahead Of Time
TFTT Thanks For The Thought
TGAL Think Globally, Act Locally
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks In Advance
TIC Tongue In Cheek
TINWIS That Is Not What I Said
TNSTAAFL There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TMI Too Much Information
TNTL Trying Not To Laugh
TNX Thanks
TNXE6 Thanks A Million ("E6" means 10 to the 6th power = a million)
TOBAL There Oughta Be A Law
TOBG This Oughta Be Good
TOY Thinking Of You
TPTB The Powers That Be
TRDMC Tears Running Down My Cheeks
TSR Totally Stupid Rules
TTBOMK To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN Ta Ta For Now
TTKSF Trying To Keep a Straight Face
TTUL Talk To You Later.
TTYAWFN Talk To You A While From Now
TTYL Talk To You Later
TTYT Talk To You Tomorrow
TYCLO Turn Your CAPS LOCK Off (Quit Shouting)
TYVM Thank You Very Much
UOK Are You OK?
WAEF When All Else Fails
WB Welcome Back
WDYMBT What Do You Mean By That?
WDYT What Do You Think?
WIBAMU Well, I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle
WIBNI Wouldn+t It Be Nice If
WMMOWS Wash My Mouth Out With Soap
WNOHGB Where No One Has Gone Before
WOA Work Of Art
WOTAM Waste Of Time And Money
WRT With Regard To, or With Respect To
WT Without Thinking
WTB Want To Buy
WTF What The F***?
WTG Way To Go!
WTGP Want To Go Private?
WTH What the hell?
WTTM Without Thinking Too Much
WYGISWYPF What You Get Is What You Pay For
XOXOXO Kisses and hugs
YABA Yet Another Bloody Acronym
YAOTM Yet Another Off-Topic Message
YAUN Yet Another Unix Nerd
YGLT You're Gonna Love This
YGTI You Get The Idea?
YGWYPF You Get What You Pay For
YIU Yes, I Understand
YIWGP Yes, I Will Go Private
YKYARW You Know You're A Redneck When
YMMV Your Mileage May Vary (or your experience could be different)
AOL Anti On-Line
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
COMPUTER Capable Of Making Perfectly Uncomplicated Tasks Extremely Rigorous
DOS Defunct Operating System
IBM I Blame Microsoft
IBM I Bought Macintosh
ISDN It Still Does Nothing
LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
LOTUS Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash, If Not The Operating System Hangs
MCSE Minesweeper Consultant & Solitaire Expert
MCSE Must Consult Someone Experienced
MCSE Making Computers Slow Everyday
MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
MIPS Mistakes Incurred Per Second
MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
NTSC Never The Same Color
OS/2 Obsolete Soon Too
PASCAL Pedantry And Strictness Created A Language
PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
RISC Reduced Into Silly Code
SCSI System Can't See It
SCSI-2 System Can't See It Again
SNMP Security Not My Problem
WINDOWS Wonderful Interface No Dos User Would Sanction
WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
Now for the REAL ones:
! Indicates, "have a comment"
$0.02 Throwing in your two cents worth.
<g> Grin
501 An excuse that's full of holes.
? Indicates, "I have a question"
A-OLs Administrators On-Line. Administrators who police on-line services.
AAMOF As A Matter Of Fact
ADN Any Day Now
AFAIC As Far As I'm Concerned.
AFAIK As Far As I Know
AFAIR As Far As I Remember
AFJ April Fool's Joke
AFK Away From the Keyboard
AISI As I See It
ANFAWFOS And Now For A Word From Our Sponsor
ANFSCD And Now For Something Completely Different
AS Another Subject
ASAP As Soon As Possible
ATM At The Moment
ATSL Along The Same Line
AWC After While, Crocodile
AWGTHTGTATA Are We Going To Have To Go Through All This Again?
AWGTHTGTTA Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Again?.
AWHFY Are We Having Fun Yet?
AYOR At Your Own Risk
AYT Are You There?
B4 Before
B4N Bye For Now
BAK Back At Keyboard
BBFN Bye Bye For Now
BBIAB Be Back In A Bit
BBIAF Be Back In A Few (minutes)
BBL Be Back Later
BBN Bye Bye Now
BBR Burnt Beyond Repair
BBS 1. Be Back Soon 2. Bulletin Board System
BCNU Be seeing you
BEG Big Evil Grin
BF Boy Friend
BFN Bye For Now
BION Believe it or not
BOT Back On Topic
BRB Be Right Back
BRS Big Red Switch
BTA But Then Again
BTAIM Be That As It May
BTHOM Beats The Hell Outta Me
BTOBD Be There Or Be Dead
BTW By The Way
BWL Bursting With Laughter
BWQ Buzz Word Quotient
BYE? "Are you ready to say goodbye?" If so, the other person replies "BYE"
BYKT But You Knew That
BYOB Bring Your Own Bottle
BYOM Bring Your Own Mac
C&G Chuckle and Grin
CADET Can't Add, Doesn't Even Try
CID Crying In Disgrace
CMIIW Correct Me If I'm Wrong
CO 1. Conference. 2. Company
CPP C Plus Plus or C++
CSG Chuckle, Snicker, Grin
CU See You
CU2 See You, Too
CUL See you later
CUL8R See You Later
CULA See You Later, Alligator
CWYL Chat With You Later
CYA 1. See Ya. 2. Cover Your Ass
CYAL8R See You All Later
DIIK Damned If I Know
DIKU? Do I Know You?
DILLIGAD Do I Look Like I Give A Darn?
DIY Do It Yourself
DK Don't Know
DLTBBB Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite
dotgov A government official (from the .gov ending of government domain names)
DTRT Do The Right Thing
DWIMC Do What I Mean, Correctly
DWIMNWIS Do What I Mean, Not What I Say
EG or <eg> Evil Grin
ETLA Extended Three Letter Acronym
F2F Face To Face
FCFS First Come, First Served
FISH First In, Still Here
FITB Fill In The Blank
FOAF Friend Of A Friend
FS For Sale
FTASB Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
FTF Face to Face
FTL Faster Than Light
FUBAR Fouled Up Beyond All Repair
FUBB Fouled Up Beyond Belief
FUD Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt
FURTB Full Up Ready To Burst - describing hard drive
FWIW For What It's Worth
FYA For Your Amusement
FYI For Your Information
G Grin, or Giggle
GA Go Ahead
GAL Get A Life
GD&R Grinning, Ducking and Running
GD&RF Grinning, Ducking, and Running Fast
GD&WVVF Grinning, Ducking, and Walking Very, Very Fast
GDW Grin, Duck and Weave
GF Girl Friend
GFN Gone For Now
GFR Grim File Reaper
GIWIST Gee, I Wish I'd Said That
GLGH Good Luck and Good Hunting
GMTA Great Minds Think Alike
GOWI Get On With It
GTSY Great To See You
H&K Hugs and Kisses
HAK Hugs And Kisses.
HHIS Hanging Head In Shame
HHO 1/2 K Ha, Ha, Only Half Kidding
HHOJ Ha Ha Only Joking
HHOK Ha Ha Only Kidding
HHOS Ha Ha Only Serious
HHTYAY Happy Holidays to You and Yours
HOYEW Hanging On Your Every Word
HSIK How Should I Know
HTH Hope That Helps!
IAAA I Am An Accountant
IAAL I Am A Lawyer
IAC In Any Case
IAE In Any Event
IANAA I Am Not An Accountant
IANAL I Am Not A Lawyer (but) A disclaimer which is usually followed by a legal opinion
IAW In Accordance With
IBTD I Beg To Differ
IC I See
IIABDFI If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It
IIRC If I Remember Correctly
IIWM If It Were Me (or) If It Were Mine
IJWTK I Just Want To Know
IJWTS I Just Want To Say
IKWUM I Know What You Mean
IMA I Might Add
IMAO In My Arrogant Opinion
IMCO In My Considered Opinion
IME In My Experience
IMHO In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO In My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO In My Opinion
IMPOV In My Point Of View
INPO In No Particular Order
IOW In Other Words
IRL 1. In Real Life (chat). 2. Industrial Robot Language (a high-level language used for the programming of industrial robots)
ISS I'm So Sure
ISSYGTI I'm So Sure You Get The Idea!
ISWIM If (you) See What I Mean
ITFA In The Final Analysis
ITSFWI If The Shoe Fits, Wear It
IWALU I Will Always Love You
IWBNI It Would Be Nice If
IYFEG Insert Your Favorite Ethnic Group (for ethnic jokes)
IYSWIM If You See What I Mean
JAM Just A Minute
JAS Just A Second
JIC Just In Case
JMO Just My Opinion
JSNM Just Stark Naked Magic
JTLYK Just To Let You Know
k Okay
KHYF Know How You Feel
KISS Keep It Simple, Stupid
KIT Keep In Touch
KMA Kiss My Ass
KWIM Know What I Mean?
KYFC Keep Your Fingers Crossed
L Laugh
L8R Later
LABATYD or LAB&TYD Life's A Bitch And Then You Die
LJBF Let+s Just Be Friends
LLTA Lots and Lots of Thunderous (or Thundering) Applause
LMAO Laughing My Ass Off
LMHO Laughing My Head Off
LOL Laughing Out Loud
LSHMBA Laughing So Hard My Belly Aches
LSHMBH Laughing So Hard My Belly Hurts
LTHTT Laughing Too Hard To Type
LTNS Long Time No See
LTNT Long Time, No Type
LTS Laughing to Self
LUWAMH Love You With All My Heart
LY Love You
MLA Multiple Letter Acronym
MOF Matter Of Fact
MOTAS Member Of The Appropriate Sex
MOTD Message of the day
MOTOS Member Of The Opposite Sex
MOTSS Member Of The Same Sex
MTFBWY May The Force Be With You
MYOB Mind Your Own Business
NAVY Never Again Volunteer Yourself
NBD No Big Deal
NFW No Friggin' Way!
NHOH Never Heard Of Him / Her
NIH Not Invented Here
NIMBY Not In My Back Yard
NINO 1. Nothing In, Nothing Out 2. No Input, No Output
NOYB None Of Your Business
NP No Problem
NQA No Questions Asked
NTIM Not That It Matters
NTIMM Not That It Matters Much
NTW Not To Worry
NTYMI Now That You Mention It
O Over (completion of communication)
OATUS On A Totally Unrelated Subject
OAUS On An Unrelated Subject
OBO Or Best Offer
OBTW Oh, By The Way
OIC Oh, I See
ONNA Oh No, Not Again
ONNTA Oh No, Not This Again
OO Over and Out (end of communication)
OOTC Obligatory On-Topic Comment.
OTF On the Floor (laughing)
OTFL On the Floor Laughing
OTL Out To Lunch
OTOH On The Other Hand
OTOOH On The Other Other Hand
OTT Over The Top; too much
OTTH On The Third Hand
OTTOMH Off The Top Of My Head
OWTTE Or Words To That Effect
PABG Packing a Big Gun
PDS Please Don't Shout (Shouting in chat mode is typing all in capital letters, which is considered rude) Example: PLEASE DON'T SHOUT
PLOKTA Press Lots Of Keys To Abort
PMBI Pardon My Butting In
PMF 1. Pardon My French 2. Pure Freaking Magic
PMFBI Pardon Me For Butting In
PMFJI Pardon Me For Jumping In
PMIGBOM Put Mind In Gear, Before Opening Mouth
PMJI Pardon My Jumping In
PNCAH Please, No Cursing Allowed Here
POSSLQ Person Of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters
ppl People
PTMM Please Tell Me More
R U THERE? Are you there?
RAEBNC Read And Enjoyed, But No Comment
re 1 Hello again; re-greet 2 In regard to
rehi Hi again
RHIP Rank Has Its Privileges
RL Real Life (an abbreviation used in MUDs and chat)
RLCO Real Life Conference
ROFL Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROFLASTC Rolling On Floor Laughing And Scaring The Cat
ROFLGO Rolling On Floor Laughing Guts Out
ROFLMAO Roll On Floor Laughing My Ass Off
ROTF Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLAHMS Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Holding My Sides
ROTFLOL Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud
RRQ Return Receipt Request
RSN Real Soon Now
RSVP Respondez S'il Vous Plait
RTBM Read The Bloody Manual
RTFAQ Read The Frequently Asked Questions
RTFF Read The Freaking FAQ
RTFM Read The Freakin' Manual
RTM Read The Manual
RTSM Read The Silly Manual
RTWFQ Read The Whole Friggin' Question
RYFM Read Your Friendly Manual
RYS Read Your Screen
S Smile
SAPFU Surpassing All Previous Foul Ups
SCNR Sorry, Could Not Resist
SEC Wait a second
SETE Smiling Ear To Ear
SFLA Stupid Four Letter Acronym
SICS Sitting In Chair Snickering
SLM See Last Mail
SMOP Small Matter of Programming
SNAFU Situation Normal: All Fouled Up
SO Significant Other
SOL SH** Out Of Luck
SOS 1. Same Old Stuff 2. Help!
SOW Speaking Of Which
SUFID Screwing Up Face In Disgust
SWIM See What I Mean?
SWL Screaming With Laughter
SYS See You Soon
TAF That's All, Folks!
TAFN That's All For Now
TANJ There Ain't No Justice
TANSTAAFL There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TARFU Things Are Really Fouled Up
TBYB Try Before You Buy
TDM Too Darn Many
TFS Three Finger Salute (Ctrl-Alt-Del)
TFTHAOT Thanx For The Help Ahead Of Time
TFTT Thanks For The Thought
TGAL Think Globally, Act Locally
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks In Advance
TIC Tongue In Cheek
TINWIS That Is Not What I Said
TNSTAAFL There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TMI Too Much Information
TNTL Trying Not To Laugh
TNX Thanks
TNXE6 Thanks A Million ("E6" means 10 to the 6th power = a million)
TOBAL There Oughta Be A Law
TOBG This Oughta Be Good
TOY Thinking Of You
TPTB The Powers That Be
TRDMC Tears Running Down My Cheeks
TSR Totally Stupid Rules
TTBOMK To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN Ta Ta For Now
TTKSF Trying To Keep a Straight Face
TTUL Talk To You Later.
TTYAWFN Talk To You A While From Now
TTYL Talk To You Later
TTYT Talk To You Tomorrow
TYCLO Turn Your CAPS LOCK Off (Quit Shouting)
TYVM Thank You Very Much
UOK Are You OK?
WAEF When All Else Fails
WB Welcome Back
WDYMBT What Do You Mean By That?
WDYT What Do You Think?
WIBAMU Well, I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle
WIBNI Wouldn+t It Be Nice If
WMMOWS Wash My Mouth Out With Soap
WNOHGB Where No One Has Gone Before
WOA Work Of Art
WOTAM Waste Of Time And Money
WRT With Regard To, or With Respect To
WT Without Thinking
WTB Want To Buy
WTF What The F***?
WTG Way To Go!
WTGP Want To Go Private?
WTH What the hell?
WTTM Without Thinking Too Much
WYGISWYPF What You Get Is What You Pay For
XOXOXO Kisses and hugs
YABA Yet Another Bloody Acronym
YAOTM Yet Another Off-Topic Message
YAUN Yet Another Unix Nerd
YGLT You're Gonna Love This
YGTI You Get The Idea?
YGWYPF You Get What You Pay For
YIU Yes, I Understand
YIWGP Yes, I Will Go Private
YKYARW You Know You're A Redneck When
YMMV Your Mileage May Vary (or your experience could be different)
The World's SHORTEST Books
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson
ZAGAT'S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS
THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION
TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT
FAST & EFFICIENT WINDOWS PROGRAMS
HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore
BEATING A DRUG ADDICTION by Darryl Strawberry
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
EASY UNIX
ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE
EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
FRENCH HOSPITALITY
GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES
HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER by Art Garfunkel
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES
STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton
BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno
HOME BUILT AIRPLANES by John Denver
HOW I BECAME A STUD by Kenny G
FUN WITH UNIX
How To Get To The Superbowl by Dan Marino
Things I Can't Afford by Bill Gates
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson
ZAGAT'S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS
THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION
TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT
FAST & EFFICIENT WINDOWS PROGRAMS
HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore
BEATING A DRUG ADDICTION by Darryl Strawberry
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
EASY UNIX
ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE
EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
FRENCH HOSPITALITY
GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES
HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER by Art Garfunkel
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES
STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton
BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno
HOME BUILT AIRPLANES by John Denver
HOW I BECAME A STUD by Kenny G
FUN WITH UNIX
How To Get To The Superbowl by Dan Marino
Things I Can't Afford by Bill Gates
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