Once and for all

[rikaaim]

Okay, I've been hesitant to write anything even remotely fiction for one reason, I feel like I can't show anything anymore.

So, once and for all, how the Hell does someone show something?

If I say my main character is sitting at a bar looking around the room, am I showing the action, or telling it?

For example:


Chris sat nervously at the bar looking around the room. Avoiding the masses on the dance floor, he sat peacefully unaware of the joy the bodies on the wooden floor were having. As he began to sip his drink once more, a blured image caught his attention and peaked his interest. He twisted around long enough to see blue hair ghosting amongst the pulsating bodies of the dance floor.




Okay, honestly, did I tell all the action there? Or did I show? I really have no clue anymore. I've been so frazled writing that I think every word I put down to paper/screen is the wrong one.

I feel a little better. Just kinda releasing some frustrations. Thanks for putting up with me and helping out.

 

[cloudy]

Okay, I've been hesitant to write anything even remotely fiction for one reason, I feel like I can't show anything anymore.

So, once and for all, how the Hell does someone show something?

If I say my main character is sitting at a bar looking around the room, am I showing the action, or telling it?

For example:


Chris sat nervously at the bar looking around the room. Avoiding the masses on the dance floor, he sat peacefully unaware of the joy the bodies on the wooden floor were having. As he began to sip his drink once more, a blured image caught his attention and peaked his interest. He twisted around long enough to see blue hair ghosting amongst the pulsating bodies of the dance floor.




Okay, honestly, did I tell all the action there? Or did I show? I really have no clue anymore. I've been so frazled writing that I think every word I put down to paper/screen is the wrong one.

I feel a little better. Just kinda releasing some frustrations. Thanks for putting up with me and helping out.

That's showing, pretty much, but I would change the wording just a little bit.

Chris sat nervously at the bar looking around the room. Avoiding the masses on the dance floor, he sat peacefully unaware of the joy the bodies on the wooden floor were having. Is he sitting nervously, or is he sitting peacefully? You can't really have it both ways.

A quick rewording might be like this:

Chris sat at the bar, fidgeting, swinging one leg to and fro (see showing he's nervous, not just telling us he's nervous). Avoiding the masses on the dance floor, he was too preoccupied to notice the joy and abandon of the dancers. He took another sip of his drink, then a blurred image caught his attention and piqued his interest.("piqued" not "peaked") He twisted around, but just barely saw the long strands of blue hair disappearing among the pulsating bodies on the dance floor.

(the term "ghosting" is sort of a made up word, and although I think I know what you mean, it might be better to use something else)

 

[SeaCat]

Rik,

Why worry about it? Maybe I'm different but I don't worry about that Ratshit when I'm writing the story. It's only after I write it and start editing i that I worry about what perspective or voice I'm using. Then again I've been acused of not being an author but a storyteller. (So what's the difference?)

Cat

 

[sophia jane]

Rik,

Why worry about it? Maybe I'm different but I don't worry about that Ratshit when I'm writing the story. It's only after I write it and start editing i that I worry about what perspective or voice I'm using. Then again I've been acused of not being an author but a storyteller. (So what's the difference?)

Cat

I don't worry about it till editing either. First draft I just say what I want to say as it comes to me. Later I try to make it readable. (and I let my editor do lots and lots of picking)

SJ

 

[elsol]

Okay, I've been hesitant to write anything even remotely fiction for one reason, I feel like I can't show anything anymore.

So, once and for all, how the Hell does someone show something?

If I say my main character is sitting at a bar looking around the room, am I showing the action, or telling it?

For example:

Chris sat nervously at the bar looking around the room. Avoiding the masses on the dance floor, he sat peacefully unaware of the joy the bodies on the wooden floor were having. As he began to sip his drink once more, a blured image caught his attention and peaked his interest. He twisted around long enough to see blue hair ghosting amongst the pulsating bodies of the dance floor.

Okay, honestly, did I tell all the action there? Or did I show? I really have no clue anymore. I've been so frazled writing that I think every word I put down to paper/screen is the wrong one.

I feel a little better. Just kinda releasing some frustrations. Thanks for putting up with me and helping out.

From Orson Scott Card

And you did this because ... of those morons who told you "show don't tell"? Because motivation is unshowable. It must be told. (In fact, most things must be told.) The advice "show don't tell" is applicable in only a few situations -- most times, most things, you tell-don't-show. I get so impatient with this idiotic advice that has been plaguing writers for generations.

I completely agree with him... to SHOW things you must rely on the reader to GET things.

If you need the reader to 'get it', you better fucking it TELL it to them. Let's say you 'physically' show nervousness, what percentage of your readers are going to interpret those actions as 'nerves'.

What I do notice in your paragraph is 'sat nervously' and 'sat peacefully'... peaceful nervousness

Yours:

Chris sat nervously at the bar looking around the room. Avoiding the masses on the dance floor, he sat peacefully unaware of the joy the bodies on the wooden floor were having. As he began to sip his drink once more, a blured image caught his attention and peaked his interest. He twisted around long enough to see blue hair ghosting amongst the pulsating bodies of the dance floor.

Mine:

Chris sat at the bar, watching the masses on the dance floor. His shoulders tensed when the music stopped and the mass had a moment of choice, wait for the next song or rush the bar.

He took a relieved sip from his drink when the mass chose to keep dancing. A cloud of blue hair, out of place in the sea of pick-me-up conformity, caught his eye.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[rikaaim]

Thanks to everyone who's posted.

Cloudy, your interpretation gives me a much clearer idea of how to show when the time comes to that. I apprciate your little re-write and thoughts. Thank you very much.

Seacat, I used to just write man. It was my joy and hobby, but I want to take it seriously and actually pursue a career. Thus, I want to do my best to be polished and have something that might one day be published. I do agree though that first and foremost one must write for onesself. I have absolutely no problems with storytellers, at least in a sense of storyteller vs. author, and think of myself the same way.

Elsol, I love your quote. I also love your sigline. I think that's my favorite song by The Killers. I know I have to get my main idea out in a rough draft before going back and doing a hard edit, or changing style, but when I see the words they plague me so much and have been really stopping me from continuing. I also have the idea of this story set up into three distinct parts. So I'm capable of taking the first section and kinda re-working it at little bit at a time.


Okay, I feel much better now. Thank you everyone.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Okay, I've been hesitant to write anything even remotely fiction for one reason, I feel like I can't show anything anymore.

So, once and for all, how the Hell does someone show something?

If I say my main character is sitting at a bar looking around the room, am I showing the action, or telling it?

For example:


Chris sat nervously at the bar looking around the room. Avoiding the masses on the dance floor, he sat peacefully unaware of the joy the bodies on the wooden floor were having. As he began to sip his drink once more, a blured image caught his attention and peaked his interest. He twisted around long enough to see blue hair ghosting amongst the pulsating bodies of the dance floor.




Okay, honestly, did I tell all the action there? Or did I show? I really have no clue anymore. I've been so frazled writing that I think every word I put down to paper/screen is the wrong one.

I feel a little better. Just kinda releasing some frustrations. Thanks for putting up with me and helping out.

If you are worrying about it, you will write crap. If your worried about plot, or charicterization or any of hundereds of technical skills, you will write crap.

Write. Don't think, just write.

When you're done, go back and look at what you have written and THEN worry about it. Edit and revise it to perdition if need be. But when you are questioning yourself, or your ability, have something done before you you can work it out on. Don't try to write to eliminate the problem. Write then see if you are worrying about something real.

As for show don't tell, I honetly can't help. All I do is tell.

 

[rikaaim]

If you are worrying about it, you will write crap. If your worried about plot, or charicterization or any of hundereds of technical skills, you will write crap.

Write. Don't think, just write.

When you're done, go back and look at what you have written and THEN worry about it. Edit and revise it to perdition if need be. But when you are questioning yourself, or your ability, have something done before you you can work it out on. Don't try to write to eliminate the problem. Write then see if you are worrying about something real.

As for show don't tell, I honetly can't help. All I do is tell.

Colly, that's been my problem. I have this fragile thing called an ego, I think a few people know what I'm talking about, and when I write, I'll go back, I really must stop doing that, and read what I wrote for the flow and see where I'm going, then I'll catch a phrase or something and think, "Hey, I can do that better, let me just...". Then I'll fix that little part. Then I see something else. Then another thing. Then I eventually start to think the whole thing is crap and want to toss it out the window and shoot myself.

Looking at my current story that has derived all of this frustration, it's really not that bad. In fact, my stories rarely are. I do have thin skin at times and I think that's what causes me so much frustration. As you say, I begin to question my ability, phrases, details, etc...

Then I start writing crap, well, more like I STOP writer period.



Ah...I wish I could just stop thinking. That would solve so many problems. That's just my overactive brain though.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Colly, that's been my problem. I have this fragile thing called an ego, I think a few people know what I'm talking about, and when I write, I'll go back, I really must stop doing that, and read what I wrote for the flow and see where I'm going, then I'll catch a phrase or something and think, "Hey, I can do that better, let me just...". Then I'll fix that little part. Then I see something else. Then another thing. Then I eventually start to think the whole thing is crap and want to toss it out the window and shoot myself.

Looking at my current story that has derived all of this frustration, it's really not that bad. In fact, my stories rarely are. I do have thin skin at times and I think that's what causes me so much frustration. As you say, I begin to question my ability, phrases, details, etc...

Then I start writing crap, well, more like I STOP writer period.



Ah...I wish I could just stop thinking. That would solve so many problems. That's just my overactive brain though.

That's what the editing stage is for. And the revisions. To correct things you don't like in the original draft, but you can't really see what you are doing wrong if you don't have a work completed before you to go on.

Sometimes things that looked bad while writing turn out to be gems, the exact pacing or ttransition you needed, but if you stop while writing and dissect it without the following paras written it can seem awful.

In the end, we are all our own worse critics. Me no less than you. But if you wait to post until you have it perfect, you'll bnever post because there are always things that could be done better or just differently in every work and no one has time to try every concieveable combination of vocabulary choice and every possible option to handle something.