Olivianna's Guide to Dealing with Trolls!

[Jim_Henson]

Last time I invite you to the club dear!

 

[Laurel]

You never invited me to begin with. I followed you there.

 

[LordLucan74]

Not to be an ass, but it's only words.

I posted this in the BDSM forum, so I'll post it here too:

Free Speech is a mixed bag. You take the good with the bad. In the end, it's all words. Everyone talks up the virtues of tolerance, but I think true tolerance is shown by how one deals with opinions that are despicable to them. To say, "I believe in Free Speech, but that guy crossed the line with that insult! That should be removed!" is to show a complete misunderstanding of Free Speech - and a lack of tolerance.

As disgusting as someone finds trolls, there are those who feel the exact same way about gays, about Blacks, about BDSMers. For every "good reason" one might have for silencing trolls, a racist can come up with four reasons for silencing Hispanics, a homophobe six reasons for silencing lesbians. If each and every one of us learns to tolerate opinions we detest - to learn to turn to the person, say "You're wrong because of this, this, and this," and then walk away without feeling the need to forcibly silence or change that person - we will help make society that much more tolerant of opposing views, and we will ALL be able to say what we feel.

When we can say, "That person is a total asshole, and I told him so, but he has the right to be an asshole and I have the right to ignore him and let him live his life as he chooses (wrong though it may be)," then not only will we truly understand tolerance, but we will be much happier people, because we won't be wasting big chunks of our life obsessing on people and attitudes out of our control.

If I come up and stab you with a knife, it will create a wound, no matter how much you wish it away. You can't ignore a knife.

Words, on the other hand, will only hurt you as much as you allow them to do so. If you don't read them, they don't exist.

There will always be assholes. If you allow the words of every asshole you meet to wound you, you'll spend most of your life wounded.

I believe this with all of my heart.

From someone often called an asshole, I thank you very very much. This is the smartest thing I have read here in a very long time. Well Done!

 

[Starfish]

Laurel, that is all fine and dandy, and I agree, but only in theory.

People effect people. That is just the way we work. If we were all emotional fortresses, none of this would be happening.

Assholes will always be there, but when they pry into your pleasure, which is where they prey, depleating it's worth every time you venture into it, it is disenchanting and very discouraging, and as a result, a flat out buzz kill.

They are only words, but how are you to preconcieve when and where the next strike will be so we can know not to read them?

It would be nice if we could all just switch off our emotions to suit our reason, but it doesn't work that way for most.

Many can, and more power to them. I hope that I can be that solid one day, but I am sure I care far too much about others to ever shut myself off that securely from that which others see flaw in myself as.



The empowerment in your statement is only as strong as it's applicability to those who need the empowerment. For me, it is very empowering, and I try to hold true to those thoughts now, but not so long ago, your words would have made me cry, just because of the situation I was in.

It is all about timing to be honest. WE all have our weak times and our strong times and most of the time they are not consistantly dispursed events that we can predict anything upon.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Starfish, you're going to hate me for this, but if you're truly disturbed by what strangers thousands of miles away type about you, then you truly have allowed that to happen. Not to excuse the dingleberry with the keyboard, or to say that words, whatever the source, don't hurt, because they do, but I think we're talking a degree of effect here.

I have no idea who you're all talking about. But there are thin-skinned people who come here and post nude photos of themselves and are then shocked by how mean people are, or can't understand why no one is "stopped" from saying mean things to them on their *snuggles* thread, and, you know what, most of them wouldn't have Problem One if they'd just ignore it all.

Sure, some people are weak and more empthetic and sensitive than others, but there are plenty of people like that here who DO ignore the dingleberries, and they do just fine.

If you get chased out of Literotica, it's you who've opened the door.

 

[Jim_Henson]

You never invited me to begin with. I followed you there.

And you wonder why they didn't let you in...

 

[Laurel]

I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying words hurt. I AM saying that WE are the ones who allow words to hurt us, not the other way around.

That's all.

It doesn't mean we'll never be hurt by others. It DOES mean that how much it hurts us is under our control. WE have the power - not them. When something a total stranger writes stings us, we can step back and say, "Fuck that guy! He doesn't even know me! His opinion means shit!" and walk away - without responding, without caring.

Or if we're feeling low, we can refuse to read troll posts. We can put registered users who annoy us on ignore. If we don't read it, it doesn't exist for us.

And one thing I've noticed is that the more you show that a troll bothers you, the more they needle you. The more you ignore them, the less they care about you and the more they go looking for other targets.

*hugs* Starfishie

 

[Jim_Henson]

Or if we're feeling low, we can refuse to read troll posts. We can put registered users who annoy us on ignore. If we don't read it, it doesn't exist for us.

Isnt there a limit on how many? I might have broken mine if there isnt

 

[Laurel]

Dixon said it better, damnit.

 

[Laurel]

Isnt there a limit on how many? I might have broken mine if there isnt

I have no idea. I use the old-fashioned "ignore" system - I skip over any posts I don't want to read.

 

[Olivianna]

You are not right in posting this thread at this time. You made a bitch ass out of yourself with your tone and it is noted.

By the way, Starfish, I am also curious about what "at this time" refers to? I was not and am presently still unaware that this is a particularly inappropriate time for posting a thread about dealing with trolls. I come in here a few times a day, read some threads, post some messages. Don't assume that I know what is going on here with you or with anyone else. It most cases, I'm only up-to-date on the more obvious stuff, particularly if things have been spelled out clearly.

Anyway, you'll take away from this what you will - you want to note me as a Bitch Ass, go ahead. You want to curse me out, go ahead. I still (*shock*) think you're ok, nonetheless.

 

[Starfish]

((((((((((((((((((((((Laurel))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



You are right. It is hard, but worth trying for.

I realize that it is not as if this troll business is even comparable to the pain a person faces when dealing with the hurt brought on by say... real life verbal abuse that you have shoved in your face, and so on....

Maybe, just maybe, those who have had to endure a great deal of verbal abuse in real life, are the ones who are hurt by this trolling shit when it gets bad, because of what they have endured in real life. Especaially if they came online to get fullfillment AWAY from that sort of thing.

It is just dissapointing really. Very.


I let my heart get in the way of my head a lot.
Just a warning if you all havn't noticed, but I am not sane.

 

[Starfish]

Don't assume that I know what is going on here with you or with anyone else. It most cases, I'm only up-to-date on the more obvious stuff, particularly if things have been spelled out clearly.

That is the fucking point. You don't know the first fucking thing about what any of us have endured, so WHO the fuck are you again to be claiming expertise on what we all should do to deal with this? That is exactly what I meant by... take a hint.


The 'take the hint' part was about my trying to imply that you are talking out of your ass to people who know more about this shit than you do and that maybe you should shut up about trying to justify yourself as having the same intentions as someone who has been dealing with it real time.



And about the 'at this time' comment.....

If you had brought this oh so profound and tactly stated manifesto out four fucking years ago when this board was a baby, and maybe, just maybe your nievity to personal difference wouldn't have mattered.

There is a huge amount of board troll history you don't know about, so your thread was just an insult to those who have been effected by all of this.

 

[Harbinger]

Ah, you may be mad, but it lends such a wonderful gleam to the eyes. You had me from "Nutella."

 

[Olivianna]

That is the fucking point. You don't know the first fucking thing about what any of us have endured, so WHO the fuck are you again to be claiming expertise on what we all should do to deal with this? That is exactly what I meant by... take a hint.


The 'take the hint' part was about my trying to imply that you are talking out of your ass to people who know more about this shit than you do and that maybe you should shut up about trying to justify yourself as having the same intentions as someone who has been dealing with it real time.



And about the 'at this time' comment.....

If you had brought this oh so profound and tactly stated manifesto out four fucking years ago when this board was a baby, and maybe, just maybe your nievity to personal difference wouldn't have mattered.

There is a huge amount of board troll history you don't know about, so your thread was just an insult to those who have been effected by all of this.

This board is constantly changing, flushed out and flushed in with new members - if you think that new members do not bring any of their experiences here and that only long-term members' experiences are valid, than you are naive too.

Ok. Fuck it. I give up. I have attempted to respond to you with all of the humanity I have even as your words hurt me.

You can take whatever you want as an insult, but don't expect apologies and attempts at understanding as you have received from me.

 

[Starfish]

You know I can't have Nutella now? I know! It is bullshit!

Hypoglycemic. Sorry. You now cannot have me lick it from your rigidity when we meet.

 

[intrigued]

Intrigued,
Your PM box is full, so my reply -
I assumed that your quoting of what Starfish had written was a sign of agreement. I was just trying to highlight that much of what I had written was similar to what you had expressed, in different terms however. I acknowledge that I shouldn't have started the thread with the tone that I did. I guess I have seen what you are going through - from afar only - and it seems that with each thread you start, things seem to escalate and the trolls come for the attack. I don't know. I just question the effectiveness of that. Thinking about trolls in general, I just thought to highlight that people are jerks (nothing to do about that) and that harassment doesn't have to be taken personally - particularly on the web - would be things worth saying. Anyway, you seem like a nice person and, unfortunately, it seems that you've gotten a lot of abuse on the GB as of late. It is not my intention to add to it.

Thank you very much, I appreciate that.

You just made my point and Stars point quite nicely. "With every thread you start..." See...its everywhere I turn. It used to be that it was only occassionally, now its in every thread, and even individual posts I make to someone else. How do you think that feels...to be attacked every single time I come here? What would you do? Would you simply ignore each and every attack, would you come upon your name, and not stop and read what is being said to/about you? How did you feel when Star posted such a strong post to you? Did you feel anything at all? Did you ignore it?
Please, I am only wanting you to realize that we are all individuals, and we respond to things differently.....and NO one should tell us to stop playing victims, to get a life, to stop "seeking attention" and all the other stuff that has been said to me and other people here that are being attacked. Do you think we asked for this???? I don't mind telling you, I hate this kind of crap...I don't tolerate it in my personal, offline life, and THE DIFFERENCE here is that I have no effective control over it in my online life. What the hell can I do when someone is posting words on a computer that I can't see, hear, or touch? Not a thing, and they KNOW it, and thats why they do it, and thats why they get away with it. So many of you say "if you can't take it, leave...and then turn right around and say 'you shouldn't leave over a troll, then they win." Well, ummm....????? Not only is this a bit confusing to me, but also, why the hell should I leave a place I truly enjoy that so many of my friends are at, over what someone else is doing?
I assure you, ignoring someone spewing filth and lies at you is not so easy to ignore, day after day, week after week. True, I give a damn about how I am perceived, do you NOT? The person you are seeing and reading is me. Call me anything you like, but I don't feel a need to adopt a persona and be something other than the person I am, just because I am sitting behind a computer.
Its quite cool if others do wish to do so. But it is not cool to use that anonymity and secrecy and freedom of speech to harass, threaten and give someones personal info out as was done to me.
I don't give a rats ass if someone doesn't like me, or agree with me, or thinks I'm an ugly old hag...that means nothing to me. But I do care when I have done absolutely nothing to a soul here, and then out of the blue, I am attacked for things that make no sense and are quite bizarre, and than to be threatened by an unregistered that they will "take me away from all this...trust me." is something I cared a great deal about. Be it right or wrong, it happened to me...not any of YOU, and I was very concerned.

I don't know. Maybe we should walk a mile in others shoes before we do ANY of what has been going on here.

Thanks for the reply, I do appreciate it.

 

[LordLucan74]

That is the fucking point. You don't know the first fucking thing about what any of us have endured, so WHO the fuck are you again to be claiming expertise on what we all should do to deal with this? That is exactly what I meant by... take a hint.


The 'take the hint' part was about my trying to imply that you are talking out of your ass to people who know more about this shit than you do and that maybe you should shut up about trying to justify yourself as having the same intentions as someone who has been dealing with it real time.



And about the 'at this time' comment.....

If you had brought this oh so profound and tactly stated manifesto out four fucking years ago when this board was a baby, and maybe, just maybe your nievity to personal difference wouldn't have mattered.

There is a huge amount of board troll history you don't know about, so your thread was just an insult to those who have been effected by all of this.

Crikey!!! we are angry this evening.

I think there is too much focus on trolls. I am "trolled" constantly and am unphased by it. I simply ignore posts that I do not want to see.

I never put people on ignore. I just ignore what is written if I chose to.

And I certainly do not use "fuck" or "fucking" as much as you do.
It is a great word I hold back for very special usage.

There are several threads already on this whole troll issue. More on this than on many other more salient topics. I am stunned there is even a troll issue at all really.

 

[Harbinger]

You know I can't have Nutella now? I know! It is bullshit!

Hypoglycemic. Sorry. You now cannot have me lick it from your rigidity when we meet.

What if you don't swallow? (I'm just trying to work out a compromise here.)

 

[Starfish]

This board is constantly changing, flushed out and flushed in with new members - if you think that new members do not bring any of their experiences here and that only long-term members' experiences are valid, than you are naive too.

Ok. Fuck it. I give up. I have attempted to respond to you with all of the humanity I have even as your words hurt me.

You can take whatever you want as an insult, but don't expect apologies and attempts at understanding as you have received from me.

Hurt you? Oh, so you are going to 'play the victim' after you so coldly acted as if you think anyone who is 'playing the victim' needs to walk away.

Hey, you know what. There is that hint again, but we are past that.


Look, You can bring all the experiance in you want, and if you offened people with shit like "Get a life" in the tone of your statments, don't expect to be loved. You apologised, but then you didn't just humbly let it go, you felt you had to try and justify yourself, and in this case you are nothing like intrigued in motive, and you can't claim you were, while throwing in that little terse bit about people 'playing victim'.

If that is what you wanted to have motivate you, you'll have to use that newly gained wisdom the next time you try and enlighten others, because you failed at it miserably here today.

I dont think lowly of you, I just think you spouted shit you shouldn't have and pissed people off, myself included.


A littel advice, after you piss someone off, they are going to most likely not get over it instantly. Give me some fucking time. I am annoyed to high hell right now.

Also, and not that you don't have the right to, but if you question every little irrelivancey that a person states in reply to an offensive thread such as this, it makes it seem like you don't really care about the real problem. I call that pompus point distraction and that is when I get really bored and leave, like I should have hours ago.

 

[Olivianna]

Goodbye.

 

[SailorC272002]

Would it be unfair to ban "unregistered" posters. I understand the logic of putting up with bad taste or rudeness but at least post under a name.

 

[LordLucan74]

Would it be unfair to ban "unregistered" posters. I understand the logic of putting up with bad taste or rudeness but at least post under a name.

I do agree with this. It takes a minute to register. It is not a tiresome process. I do not want to eliminate freedom of speech. But, I would like all speech to be done by someone who is identifiable. Being "unregistered" and "trolling" is absolute cowardice. Ban them all I say!

 

[Malachi]

Starfish's Guide to Dealing With Trolls:

Become a troll!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Fishie, I love you dearly. I also think you need just a touch of perspective. Olivianna wasn't attacking you or anyone else. She was, rather, trying to be helpful to others. She didn't mean to hurt you or make you feel less about yourself, that was pretty obvious. She did mean to address an issue with a little bit of wisdom.

The best thing to do to trolls is to ignore them. They will run out of steam more quickly of you give them no attention. This is a fact of life.

However, we must each deal with trolls in our own ways.

I think that we all need to step back a moment and consider the source, consider the intentions, and consider the poster before going on. Perhaps a few heartfelt words on all sides might be beneficial.

The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but that doesn't mean that we have to shove ourselves down it.

I have seen the enemy, gentlemen, and he isn't us.