On Being Raped

[c.fey]

I was molested as a child and date raped twice in college....All water under the bridge and I'm a big girl now, but these experiences shaped me like all experiences do....I am just as much of a sex maniac as the next 30 yr old....if not more so! I am not condoning what happened to me, but I am wondering if I am fucked up to be so sexually alive and free, and I find the non-consent stories to be very healing.....Anyone else gone through this kind of stuff; know what I am talking about? (Please don't tell me to see a therapist, sheesh)

Love and life's laughter ~ fey

 

[Allexus_TN]

I think its really good that you have healed this way. I don't think there is anything wrong with it...each to his own and all. I'm actually impressed. I was raped at knife point when I was 14, and then raped again by someone else more recently. I'm still very into sex.

 

[paganangel]

it's great that you are both still into sex and can enjoy it. what about the rest of your lives?

 

[c.fey]

I think its really good that you have healed this way. I don't think there is anything wrong with it...each to his own and all. I'm actually impressed. I was raped at knife point when I was 14, and then raped again by someone else more recently. I'm still very into sex.

Us girls are tough aren't we.
Thanks for sharing Allexus
~ fey

 

[Allexus_TN]

it's great that you are both still into sex and can enjoy it. what about the rest of your lives?

What exactly do you mean?? Is it normal? Yes, mine is normal.

But then again..normal is relative.

 

[c.fey]

it's great that you are both still into sex and can enjoy it. what about the rest of your lives?

My life is great! I have my own home, garden, partner, WONDERFUL kids....I want what I have and don't want what I haven't got...mostly....
I have axiety attacks and stress out like most moms....but GODDESS I DO love SEX!!
Somebody tie me up please!!

 

[Kitte]

I hate the little shit who raped me, one day I will chop off his balls with a dull axe and make him eat them slowly with hot sauce.

I think the effects of the rape linger somewhat with me but not in a sexual way, I was lucky enough to have a kind and understanding lover after the rape. She helped me reclaim my sexuality and understand that it was not a crime of sex but of control and violence. So I wear my sexuality like a badge of pride, it is MINE and no two bit mysogonistic little dicked shit head can take it away from me.

 

[Allexus_TN]

I hate the little shit who raped me, one day I will chop off his balls with a dull axe and make him eat them slowly with hot sauce.

I think the effects of the rape linger somewhat with me but not in a sexual way, I was lucky enough to have a kind and understanding lover after the rape. She helped me reclaim my sexuality and understand that it was not a crime of sex but of control and violence. So I wear my sexuality like a badge of pride, it is MINE and no two bit mysogonistic little dicked shit head can take it away from me.

Um..harboring some anger today Kitte?

Yes, I hate him, but its hard to hate the last one that raped me. I hate what he did yes...but the situation is different.

Kitte...you need a drink!!

 

[dateRape]

it was I

And to think I can take credit for them being such horny women. Who said dateRape was bad? I should charge for my services. Been doing it for feel to long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[c.fey]

Re: it was I

And to think I can take credit for them being such horny women. Who said dateRape was bad? I should charge for my services. Been doing it for feel to long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL!!! MY what a big EGO you have!!!!

 

[Black_Bird]

Re: it was I

And to think I can take credit for them being such horny women. Who said dateRape was bad? I should charge for my services. Been doing it for feel to long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah - it couldn't have affected them that much... after all, you need at least 2 1/2 inches to bring a woman to orgasm, and you don't even have that.

 

[c.fey]

I hate the little shit who raped me, one day I will chop off his balls with a dull axe and make him eat them slowly with hot sauce.

I think the effects of the rape linger somewhat with me but not in a sexual way, I was lucky enough to have a kind and understanding lover after the rape. She helped me reclaim my sexuality and understand that it was not a crime of sex but of control and violence. So I wear my sexuality like a badge of pride, it is MINE and no two bit mysogonistic little dicked shit head can take it away from me.

YES! Rape is a crime of control and freakin' male insecurity and violence, NOT SEX! Thanks for reminding me of that.

~ fey

 

[paganangel]

What exactly do you mean?? Is it normal? Yes, mine is normal.

yup, normal IS relative. ididn't so much mean that. i just meant is there any lingering issues. you know, things you can't get over that impede your lif and happiness. that certainly doesn't seem to be the case for c. fey (though i ama little wierded by her ). of course then why did she start the taed. as for you, you haven't complained. so you know..cool for you.

 

[Allexus_TN]

i just meant is there any lingering issues. you know, things you can't get over that impede your lif and happiness.

There is one thing from my early rape that is a lingering issue, but there are ways around that. If you look hard enough, there are ways around a lot of things in life. It is part of my past, and has helped make me in the strong woman I am today.

 

[c.fey]

yup, normal IS relative. ididn't so much mean that. i just meant is there any lingering issues. you know, things you can't get over that impede your lif and happiness. that certainly doesn't seem to be the case for c. fey (though i ama little wierded by her ). of course then why did she start the taed. as for you, you haven't complained. so you know..cool for you.

Oh goody I "weirded" someone. How so? Should I take that as a compliment?
Normal is as normal does....

~ fey

 

[paganangel]

not a compliment

but certainly not an insult. i just meant i find it odd that the nonconsent stories are therapeutic. i mean when i go through something traumatic, any sort of reminders aggrivate the stress.

 

[SexySlut2]

I was raped when I was younger and while the experience was horrifying, I now find it extremely erotic to role play rape scenerios.

 

[paganangel]

speaking of erotic....

is that av you?

(i know, just lie for my sake.)

 

[bored1]

I was repeatadly molested as a young boy by my cousins who were much older. Didnt think it affected me until I had numerous affairs that led to the demise of my marriage and family. I learned through research and therapy that molesters are sick fucks who like power and control. I also learned that many survivors of abuse have a difficult time with intimacy and have a divorce rate higher than the norm. While I think Im ok for the most part I still have a difficult time with intimacy and trust. I was sexualized at a very early age and oriented in my teens. I often wonder how different of a person I would have been if the molesting hadnt happened.

 

[c.fey]

a compliment

but certainly not an insult. i just meant i find it odd that the nonconsent stories are therapeutic. i mean when i go through something traumatic, any sort of reminders aggrivate the stress.

Ah, thanks for explaining....my experiences are in the past; I have grown and moved on...'reminders' as it were, do not aggravate as they would have right after the experience; instead they serve as a venting/healing/face your fear avenue: ie: recognizing that these experiences are universal; I am not alone; there are other women who have been through it too; I am ok....time heals are wounds....and wounds all heels....

oh, and I'll always take 'weird' as a compliment

~ fey

 

[Nicodemus]

Can I ask a question........

Not knowing exactly what happened, I was wondering if these expereinces limit your willingness to experitment.

I ask becasue my s/o is very closed off to her sexuality and this is the reason she claims. I say claims because we have been married almost 6 years and recently she said this was her reason for not having any interest in anal sex. She was not raped anally but this is her reason not being open to it. Previouly she siad it was becasue of her religious up bringing that she was not open to it at all (no connection between the two by the way; religion and the rape) This is just one example of things she is not open to.

I do not pressure her about the things she is not comfortable with but have tried to build a trust and understanding but she remains very closed and has changed her reasons more than once. There are many othere issues but this is one that i am trying to understnad better. I have no concept of this kind of violation or concieving of doing this to someone so it is all alein to me.

Sorry for intruding on your thread and thank you for any insite.

Nic,

 

[Allexus_TN]

I can't speak for her, but in my case, rape has nothing to do with my not being able to have anal. Mine is a physical problem in and of itself. If I didn't have that problem I would probably be willing to do it. Rape didn't affect but one area of my sexual life. My guess is that she just isn't ready to try it. Its good of you not to pressure her. I can't imagine why she changed her reasons, but perhaps her level of discomfort with the idea is just too high.

 

[Guest]

I was raped, and I don't like anal. At least most of the time. (99.9% high enough?)

The rape has nothing to do with it for me, I simply don't enjoy it. personally, I have problems medically with my digestive system, and anal penetration causes me pain.

I enjoyed it *once* in my lifetime, and after that person, tried it again.....just cause I enjoyed it so much.

There was so much pain then, that I refuse to allow anyone else to try that again. Only that *one* person did I enjoy it with.

The key? *shrugs* not sure.....

but I think, since I still *love* that person, THAT had a lot to do with it.

But don't feel slighted if she *never* comes to that conclusion. It takes a lot of *surrender* and trust to get there.

Maybe there is a connection, maybe because of the rape in her case, she can *never* get that kind of surrender again.

Moon

 

[c.fey]

as to not being "open"

I am very open to new and exciting things in bed and other places; despite; or maybe because of; my experiences....

My feeling, too, is that she is just not 'ready' for anal sex, or whatever. Maybe she needs to instigate it herself, or maybe she has an unresolved taboo about it. Whatever the reason, accept it, and move onto something else a bit more gentle....feathers and warm massage oil, maybe

Blessings ~ fey

 

[rider]

Good for you

c.fey, good for you. In both of my serious relationships, sexual abuse has reared its ugly head. And I have seen both reactions. In one case, the lady was abused by her father, and I am convinced it continued while she lived with me. Every time she went to stay with her father, she would return and be violent for a few days towards me. It was understood that this was her acting out the anger she felt towards her father, but couldn't express to him as he was paying for her college at the time. Other than that, the sexual aspect of her was good and she enjoyed it a lot, it seemed. That relationship ended when the physical abuse just got to be too much for me. My wife was abused by her brother, and it has negatively affected here sexuality. So, I think it can go either way. Good for you for keeping a positive outlook! *hugs*