old but new to this?
- Thread starter tammyaz
- Start date
I forgot to put a link to my story so here it is and any feedback would be most welcome.. thanks
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=19237
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=19237
AriaSilverfyre
Gamer Chick
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2001
- Posts
- 1,165
There are a bit of grammer problems, lack of commas mostly and a couple spelling errors. I think a little bit more description could have been used. However, that's just the way I think.
Other than that, it was nicely done.
Other than that, it was nicely done.
BodaciousTease
Virgin
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2002
- Posts
- 15
Dear Tammyaz,
I think the reason you're not getting much feedback on this is because it's a difficult read -- nothing that can't be corrected if you work hard at it. Once I forced my way through it, and even re-reading it a second time, I began to see the possibilities of what you were trying to do. The sex thing towards the end -- maybe the last third of your story was much better done; but probably, and sadly, very few of your readers will make it to that point because of the structural problems and awkwardness of a of the beginning.
Where to start the feedback? There is so much I could say, but do you really care or are you just interested if I liked the story or not. Well, to answer that question: yeah i liked the story if the technique of the writer would have been transparent, but there were so many flaws (all fixable mind you) that I'm afraid I can't say I enjoyed it all that much in its present form.
If you are interested there is an excellent book on technique, but I don't have it in front of me at the moment. Let me know if you want me to look it up.
For technique I give you a vote of 1, for character I give you a vote of 3 maybe 4, for sexual heat I give you a 4, but overall I'm afraid the technique is so flawed that the whole story gets a 2.
I think the reason you're not getting much feedback on this is because it's a difficult read -- nothing that can't be corrected if you work hard at it. Once I forced my way through it, and even re-reading it a second time, I began to see the possibilities of what you were trying to do. The sex thing towards the end -- maybe the last third of your story was much better done; but probably, and sadly, very few of your readers will make it to that point because of the structural problems and awkwardness of a of the beginning.
Where to start the feedback? There is so much I could say, but do you really care or are you just interested if I liked the story or not. Well, to answer that question: yeah i liked the story if the technique of the writer would have been transparent, but there were so many flaws (all fixable mind you) that I'm afraid I can't say I enjoyed it all that much in its present form.
If you are interested there is an excellent book on technique, but I don't have it in front of me at the moment. Let me know if you want me to look it up.
For technique I give you a vote of 1, for character I give you a vote of 3 maybe 4, for sexual heat I give you a 4, but overall I'm afraid the technique is so flawed that the whole story gets a 2.
the_bragis
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2002
- Posts
- 389
A nice little story...
Hi Tammyaz,
I agree with BT 100% on this one.
I like your story idea very much. You have shown you have a wonderful imagination, and romantic heart.
Unfortunately, on the technical side, it could be improved. As much as anything, that just takes practice, and a willingness to take heed of every piece of advice you are given.
Feedback quantity, for me anyway, varies greatly. I did a couple of D/s stories, which have had a very high viewing rate and good voting, yet I have received no feedback on them. While other stories, with less viewings and lower voting, readers have taken the time to send me a quick friendly note. So, feedback is fickle thing.
I wish you well with your writing in the future.
Have a great day,
Alex(fem)
Hi Tammyaz,
I agree with BT 100% on this one.
I like your story idea very much. You have shown you have a wonderful imagination, and romantic heart.
Unfortunately, on the technical side, it could be improved. As much as anything, that just takes practice, and a willingness to take heed of every piece of advice you are given.
Feedback quantity, for me anyway, varies greatly. I did a couple of D/s stories, which have had a very high viewing rate and good voting, yet I have received no feedback on them. While other stories, with less viewings and lower voting, readers have taken the time to send me a quick friendly note. So, feedback is fickle thing.
I wish you well with your writing in the future.
Have a great day,
Alex(fem)
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